Monday's haiku

Keep your hand away
from Jan right before lunch, she
gets zombie hungry

Weekend haiku

She likes snow because
everyone always seems to
grumble about it 

------------------------------ 

It's okay to tell
everyone, except a bull,
that you have tight calves

Friday's haiku

Jill is such a mean
person, even when she waves,
it's kind of snarky

Thursday's haiku

It's hard to work the
word "prestidigitation"
into a haiku

Wednesday's haiku

Barbara Babcock's
brother began blubbering
about blueberries

Christmas haiku

I got coal in my
stocking, and like me, we're just
diamonds in training

Monday's haiku

Santa's helpers went
to the bookstore, in search of
the new elf-help book

Weekend haiku

The Twenty-Second
of December, Mayans wrong.
I better buy gifts

--------------------------------

Bill liked to wear his
Christmas t-shirt, "I'm like the
mistletoe, well hung"

Friday's haiku

She wears a scarf all
the time, not because she's cold,
she just hates her neck

Thursday's haiku

Snow, rain, wind, hail and
sunshine: just another Spring
day in Seattle

Wednesday's haiku

Golfing in the snow
doesn't bother Chris since he
bought neon golf balls

Tuesday's haiku

Daffodils topped with
snow confuses everyone
but the weatherman

Monday's haiku

Sometimes, around here,
a thin layer of high clouds,
for us, is blue sky

Weekend haiku

Around Jill, He felt
less Homo Sapien, more
Homo Erectus 

-------------------------- 

Around Jill, parts of
him felt both dead and alive
all at the same time

Friday's haiku

He'd be more discreet
watching girls pass, if he would
stop yelling, "Oh My!"

Thursday's haiku

Lunch is sitting so
heavy, my stomach needs a
much sturdier chair

Wednesday's haiku

The dentist's office
is the one place you should have
a cavity search

Tuesday's haiku

June may be busting
out all over, as she needs
a much better bra

Monday's haiku

Pounding the concrete
with his drunken fist, we knew
that Jack was hammered

Weekend haiku

He walks slow, like he's
doing Tai-Chi, except with
a destination 

---------------------------- 

Liz found out that her
interest rate is high, but
her interest low

Friday's haiku

Most writers agree,
we'd like pens more if the tops
tasted like cherries

Thursday;s haiku

While he did not pay
the prostitute well, he did
give her a big tip

Wednesday's haiku

Except at Christmas,
it is wrong to brag about
the size of your box

Tuesday's haiku

Most folks walk with a
purpose, but I prefer to
walk with a porpoise

Monday's haiku

She said she could use
a few more inches, so I
bought her a ruler

Weekend haiku

I'm not saying Sue's
face is oily, but there are
times it has a sheen 

---------------------------- 

Like an old building,
the front needs work, but you can
still enter 'round back

Friday's haiku

The doors creak rather
loudly because the springs are
quickly drying up

Thursday's haiku

We had just started
dating last week, so she still
had that new girl smell

Wednesday's haiku

The bowling alley
is the only place it's fine
to have ten pound balls

Tuesday's haiku

He likes bowling since
it's the one chance he gets to
knock down some rednecks

Monday's haiku

He drives his car so
fast, it seems to fly, as he's
an auto pilot

Weekend haiku

He's such a big fan
of stairs, he likes to be called
a flighty person 

---------------------------

The pilot only
flies expensive trips, as he
likes flights of fancy

Friday's haiku

On Thanksgiving, John
got into his locked house by
using his turkey

Thanksgiving haiku

I'm as stuffed as the
turkey, but luckily my
food entered my mouth

Wednesday's haiku

When the turkey told
us "Gobble Gobble", we did
just as we were asked

Tuesday's haiku

The gardener sprained
her thumb so badly, that now
it really is green

Monday's haiku

I seemed to have sprained
the tendon in my ankle.
It's Achilling me

Weekend haiku

The gravel, water
and ash soon were able to
cement their friendship 

--------------------------- 

All those who don't like
February 29th
are non-be-leapers

Friday's haiku

The whale hated his
new nickname of "Harpoon", but
he was stuck with it

Thursday's haiku

They wore matching coats
to make everyone else feel
completely left out

Wednesday's haiku

With his black, puffy
coat, Steve looked like Michelin
Man's evil brother

Tuesday's haiku

I slept just like a
baby, meaning I was up
alot and crying

Monday's haiku

The homeless man's fur
coat is gorgeous, but where did
all the squirrels go?

Weekend haiku

Her striped socks were a
combination of wicked
witch and prison wear 

------------------------- 

Don't accept a bag
from the man on the corner
if it is dripping

Friday's haiku

Raspberry, apple,
orange, banana. Sorry!
I felt a bit fruity

Thursday's haiku

Much like Samson, poor
Tiger Woods lost his strength when
they cut his harem

Wednesday's haiku

Who knew I could be
so happy to hear one man
say the word "Forward"?

Tuesday's haiku

Sesame Street taught
all of us how to count Mitt
Romney's fibs and lies

Monday's haiku

Your snotty nose may
never be president, but
it's in the running

Weekend haiku

Shena was so sick, when
she coughed, She'd dislocate her
nose and sprain her tongue 

-------------------------------- 

He lives under the
stairs, just like Harry Potter,
except he's a mouse

Friday's haiku

Shena was so sick, when
she coughed, tissues were removed
by a haz-mat team

Thursday's haiku

Shena was so sick, when
she coughed, the percussion knocked
crows out of the sky

Wednesday's haiku

Halloween is a
holiday that is sure to
pick your spirits up

Tuesday's haiku

Shena was so sick, when
she coughed, it sounded like a
blown out Jeep muffler

Monday's haiku

Shena was so sick, when
she coughed, people in the next
town would catch her cold

weekend haiku

Shena was so sick, when
she coughed, the bubonic plague
stayed away from her 

---------------------------------- 

Shena was so sick, when
she coughed, FEMA set up a
truck outside her house

Friday's haiku

Bill spent his entire
life collecting games, but he
didn't have a clue

Thursday's haiku

Everything sounds just
a bit better when said with
a Scottish accent

Wednesday's haiku

Chad chewed his pencil
as he was told by his boss
to get the lead out

Tuesday's haiku

Who knew bayonets
and horses could still be used
as deadly weapons?

Monday's haiku

No, braindead is not
on the list of why women
vote Republican

Weekend haiku

For the French, the real
question they must ask is "To
brie or not to brie" 

_________________

Bradley missed the mark
so badly, that he has put
the "q" in failure

Friday's haiku

The president and
the governer seem to be
master debaters

Thursday's haiku

Mitt has binders of
women, which could be just books
or large men with ropes

Wednesday's haiku

Mitt has binders of
women, which fits, as he wants
to bind their rights too

Tuesday's haiku

Like the finest grade
of sandpaper, over time,
life will wear you down

Monday's haiku

You can only use
the word "yo" if it's followed
by another "yo"

Weekend haiku

In the cold, brackish
sea of civilization,
John's a bad swimmer 

-------------------------- 

Bill spilled the large jug
of water down his legs, thus
carafing his pants

Friday's haiku

He only wore his
hat in the dark, making it
a perfect night cap

Thursday's haiku

In this election,
who knew that our biggest threat
is a yellow bird

Wednesday's haiku

In the cold, brackish
sea of civilization,
Joey is a shark

Tuesday's haiku

Liz has been a much 
more outstanding person since
she broke her tailbone

Monday's haiku

In February,
the sunshine warms you through the
fleece and wool sweaters

Weekend haiku

My cholesterol
levels prove that I don't have
any good in me 

------------------------------- 

At work, I put out
so many fires, I need
an extinguisher

Friday's haiku

A close football game's
good for everyone, except
the coach's ulcer

Thursday's haiku

Everyone leaves at
some point, but it's never been
any easier

Wednesday's haiku

For presidential
debates, you may get replies,
but never answers

Tuesday's haiku

My intestinal
strife is from stress, lunch, or the
thing from "Alien"

Monday's haiku

I can't consider
you as a co-worker if
you're never working

Weekend haiku

Almost daily now,
my positive ions get
negatively charged 

------------------------ 

The giraffe may not
be a very good kisser,
but he loves to neck

Friday's haiku

I guess they're called bangs
for the way that her hair shoots
off of her forehead

Thursday's haiku

She starightened her hair,
losing the only lift, curl
and bounce in her life

Wednesday's haiku

Her lies fill the room,
suffocating the truth, like
a dollar perfume

Tuesday's haiku

Her promises are
gone before the words have been
finished being heard

Monday's haiku

Her promises are
like cotton candy, melting
away in her mouth

Weekend haiku

It's raining and I'd
share my umbrella, but I
don't like you that much 

------------------------------- 

She spent over an
hour grumbling about a
job she rarely does

Friday's haiku

My buoyant balloon
cannot continue to soar
with all of these weights

Thursday's haiku

The paint was never
freezing as he was always
wearing many coats

Wednesday's haiku

The metal fencing
for the ranch wasn't bent, it
was corral-gated

Tuesday's haiku

Ironically, the
dentist bought sweets to reward
patients for brushing

Monday's haiku

The fabric on Ms.
Spelling's monument was a
statue Tori cape

Weekend haiku

Since I write almost
everyday, how can I
always be so wrong 

----------------------- 

The belly button
fuzz wasn't merely real good,
it was excel-lint

Friday's haiku

Woven containers
holding all your fishing gear
are bass kit baskets

Thursday's haiku

The flower basket
had no aroma, but it
had a nice bouquet

Wednesday's haiku

Monuments for what
you can't do are all statues
of limitations

Tuesday's haiku

The evil statue
may not be golden, but it
is covered in guilt

Monday's haiku

The earthquake may cause
lots of problems and such, but
this was not his fault

Weekend haiku

The earthquake liked to
just drink martinis that were
shaken and not stirred 

--------------------------- 

The earthquake was thin,
so he never seemed to mind
getting on the scale

Friday's haiku

She's so pregnant, her
stomach arrives at least ten
minutes before her

Thursday's haiku

Belly dancing made
her ill, as she didn't have
the stomach for it

Wednesday's haiku

The belly dancer
turned the entire crowd into
all navel gazers

Tuesday's haiku

The silent movie
isn't quick, but it's faster
than the speed of sound

Monday's haiku

The silent movie
was so amazing, it left
everyone speechless

Weekend Haiku

Terry liked the robe,
as it was soft, warm, blue
and made from his cloth 

----------------------------- 

His beard is wild and
unkempt, and while not scary,
it is hair-raising

Friday's haiku

Compliments on a
beard grown due to losing a
bet are not as nice

Thursday's haiku

A flock of robins
search the yard, all wishing they'd
got here earlier

Wednesday's haiku

That girl is moving
so fast, her legs are blurry,
or it's my glasses

Tuesday's haiku

A short interview
about my photos, which aren't
worth a thousand words

Monday's haiku

Since she hadn't grabbed
any napkins, she knew she
was likely to spill

Weekend Haiku

For Odessa's cult,
every member has to
adopt a black cat 

------------------------ 

For Odessa's cult,
you do not choose the cult, as
the cult chooses you

Friday's haiku

For Odessa's cult,
you don't have to drink any
Kool-aid, just the beer

Thursday's haiku

They go to lunch in
a pack, always on the hunt
for somewhere to sit

Wednesday's haiku

Surrounded by men,
she was pretty sure she had
the least facial hair

Tuesday's haiku

They hung on each word
she spoke, yet she really did
not have much to say

Monday's haiku

Surrounded by men,
she was calm, knowing they would
not judge her outfit

Weekend haiku

Surrounded by men,
she felt an overwhelming
urge to perform now 

--------------------------- 

Her high heels may make
her legs look great, but her feet
felt just terrible

Friday's haiku

The Tea Party's main
problem is no real focus
on tea or parties

Thursday's haiku

Republicans hate
Nascar, as they don't like things
that always turn left

Wednesday's haiku

Is it possible
to get a contact high from
singing "Smoke Two Joints"?

Tuesday's haiku

Unscented candles
are fine ideas, but they
make no scents to me

Monday's haiku

I'd be much more for
diversity, if they could
all be more like me

Weekend haiku

Without power for
five days, she's running out of
patience and clean clothes 

--------------------------------- 

Without power for
five days, darkness loses all
of it's novelty

Friday's haiku

When the ice melts, it
always stays in the one place
you wish it wouldn't

Thursday's haiku

Disappointed, Bill
had braved the storm, as he'd heard,
"It's a free dog night"

Wednesday's haiku

It was a three dog
night, and we were cold, as we
only had two cats

Tuesday's haiku

The dog was scared, as
he'd misheard her say she'd bought
him some nice warm fleece

Monday's haiku

The puffy coats come
out each Fall, so everyone
looks more muscular

Weekend haiku

He said he would trip
to give me something to write,
but he's just clumsy 

----------------------------- 

His girlfriend is quite
beautiful, but she would be
prettier with me

Friday's haiku

The eyes of the cat
picture on her wall follow
me as if they know

Thursday's haiku

Heat waves emanate
from the stove, so the wall looks
like watercolor

Wednesday's haiku

They laugh at our fear
of a bit of snow, while we
chuckle at their rain

Tuesday's haiku

He'd talked so long, his
dinner got cold, but it was
salad, so it's fine

Monday's haiku

The item may have
been free, but there's always a
cost to owning it

Weekend haiku

For Trudy, multi-
tasking is looking good while
treating men like dirt 

---------------------------- 

Every year, month,
week, day and second are gifts.
Enjoy your presence

Friday's haiku

New Yorkers believe
that wherever you are from
just isn't as nice

Thursday's haiku

Nymphomaniacs
spend their whole lives willing to
give a piece a chance

Wednesday's haiku

After sex, the male
praying mantis is killed, which
sure beats cuddling

Tuesday's haiku

A female praying
mantis has the kindness to
not let him suffer

Monday's haiku

A true gentleman
doesn't ask her age, weight, or
why she's such a bitch

Weekend haiku

If life is a box
of chocolates, I should be
done with all the nuts 

----------------------------- 

If life is a box
of chocolates, I'm ready
to taste the creams now

Friday's haiku

With all of Jerry's
split personalities, he's
a full crowd of one

Thursday's haiku

Chad would consider
group travel, but he doesn't
like other people

Wednesday's haiku

For Lisa, camping
is a hotel that's just a
four star property

Tuesday's haiku

For Lisa, camping
is a hotel without room
service or valet

Monday's haiku

She'll kill you with a
quip or a bullet, she's the
sassy assassin

Weekend haiku

Arguing with Sue
is like washing dirty cars
in a hurricane 

------------------------------ 
She is so upbeat,
it's either just fake, or it's
chemically based

Friday's haiku

That girl is like a
cornstalk: tall, skinny and she
has really big ears

Thursday's haiku

I am so tired,
the word "Michelin" is now
tattooed on my butt

Wednesday's haiku

She doesn't know that
I exist, which is fine since
I created her

Tuesday's haiku

A used tissue may
not be evil, but it has
likely been snotty

Monday haiku

A rolling stone does
not gather moss, as Keith most
likely would smoke it

Weekend haiku

The denim wasn't
sad, per se, but it was most
definitely blue 

------------------------------------ 

When the coffee cup
spilled, the coffee didn't burn him,
as it was hot tea

Friday's haiku

His idea of
dressing up was to put on
a pair of new jeans

Thursday's haiku

She played the guitar
because she found pianos
were too darn heavy

Wednesday's haiku

Yes, the flag may be
faded, but it's still flying
high, and that's what counts

Tuesday's haiku

She brought her guitar
in just in the hopes that they
might ask her to sing

Monday's haiku

The gentlemen's club
is perfectly located
in the new strip mall

Weekend haiku

That Kansas girl is
so mean and cruel, she put the
witch in Wichita 

________________________ 

Since the Mayans say
the world ends soon, I'll wait on
a new calendar

Friday's haiku

She has a drinking
problem; even with a straw,
she can't find her mouth

Thursday's haiku

Though she's Irish, her
Indian name is "Thunder
on the Horizon"

Wednesday's haiku

She had so many
pennies, she had to put wheels
on her piggy bank

Tuesday's haiku

You can't take pictures
of the positive man, as
there's no negative

Monday's haiku

Below sea level,
it just seems wrong to call this
wide road a highway

Weekend haiku

Sometimes brilliance takes
a day off, deserting me,
and so I write this 

--------------------------- 

Waiting for a book
for a friend, when it arrives,
I can just page him

Friday's haiku

James Dean didn't have
a drug problem, but he had
a speed addiction

Thursday's haiku

She gives her burgers
men's names, so she can tell her
friends she ate Jerry

Wednesday's haiku

She gives her burgers
men's names because it makes them
more fun to consume

Tuesday's haiku

She licked her lips with
each bite because it was weird
to have Bill lick them

Monday's haiku

My attention span
has grown so scattered and so
darn short that I can't...

Weekend haiku

She rode the red bike
inside the office because
her skates were broken 

----------------------------- 

She rode the red bike
inside the office because
she hated traffic

Friday's haiku

Spongebob should really
be asking if those brown pants
make his butt look square

Thursday's haiku

The older I get,
the more my references
keep drawing blank stares

Wednesday's haiku

I was not shocked the
new black hole discovery
was my ex-wife's place

Tuesday's haiku

Carl wore a red coat
during hunting season, which
is smart for a bear

Monday's haiku

Kent does everything
with confidence, and I just
can't imagine why

Weekend haiku

The braces may fix
her teeth, her smile, but she will
always be crooked 

---------------------------------------- 

A good beer is the
only time a guy will request
a little less head

Friday's haiku

Fridays feel so good,
the other days of the week
must get real jealous

Thursday's haiku

Her loss will be felt
the rest of my days, leaving
me a bit less whole

Wednesday's haiku

Stranger stares at me,
worries I'm writing about
her, and she'd be right

Tuesday's haiku

Killing time is much
harder to accomplish well
without something sharp

Monday's haiku

Joan complimented
Sue on her lovely vest, which
she was wearing too

Weekend Haiku

He promised her he
would dance on her grave, so she
was buried at sea 

________________________ 

Leafblowers are loud,
ineffective, and really
just a rich man's rake

Friday Haiku

It would be cool if
Dolly Parton's area
code was (925)

Thursday's Haiku

Walking together,
these five friends look like a boy
band ten years later

Wednesday's Haiku

When a co-worker
sneezes, and Jill says, "Bless you!",
she really means it

Tuesday's Haiku

She loves her brand new
hairdo, but it looks like a
swarm of angry bees

Monday Haiku

She didn't like when
people touched her cashmere, since
it would then be felt

Weekend Haiku

The Dolly Parton
look-a-like wore black, mourning
that she broke a nail 

________________________ 

The Dolly Parton
look-a-like wore black, wishing
she was Johnny Cash

Friday's haiku

The bearded farmers
were friends, sharing a love for
cows, sheep and goatees

Thursday's haiku

Frogs don't like driving
because, if the cars stalls, they
just hate getting towed

Wednesday's haiku

He's got enough ink
on his arms that the Sunday
Comics are jealous

Tuesday's haiku

She darkened her hair,
no longer blonde, as she was
having too much fun

Monday's Haiku

She looked like Dolly
Parton's sister, except on
a smaller budget

Weekend Haiku

She wanted snow so
badly, she painted some snow
flakes on her glasses 

_____________________ 

She wanted snow so
badly, she obviously had
a test the next day

Friday's Haiku

Drinking whiskey's like
the sea, the rougher it is,
the sicker you'll be

Thursday's Haiku

His salad bowl's so
big, they think it was made by
an asteroid strike

Wednesday's Haiku

His salad bowl's so
big, houses around it have
beach front property

Tuesday's Haiku

His salad bowl's so
big, astronauts point it out
from deep outer space

Monday's Haiku

His salad bowl's so
big, the salad dressing has
an area code

Weekend Haiku

His salad bowl's so
big, it is designated
as a reservoir 

------------------------- 

His salad bowl's so
big, it's gravitational
pull affects the tides

Friday's Haiku

His salad bowl's so
big, he lets cows and sheep graze
in there on weekends

Thursday's Haiku

His salad bowl's so
big, a steak on top would look
like a bacon bit

Wednesday's Haiku

His salad bowl's so
big, I heard that an eagle
built a nest in it

Tuesday's Haiku

His salad bowl's so
big, I spent a day trying
to find a drain plug

Monday's Haiku

His salad bowl's so
big, it can be used for a
fat giant's haircut

Weekend Haiku

Knowing that muscles
degrade without use, Bill's brain
must have atrophied 

-------------------------------------- 

His salad bowl's so
big, he could easily wash
a baby in it

Friday's Haiku

Bill would like to give
you a piece of his mind, but
there's not that much left

Thursday's Haiku

Bill hates having a
cold because when he sneezes,
he hears the echo

Wednesday's Haiku

Bill hates loud noises
as they reverberate a
while inside his head

Tuesday's Haiku

If a zombie did
attack Bill, he'd have nothing
much to offer it

Monday's Haiku

The last leaf clings to
the branch, stubbornly fighting
fate and gravity

Weekend Haiku

She's excited for
the ten percent chance of snow,
while I wish for rain 

------------------------------------- 

November's colors
are slowly fading into
winter's monochrome

Friday's Haiku

Just when we think we're
in total control, Mother
Nature reminds us

Thursday's Haiku

The photo captured
her glowing grin before it
was no longer there

Wednesday's Haiku

Watching her walk, her
ass sways in rhythm like a
perfect pendulum

Tuesday's Haiku

Personalities
cannot be disguised by hair,
clothing or makeup

Monday's Haiku

Food poisoning makes
you think about what you eat
more than a diet

Weekend Haiku

She wanted to know
if her portfolio made
her assets look big 

------------------------ 

She only dances
when she drinks, so she will not
remember dancing

Friday's Haiku

Raindrops target Fall
leaves on their way down, wanting
to not be alone

Thursday's Haiku

Without Levon, how
will we be able to keep
the rhythm again?

Wednesday's Haiku

He took a break from
his break, as he needed a
break, or he'd be fixed

Tuesday's Haiku

His stomach hurt, which
meant he was nervous, or he'd
been poisoned again

Monday's Haiku

They said they were not
pay toilets, but they were for
customers only

Weekend Haiku's

Her boots, while they fit
her feet just fine, didn't fit
her as a person 

--------------------------------- 

The bathroom's were for
customers only, so she
bought a small cookie

Friday Haiku

In turning over
a new leaf, I just found the
old leaf's underside

Thursday's Haiku

New Year's Eve is the
last chance to do something you
can blame on last year

Wednesday's Haiku

The dung beetle was
pleased as his boss said that he'd
done excrement work

Tuesday's Haiku

I would enjoy eye
contact if I didn't have
to see people's souls

Monday's Haiku

Brackish, Coppery,
Silt, Standing and Mud are bad
bottled water names

Weekend Haiku's

In the cold, he yelled
up at the goose flying North,
"That's the wrong way, Dude!" 

------------------------------------ 

Gelatinous goo,
shoe leather and glue are bad
dinner descriptions

Friday Haiku

Not wanting to be
late, excited for my massage,
I arrived oily

Thursday's Haiku

Her over-sized, long
jacket may not be slimming,
but it hides her hips

Wednesday's Haiku

Her comfort zone is
growing, but will never be
big enough for Tim

Tuesday's Haiku

Food in your teeth looks
funny, but it's a great way
to save tasty snacks

Monday's Haiku

Her personal space
bubble is near five feet across,
ten around people

Weekend Haiku's

The geeks turn off all
the lights, so they can play their
games in the dorkness 

----------------------------------- 

While we only see
it shine, the nerd half is the
dork side of the moon

Friday Haiku

She wears bright colors
to scare away clouds, and find
her clothes in the dark

Thursday's Haiku

Though I can write on
any subject, I didn't
say I did it well

Wednesday Haiku

A man who is ruled
by his penis is under
a dictatorship

Tuesday's Haiku

Occupy Wall Street's
odds of changing much are just
ninety nine to one

Monday's Haiku

Occupy Wall Street
was a protest all about
the percentages

Weekend Haiku's

Scotlanders like to
punch redwood trees to prove the
barks soft and they're not 

------------------------------------- 

Unanimously
they voted "yes" just to prove
that it could be done

Friday Haiku

Though not a baseball
player, when I was bad, Dad
was a switch hitter

Thursday's Haiku

The bisexual
baseball player was also
a good switch hitter

Wednesday's Haiku

Since her body was
missing, our entire day on
the lake was a drag

Tuesday's Haiku

The trees turning orange
and red are just showing off
to the evergreens

Monday's Haiku

I got a flu shot
because I was on a plane
earlier this year

Weekend Haiku's

It works! I get a
flu shot every year and
then I get the flu 

---------------------------- 

I get a flu shot
every year and then start
craving deviled eggs

Friday's Haiku

He calls me friend, though
we've never met, and his tone
is far from friendly

Thursday's Haiku

If he could draw half
of what's in his head, no one
would talk to Michael

Wednesday's Haiku

Billy's personal
poison was starting to taint
the entire well

Tuesday's Haiku

With the old prison
uniforms, horizontal
stripes were not slimming

Monday's Haiku

The pitch of her voice
rose so high, only the dogs
could hear her story

Weekend Haiku's

When all you hear is
the word "no", a "yes" can be
like buried treasure 

------------------------------------ 

Together, muscles
in the rhythm of taut, slack,
taut; maybe this time

Friday's Haiku

On Halloween, you
can be, or bed, a slutty
Catholic schoolgirl

Thursday's Haiku

The seats were so close,
those bigger than five two were
kissing their own knees

Wednesday's Haiku

Chandelier's image
in the mirror brought out the
phantom's evil twin

Tuesday's Haiku

All the hair from his
head migrated to his back,
shoulders, butt and ears

Monday's Haiku

When she said he'd lost
his marbles, he laughed, since they
were in a drawer

Weekend Haiku's

A good Jazz swing band
has the skills to even get
your kidneys dancing 

----------------------------- 

He may have lost his
hair, health and looks, but he still
has all his marbles

Friday's Haiku

A good laugh, if not
the best medicine, at least
beats an aspirin

Thursday's Haiku

Since I was sick, I
took Mom's advice and watched the
Marx Brothers' "Duck Soup"

Wednesday's Haiku

Bill, it can't be a
guilty pleasure if you are
proud to admit it

Tuesday's Haiku

She loved his beard as
it made him more distinguished
and tickled her thighs

Monday's Haiku

His beard is less "not
wanting to shave," and more "I
really hate my chin"

Weekend Haiku's

With low cut top and
short skirt, when she moves, she gives
everyone a show 

------------------------------------------------ 

I'm always late for
lunch as my stomach doesn't 
like to wear a watch

Friday Haiku

Appreciation
and prestidigitation
are rare haiku words

Thursday's Haiku

Being big, I know spare
tires, except on cars, aren't
appreciated

Wednesday's Haiku

A lukewarm day will
be best appreciated
by someone named Luke

Tuesday's Haiku

Sunshine taunts me with
the knowledge that my lunch break
is almost over

Monday's Haiku

Democracy's great,
as dictatorships don't get
President's Day off

Weekend Haiku's

Each Monday morning,
I question why I couldn't
have been born wealthy 

------------------------ 

Without a filter,
I'd say whatever I want
and I'd have no friends

Friday Haiku

Just like most people,
I get more done in my dreams
than I do all day

Thursday's Haiku

When Duane appears, the
sun goes behind the clouds, not
wanting to compete

Wednesday's Haiku

Nothing's more manly
than football, beer, chips, dip and
kittens in your lap

Tuesday's Haiku

Your valentine is
the one person you always
have a heart on for

Monday's Haiku

The last thing to go
through the suicidal man's
mind was the bullet

Weekend Haiku's

Half of my heart has
a big hole in it, while the
other half is whole 

---------------------- 

With all the horses
in town, our McDonalds has
a trot-thru window

Friday's Haiku

Crazy Odessa's
House of Gear, with merchandise
as hot as she is

Thursday's Haiku

The salmon wasn't
shocked by his party, knowing
something was fishy

Wednesday's Haiku

She bought expensive
gifts for her own birthday, to
try and raise the bar

Tuesday's Haiku

The bald man likes to
watch scary films, hoping for
a hair-raising time

Monday's Haiku

These empty pages
stare back at me, blankly, with
the whites and their lines

Weekend Haiku

Summer may not be
over, but he's near the cliff,
ready for the fall 

---------------------------------

Cheering the Giants
in this year's Super Bowl is
un-Patriotic

Go Giants!!

Friday Haiku

When the sun sets, the
princess says it is time for
the knight to begin

Thursday's Haiku

Her tears were just the
lubricant his angry heart
needed to survive

Wednesday's Haiku

Almost daily now,
my positive ions get
negatively charged

Tuesday's Haiku

Delayed by over
an hour, fashionably
late became cold food

Monday's Haiku

The church tower hates
bats because they really scare
the bell out of him

Weekend Haiku's

Car stereos seem
to only blast the music
you don't want to hear 

--------------------------- 

The divorced door-to-
door salesman's wife bought a "No
Soliciting" sign

Friday Haiku

Darkness is only
really scary if you don't
have an inner light

Thursday's Haiku

I-pods are just a
nice way to say, "I don't want
to talk with you, jerk!"

Wednesday's Haiku

His ugly neon
neckwear is an example
of the ties that blind

Tuesday's Haiku

She says I need a
cellphone for emergencies;
like they're used for that

Monday's Haiku

People watching works
best for those with strong stomachs
and a quiet laugh

Weekend Haiku

This northern most point
is where the tracks end; when you
leave, it all goes south 

---------------------------------- 

I can't be upset
when she says she's late, unless
she doesn't mean time

Friday Haiku

Looking down the tracks
to the horizon, no sign
of life coming here

Thursday's Haiku

She missed her train, so
the rest of her evening
would now be off track

Wednesday's Haiku

Her prediction of
snow is coming true, just off
by about two months

Tuesday's Haiku

"That jail food don't feed
you right," he said, but his gut
sure looked plenty full

Monday's Haiku

She says she wants to
draw my poetry up, but
who wants to see that?

Weekend Haiku's

Computers are like
sex: the hard drives are better
than a floppy disc 

---------------------------- 

You only pay rapt
attention to a pebble
when it's in your shoe

Friday Haiku

Technology is
man's greatest creation, and
then it stops working

Thursday's Haiku

The "librarian
look" her glasses create is
weird, as she hates books

Wednesday's Haiku

She only likes "Star
Wars" because geeky boys do,
and she likes the nerds

Tuesday's Haiku

When she said, "I don't
think my parents ever had
sex," she miscounted

Monday's Haiku

Justin's engaged to
a great woman, we wonder,
"What was she thinking?"

Weekend Haiku's

At the buffet, the
pizza disappeared before
the salad and quiche 

---------------------------- 

We celebrated
Justin's engagement with food,
like a last supper

Friday's Haiku

Pizza becomes far
less Italian when you put
pineapple on it

Thursday's Haiku

She'd wear her heart on
her sleeve, but she's found that it
clashes with her shoes

Wednesday's Haiku

She wears her heart on
her sleeve, and then goes home with
someone else's coat

Tuesday's Haiku

I'm sorry Dan, it's
not really depression if
you're enjoying it

Monday's Haiku

Some people suffer
from depression, while others
are okay with it