Friday haiku

Pastrytarian  

Bakery Church: Where it's our  

bread dough that's risen

Thursday haiku

Pastrytarian  

Bakery Church: Julia  

Child wrote our bible

Wednesday haiku

Pastrytarian  

Bakery Church: The only  

cross is on our buns

Tuesday haiku

Pastrytarian  

Bakery Church: We are the  

true Holy Rollers!

Monday haiku

Pastrytarian  

Bakery Church: We pray to  

a higher flour

Weekend haiku

Republicans tend  

to take everything, leaving  

Liberals what's left  

---------------------------------  

Pastrytarian  

Bakery Church: We know how  

to put buns in pews

Friday haiku

Republicans may  

not always be smart, but they  

are in their right mind

Thursday haiku

When traveling, I  

tend to find one of the best 

parts is coming home

Wednesday haiku

I didn't go to  

the new Louisville Slugger  

Factory: no balls

Tuesday haiku

Louisville Slugger  

Factory messed up by not  

installing swing doors

Monday haiku

This morning's walk in  

Louisville was better than  

a cup of coffee

Weekend haiku

Up before the sun,  

staring at the horizon  

my morning commute  

----------------------------  

Another day means  

another distillery.  

Hey, that's the spirit!

Friday haiku

Up before the sun,  

staring at the horizon,  

and wondering why

Thursday haiku

Up before the sun,  

staring at the horizon,  

waiting for this day

Wednesday haiku

Looking out over  

Louisville, I hope that it's  

looking out for me

Tuesday haiku

She said she was all  

ears, but used her mouth to say  

it, so that's not right

Monday haiku

She said she was all  

ears, but based on her outfit,  

there are other parts

Weekend haiku

When Jason Biggs made  

love to that baked good, would he  

be pie-sexual?  

------------------------------------------  

Heading to Detroit  

to spend time with a friend.  No,  

it's not Eminem.  

Friday haiku

Memorizing all  

those numbers after the three,  

I'm Pi-curious

Thursday haiku

I'd rather vote for  

the old guy than vote for a  

criminal liar

Wednesday haiku

Yes, experience  

matters for President, but  

these guys are just old

Tuesday haiku

Getting older, I  

find my body's less temple,  

more reclamation 

Monday haiku

I must admit my  

whisper can be louder than  

most people's shouting

Weekend haiku

"It's a marvelous  

night for a migraine" is not  

by Van Morrison  

-----------------------------------  

I'll be manning the  

non-electrified fort since  

they cut our power

Friday haiku

You've been banned to sing  

the music in your heart, as  

it's operatic

Thursday haiku

 Taking a break to  

recharge the batteries, I'll  

be back in one week

Wednesday haiku

It's okay for me  

to sing at events, as I'm  

not a fat lady

Tuesday haiku

Instead of walking  

in my shoes, she wants to wear  

my skin. Um...no thanks!

Monday haiku

 I'm no longer in  

mint condition, the box was  

opened long ago

Weekend haiku

I am no longer  

in mint condition, but she  

loves me just the same  

-------------------------------  

I'm no longer in  

mint condition, well played with,  

but my value's up

Friday haiku

Sometimes, collections  

of discordant noise can be  

music. Sometimes not.

Thursday haiku

Jesus loves you, but  

only because he has to.  

He thinks you're a dick!

Wednesday haiku

After six boxes,  

I claim these Girl Scout cookies  

are so NOT Thin Mints

Tuesday haiku

Those who have walked with  

you on life's long road may not  

reach the end with you

Monday haiku

Last week, I bought five  

boxes of Girl Scout cookies.  

I need Samoa!

Weekend haiku

In your driveway, you  

never want the medical  

examiner van  

-----------------------------  

With Trump found guilty  

of libel for millions, he's  

found out talk's not cheap

Friday haiku

The poem waits so  

patiently now for it's next  

chance to shine, to glow

Thursday haiku

A flock of black birds  

singing their loud songs, raising  

a crowcawphony

Wednesday haiku

All poets have a  

small bit of ink and graphite  

running through their veins

Tuesday haiku

Now at seventy-  

eight years old, I find it hard  

to call him Neil Young

Monday haiku

It feels like it's so  

easy to rile folks up now,  

which makes me angry

Weekend haiku

When you realize  

your scrotum and face are twins,  

you are truly old  

-----------------------------------  

The older we get,  

the less natural wood left.  

We shouldn't waste it!

Friday haiku

Sure, my wrinkles and  

gray hair show my true age, but  

inside I'm still twelve

Thursday haiku

How is it my friends  

keep getting older, while I  

haven't aged a day?

Wednesday haiku

 

Who is Marty Grass,  

and why do they celebrate  

him in New Orleans?

Tuesday haiku

There was a Super  

Bowl ad promoting Jesus.  

Holy commercial!

Monday haiku

I'm just saying Bill's  

had more big encounters with  

the Police than Sting

Weekend haiku

The rain creates a  

million windshield diamonds, while  

my pocket's empty  

-----------------------------------------------  

She sings about the  

rumors so truthfully, you  

can tell they are lies

Friday haiku

When the frog flashes  

you a peace sign, you should stop  

smoking lily pads

Thursday haiku

I have never seen  

Bigfoot, but I smelled him once  

and that's close enough

Wednesday haiku

At this moment, you  

are the youngest that you will  

ever be again

Tuesday haiku

Some watch the Super  

Bowl for the commercials, while  

I watch for halftime

Monday haiku

Watching the Super  

Bowl alone, no one can hear  

me yell at the refs

Weekend haiku

She asks me if she  

looks tired. There's no way I'm  

falling for that one  

----------------------------------------  

The restaurant is  

packed. I'm eating by myself.  

I pretend I'm not.

Friday haiku

In a restaurant  

by myself, which means I can  

order the dessert

Thursday haiku

In a restaurant  

by myself, which means there is  

no one to judge me

Wednesday haiku

 I wrote her five love  

poems!  Unfortunately,  

they were limericks.

Tuesday haiku

Sometimes a life comes  

into yours to remind you  

to keep on living

Monday haiku

When you wear your heart  

on your sleeve, somebody is  

going to steal it

Weekend haiku

Knowing when to let  

go sometimes means holding on  

tight, screaming, "Not yet!"  

---------------------------------------  

Pot smokers believe  

the Super Bowl shouldn't have  

artificial grass

Friday haiku

If I'm lucky, the  

words will stop flowing a week  

after I am gone

Thursday haiku

I've now been inside  

Bezos' Balls. They're quite large,  

lush and very warm

Wednesday haiku

How good the weather  

can all depend some days on  

which window I look

Tuesday haiku

Coworkers downsized,  

while I'm still here, the same size,  

though I feel smaller

Monday haiku

Microsoft Teams is  

down, so we'll communicate  

by phone, like cavemen

Weekend haiku

Instead of getting  

guardian angels, I need  

coordination  

-------------------------------  

Getting older may  

not be all great, but it beats  

the alternative

Friday haiku

 The lights flickering,  

reminding me I'm just one  

stiff breeze from darkness

Thursday haiku

 This song reminds me  

you're no longer here, you've left  

us.  I love this song!

Wednesday haiku

I have a scar in  

my eye, so my macula  

must be part pirate

Tuesday haiku

If I hear one more  

Mister Roger's joke, I'll hit  

you with my loafers

Monday haiku

In picking out my  

new pair of glasses, I find  

out I have been framed

Weekend haiku

My fingers and toes  

are numb. It's either cold, or  

please call the doctor  

-----------------------------------  

The sexy model  

in the cute glasses makes me  

rethink my contacts

Friday haiku

The bottom row of  

the vision chart spelled out, "U  

C A N T C"

Thursday haiku

At the eye doctor,  

they said I did well, and I  

was a good pupil 

Wednesday haiku

The duck doctor lost  

his practice quickly as folks  

said he was a quack

Tuesday haiku

A divine cup of  

coffee can make you feel like  

you just might survive

Monday haiku

Casino is the  

Indian word meaning, "Leave  

all your money here."

Weekend haiku

If someone says, "If  

that's what you want to do," don't  

do it. It's a trap!!  

---------------------------------------   

That strange noise late at  

night is just one of our cats.  

What else would it be?

Friday haiku

We are flexible.  

We have always done it this  

way and you should too!

Thursday haiku

Sometimes deciding  

what to wear to face the day  

just means pajamas

Wednesday haiku

Writing haiku in  

bed, trying not to get ink  

on the comforter

Tuesday haiku

There are mornings when  

rolling over or facing  

the day takes some thought

Monday haiku

I had a dream too,  

but I was naked in school,  

so his is better

Weekend haiku

Spider web covered  

in morning frost; she has caught  

a feast of dewdrops  

--------------------------------------  

A slow start to the  

morning means less daylight, but  

far more open eyes

Friday haiku

To escape the drugs  

that were killing him, they gave  

him drugs that killed him

Thursday haiku

I don't know where to  

begin, how to begin, so  

I'll start at the end

Wednesday haiku

Sometimes, words will play  

"You Can't Catch Me", and they are  

usually right

Tuesday haiku

She must be hungry  

because she's chewing her words  

before they escape

Monday haiku

Sinuses clogged, head  

full of wet cloth, I wonder  

when will I be well

Weekend haiku

The network had rules  

for PeeWee's skin color: Paul's  

Pallor Policy  

-----------------------------------  

She wouldn't describe  

"rizz", saying if we didn't  

know, then we had none

Friday haiku

Recognizing my  

insecurities somehow  

makes me more secure

Thursday haiku

I shouldn't blame you  

for breaking my heart, I did  

put it in your hands

Wednesday haiku

Resolutions are  

made January 1st, and  

broken weeks later

Tuesday haiku

New Year's Eve fireworks  

in a heavy fog, end up  

as just sound effects

Monday haiku

All is quiet on  

New Year's Day; well, all except  

for Bono singing