Special Haiku

A true New Year's Day
resolution should at least
last the full first day

Weekend Haiku's

Blue sky only seen
through a closed window might as
well just be gray sky 

------------------------------------ 

Rock music should be
heard loud, and through car speakers,
with all windows down

Friday's Haiku

Wire artwork bent
to look like grass is sharper
than regular grass

Thursday's Haiku

The purse event was
for women only, nothing
with a sack allowed

Wednesday's Haiku

When she fell, she blamed
the uneven ground, but really,
she is just clumsy

Tuesday's Haiku

I wish you were here,
because now, being in your
house is trespassing

Monday's Haiku

I wish you were here,
because I was right, you did
not go to heaven

Weekend Haiku's

Christmas is the time
to say I love you, and by
the way, where's my gift? 

--------------------------- 

In Seattle, we
sing the carol, "I'm Dreaming
of a Grey Christmas"

------------------------------ 

"Happy Holidays"
translates as "I just don't know
what you celebrate" 

------------------------------- 

Her mistletoe hat
must be broken, as no one's
tried to kiss her yet 

----------------------------- 

Christmas carols are
great fun, but should be left to
the professionals 

------------------------------- 

The wreath doesn't put
on a show, but it sure knows
how to take a bough

Friday Haiku

I wish you were here,
because I just realized
you have my money

Thursday's Haiku

I wish you were here,
because it's sunny where you
are and I'm jealous

Wednesday's Haiku

I wish you were here.
No, not you, I meant the cute
brunette behind you

Tuesday's Haiku

I wish you were here...
oh sorry, not you, I was
just singing Pink Floyd

Monday's Haiku

I wish you were here,
because talking to myself
seems kind of creepy

Weekend Haiku's

I wish you were here,
because we really should just
suffer together 

----------------------- 

I wish you were here,
because you're tall and you can
reach the upper shelves

Friday Haiku

I put sunshine in
my pocket to keep my hands
warm in December

Thursday's Haiku

I wish you were here,
because when it's only me,
it's masturbation

Wednesday's Haiku

I wish you were here;
you're stronger, and would do much
better in prison

Tuesday's Haiku

What doesn't kill you
makes you stronger, or maims you
past recognition

Monday's Haiku

I'd have you tell Kim
I said "Hello", but I'm not
speaking to her now

Weekend Haiku's

The helicopter
zooms above, as Sam wishes
he wasn't grounded 

---------------------- 

The Highland Games held
no thrills for Bill, since they did
not involve ganja

Friday's Haiku

Sunburned and sore, Liz
has decided to stay in
the shade this summer

Thursday's Haiku

They say this house must
be haunted, but the only
demons here are mine

Wednesday's Haiku

I wear shorts all the
time not due to heat; my knees
are claustrophobic

Tuesday's Haiku

She sneaks peeks at me,
not because she thinks I'm cute,
but because she knows

Monday's Haiku

The Scratches' baby
boy didn't like being called
a son of an itch

Weekend Haiku's

Her dream job is the
one she knows nothing about
and not doing now 

---------------------------- 

Fresh mango mixed with
yogurt makes this cloudy day
feel more tropical

Friday's Haiku

Her hair's longer now,
but her personality's
still short and spiky

Thursday's Haiku

The pirate lost his
gold hoop, and so found himself
now earring impaired

Wednesday's Haiku

The blind man was still
able to both A and B,
but no longer C

Tuesday's Haiku

Sometimes I think these
words are all I have left, so
then I stop writing

Monday's Haiku

The thrill of a big
adventure changes both scope
and cost as you age

Weekend Haiku's

Both the turkey and
I got stuffed, but I got to
keep all my innards 

----------------------- 

Both the turkey and
I got stuffed, but I didn't
need a helping hand

Friday's Haiku

Thanksgiving is the
indian word for the phrase,
"I ate too damn much!" 

-------------------------- 

It's not tryptophan
that makes you sleepy, it's the
third and fourth helpings

Thursday's Haiku

Everyone should be
giving thanks this special day,
except the turkey

Wednesday's Haiku

As I fall, the light
shrinks from sun to moon to star,
until I can't see

Tuesday's Haiku

The deeper in I
sink, the harder to get out,
the light a small dot

Monday's Haiku

Losing a friendship
means that one more connection
left port and set sail

Weekend Haiku's

The only reason
to wait a year for sex is
if she's seventeen 

-------------------- 

Four o' clock dead zone:
Too late for coffee, but too
soon for tequila

Friday's Haiku

This summer, I'll fall
on the bed springs, hoping she
might let me winter

Thursday's Haiku

I looked for the creek
or the river in my couch,
finding just a spring

Wednesday's Haiku

An umbrella is
just a small, temporary
roof with a handle

Tuesday's Haiku

The one piece of used
furniture I'd never buy
is a strip club couch

Monday's Haiku

Outdoor furniture
should not be used in the house,
unless you have kids

Weekend Haiku's

I would have to guess
that if snakes could speak, it would
be with a strong lisp 

----------------------------- 

Water lily blooms
are deep thinkers, always in
constant reflection

Friday's Haiku

Beer, pot and sex are
proof that God loves us and wants
us to be happy

Thursday's Haiku

Don't fear the empty
beer glass, see it as a chance
to begin anew

Wednesday's Haiku

Don't fear the empty
beer glass, see it as a chance
for brew fulfillment

Tuesday's Haiku

You buy a beer and
you think it's yours, but it's just
a rental item

Monday's Haiku

Follow the person
who knows where they are going,
unless it's to Hell

Weekend Haiku's

If temperatures
are relative, hot must be
a distant cousin 

------------------------- 

The Miami boy
loved Seattle, but it was
weather dependent

Friday Haiku

God must be in cat's
heads because I've heard that the
devil's in the tails

Thursday's Haiku

The chef only cooked
pork chops, as he didn't feel
his job was at steak

Wednesday's Haiku

The sirloin studied
Shakespeare's complete works, to be
both done and well read

Tuesday's Haiku

If you get your news
from a newspaper, you will
always be behind

Monday's Haiku

They say this house must
be haunted, but the only
demons here are mine

Weekend Haiku's

Nothing makes you move
faster than fear, angry bees,
or a full bladder 

------------------------- 

Newly promoted,
co-worker interactions
are different now

Friday's Haiku

She brags about her
daughter's photography so
much, I film over

Thursday's Haiku

Headless mannequins
are terrible models for
top hats and glasses

Wednesday's Haiku

She planted plastic
arms in her garden because
she wanted palm trees

Tuesday's Haiku

She planted plastic
arms in her garden because
the heads didn't grow

Monday's Haiku

She planted plastic
arms in her garden just to
freak out her neighbors

Weekend Haiku's

She planted plastic
arms in her garden to get
a mannequin tree 

-------------------------

She planted plastic
arms in her garden because
legs would be too weird

Friday's Haiku

Meetings on Friday
afternoon with your boss are
always unnerving

Thursday's Haiku

In Seattle, there's
never a chance we'd get a
sunshine overdose

Wednesday's Haiku

You say you only
lie to those that you can't stand,
but you like me, right?

Tuesday's Haiku

The staff is starting
to all look they're Nineteen
Seventies roadies

Monday's Haiku

His eyes were so close
together, they really made
his nose feel crowded

Weekend Haiku's

An acquaintance is
someone you've met, a friend is
somebody you know 

--------------------------------- 

Your true home is not
where you live, but the place you
want to be buried

Friday's Haiku

It's going to be a week where getting time on my computer will be tough, so I'm posting Tuesday thru Friday's postings today.


You would think after
all these years, someone would know
Victoria's secret

Thursday's Haiku

It's going to be a week where getting time on my computer will be tough, so I'm posting Tuesday thru Friday's postings today.


Barbecue, a fresh
peach and ice cream are good foods
for fingerlicking

Wednesday's Haiku

It's going to be a week where getting time on my computer will be tough, so I'm posting Tuesday thru Friday's postings today.


Of all the people
you must lie to each day, know
I'm not one of them

Tuesday's Haiku

It's going to be a week where getting time on my computer will be tough, so I'm posting Tuesday thru Friday's postings today.

How can just one weed
in her well-tended garden
get her so riled up?

Monday's Haiku

The last haiku in
this book should be amazing,
instead, it's this one

Weekend Haiku's

Like Danny Glover
in Lethal Weapon, I'm just
too old for this shit 

----------------------------- 

I'm so tired, the
bags under my eyes were charged
as my checked luggage

Friday's Haiku

With musicians, when
you say, "up by nine," you must
clarify, "a.m."

Thursday's Haiku

Concert until two,
home by three, and work by eight,
but so worth the pain

Wednesday's Haiku

A sunburned ankle
means you weren't wearing socks, and
your pants are too short

Tuesday's Haiku

His smile was more a
requirement than something
his lips had wanted

Monday's Haiku

Commandment be damned,
I'd covet my neighbor's wife
if I wasn't gay

Weekend Haiku's

As a writer, she
was quirky, always having
a novel idea 

-------------------------- 

Her colorful dress
couldn't cover up her bland
personality

Friday's Haiku

The megaphone at
the writer's desk assisted
her with her volume

Thursday's Haiku

The gift of sidewalk
chalk made her giddy, so I
returned the diamond

Wednesday's Haiku

Viagra helps old
men have sex, acting as God's
invisible splint

Tuesday's Haiku

When she runs, that girl
jiggles more than a jello
bowl in an earthquake

Monday's Haiku

Poke fun of yourself,
because if you don't, someone
else most likely will

Weekend Haiku's

He asks her why she
doesn't blink during sex, she
replies, "There's no time" 

---------------------------- 

I have a lot of
sex, and I would have more, but
my hand gets tired

Friday's Haiku

He wears his hair long,
because girls like it and he
doesn't like scissors

Thursday's Haiku

Feathered's a pretty
good hairstyle, unless it looks
like a peacock's butt

Wednesday's Haiku

Classes in math and
spelling are for those kids that
are bad at P.E.

Tuesday's Haiku

I may not run or
jog, but I exercise my
brain every day

Monday's Haiku

My hair's not getting
grayer, the darker hair just
isn't returning

Weekend Haiku's

They will laugh at you,
so don't let it stop you, just
laugh along with them 

----------------------------- 

They will laugh at you,
so don't let it stop you, just
make fun of them first

Friday's Haiku

"I don't want to bug
you," is what they say before
thy start bugging you

Thursday's Haiku

He said he didn't
want to interrupt, but then
realized he did

Wednesday's Haiku

Afternoon meetings
are the true reason that God
created caffeine

Tuesday's Haiku

His Monday morning
pains remind him why he's too
old for the weekend

Monday's Haiku

I'd return to my
desk, except for the fact that
it's sunny out here

Weekend Haiku's

Sunburns remind you
of the main reason spray tans
are so popular 

--------------------------- 

Her hemline is short
enough to entice, yet just
long enough to tease

Friday's Haiku

The green grass of June
quickly turns and becomes the
brown grass of July

Thursday's Haiku

The Fourth of July
celebrates our freedom to
blow some shit up good

Wednesday's Haiku

It's okay to share
exactly how you feel with
us, unless you're sick

Tuesday's Haiku

I'd be happier
with where I stood, if it was
not in the corner

Monday's Haiku

Please don't tell me that
everything's running smoothly
when I see the bumps

Weekend Haiku's

They've been married so
long, they look related, which
I hope isn't true 

-------------------------------

In summer months, a
sweater vest is warm and lives
up to it's title

Friday's Haiku

The crow peruses
the picnic tables, hoping
for sloppy eaters

Thursday's Haiku

Sunburns remind you
that, despite their claims, there's no
such thing as sunblock

Wednesday's Haiku

When they're all laughing,
I just wish that I was the
one that made the joke

Tuesday's Haiku

With all of the crap
I've been getting at work, I
must be organic

Monday's Haiku

For me, a three day
weekend is three days of no
work getting finished

Weekend Haiku's

She said she was ill.
He thought cold or flu bug, but
she was sick of him 

---------------------------- 

She said she was ill,
and he soon found out that it
wasn't physical

Friday's Haiku

I cannot stop on
my long road to hell, as I
have not seen the sign

Thursday's Haiku

I eat plain yogurt,
as it's the only way I
get any culture

Wednesday's Haiku

She'd rather eat lunch
in the rain than sit with me,
so I just let her

Tuesday's Haiku

I bring my own lunch,
so if it tastes bad, I at
least know who to blame

Monday's Haiku

My best friend may not
be a genius, but he's got
lots of smarticles

Weekend Haiku's

Bill is six foot six,
who knew it was possible
to stack crap that high 

------------------------ 

If opposites do
attract, when I am outside
I must be sunny

Friday's Haiku

That girl could suck a
small bird into her engines
at thirty five yards

Thursday's Haiku

Vegetarians
can't enter KFC, as
things could go afoul

Wednesday's Haiku

I didn't need the
salad, but I did and I
have no vinagrettes

Tuesday's Haiku

The one thing better
than being her denim would
be to be in 'em

Monday's Haiku

My sneakers creak so
badly, it makes their title
slightly ironic

Weekend Haiku's

I don't dislike the
blonde's personality, I
just like them darker 

---------------------- 

I keep her picture
in my wallet as it was
there when I bought it

Friday's Haiku

The cement mixer
likes his new job much better
as it's more concrete

Thursday's Haiku

I'd miss the sunshine
more if I ever got to
spend some time with it

Wednesday's Haiku

The snacker and the
hacker found they were both fond
of bytes and chips

Tuesday's Haiku

Claustrophobia
is a bad feeling to have
if you're a sardine

Monday's Haiku

The clouds are moving
into the house right next door
to the heavy rains

Weekend Haiku's

She's chained to her desk,
but they gave her ten more links
for good behavior 

-------------------------------- 

Julie's not moving,
she just likes to keep all her
stuff in big boxes

Friday's Haiku

Wine may get better
with age, but Bernadette was
just getting older

Thursday's Haiku

Her pheremones must
have curdled, as she attracts
just the bad cats now

Wednesday's Haiku

When it comes to men,
she only seems to attract
the ones she don't want

Tuesday's Haiku

Her wide-eyed stare was
a silent call for help that
he just couldn't hear

Monday's Haiku

When you're name is made
up of two first names, you will
answer to either

Weekend Haiku's

Our summer seems to
be being doled out slowly
in bite-sized segments 

------------------------- 

Work is like swimming
up a raging river with
no arms and one leg

Friday's Haiku

Alone for years now,
when she needed a man, she'd
reach for her drawer

Thursday's Haiku

She said she wanted
something hot for her birthday,
so she got a stove

Wednesday's Haiku

Her birthday's coming,
and since I'm low on money,
I'll just give her me

Tuesday's Haiku

Nobody really
relishes solitude 'til
they live without it

Monday's Haiku

I don't wish them harm,
but the flu or a stomach
virus would be fine

Weekend Haiku's

Paddle swish, ball thonk,
I don't play a mean pinball;
I'd be better blind 

--------------------------- 

The sun shines, but I'll
stay inside, not wanting to
share it with others

Friday's Haiku

Hanging around the
winners. strangely, makes me feel
more like a loser

Thursday's Haiku

Porky is much less
happy with dinner, when he
hears it's a luau

Wednesday's Haiku

I'm not offended
that he addressed us, "Ladies,
Gentlemen and James"

Tuesday's Haiku

She likes to braid her
hair, which would be fine, if it
weren't from her armpits

Monday's Haiku

Hangovers remind
you what your brain was warning
you about last night

Weekend Haiku's

He says he loves kids,
which completely explains the
restraining order 

-----------------------------

Who knows how warm it
is under the large maple
tree?  The shadow knows

Friday's Haiku

He carries his cat
everywhere, which is nice, but
it died late last year

Thursday's Haiku

Sunshine caresses
would be best if not followed
by halogen's glare

Wednesday's Haiku

She flips her hair, winks
and giggles, whch would be cute
if she weren't fifty

Tuesday's Haiku

You know it's going
to be a rough day when your
in-box collapses

Monday's Haiku

Who invited Bob?
Like Sarah Palin, he's just
bad for this party

Weekend Haiku's

He found out the hard
way that you can't get milk from
water buffalo 

---------------------------- 

When it comes to fun
there's no such thing as too much,
just not near enough

Friday's Haiku

She hid the Twinkies
in a box of Ding-Dongs, since
she hates Ding-Dongs

Thursday's Haiku

His whole plan was to
eat a whole box of Twinkies
and stay up all night

Wednesday's Haiku

The health food cafe's
most famous dish is Sparrow
Asparagus Quiche

Tuesday's Haiku

The Fourth of July
celebrates our freedom to
blow some shit up good

Monday's Haiku

The scenic boat cruise
would be so much more scenic
if you weren't sleeping

Weekend Haiku's

Her chiropractor
was always so willing to
take a crack at it 

-------------------

I love my city
even more when I see it
through a stranger's eyes

Friday's Haiku

When they start making
cod and oyster burgers, cows
better start swimming

Thursday's Haiku

He'd seen so many
eagles, that by noon, it was
just another bird

Wednesday's Haiku

The fire department's
so small, it only puts out
heartburns and rugburns

Tuesday's Haiku

Went for some coffee.
Didn't want to wake you, so
we'll be back at noon

Monday's Haiku

They ate the whole pig,
everything but the squeal, which
they kept for later

Weekend Haiku's

His yard measures four
feet by four, just bigger than
his riding mower

------------------------------

If I loved the smell
of cut grass any more, I'd
likely be a goat

Friday's Haiku

"Wreck of the Edmund
Fitzgerald" is a bad choice
for a lap dance song

Thursday's Haiku

She couldn't replace
her father with other men
so she married him

Wednesday's Haiku

Leper colonies
are not places to say, "Slip
me some skin, brother!"

Tuesday's Haiku

Reality stars
are not really stars, and that's
not reality

Monday's Haiku

The doctor said I'd
need glasses for reading, so
I sold all my books

Weekend Haiku's

Us Seattle-ites
are confused by the crayon
color called sky blue

---------------------------

It's bad to hear at
the leper colony, "He's
got your husband's nose."

Friday's Haiku

I'm not being a
prude, but a true threeway should
not involve your pet

Thursday's Haiku

She calls herself the
crazy cat girl, but she doesn't
have that many cats

Wednesday's Haiku

Anniversaries
are a reminder of the
choices you have made

Tuesday's Haiku

Under the stairs, I
can write with footstep rhythm's
accompaniment

Monday's Haiku

Seeing Paula's smile
reminded me just how much
I miss causing it

Weekend Haiku's

Their lunch in the sun
over, they made it a long
afternoon meeting

------------------------

The gal who lived in
a large grocery bag was
real good in the sack

Friday's Haiku

Strangely, she had cat
hair on her clothes, chair and bed,
yet she had no pets

Thursday's Haiku

Cat hair on your clothes
shows you're loved a lot, and the
dog's not shedding yet

Wednesday's Haiku

He wears sunglasses
at night, not to be hip, but
because he is blind

Tuesday's Haiku

Like an old record
player with a lost needle,
I can't find my groove

Monday's Haiku

It may be a man
made creek and small pond out back,
but the ducks don't care

Weekend Haiku's

If lunch doesn't sit
well, maybe your stomach needs
better furniture

-------------------------------- 

If lunch doesn't sit
well, it likely won't stay, shake
or play dead either

Friday's Haiku

For a gal who hates
to give hugs, when needed, she
gives really good ones

Thursday's Haiku

If I die today,
I shouldn't have stayed in bed
all day yesterday

Wednesday's Haiku

If they always wear
sunglasses, don't ask for their
help in the darkness

Tuesday's Haiku

The conveyor belt
of life keeps moving, whether
you're on it or not

Monday's Haiku

This muscle stiffness
proves once and for all that work's
a pain in the neck

Weekend Haiku's

Would you like to talk
about why everyone else
is better than you?

---------------------------- 

Gray hair denotes age,
experience and no cash
for hair coloring

Friday's Haiku

Never part of the
cool kids' table, I'm now not
even in the room

Thursday's Haiku

I can't care less, for
to do so, I would have to
care to begin with

Wednesday's Haiku

Negativity
and frustration differ since
with one, you still care

Tuesday's Haiku

Without moving my
chair, my place here, my view, has
now changed completely

Monday's Haiku

It's okay to talk
to me anytime, but don't
expect I'll listen

Weekend Haiku's

The window of my
heart is fragile, and made up
of multiple panes

------------------------------

Sometimes even the
best candidates don't make it
onto the ballot

Friday's Haiku

Masturbation is
basically just a way to
give yourself a hand

Thursday's Haiku

Though she rarely slept,
She bought a new bed for it's
recreational use

Wednesday's Haiku

You can always tell
the Dogwood tree from all the
others by it's bark

Tuesday's Haiku

She removed the fake
moustache, as she received too
many compliments

Monday's Haiku

I'd apologize
to haiku haters, but I'm
out of syllables

Weekend Haiku

I take vitamin
D supplements, as my sun
comes in caplet form

-------------------------

Disappointed by
the pole's length, I then told her
it's telescoping

Friday's Haiku

Autographing your
school chair doesn't make it an
assigned seat, Billy

Thursday's Haiku

Waiting for my phone
interview, I wonder why
I wore a new tie

Wednesday's Haiku

A celebrity
now, she's forgotten all of
her friends from before

Tuesday's Haiku

She gives me her sweet
pillow kisses, even when
we're both standing up

Monday's Haiku

My pains are being
caused by the one disease that
has no cure: old age

Mother's Day Bonus Haiku

Don't be a mother
and not thank your Mother for
being a Mother

Weekend Haiku's

Twenty-five year old
photos show you don't always
make the best choices

----------------------------

I find balconies
to be just a patio
with an attitude

Friday's Haiku

I'd be a dancer
still if it wasn't for skill,
gravity and beer

Thursday's Haiku

"I must agree, the
flowered sundress is great, but
not on me," he said

Wednesday's Haiku

When you return from
Kathmandu, you will never
shout about traffic

Tuesday's Haiku

Visitors are like
pimples, they always arrive
when you don't want them

Monday's Haiku

"Bikini watching
sucks at this beach," he said.  She
replied, "It's midnight."

Weekend Haiku's

Consider tipping
only if their center of
gravity is high

---------------------

The bikini does
bring out your blues eyes, but you're
creeping me out, Carl

Friday's Haiku

Tears on the pillow,
she'd misheard his claim to be
a trained pianist

Thursday's Haiku

She's like a silent
movie as both are better
with a good organ

Wednesday's Haiku

She refused to see
the silent film, as she thought
that she couldn't talk

Tuesday's Haiku

He found it was the
audience's wild applause
that gave him the clap

Monday's Haiku

It's hard to be an
appreciative audience
when you have no hands

Weekend Haikus

Straight lines are just ones
who haven't had a chance to
experience life

---------------------------

Straight lines may be the
shortest distance between two
points, but they're boring

Friday's Haiku

Life may move in a
straight line, but it's the curves that
make the memories

Thursday's Haiku

Teasing me on the
playground is far more hurtful
now that I'm forty

Wednesday's Haiku

She was the ex-wife,
so he didn't love her less,
just not anymore

Tuesday's Haiku

Unprotected sex
could mean minutes of "yes" and
a lifetime of "no"

Monday's Haiku

If your lover feels
cold and distant, don't wait so
long to dig them up

Weekend Haiku's

Swimming fifty laps
seems less impressive in a
plastic kiddie pool

--------------------

Plastic kiddie pools
are like some folks I know: all
shallow, no deep end

Friday's Haiku

Hopping on just one
foot, I realize that I meant
to say, "Shoo, fly, shoo"

Thursday's Haiku

The abused french fry
had been cut up, battered, and
also a salted

Wednesday's Haiku

At my age, most men
want security, while I
need maturity

Tuesday's Haiku

If you only fire
when you see the whites of their
eyes, don't aim at drunks

Monday's Haiku

All vanity, all
pretentions go right out the
flap, when you're camping

Weekend Haiku's

The more pictures I
take with my camera, the
less pictures I'm in

-----------------------

Photography, like
alcohol, is measured by
how good the shot is

Friday's Haiku

The fastest they moved
all morning was when he yelled
out, "Coffee's Ready!"

Thursday's Haiku

I'm hoping the fresh
air will cure this bad headache.
That and Excedrin.

Wednesday's Haiku

Preparing for the
hike took much more energy
than the hike itself

Tuesday's Haiku

Though we'd reached the peak,
it felt awkward to say it's
all downhill from here

Monday's Haiku

Las Vegas is where
even using the bathroom
is a game of chance

Weekend Haiku's

I'm back!  Here's the weekend haiku's:

Her glasses turned her
eyes into the double paned
windows to her soul

-----------------------

He raised his head, eyes
closed, and barked at the moon, just
for the howl of it

Friday's Haiku

Since I will be away from a computer all week, I'm posting Monday Thru Friday's posts today.

Whining is only
allowed around these parts if
it's a good Merlot

Thursday's Haiku

Since I will be away from a computer all week, I'm posting Monday Thru Friday's posts today.

If Jeremiah
was a bullfrog. the wine he
drank was Char-toad-nay

Wednesday's Haiku

Since I will be away from a computer all week, I'm posting Monday Thru Friday's posts today.

Spring has arrived so
why won't someone get up and
show Winter the door?

Tuesday's Haiku

Since I will be away from a computer all week, I'm posting Monday Thru Friday's posts today.

Broken glass, a dead
puppy or mumps are not good
baby shower gifts

Monday's Haiku

Since I will be away from a computer all week, I'm posting Monday Thru Friday's posts today.

He howled at the moon,
not because it's full, but since
he is a poodle

Weekend Haiku's

Based on a news headline:

Man without anus
saw silver lining: better
back there than up front

-----------------------

Man without anus
found out that his lack of ass
is what made him whole

Friday's Haiku

Doctor Jeckyl was
bad at almost all the games,
except Hyde and seek

Thursday's Haiku

Working out to John
Coltrane is just not one of
my favorite things

Wednesday's Haiku

In my twenties, I
was a river, then a stream,
and now I just creek

Tuesday's Haiku

He loved seeing the
full moon, 'til he realized
it was just a phase.

Monday's Haiku

We gave the dog a
halogen bulb so he would
have his own spot light

Weekend Haiku's

Bachelor weekends
mean no housework or yardwork
and plenty of beer

-------------------------------

Bachelor pads are
dark, dingy and not painted
with a broad palette

Friday's Haiku

Kiss me, I'm Irish
gets much better results than
kiss me, I'm Flemish

Thursday's Haiku

To be truthful, kiss

Me, two percent of my gall

bladder is Irish

Wednesday's Haiku

She won't even say
"Hi."  Maybe it's because I
slept with her sister

Tuesday's Haiku

My happiness in
the sunshine is really a
matter of degrees

Monday's Haiku

He fixed the bottom
of the sports shoe, as it was
the cleats he could do

Weekend Haiku's

When she said, :No sex
'til marriage," I didn't know
that she meant me too

-----------------------

When she said, :No sex
'til marriage," I took matters
into my own hands

Friday's Haiku

I must hurry and
tell you before they capture
me.  Their secret is.....

Thursday's Haiku

I vowed never to
see him again, and he made
me break that promise

Wednesday's Haiku

With a book and a
cat on my lap, I waste the
day.  I blame the cat.

Tuesday's Haiku

Seeing him again
reminded us why we did
not want to see him

Monday's Haiku

Seeing him again
brought a flood of memories;
none of them were good

Weekend Haiku's

Sunshine, rain, snow, ice
are all part of a normal
day in Seattle

-----------------------

I'd complain much more
if I could somehow just get
someone to listen

Friday's Haiku

You can probably guess who inspired this one:


We say he's crazy,
but we wish we could afford
what he's been smoking

Thursday's Haiku

His notecards missing,
the speaker stayed silent, as
he was left speechless

Wednesday's Haiku

Decapitated
dummies are slackers as they'll
never get a head

Tuesday's Haiku

The smell of success
is truly experienced
by just the lead dog

Monday's Haiku

She called me a sex
fiend, as an insult, as if
it is a bad thing

Weekend Haiku's

Stains on your shirt are
a reminder you have not
perfected eating

----------------------

I'd be less upset
about the food stain on my
shirt, if I'd liked lunch

Friday's Haiku

The storm brought enough
snow to just lightly coat the
emerald city white

Thursday's Haiku

What's the use of snow
if schools are open and you
can't make good snowballs?

Wednesday's Haiku

I've been sleeping like
a baby, up every
few hours, crying

Tuesday's Haiku

When the train comes in,
it's the one time people are
fine being off-track

Monday's Haiku

I would like Warren
Buffet or Bill Gates more if
I was in their wills

Weekend Haiku's

Whenever you see
flashing lights behind you, it's
already too late

---------------------

Whenever you see
flashing lights behind you, don't
pretend to be drunk

Friday's Haiku

I can't do laundry,
yard work, dishes, or my chores.
I gave blood today

Thursday's Haiku

His reflection did
remind him of his father,
but much, much younger

Wednesday's Haiku

I'd like to have a
glass of Sauvignon Blanc, but
my eyes are all red

Tuesday's Haiku

Candy is a nice
"I love you" gift, unless they
are diabetic

Valentine's Day Haiku

Here's a few haiku for Valentine's Day:

Trust me here, just say,
"Happy Valentine's Day," don't
say, "Happy V.D."

-----------------------------

Valentine's Day is
the time to say, "I love you,"
even if you don't.

-----------------------------

On Valentine's Day,
it is okay to say that
you have a heart on.

Weekend Haiku's

Here's a double shot for the weekend:

A new girlfriend won't
solve your problems, but she might
help you forget them

----------------------------------

A new girlfriend should
be loudly celebrated,
unless you're married

Friday's Haiku

I'd sing a quick song
about two thousand pounds, but
I'm really ton-deaf

Thursday's Haiku

A new girlfriend is
really the adult version
of a do-over

Wednesday's Haiku

He thought he hid his
aggravation behind his
smile, but his teeth showed.

Tuesday's Haiku

Blue sky, sunshine, I
woke her with, "Carpe Rainier,"
or, "Seize the mountain."

Monday's Haiku

The Super Bowl is
the one time each year that we'll
watch the commercials

Weekend Haiku's

Here's a couple silly ones for the weekend:

Richard lasted just
thirty seconds in bed, which
is his new record

-------------------

Richard lasted just
thirty seconds in bed, which
is so all her fault

Friday's Haiku

After you have a
cold, everyone blames you when
they go and get sick

Thursday's Haiku

For men, snow's like a
penis: we like bragging on
the inches we got

Wednesday's Haiku

The doghouse is seen
as punishment, but the dog's
happy to see me

Tuesday's Haiku

Contractions help to
combine words or tell you that
the baby's coming

Monday's Haiku

I may be wrong, but
Happy Hour seems to make
you more unhappy

Weekend Haiku's

Here's the usual double shot for the weekend:

If a fool and his
money are soon parted, could
I have his address

-----------------------

If a fool and his
money are soon parted, then
...Hey, where's my wallet?

Friday's Haiku

If vending machines
sold love, you'd have to watch the
expiration date

Thursday's Haiku

They ask, "What would we
do without you?" and then they
act like I'm not here

Wednesday's Haiku

When Jill turned into
a yellow fish, I realized
she was being koi

Tuesday's Haiku

With all the hiking
and walking that I do, I
measure miles in feet.

Monday's Haiku

Old breasts are just like
vampires: ghostly pale and should
never see daylight

Weekend Haiku's

Here's a double shot of haiku's for the weekend:

A good wife doesn't
just let you ogle, but points
out the real good ones

-------------------------

It's a compliment,
I swear, comparing you to
a Botticelli

Friday's Haiku

I'll be your wingman
if you vow not to crash so
spectacularly

Thursday's Haiku

Home sick, but I've got enough energy to post a new haiku:

Balding means one more
place that you always forget
to apply sunscreen

Wednesday's Haiku

My haiku is for
laughs and to make the rest feel
more traditional

Tuesday's Haiku

Air conditioning
is Nature's way to tell you,
"Live somewhere cooler."

Monday's Haiku

Her body is so
beautiful, I'm hoping she
will be Missouri

Saturday's Haiku

Belly dancers prove
that to be sensual, tone
isn't everything

Friday's Haiku

Captain Crunch proves that
the U.S. Navy's really
lowered their standards

Thursday's Haiku

Short attention spans
can be dangerous and cause
problems... I like cake

Wednesday's Haiku

A doctor is known
for his bedside manner and
also his patients

Tuesday's Haiku

A week is six days
too long to celebrate your
birth, unless you're me

Monday's Haiku

They say we make a
cute couple, but I despise
her, and she hates me.

Weekend Haiku's

My plan will be to try and post one or two haiku's on the weekends, but probably only on one of the two days, as I may not always be neara computer.  With the Seattle Seahawks playoff win yesterday, here's a couple sports related haiku:

When the underdog
wins, the fans are happy, and
so are the gamblers

-----------------

When the team wins, We're
all winners, but when they lose,
They are such losers

Friday's Haiku

Here's a double shot, using the same opening:

After twenty years
the cat died, leaving the dog
so very nervous

---------------

After twenty years
the cat died, leaving the dog
as the prime suspect

Thursday's Haiku

I'll watch a 3-D
movie when the story's not
one-dimensional

Today's Haiku

Today's haiku was inspired by a comment made by a co-worker of mine.

When he called me a
weasel, he said it was meant
as a compliment

Today's Haiku

I'll stop having one
night stands when the girls agree
to see me again

First One

Well, here we go.  My first blog.  I like to write a lot of different styles of humorous poetry, but decided for the sake of what I'm doing here, I'd focus on my silly haiku, which I call "Haikooky."  I friend of mine that is a scholar of true Haiku doesn't particularly approve of my haiku, as it doesn't fit the rules, but I've rarely fit the rules.  Check back often.  I will post haiku, and maybe some thoughts, but primarily just the silly haiku.  Here's today's:

That deaf, dumb and blind
 kid sure plays a mean pinball,
but he sucks at golf.