Friday haiku

 New Year's Eve: The last  

hurrah before making your  

next resolution

Thursday haiku

In heat such as this,  

when my girlfriend says "No" to  

sex, I don't complain

Wednesday haiku

In heat such as this,  

my daily stroll feels like I'm  

walking through Jell-o 

Tuesday haiku

In heat such as this,  

I now understand what the  

oven rack feels like

Monday haiku

Hurry! Only three  

hundred sixty-three shopping  

days until Christmas

Weekend haiku

Wonder Woman wants  

for Christmas help finding her  

invisible jet  

-----------------------------------  

You can't regift you!  

This Christmas, your full presence  

is the real present

Friday haiku

All Superman wants  

for Christmas is Viagra  

to help boost his steel

Thursday haiku

Remember: Mask up!  

Nobody wants Omicron  

as a Christmas gift

Wednesday haiku

All Batman wants for  

Christmas is more gadgets for  

his belt, and parents

Tuesday haiku

All Spiderman wants  

for Christmas is to have a  

better web presence

Monday haiku

Mariah's Christmas  

wish is for sheep, "All she wants  

for Christmas is ewe"

Weekend haiku

In heat such as this,  

even the weatherman is  

praying for rain clouds  

------------------------------  

In heat such as this,  

the sun causes even the  

fake flowers to wilt

Friday haiku

In heat such as this,  

cold showers are used for the  

second worst reason

Thursday haiku

In heat such as this,  

every child and adult just  

wants a popsicle

Wednesday haiku

In heat such as this,  

every living creature is  

yearning for a breeze

Tuesday haiku

When you're peeing with  

a fully-erect penis,  

it's about angles

Monday haiku

When Julie explained  

the word "lilliputian", it  

meant little to me

Weekend haiku

Hell is a crowded  

room, liquor long gone, all the  

exits nowhere close  

------------------------------------  

When Julie explained  

the word "expectations", I  

thought there would be more

Friday haiku

Tonight we're dancing,  

laughing, music up loud, as  

tomorrow can wait

Thursday haiku

There are no fires  

here, but the smoke reminds us,  

in time, there could be

Wednesday haiku

Suddenly, nothing  

happened, and this haiku has  

no resolution

Tuesday haiku

Non-alcoholic  

beer's a lie to everyone  

except the maker

Monday haiku

At the vet's office,  

both cats at home, no need to  

worry them...this time

Weekend haiku

The cats wake me up  

at five wanting breakfast. Me  

too! Who do I wake?  

--------------------------------------  

There's a few fleeting  

moments in life where I get  

to be right... sometimes

Friday haiku

The cats wake me up  

at five, wanting breakfast. I  

wish they had snooze bars

Thursday haiku

Based on the sounds next  

door, roofers would be the worst  

tap dancers ever

Wednesday haiku

If there's such a thing  

as reincarnation, I'll  

come back as my cat

Tuesday haiku

They're watering at  

the cemetery. If there's  

a sprout, you should run!

Monday haiku

I'm supposed to be  

asleep, but my brain keeps on  

doing somersaults 

Weekend haiku

Inside, waiting to  

get my teeth cleaned, so they'll shine  

like the sun outside  

---------------------------------------------  

I want to learn new  

words that aren't Covid, Heat Dome,  

Trump or Pandemic

Friday haiku

The Friday after  

Thanksgiving means the Christmas  

displays are months old

Thursday haiku

Thanksgiving is the  

one day I am allowed to  

tell you to "stuff it"

Wednesday haiku

Thanksgiving is the  

one day I can hope will be  

a turkey for you

Tuesday haiku

Dogs are happiness  

and unconditional love,  

unless you've been bit

Monday haiku

I'd enjoy all the  

family photos much more if  

there were less of me

Weekend haiku

Do we call those folks  

who support the guy who killed  

George Floyd, Chauvinists?  

-------------------------------------  

It is so dang hot  

in my house right now, even  

my spleen is sweating

Friday haiku

Most prophets you see  

care less about prophecy,  

more their profits, see?

Thursday haiku

Printed on the trash  

bin were the words, "Empty when  

full". That is so Zen!

Wednesday haiku

In an alternate  

universe, Loki lives, but  

Hulk still smashes stuff

Tuesday haiku

In an alternate  

universe, Weaver wouldn't  

have crushed my spirit

Monday haiku

In an alternate  

universe, I'm a poet,  

and poets are Gods

Weekend haiku

Shena says the world  

doesn't revolve around me,  

but she might be wrong  

-------------------------------  

Shena says the world  

doesn't revolve around me,  

but she knows it does

Friday haiku

Shena says the world  

doesn't revolve around me,  

but I wish it did

Thursday haiku

This chili gave me  

so much gas, price per gallon,  

I'm worth a fortune

Wednesday haiku

This chili gave me  

so much gas, I could drive to  

California...twice

Tuesday haiku

Let's party like it  

is 1999, and  

wish Prince was still here

Monday haiku

Let's party like it    

is 1999, but  

without Fentanyl

Weekend haiku

Michael writes poems,  

and haikus as well, for the  

long and short of it  

----------------------------------  

Let's party like it  

is 1999, but  

without Y2K

Friday haiku

Bonnie Tyler's rasp  

almost saves "Total Eclipse  

of the Heart". Almost.

Thursday haiku

Facebook changing their  

name doesn't change what is the  

Meta with Facebook

Wednesday haiku

I'm going to bend  

metal. No, not with my mind.  

I will use a forge.

Tuesday haiku

Cat philosophy  

101: no matter what  

you do, shed happens

Monday haiku

My doctor says I  

have a virus, I think it's  

from my computer

Weekend haiku

Bill Gates is single  

again, meaning billions of  

bucks isn't enough  

--------------------------------  

Bill Gates is divorced,  

yet half of his worth is still  

more than all of us

Friday haiku

Still unable to  

travel, I'll pretend the skies

are Bermuda blue

Thursday haiku

Stuck inside, while the  

sun shines outside, I close my  

eyes and I am there

Wednesday haiku

"Do you wanna? If  

so, then come" is the lamest  

of invitations

Tuesday haiku

All of us are seeds  

in the darkness, just waiting  

for our time to bloom

Monday haiku

 Bill's vaccinated  

fully against Covid, so  

he got chicken pox

Weekend haiku

Johnson & Johnson  

should have been inventors of  

that little blue pill  

------------------------------------  

We are all locks, we  

are all keys, spending our lives  

seeking one that fits

Friday haiku

Like a drug addict,  

I care about who gets their  

big shot before me

Thursday haiku

All of this sunshine  

makes the storms brewing inside  

me long for the light

Wednesday haiku

The sun tempts me to  

step outside and enjoy the  

day it's creating

Tuesday haiku

Jesus has risen!  

He's not as grumpy, but he's  

still a little cross

Monday haiku

Jesus has risen!  

Now, he just needs a shower,  

shave and a haircut

Weekend haiku

Jesus died for your  

sins, you can get up early  

twice a year for church  

-----------------------------  

Anniversary  

gifts start: necklace, a broach, and  

the third time's a charm

Friday haiku

If you remake a  

David Bowie song, you can't  

make ch-ch-changes

Thursday haiku

This quarantine means  

anti-socials don't have to  

make any changes

Wednesday haiku

Each Spring, pollen is  

what happens when flowers can't  

keep it in their plants

Tuesday haiku

Bill had a penis  

that nobody would envy,  

even insects laughed

Monday haiku

It's Monday again,  

so now I'll wait four days for  

Friday to return

Weekend haiku

In this life, the one  

thing I truly regret is  

my economics  

--------------------------  

I work hard five days  

a week, every week, because  

I don't own Bitcoin

Friday haiku

This life is a death  

sentence; every moment, each  

breath, a small reprieve

Thursday haiku

If it wasn't for  

all these customers. I'd get  

a lot more work done

Wednesday haiku

I arrive tired.  

A flurry of energy.  

I depart tired.

Tuesday haiku

I've got so many  

crowns now, my mouth could be the  

British monarchy

Monday haiku

Not sure Bill could drive  

a truck, John said, "I challenge  

you to a dual!"

Weekend haiku

I'm reading poems  

about Summer, while Winter  

still has gray to spare  

----------------------------------  

Blue Jay on a gray  

day, the contrast so stark, I  

wish the Jay was gray

Friday haiku

I'm so cold, I think  

I finally know what my  

wife's toes must feel like

Thursday haiku

I would love to find  

a treasure chest of time, though  

I'd likely waste it

Wednesday haiku

Jill's got that lightning  

bolt love; you might survive it,  

or it could kill ya

Tuesday haiku

Come to Sedition  

Dentistry! We promise to  

take over your mouth

Monday haiku

Hummingbird feeder  

outside my window feeds both  

the birds and my soul

Weekend haiku

Winning Julie's love  

is harder than hailing a  

taxi on the moon  

----------------------------  

There's a Cooper's hawk  

scanning the backyard; I know  

I'm safe, still concerned

Friday haiku

Often, I will talk  

to the rain, but then I find  

I rarely listen

Thursday haiku

I envy the night  

sky, so close to the moon's light,  

it's darkness less so

Wednesday haiku

As day fades to night,  

he keeps on writing poems  

while he still has light

Tuesday haiku

The day half escaped,  

she begs me to hurry, while  

I stare at the door

Monday haiku

It feels wrong that a  

gal named Susan Seashore lives  

in Minnesota

Weekend haiku

I won't say Bill's dumb.  

but he thinks carbohydrate  

means "drinking pasta"  

-------------------------------  

Even the brightest  

diamond cannot shine if it  

never sees the sun

Friday haiku

Just one more meeting,  

then I'm finally free to  

get some real work done

Thursday haiku

The skies have been gray  

so long, have they forgot what  

it's like to be blue?

Wednesday haiku

Crows fly overhead,  

going home to roost again,  

while I am stuck here

Tuesday haiku

Now that the sun seems  

to be awake, I'm willing  

to open my eyes

Monday haiku

Her voice fills my ears  

with hope, her songs lifting me  

up until I soar

Weekend haiku

Every fisherman  

has a story to tell, and  

some of them are true  

--------------------------  

Horizon's blue seems  

so far away when compared  

to the gray above

Friday haiku

I'm finally old  

enough to know better, but  

still too young to care

Thursday haiku

In for a cleaning,  

he knew his teeth may not be  

pearly, just less beige

Wednesday haiku

It's okay when she  

calls the cat "soft", but not when  

she says it to me

Tuesday haiku

This puddle is a  

lake to something smaller, or  

perhaps an ocean

Monday haiku

For some mothers, the  

one holiday they're not fond  

of is Labor Day

Weekend haiku

To prove a point, Bill  

sent another dick pic. He  

knows lots of Richards  

-------------------------------  

Jesus is not for  

sale, not at any price, but  

he can be for lease

Friday haiku

I wish I could say  

when I passed two kidney stones,  

I meant walking by

Thursday haiku

If Joan's head was a  

motel, the big sign out front  

would read, "vacancy"

Wednesday haiku

Instead of getting  

married, Bill just picked a gal  

and bought her a house

Tuesday haiku

Treat others like you  

want to be treated, unless  

you're a masochist

Monday haiku

The fat squirrel sits  

above the bird feeder. which  

seems to be misnamed

Weekend haiku

I don't worry my  

ego will get inflated,  

as long as you're here  

----------------------------  

At the dentist, I  

may not get to be king, but  

I still get a crown

Friday haiku

Every day is a  

gift. It's just that some are wrapped  

better than others.

Thursday haiku

With Charlie's passing,  

the solid rhythm of our  

lives becomes less sure

Wednesday haiku

Today could be a  

day that changes your life! Then  

again, maybe not.

Tuesday haiku

The clock was asked to  

take a vacation, but she  

hates taking time off

Monday haiku

The wool sweater was  

fired, as he made people  

uncomfortable

Weekend haiku

The tantrum had to  

be fired from his job. He  

wasn't the right fit  

-------------------------------  

The odd puzzle piece  

was fired from her now job,  

she didn't fit in

Friday haiku

The croissant had to  

be fired from her new job,

she was too flaky

Thursday haiku

The doughnut was asked  

to take some time off, as he  

was always a round

Wednesday haiku

Most remixes are  

musical masturbation,  

lacking true pleasure

Tuesday haiku

She asked me, "Love or  

lust?" I hesitated, which  

gave her my answer

Monday haiku

The hummingbird bows  

it's head at the feeder, and  

prays the nectar's sweet

Weekend haiku

There's murmurs of love  

in my heart.  If it's not love,  

I need a doctor  

---------------------------------  

Jill wears a "Do Not  

Disturb" sign on a necklace,  

but it doesn't help

Friday haiku

My heart hard, bruises  

on my fuzzy flesh, I guess  

I'm feeling peachy

Thursday haiku

Fluffy has left, note  

says he's never coming back.  

Well, I'll be doggone

Wednesday haiku

Julie explained the  

word "enigma", and I still  

don't know what it means

Tuesday haiku

Julie explained the  

word "cognizance", and I will  

say, it made me think

Monday haiku

Julie explained the  

word "modification", and  

I was changed by it

Weekend haiku

 Julie explained the  

word "bargain", and it does mean  

a great deal to me  

-----------------------------------------  

Julie explained the  

word "conveyance", and I know  

I was moved by it

Friday haiku

Julie explained the  

word "plethora", and it sure  

means a lot to me

Thursday haiku

Jill said, "plethora"  

to impress folks, but it does  

not mean "fake leather"

Wednesday haiku

Bobby keeps doors closed  

he used to fling open, the  

curtains drawn as well

Tuesday haiku

The main problem with  

American pie is too  

many want my slice

Monday haiku

Tragedy at the  

cemetery, where twelve clowns  

found in one casket

Weekend haiku

I'm a lion and  

you're a cheetah. Do you want  

to mountain lion?  

-----------------------------------  

White tailed deer now have  

Covid. How will they get masks  

over their antlers?

Friday haiku

Don't fall in love with  

the Tin Man, he has no heart!  

Love me, the Scarecrow

Thursday haiku

We are all tiny  

candles in this darkness, rage  

for each dimming light

Wednesday haiku

Playing "Four Horsemen  

of The Apocalypse", I'm  

always Pestilence

Tuesday haiku

The adult sex shop  

has parking in the back, and  

rear entry only

Monday haiku

Bill finds Breaking Bad  

less a cautionary tale,  

more instructional

Weekend haiku

Keeping it in the  

family is good for business,  

but bad for breeding  

-----------------------------------  

The president says  

he doesn't know the Proud Boys.  

Sounds like a white lie.

Friday haiku

Admit it!  You're not  

sorry for what you did, you're  

sorry you got caught

Thursday haiku

Jill didn't like the  

Stradivarius, as she's  

not prone to violins

Wednesday haiku

They claimed they had "The  

best margaritas in town!", not  

noting the only

Tuesday haiku

If you're lucky, and  

the weather is dry, you are  

better off than me

Monday haiku

Pasticle: The drip  

of glue between pastie and  

skin that oozes out

Weekend haiku

I don't like the term  

bisexual, I prefer  

ambisextrous  

--------------------------  

Trumb: When you're willing  

to vote for a narcissist   

and racist boob...twice!

Friday haiku

Thord: While making love,  

you, and your wife, fantasize  

about Chris Hemsworth

Thursday haiku

If you find that life  

gives you melons, it means life  

is out of lemons

Wednesday haiku

If you find that life  

gives you melons, it is most  

likely spellcheck's fault

Tuesday haiku

Thumbs together, palms  

down, fingers flapping wild, my  

God, his bird does fly!

Monday haiku

Darius Rucker  

is his name, but for me he'll   

always be Hootie

Weekend haiku

Most of my organs  

talk to each other, while my  

heart only murmurs  

----------------------------  

We've been together  

thirty years, but we still kiss  

like it's New Year's Eve

Friday haiku

Two ducks, like feathered  

bullets, shoot through the sky, to  

an unknown target

Thursday haiku

Covid-19 is  

mysterious and cruel, just  

like most teenagers

Wednesday haiku

Relaxing on the  

seat near the trail, I knew I  

had resting bench face

Tuesday haiku

The truck driver spent  

his entire life looking  

for the mud flap girl

Monday haiku

If you're going to  

share the same headspace, you should  

both wear a helmet

Weekend haiku

We're still the home of  

the brave, but land of the free?  

My wallet says, "No"  

----------------------------------------  

Fireworks are like  

hustlers: pretty, but then  

BANG, your money's gone

Friday haiku

The getaway man  

was jailed, and his Corvette was  

incarcerated

Thursday haiku

The farmer, digging  

a post hole, was roughed up, robbed,  

and left disheveled 

Wednesday haiku

If you don't want me  

to flip off bad drivers, you  

should leave me at home

Tuesday haiku

There should be levels  

of stupid where you can't have  

kids, guns or a car

Monday haiku

The whole idea  

of narcolepsy ends up  

leaving me tired

Weekend haiku

 Wes is so old, when  

he moves, it sounds like rocking  

chairs on a wood porch  

-----------------------------------------  

Wes is so old,  he  

remembers the Whig party  

and Federalists

Friday haiku

I believe we need  

to talk about Alzheimer's  

before we forget

Thursday haiku

I've eaten so much  

sushi lately, I'm starting  

to grow a blowhole

Wednesday haiku

Hospital waiting  

rooms: no matter how nice, no  

one wants to be there

Tuesday haiku

For a poet, the  

worst part of face masks, is no  

place to rest your pen

Monday haiku

I offered up my  

body to science, but they  

politely declined

Weekend haiku

When the cows get their  

wings, and learn to fly and soar,  

the steaks will be high  

------------------------------------------  

They painted their house  

seafoam with turquoise trim, a  

true blue color crime

Friday haiku

She teased me, said I'm  

afraid of the broom.  It's true. 

I saw Fantasia

Thursday haiku

The best part of the  

rose is the thorns, letting you  

know you are alive

Wednesday haiku

Who was that masked  

man?  My guess is, he's likely  

not Republican

Tuesday haiku

Superman never  

got caught, because he always  

had an "S" cape

Monday haiku

Yoda likes breakfast  

the same as his sentences,  

hammy and scrambled

Weekend haiku

 The sheep cheered after  

being sheared, from nose to rear,  

or pretty darn near  

-----------------------------------------  

Unimpressed by my  

work on the farm, the sheep say,  

"Baa!", the horses, "Nay!"

Friday haiku

Despite the name, Bill's  

Escalade did not improve  

his sex life at all

Thursday haiku

There's a car service  

that will take you to strip clubs,  

it is called Buber

Wednesday haiku

Finally off work,  

I can now drink to forget  

what I did at work

Tuesday haiku

When it's too hot to  

sleep, you try to find a way  

to dream about snow

Monday haiku

No contact, staying  

home, keeping apart, was in  

Jessica's wheelhouse

Weekend haiku

It's Shena's birthday,  

and she puts up with me, so  

she gets this haiku  

-----------------------------------  

It's Shena's birthday,  

yet she has figured out how  

to not age a day

Friday haiku

When she unravels  

knitting projects, I feel glad

I'm not made of yarn

Thursday haiku

There are some poets  

that make me want to tell folks  

I write short stories

Wednesday haiku

My stoner friend was  

greatly disappointed when  

he saw my pot roast

Tuesday haiku

In this life, we can't  

all be swans, we must accept  

most of us are ducks

Monday haiku

We owe every bit  

of our freedom to those folks  

who sacrificed all

Weekend haiku

Yesterday is not  

tomorrow as long as I  

make changes today  

--------------------------  

Many lament the  

one that got away, others  

mourn the one that stayed

Friday haiku

If Disney was right,  

and it's a small world, why'd he  

build so many parks?

Thursday haiku

Contemplation is  

watching chickens cross the road  

and wondering why

Wednesday haiku

Some journals beg to  

be written in, while others  

push the pen away

Tuesday haiku

 I started dating  

my poems, because most of  

the ladies said, "No"

Monday haiku

The cyclops is real  

great with focusing, but not  

with depth perception

Weekend haiku

Too much leftovers  

for one meal, the food cried out,  

"Curses! Foiled again!"  

----------------------------------------  

Poets find sunshine  

inspiring, though most don't  

like perspiring

Friday haiku

Since death is in the  

details, I think I'll stick with  

generalities 

Thursday haiku

Sometimes, it's in the  

darkness where we find the things  

we are searching for

Wednesday haiku

Maybe, in this time  

of isolation, we'll find  

our togetherness

Tuesday haiku

I've got a massive  

stockpile of smiles, so please grab  

one if you need it

Monday haiku

 The fern unclinches  

it's fists, becoming soft hands  

caressing the wind

Weekend haiku

 A small bird bounces  

nervously, singing songs I  

don't know the words to  

---------------------------------  

Sedums flowering,  

sunshine in a bucket, where  

raindrops used to live

Something Different

 I Can’t Be 55 (To the tune of “I Can’t Drive 55”, with apologies to Sammy Hagar)

One foot in the grave and one on the gas, hey! Well, I can't spend all my time in the past, no! I understand it’s getting harder to move Well, I hope that means I won’t be able to groove again!

I remember back when I was 25 Now my face looks more dead than alive Now I got wrinkles, and all that jive I can't be 55! Oh No!

Uh! So this whole year I’ve been 54, hey! My birthday says, "Boy, just one more... Now you’ll get all the senior discounts, Your grey hair is getting more pronounced” I said, “No!, Oh no!”! 

I remember back when I was 25 Now my face looks more dead than alive, Now I got wrinkles, and all that jive I can't be 55! Oh, no!

I can't be 55! I can't be 55! I can't be 55!

I can't be 55! Uh!

They tell me to relax, it’s just one year. But my eyesight is worse and I can’t hear. I used to sleep six hours, I now sleep all day. Huh! Why is retirement so damn far away?

I remember back when I was 25 Now my face looks more dead than alive Now I got wrinkles, and all that jive I can't be 55! No, no no,

I can't be... (I can't be 55!) I can't be... (I can't be 55!) I can't be 55!

James Rodgers

Thursday haiku

I know we've just met,  

but I would like you in my  

quarantine bubble

Wednesday haiku

 I'm not sure, but I  

think John Denver attended  

Rocky Mountain High

Tuesday haiku

 I'm not so concerned  

about dying, it's living  

where I need practice

Monday haiku

I'm not so concerned  

about dying, it's living  

that's freaking me out

Weekend haiku

The length of the pier  

doesn't matter as much if  

you walk on water  

----------------------------  

The avocado  

felt impending doom in the  

pit of it's stomach

Friday haiku

I see bills plastered  

all up and down my street, a  

few bobs and joes too

Thursday haiku

Trapped on this car lot,  

I quickly realize there's  

no way out of Dodge

Wednesday haiku

If you hear the chimes  

ringing, it's either your time,  

or there's a stiff breeze

Tuesday haiku

I tend to wake up  

to songbirds singing. They must  

have the early shift

Monday haiku

"Enjoy the little  

things" should not be printed on  

a condom wrapper

Weekend haiku

I threw a pity  

party for my sorry self,  

but nobody came  

-----------------------------  

I threw a very  

raucous abstinence party,  

and nobody came

Friday haiku

When friends fade away,  

their memories echo through  

your inner canyon

Thursday haiku

The card shark didn't  

lose one game of poker, he  

didn't give a chip

Wednesday haiku

Feet tickling feet,  

more tickles beneath blankets,

ah, winter romance

Tuesday haiku

Jill finds that every  

sexual encounter brings  

her to sarcasm

Monday haiku

 Doo do doo Doo do  

doo do do do dooo dooo some  

Cantina Band Rum

Weekend haiku

 Jabba the Hutt's Aged  

Barleywine: Drink this if you  

want to get Leia'd  

-----------------------------------  

Jar Jar's Jamaican  

Rum: It won't make you sick, but  

you will regret this

Friday haiku

 Stormtrooper Stout: When  

you just want that one thing that  

won't quite hit the spot

Thursday haiku

 Jedi Juice: Rollin'  

down the street, smokin' Indo,  

sippin' Jedi Juice

Wednesday haiku

Bail Organa's Ales:  

When things go from bad to worse,

you're gonna need Bail

Tuesday haiku

Queen Amidala  

Port Wines: So fine, no one can  

say, "Naboo" to you

Monday haiku

 Qui-Gon Gin: For those  

times when you want to feel, don't  

think, use your instincts

Weekend haiku

Poe's Coffee Porter:  

Because in space, no one can  

hear you say, "Yummy!"  

---------------------------------  

Finn's Chardonnay:  

Fine wines of the First Order,  

even if you're not

Friday haiku

 Dark Lord Barleywine:  

For those long nights when you want  

to just get sith-faced

Thursday haiku

Tusken Raiders Mead:  

Drink this and you'll find nomad  

mead goes unfinished

Wednesday haiku

 Jawa's Mystery  

Spirits: Made from whatever  

bits we could scavenge

Tuesday haiku

The Sarlacc's Easy  

Sipping Gin: It's been aged for  

several thousand years

Monday haiku

Mace Windu's Bad-Ass  

Bourbon: It's what all the cool  

Jedi are drinking

Weekend haiku

Ewok's Cheap Moonshine:  

It's primitive, but it will  

sure get the job done  

------------------------------  

Ewok's Cheap Moonshine:  

It's better than being jabbed  

with a pointed stick

Friday haiku

The Force's Frozen  

Daquiri Mix: Our simple  

slogan- Just use it!

Thursday haiku

C3PO's Gold  

Label Rum: When you want to  

make it to the end

Wednesday haiku

BB8's Fine Scotch  

Whiskey: When you want to keep  

the good times rolling

Tuesday haiku

R2D2's Light  

Rum: One sip and you'll forget  

how to use your words

Monday haiku

Rose's Fine Rose':  

A spicy flavor that then  

quickly disappears

Weekend haiku

Mandalorian  

Beer Deliveries: For when  

you can't show your face  

-----------------------------------  

Admiral Ackbar's  

Belgian Beers: With Ackbar's, you'll  

know it's a Trappist!

Friday haiku

 Baby Yoda's One  

Glass Wines: For those times when you  

just want a little

Thursday haiku

Chewbacca Lager:  

Big and strong, it's the one beer  

you want by your side

Wednesday haiku

 Ben Kenobi's Dry  

Gin:  Super strong, up front, but  

light on the finish

Tuesday haiku

 Death Star Straight Bourbon:  

A taste so big and bold, one  

shot will destroy you

Monday haiku

Palpatine's Dark Rum:  

Just one sip will truly bring  

you back from the dead

Weekend haiku

Lando's Ninety Proof  

Vodka: One bottle will get  

you to Cloud City  

-----------------------------------  

Rey's Mystery Hooch:  

We don't know where it comes from,  

but it's really strong

Friday haiku

 Kylo Ren Boxed Wine:  

It's dark, red, and so damn bad  

that it's almost good

Thursday haiku

 Darth's Imperial  

Stout: For when you want to slip  

into the dark side

Wednesday haiku

 Yoda's Agave  

Tequila: For those times when  

real buzzed you must get

Tuesday haiku

 Princess Leia's Pure  

Moonshine: To help you forget  

kissing your brother

Monday haiku

 Skywalker's Two Moon  

Blue Milk liquor: For when your  

parents aren't around

Weekend haiku

 Spring in the garden,  

all this new life reminds me  

I need to just breathe  

---------------------------------  

Han Solo's single  

malt whiskey: It's okay if  

you take a shot first

Friday haiku

No matter how hard  

I search...marbles...everywhere,  

none of them are mine

Thursday haiku

 Simple cinnamon  

is sensational, sinful  

and scintillating 

Wednesday haiku

 In the heat contest,  

 the biggest ghost pepper thought  

he was a shu-in

Tuesday haiku

 The smug ghost pepper  

said to the little onion,  

"Pearl, I'm where heat's at!"

Monday haiku

 I don't understand  

why poetry in movies  

is always so lame

Weekend haiku

I've found it's best not  

to fix your direction, just  

your destination  

----------------------------  

Dining etiquette  

for cats: I'll eat what you give  

me, but I want yours

Friday haiku

 The carpenter's wife  

is joyous, as he's expert  

at the tongue in groove

Thursday haiku

 The chairman didn't  

like it very much when his  

meetings got tabled

Wednesday haiku

The chairman liked to  

go to the movies, as he  

loved to pick his seat

Tuesday haiku

 Today has been a  

clash of blue sky and dark rain  

clouds. I can relate.

Monday haiku

 You can tell the map  

is real old with the pictures  

of dragons on it

Weekend haiku

 Jesus tie-dyed for  

our sins.  C'mon, with that long  

hair, he's a hippie!  

-----------------------------------  

A little known fact  

of nature: Many camels  

smoke Pall Malls instead

Friday haiku

Work week over, I'm  

riding this ferry for the  

freedom to explore

Thursday haiku

 Riding the ferry  

across Puget Sound, taking  

in all its beauty 

Wednesday haiku

 Sometimes, I take the  

ferry just to see the world  

I live in anew

Tuesday haiku

I have found there is  

a fine line between hopeful  

and delusional

Monday haiku

 Colin Hay is still  

touring regularly as  

he's a working man

Weekend haiku

 The classified ads  

at the back of The Stranger  

remind me I'm bland  

--------------------------------  

Teddy Pendergrass  

was a singer, because he  

couldn't do stand-up

Friday haiku

She said she brought change,  

but despite my high hopes, our  

government remains

Thursday haiku

 Every time I see  

a cat, I want to ask, "What's  

New?"  Damn you, Tom Jones!

Wednesday haiku

Women envy the  

penis because they know most  

men don't use it right

Tuesday haiku

When you're a new dad,  

conversations change from sports  

to diapers and sleep

Monday haiku

The nun didn't like  

committing sins, but she did  

so out of habit

Weekend haiku

It's not the length  

of your penis that matters...  

I lie, it's the length  

-----------------------------  

The number of chefs  

can be detrimental to  

the broth's quality

Friday haiku

Curiosity  

is not beneficial to  

the health of the cat

Thursday haiku

She thought Bill might be  

stalking her, but knew it was  

just wishful thinking

Wednesday haiku

Although Billy is  

supposedly a genius,  

the printer scares him

Tuesday haiku

Sara is so pale,  

her tan is just a darker  

shade of translucent

Monday haiku

Sometimes, reality  

feels like the last crumbs in a  

potato chip bag

Weekend haiku

 She took a cat nap  

during her lunch break, but still  

woke up dog-tired  

--------------------------------------  

I bet she thinks I'm  

staring at her shy beauty.  

Well, maybe I am

Friday haiku

Don't bother Mama  

before her coffee, unless  

you want a timeout  

Thursday haiku

 Bob's big pick-up is  

overcompensation for  

his small bank account

Wednesday haiku

If you reference  

your dick size on a bumper  

sticker, it's tiny

Tuesday haiku

 The reappearance  

of the sun makes me squint and  

wonder where it's been

Monday haiku

 The reappearance  

of the sun makes my skin glow,  

almost translucent

Weekend haiku

The reappearance  

of the sun makes focusing  

on work much harder  

-------------------------------  

The reappearance  

of the sun reminds me I  

lost my sunglasses

Friday haiku

 Allie uses a  

special mud for her skin, while  

I just use plaster

Thursday haiku

 Reality is a  

lead balloon, not allowing  

any dreams to fly

Wednesday haiku

 I write haikus, since  

my ADHD makes it  

hard to finish a 

Tuesday Haiku

Bruce Lee had his Fists  

of Fury, while I have my  

Fists of Marshmallow 

Monday haiku

 Don't rock the vending  

machine as it prefers to  

listen to Smooth Jazz

Weekend haiku

Bill fell off of a  

twelve story building and lived!  

Bill is a pigeon  

---------------------------------------  

Don't rock the vending  

machine, as it prefers an    

Alan Jackson song

Friday haiku

Falling off a bike  

tends to be much better than  

falling on a bike

Thursday haiku

 Insurrection at  

the Capitol. While Trump cheers,  

I write this hi-coup

Wednesday haiku

 Falling apart is  

only slightly better than  

disintegrating 

Tuesday haiku

 He tried to write a  

haiku, but thought syllables  

were on a drum set

Monday haiku

He tried to write a  

haiku, but needed a friend  

to count to seven

Weekend haiku

 Some say Trump reads at  

a fifth grade level, which is  

cruel to fifth graders  

------------------------------------  

Two million Scoville  

is less a hot sauce, and more  

a colon blaster

Friday haiku

 Some say Trump can't read  

above a fifth grade level,  

which feels a bit high

Thursday haiku

Okay, now that we  

have that out of our system,  

we can move forward

Wednesday haiku

Wherever David  

Byrne travels, he asks himself,  

"How did I get here?"

Tuesday haiku

 Crosby, Stills and Nash  

are getting older because  

they cannot be Young

Monday haiku

Impeach the impeared,  

or he won't beleave the laws  

appley to him

Weekend haiku

He said he wanted  

to do something no other  

President had done  

-------------------------------------  

I just don't get Trump's  

definition of "winning".  

This feels like "losing".

Friday haiku

 You know you have messed  

up when you have been impeached  

more times than Nixon

Thursday haiku

 Batman is banned from  

forming a new team, as he  

should be just this league

Wednesday haiku

 The underwater  

restaurant was popular  

with scuba diners

Tuesday haiku

Jill, no longer a  

virgin, cried whenever she  

saw cherry blossoms

Monday haiku

When the bowlers went  

out two states over, they were  

way out of their league

Weekend haiku

 I asked her, "Should we  

explore the painted caves in  

France?" She said, "Lescaux!"  

-------------------------------------  

When E broke his foot,  

it was all because he had  

been F'n around

Friday haiku

 The only difference  

between Trump and Nero is  

Nero can fiddle

Thursday haiku

 When Trump's hoodlums stormed 

Congress, our democracy  

was also trampled

Wednesday haiku

 I promise, I will  

write you down, and respect you,  

if you do return

Tuesday haiku

 When she flies, she gets  

us closer to the sun than  

we could get ourselves

Monday haiku

Outside this door, a  

Saint Bernard puppy wills me  

to not be afraid

Weekend haiku

 It might be a new  

year, but last year's menacing  

shadow is still here  

-------------------------------------  

She's the type of girl  

who, without restrictions, hits  

the sky while in flight

Friday haiku

 All is quiet on  

New Year's Day, except for that  

guy Bono, singing