Tuesday's haiku

My resolution
is not repeating what I
did last New Year's Eve

Monday's haiku

Sitting alone here
makes me wish I was able
to sit over there

Weekend haiku

I embrace sunshine
anytime I can, knowing
the rains are coming 

------------------------ 

Preferring shade to
sunshine is like wanting the
cone more than ice cream

Friday's haiku

She was so happy
to see me, she clapped; most do
that after I leave

Thursday's haiku

Nectarines are God's
way of giving humans a
chance to taste the sun

Christmas haiku

Christmas is the time
to say "I love you" and "Hey,
where's all my presents?"

Tuesday's haiku

Though jolly, Santa
has very few real friends, as
he keeps to his elf

Monday's haiku

Sue would throw her weight
around more, but she would need
to have stronger arms

Weekend haiku

Up in a hot air
balloon is the wrong time to
find you dislike heights 

--------------------------- 

Up in a hot air
balloon is the wrong time to
find you have to pee

Friday's haiku

Though temporary,
flowers were perfect symbols
of Curt's love for Gayle

Thursday's haiku

I drank so much beer
that when I peed, it smelled just
like a Budweiser

Wednesday's haiku

The farthest distance
is the next rest stop when you
really have to pee

Tuesday's haiku

Literally, the
most misused word out right now
is literally

Monday's haiku

The Dole truck returned
back home empty. It was a
fruitless endeavor

Weekend haiku

Though my vacation
starts in three days, it feels more
like a year away 

---------------------------------- 

They ride their longboards
during their lunch break because
breakfast's too early

Friday's haiku

From Snoop Dogg to Snoop
Lion, someone needs to teach
him biology

Thursday's haiku

I'm up, the sun's up,
where is everybody else
and where's my breakfast?

Wednesday's haiku

Like God's spotlight, the
sun shines in your face, asking,
"Where were you last night?"

Tuesday's haiku

As he reels in yet
another wet line, he's told
about last week's catch

Monday's haiku

In the solitude
of morning, he hopes last night's
almost forgotten

Weekend haiku

With a name like the
Doobie Brothers, you'd expect
free joints at their shows 

---------------------------- 

When we legalize
pot, Snoop Dogg will disappear
in a puff of smoke

Friday's haiku

I prefer quiet
over crowd noise, though the din
makes silence nicer

Thursday's haiku

They complain that it's
hot, They complain it's cold.  I
complain about them.

Wednesday's haiku

He said he had lost
ninety five pounds recently.
I asked, "Where's your wife?"

Tuesday's haiku

Diving deep into
Donna's double D's, I most
delightedly drown

Monday's haiku

"I'm your penis, I'm
your fire, and your desire," so
sorry Shocking Blue

weekend haiku

Asking for the white
meat at Thanksgiving does not
make you a racist 

------------------------------ 

Preferring just the
white meat does not make you a
racist.  The hood does.

Frriday's haiku

Thanksgiving is the
one day a year it's not rude
to be a breast man

Thursday's haiku

Thanksgiving is the
one day a year I hate to
be called a turkey

Wednesday's haiku

I love the drug in
turkey that makes you sleep.  I'm
a tryptophan fan

Tuesday's haiku

The morning is fine,
morning is good, so please don't
waste the morning wood

Monday's haiku

Billy's dancing style
looks like someone walked into
a large spiderweb

Weekend Haiku

I am so tired,
I find myself envying
Rip Van Winkle's life 

--------------------------- 

The author of "The
Joy of Fishing" must be a
big, fat liarhead

Friday's haiku

With all the noise in
the lunch room, I wonder if
anyone's eating

Thursday's haiku

My life flashed before
my eyes, but all the highlights
were on tape delay

Wednesday's haiku

Why am I inside
when it is so beautiful
outside?  Oh yeah, work.

Tuesday's haiku

She wore green, which was
weird as it was the other
girls who were jealous

Monday's haiku

Jill had lost at love,
as she didn't realize
there's a point system

weekend haiku

"Just like old times" takes
on a whole new meaning once
you turn sixty-five 

------------------------------ 

I'm glad we didn't
have to draw straws as I'm a
terrible artist

Friday's haiku

Whoever said you
can't go home again hasn't
tried to escape one

Thursday's haiku

I love her so much,
I hate to see her go, but
like to watch her come

Wednesday's haiku

Just when I catch up
on all of my work, someone
gives me some of theirs

Tuesday's haiku

Being Tom Cruise's
daughter means always having
to say you're Suri

Monday's haiku

My beard wasn't good
enough to win an award,
but she sure likes it

Weekend haiku

Buying a house at
the base of a hill means you
can only move up 

------------------------------- 

Dream lover's gone,
escaped with morning's alarm
to love another

Friday's haiku

Our cat meows like
a rooster, and that's not a
cock and mew story

Thursday's haiku

Guys don't make passes
at girls who wear glasses just
haven't met Judy

Wednesday's haiku

Since she would be gone,
I took a mental picture,
clothing optional

Tuesday's haiku

Sorry, Senator,
you misheard me, I asked how
your election was

Monday's haiku

You know you've done it
when a child you've never met
gives you the stink eye

Weekend haiku

Edward Pull's mother
loved him so, and he her, and
she called him Eddie 

------------------------------- 

Carl still thinks he's so
youthful, though he is wearing
a diaper again

Friday's haiku

I thought we were friends,
could trust each other, then you
told me otherwise

Thursday's haiku

Kristen's voice is so
sharp, it could cut through the roar
of a jet engine

Wednesday's haiku

On hot summer days
like this, I start to believe
I'm solar powered 

Tuesday's haiku

These moments, lying
in the sun, make the rest of
the day possible

Monday's haiku

The hem of her skirt
is like an invitation
you just can't accept

Weekend haiku

Yep, it's official.
Not even Tabasco can
spice up this summer 

------------------------- 

Jeff wore a "Baby
on Board" blue t-shirt, because
of his inner child

Friday's haiku

I'm not saying her
legs are white, just fluorescent
and iridescent

Thursday's haiku

She hadn't loved a
man in so long, she'd forgot
how messy it is

Wednesday's haiku

She hadn't loved a
man in so long, she'd forgot
if she had liked it

Tuesday's haiku

For charity, some
are willing to go all in,
I go to my chin

Monday's haiku

When she smiles at John,
it makes him a better man,
but not good enough

Weekend haiku

The devil may be
sailing to Greece, but Jesus
is just fine walking 

------------------------------ 

Jill's smile follows me
everywhere, which makes sense, as
she is my stalker

Friday's haiku

A side effect of
full mastectomies is long
term mammary loss

Thursday's haiku

A plate of tater
tots are barrels of golden
goodness just for me

Wednesday's haiku

"No Honey, it's not
called vodka, it's Mommy's make
it through the day juice"

Tuesday's haiku

For Joel, every
day was a hump day as he
was born a camel

Monday's haiku

She may not be a
psychic, as her crystal ball
had three finger holes

Weekend haiku

"It's the busy time
of the year" now seems to last
almost all twelve months 

--------------------------------- 

She quit working at
the psychic hotline, seeing
no future in it

Friday's haiku

The longest muscle
may be in her back, but the
strongest is Sue's mouth

Thursday's haiku

The sliced pancreas
hated being ignored, like
he was chopped liver

Wednesday's haiku

Food bought directly
from the store shouldn't look like
I've had it six months

Tuesday's haiku

She said she loved my
brown socks, which was weird, as they
had started out blue

Monday's haiku

She said she loved my
brown socks, which was weird, as I
wasn't wearing socks

Weekend haiku

I like shoes, but I'm
starting to believe that all
flip-flops are evil 

--------------------------- 

It's wrong that "There's a
Monster at The End of This
Book" is still my fave

Friday's haiku

My name gets confused
with a football player's, but
I'm less athletic

Thursday's haiku

John spends so little
time at his desk, he's forgot
what building it's in

Wednesday's haiku

It's ironic Bill's
the life of the party since
he's a mortician

Tuesday's haiku

Whatever you might
think of him, Andy is gay
all possible ways

Monday's haiku

Jean wasn't a thief
of hearts, she gave them back once
she had destroyed them

Weekend haiku

The politician
may speak English, but it's a
different language 

--------------------------- 

His ponytail is
not out of place, since David
is a horse's ass

Friday's haiku

I just wanted to
hear what the politician
didn't want to say

Thursday's haiku

While some women break
men's hearts, Kelly pretends they're
fleshy pinatas

Wednesday's haiku

On her date, she tried
to make a joke, but he had
left his laugh at home

Tuesday's haiku

She believes dating
is the torture one endures
to find happiness

Monday's haiku

Immature, or too
mature, why can't she find one
guy who acts her age?

Weekend haiku

The big hairy guy
with the Marshall t-shirt just
looks totally amped 

---------------------------- 

Her date's idea
of having fun was working
on next year's taxes

Friday's haiku

I know it's cloudy,
but I'm sitting outside, this
may be our summer

Thursday's haiku

So when life throws you
lemons, just be glad it's not
rotten tomatoes

Wednesday's haiku

So when life throws you
lemons, she's just helping you
from getting scurvy

Tuesday's haiku

Being married at
the meat market, we felt like
vegetarians

Monday's haiku

The businessman
removes his jacket only
whenever he can

Weekend haiku

John wears a cape, not
because he's a hero, he
just looks good in it 

------------------------- 

That skinny girl with
the afro looks just like a
curly-haired dahlia

Friday's haiku

If the thunder clouds
are so dark, then why do they
always bring lightning?

Thursday's haiku

The train's whistle warns
you it's coming, or laughs at
you for missing it

Wednesday's haiku

Head tilted back, drool
on her chin, snoring softy,
she says she's awake

Tuesday's haiku

This has been one of
those days that's so bad, even
my shadow's dragging

Monday's haiku

The large hairy dude
holds a purple flowered pack.
He must have stole it

Weekend haiku

I'd offer to give
her a ride, but my mustache
has been spoken for

----------------------------

She said she couldn't
handle her liquor, I said
he needs bigger ears

Friday's haiku

I may not be built
for aerodynamics, but
I'm built for comfort

Thursday's haiku

I know I'm not a
bite size morsel; I'm more of
a five course dinner

Wednesday's haiku

My stomach's upset,
but I don't know who or what
has offended it

Tuesday's haiku

We're all the same when
we die, except some of us
need more pallbearers

Monday's haiku

After you mow, the
lawn looks like a giant pair
of corduroy pants

Weekend haiku

John's so two-faced, I
swear if you shaved his head, you'd
see the second one 

-------------------------------------- 

Photography is
so much of his life, he sees
it in four by six

Friday's haiku

She hugs her legs close
to her chest because she is
a knee-dy person

Thursday's haiku

Bruce's limp makes it
look like he's always running
on uneven ground

Wednesday's haiku

Her hair's so curly,
running your fingers through it
is like a hand maze

Tuesday's haiku

Insulting Bic pens
becomes another dissed ink
possibility

Monday's haiku

Why is it even
the most fit athletes will try
to find the shortcut?

Weekend haiku

Her cornrows are so
tight, it's like a facelift, though
without any scars 

------------------------------------ 

Sometimes the shady
people are the ones who aren't
sitting in the sun

Friday's haiku

Our summer may have
arrived late, but it's beauty
is well worth the wait

Thursday's haiku

Her face is lovely
like a rose; her attitude,
like the thorns beneath

Wednesday's haiku

If the car behind
me gets any closer, I'm
going to need lube

Tuesday's haiku

I just saw Mom in
the hospital and must ask,
"Who stepped on a crack?"

Monday's haiku

Her lips said no, but
her eyes said nothing because
eyes can't speak, silly

Weekend haiku

The volume in the
room always decreases when
Anthony walks in 

--------------------------------- 

For three weeks straight, John
ate at a café he hates
because Kim works there

Friday's haiku

Her smile almost hides
the fact that she could care less
who the hell you are

Thursday's haiku

Yes, the flag may be
faded, but it's still flying
high, and that's what counts

Wednesday's haiku

I'm not saying she's
fat, but she's much taller when
she's horizontal

Tuesday's haiku

On really hot days,
the crow will sometimes daydream
about being white

Monday's haiku

The surgery went
well, except for the fact she
now has a penis

Weekend haiku

Seattle's summer
set a new record, lasting
almost five full days 

--------------------------- 

For the spider's sake,
I didn't tell Suzanne it
was right above her

Friday's haiku

The health food bar is
far less healthy when it's been
dipped in chocolate

Thursday's haiku

The picnic blanket
is all that remains from the
giant ant attack

Wednesday's haiku

He could sell ice cubes
to Eskimos; too bad he
doesn't sell ice cubes

Tuesday's haiku

You can never have
too much of a real good thing,
except for whiskey

Monday's haiku

Everyone who walks
in the rain looks like they have
mild scoliosis

Weekend haiku

"The beer at the bar
last night tasted like piss!" "Dude,
you were in the john." 

---------------------------------------  

Jill may have missed the
ferry, but Martha would not
let her miss the boat

Friday's haiku

I eat alone, which
makes sense as I am locked up
in solitary

Thursday's haiku

Raindrops keep falling
on my head, which must mean that
I need a new roof

Wednesday's haiku

She would still work here,
except for the small fact that
she's bat shit crazy

Tuesday's haiku

I swear the music
industry's business model
is the Hindenburg

Monday's haiku

Daniel smiles all the
way down to his spleen, then it
sticks in his kidney

Weekend haiku

The only time Bill
reads Ladies Home Journal is
in the waiting room 

-------------------------------- 

Getting away from
Valerie's grasp is harder
than dodging raindrops

Friday's haiku

The conversation
changed quickly when Chuck sat at
the ladies' table

Thursday's haiku

My back to the sun,
I still feel the warmth as it
hugs me anyway

Wednesday's haiku

The little spider
was so tired, he just wove
a web of fatigue

Tuesday's haiku

Now a millionaire,
almost all of Jerry's friends
have quotation marks

Monday's haiku

You have to expect
that something's fishy when you
marry a mermaid

Weekend haiku

The princess enjoyed
the light of day, but preferred
a knight in the dark 

---------------------------------- 

All types of carpet
floors are fine for sex, but he
prefers a long shag

Friday's haiku

She said I should give
my sandwich creation a
name, so I did: "Mine!"

Thursday's haiku

Though not depressed,
the one thing that brings me down is
the elevator

Wednesday's haiku

Nothing scratches my
soul itch better than Marvin
Gaye's sweet falsetto

Tuesday's haiku

His Hawaiian shirt
was as close as Bob would get
to any islands

Monday's haiku

Everyone heard the
crying, not knowing it was
just my inner child

Weekend haiku

Though not known as a
clean freak, Julie happily
polished off the cake 

----------------------------- 

When the group broke up,
"Indivisible" felt like
a poor band name choice

Friday's haiku

While some blame global
warming for melting icecaps,
I blame Martha's smile

Thursday's haiku

"Kristen is awesome,"
she yells out often, hoping
someone will agree

Wednesday's haiku

Though quite passionate
about comic books, John's less
than animated

Tuesday's haiku

Their marriage had changed,
now less "Body Heat", and more
"Driving Miss Daisy"

Monday's haiku

He bought the brown rug
to hide the dirt, but it's not
very well hidden

Weekend haiku

Chuck mows the clover,
and like the Queen of Hearts, cries
out, "Off with their heads!" 

-------------------------------------- 

Mildly hunched, she
always looks like she's walking
coat-less in the rain

Friday's haiku

The one terminal
illness, killing everyone
it touches, is life

Thursday's haiku

We celebrate the
Fourth with explosions, sounds war
vets try to forget

Wednesday's haiku

When you die, your eyes
are left forever open,
forever searching

Tuesday's haiku

She trusted me with
her every breath, her life,
and I let her down

Monday's haiku

Her lies will be felt
the rest of my days, leaving
me a bit less whole

Weekend haiku

In Heinz 57
ketchup, I've never tasted
more than 12 flavors 

---------------------------- 

Paul Simon is still
making great music, but he
has left Art behind

Friday's haiku

Her hips sway like a
palm tree in the breeze, and they
make we want to climb

Thursday's haiku

The circus may not
be an adrenaline rush,
but it is in tents

Wednesday's haiku

The bowling ball quit
the wrestling team, as he
hated getting pinned

Tuesday's haiku

She's not a complete
bitch, she's got two credits left
for her doctorate

Monday's haiku

Wayne retired, left
from work one last time, his car
accelerating

Weekend haiku

You can tell that it's
summer in Seattle, the
clouds are not as dark 

------------------------ 

In the summer heat,
the horse stays at a canter;
it's too hot to trot

Friday's haiku

Her complaints of her
vacation being too cold
fell on deaf earmuffs

Thursday's haiku

Seeing Joel in a
tie is like seeing a cow
in a volkswagon

Wednesday's haiku

Lighthouses may not
always be real happy, but
they're always beaming

Tuesday's haiku

Lunch meetings lead to
food stains on the proposal,
and indigestion

Monday's haiku

She's instructed me
to be more cheerful, but that
just makes me grumpy

Weekend haiku

It's fine to kiss a
nun, as long as you don't get
into the habit 

-------------------------------- 

Only in a nun's
closet is everything
truly black and white

Friday's haiku

She used to hate the
way he stared, until he left,
now she misses it

Thursday's haiku

Kissing Jill is like
eating hot peppers, your lips
keep feeling the heat

Wednesday's haiku

I'm a trendsetter,
though I have been confused for
an Irish Setter

Tuesday's haiku

Up through twenty, we
think we're invincible, then
alcohol happens

Monday's haiku

A soccer player
is truly focused, having
just one goal in mind

Weekend haiku

That girl always has
a "no" at the ready, like
a vacancy sign 

--------------------------- 

Sneakily secure
in her supine position,
Sarah says, "Please stay"

Friday's haiku

Do you really want
to know how I feel, or what
I tell everyone?

Thursday's haiku

Photographers don't
make great followers; they like
to call all the shots

Wednesday's haiku

The breeze was tired
of losing, as all his life,
he wanted to wind

Tuesday's haiku

The secretaries
meet up for lunch and one of
them always takes notes

Monday's haiku

"Partly sunny" is
weatherman code for "I don't
know what will happen."

Weekend haiku

My cube is so small,
I flew coach just to get a
little more leg room 

------------------------- 

My cube is so small,
I can only wear tank tops
and Bermuda shorts

Friday's haiku

The crow searches the
yard, looking for any worms
the early bird missed

Thursday haiku

My cube is so small,
to fit, I had a barber
give me a buzz cut

Wednesday's haiku

My cube is so small,
I'm bouncing a ball on the
wall like Steve McQueen

Tuesday's haiku

My cube is so small,
it's the anti-NASA: it's
the No-Space program

Monday haiku

My cube is so small,
I need a magnifying
glass just to find it

Weekend haiku

My cube is so small,
but I hear that it's what you
do with it that counts 

--------------------------------- 

My cube is so small,
my eggs are no longer marked
as being "cage-free"

Friday's haiku

My cube is so small,
there's no more Big Macs at lunch,
just quarter pounders

Thursday's haiku

My cube is so small,
I'm not able to look at
the long range forecast

Wednesday's haiku

My cube is so small,
I can only use words with
single syllables

Tuesday's haiku

Like typing errors,
first shorts day of the season
means lots of white out

Monday's haiku

We celebrate five
blissful years of marriage, not
bad out of twenty

Weekend haiku

My cube is so small,
I have to write all my notes
only in shorthand 

----------------------------- 

My cube is so small,
it was first a shoebox for
a women's size 4

Friday's haiku

My cube is so small,
nano technology fans
take pictures of it

Thursday's haiku

Forty seven years
old, looking fifty, acting
more like I'm thirteen

Wednesday's haiku

My cube is so small,
my shoulders and hips each touch
the cubicle walls

Tuesday's haiku

Another birthday,
another small step towards
a grave conclusion

Monday's haiku

My cube is so small,
if I turn my head to the
side, my nose won't fit

Weekend haiku

My cube is so small,
I'm now wearing a cologne
called "Eau de Sardine" 

------------------------------- 

My cube is so small,
when I sit down at my desk,
I need a shoehorn

Friday's haiku

My cube is so small,
due to space, I had to ask
the fleas to move out

Thursday's haiku

My cube is so small,
if I stretch, my coworker
has to duck his head

Wednesday's haiku

My cube is so small,
when they said, "Embrace your space,"
I was able to

Tuesday's haiku

She'd been smacked down so
many times, she kept her head
low and eyes lower

Monday's haiku

The place John works, the
only suits around there have
the word "law" in front

Weekend haiku

It's too nice outside;
today's work is cancelled on
account of sunshine 

------------------------------- 

He couldn't find the
dead chicken anywhere; so
far, no blood no fowl

Friday's haiku

This blue sky's a bad
influence on me, tempting
me to stay out here

Thursday's haiku

The cheese is in worse
shape than me, it's sweating and
it's just laying there

Wednesday's haiku

In his new office,
John felt like a size ten foot
in a size six shoe

Tuesday's haiku

After the meteor
shower, Billy thinks a bath
is just overkill

Monday's haiku

Lying on the grass
on a hot day, all my work
seems further away

Weekend haiku

My cat could care less
what I'm doing until I'm
eating fresh salmon 

------------------------- 

"I'm not sleeping, I'm
just communing with nature,"
he said between z's

Friday's haiku

The one drawback to
eating fish is having your
cat's full attention

Thursday's haiku

Vultures soaring high
above, he worries they know
something he doesn't

Wednesday's haiku

Singer of the song,
"I Touch Myself" dies, now all
teenage boys are scared

Tuesday's haiku

An hour of warm
sunshine almost makes up for
eight hours inside

Monday's haiku

Spring has finally
sprung, sending old man Winter
back from whence he came

Weekend haiku

My boss didn't like
my color choice for the new
wall paint: prison gray 

------------------------------------ 

Unlike John Denver,
sunshine on ny shoulders gives
me melanoma

Friday's haiku

I don't want to be
alone, I just don't want to
be near Bernadette

Thursday's haiku

Shrunken cubicle
space makes me feel larger, and
yet much smaller too

Wednesday's haiku

Even with making
the best of it, it's still not
what we had hoped for

Tuesday's haiku

"I don't like your sad,
puppy dog eyes" she cried out,
rather cattily

Monday's haiku

This job has put me
into the closet, which is
bigger than my cube

Weekend haiku

I can't look forward
to something that I don't know
what it looks like yet 

-------------------------------- 

Feeling less valued,
I need to increase my stock
or change my market

Friday's haiku

There's hints of blue sky
amid all the April clouds,
but no hints of Spring

Thursday's haiku

In trying to bring
us together, they just push
us further apart

Wednesday's haiku

The more things change, the
more I realize I'm not
a big fan of it

Tuesday's haiku

When our cat gets sick,
she seems to always find the
hardest place to clean

Monday's haiku

Being in a call
center shouldn't mean your cube's
small like a phone booth

Weekend haiku

Lionel Ritchie's wrong:
Sunday morning's not easy,
Saturday night is 

--------------------------------- 

Not wanting to move,
he didn't pack, hoping they
would say he could stay

Friday's haiku

Vivien, like the
dandelions in her front
yard, has gone to seed

Thursday's haiku

Her favorite pants
are so well worn, they are now
her favorite shorts

Wednesday's haiku

Wearing a pink shirt,
Jerry now knows to wash his
whites separately

Tuesday's haiku

She wore hot pink pants
since the red pants she likes are
no longer for sale

Monday's haiku

That girl looks great in
hats, which is good, because she
has a bumpy head

weekend haiku

My camera still
has that new camera smell;
I know, I sniffed it 

--------------------------------- 

She's always catching
my eye, which is handy since
it keeps popping out

Friday's haiku

Phil's formidable
foe, Frank's forever filming
fiendish felonies

Thursday's haiku

Able to deduce
all from your hushed tones, she's the
whisper whisperer

Wednesday's haiku

In her glasses, she's
a naughty librarian;
without them, she's blind

Tuesday's haiku

Like a tornado,
Janet can land anywhere
and destroy a home

Monday's haiku

She says she's very
open-minded, but that's just
a nice word for hole

Weekend haiku

Heavy rains may not
soak to the bone, but they sure
can moist a muscle 

------------------------------------ 

Since clouds pull moisture
from the ocean, it's fitting
the rain comes in waves

Friday's haiku

Tornadoes may strike
Dublin; locals only care
if the pubs are closed

Thursday's haiku

Having spent time with
myself, I'll stop inflicting
myself on others

Wednesday's haiku

That man has a joint
in his past, near present, and
more in his future

Tuesday's haiku

Bladder stones, much like
the Rolling Stones since Eighty
One, can be painful

Monday's haiku

She called Billy a
douchebag, but they were nowhere
near that intimate

Weekend haiku

She said I kept her
up past her bedtime, which is
great if I'd been there 

-------------------------------

I know a poem
is real good if I wish that
I had written it

Friday's haiku

Chad learned sign language
from a little girl, just so
he could read shorthand

Thursday's haiku

Joel may not be a
dentist, but he wanted to
fill her cavities

Wednesday's haiku

He's so lazy, he
won't even argue if you
say that he's lazy

Tuesday's haiku

She's skinny, with a
huge head, like a tulip bulb
that can move around

Monday's haiku

I always get a
funny taste in my mouth when
I tell a good joke

weekend haiku

Once knowing what it
meant, Chad was less jealous of
people stoned to death 

------------------------------------- 

He heard her voice just
fine, but being a guy, he
pretended not to

Friday's haiku

A smile, a purr, a
sigh are all small things that can
turn your day around

Thursday's haiku

Hair bows and Elmo
shirts are less fashionable
when you're forty five

Wednesday's haiku

When she's naked, she
feels close to God; when naked,
I just feel lonely

Tuesday's haiku

For wanting to have
a little talk, she sure used
a lot of big words

Monday's haiku

We frown at people
who throw away cats, yet we
call them a litter

Weekend haiku

His dark five o'clock
shadow looks pretty good since
it is only three

--------------------------------------

The barbed wire fence was
not to keep strangers out, but
to keep the boy in

Friday's haiku

Thinking outside the
box is good, unless you are
a litter trained cat

Thursday's haiku

She smiled like she knew
a juicy secret that you'd
never get to hear

Wednesday's haiku

A hunger strike is
less a threat if there's not much
food to begin with

Tuesday's haiku

If he kisses her
goodbye, what does he do to
her to say hello?

Monday's haiku

If everybody's
talking, I just want to know
who is listening?

weekend haiku

"Fits like a glove" is
less of a compliment when
it's about a shoe 

------------------------------- 

"You look like a rock
star" is not a compliment
if it's Keith Richards

Friday's haiku

Horse hair may not be
the most important thing, but
it is the mane part

Thursday's haiku

She'd eat healthier
if vegetables tasted
more like chocolate

Wednesday's haiku

As she talked about
doughnuts, she was drooling and
her eyes glazed over

Tuesday's haiku

When she puts down the
art of others, she likes her
own drawings much more

Monday's haiku

He eats lunch quickly,
so he can write poetry
and nurture his soul

Weekend haiku

Though they usually
don't agree, all three bears thought
she tasted just right 

---------------------------------------- 

Like my attention,
the clouds drift slowly on by,
no tethers, no strings

Friday's haiku

Joseph didn't mind
if his wife started each day
with a cup of Joe

Thursday's haiku

At the free clinic,
there's no such thing as "Happy
V.D" Just trust me.

Wednesday's haiku

I would enjoy the
beautiful sunrise more if
I wasn't still drunk

Tuesday's haiku

The small train is not
scared in the least bit, because
it is not a freight

Monday's haiku

She thinks compassion
must skip a generation,
so she calls Grandma

Weekend haiku

When she said she'd go
down on James, I didn't know
she had meant the street 

--------------------------------

In loving his dwarf,
he found out good things do come
in small packages

Friday's haiku

With following thru,
that girl is flakier than
my mama's pie crust

Thursday's haiku

When she said the rain
had made her wet, I was wrong,
she wasn't aroused

Wednesday's haiku

My wife will never
find blonde hairs on my jacket;
I prefer brunettes

Tuesday's haiku

She wore purple and
brown, not a good combo.  She
needs Garanimals

Monday's haiku

Vivian likes to
dance with her horse, even though
he has two left feet

Weekend haiku

Optimists, always
looking up, should stay out of
the aviary 

---------------------------------- 

While pessimists are
always looking down, they seem
to find more money

Friday's haiku

Underarm hair hates
it's life completely, because
it knows it's the pits

Thursday's haiku

Joe doesn't wear hats
because he found his hair is
afraid of the dark

Wednesday's haiku

The fir trees were bad
baseball hitters, but they were
real good at pitching

Tuesday's haiku

Jill is such a tease,
she's the person that put the
word "leave" in cleavage.

Monday's haiku

If a woman's eyes
were in her cleavage, I would
make more eye contact

Weekend haiku

"Happily ever
after" is the biggest fib
in Literature 

___________________ 

If a woman's eyes
were in her cleavage, I would
get in less trouble

Friday's haiku

Young Gina Johnson,
 a strangely vengeful woman,
always steals men's socks

Thursday's haiku

I tried to write a
haiku about maple trees,
but it was sappy

Wednesday's haiku

The drunken singers
were holding a tune as well
as they held their beer

Tuesday's haiku

For preventative
measures, I did get a flu
shot.  I chose whiskey.

Monday's haiku

The entire hive was
depressed and couldn't get up;
they were all bee low

Weekend haiku

For the NRA,
gun control is hitting what
you are aiming at 

------------------------------ 

In anatomy
class next week, Wyndee will get
a brain.  Finally!

Friday's haiku

They crossed a guy with
a duck, and the end result:
they got a man down

Thursday's haiku

The duck may not have
been much of a dancer, but
he sure could get down

Wednesday's haiku

He now knew why he
was depressed wearing the coat,
it was a down vest

Tuesday's haiku

He couldn't outlast
the duck, but he was able
to just wear her down

Monday's haiku

I know my shoes are
angry, because the laces
are fit to be tied

Weekend haiku

She wants to be a
personal trainer, but she's
not motivated 

----------------------------- 

You know that you are
really getting old when your
ankles look wrinkled

Friday's haiku

The boots were way too
big for her, so they made her
ankles look wrinkly

Thursday's haiku

Each time the sun shines,
it almost, but not quite, makes
up for all the rain

Wednesday's haiku

Meeting with my boss
soon, I regret wearing my
"I'm with Stupid" shirt

Tuesday's haiku

Though she waddled like
a duck, she warned us not to
make any wise quacks

Monday's haiku

Fishnet pantyhose
may be nice to wear, but you
don't know what you'll catch

Weekend haiku

Winning a year's worth
of pantyhose was really
all just sheer good luck

---------------------------- 

She was willing to
walk in pantyhose, but she
didn't want a run

Friday's haiku

Resolutions are
just a small, temporary
break from inertia

Thursday's haiku

Resolutions are
a promise to yourself you
break within a month

Wednesday's haiku

We said our goodbyes
last week, though Tim leaves next week,
so this week's awkward

Tuesday's haiku

It's a new year, it's
a new day, it's a new morn,
same old hangover