Monday's haiku

Root vegetables
are mostly apathetic,
some don't carrot all

Weekend haiku

The T.V. station
devoted to perfume is
channel number five

------------------------- 

A word of advice:
Take it from me, don't ask if
Connie is pregnant

Friday's haiku

I've begun to have
disillusions of grandeur
when it comes to Gayle

Thursday's haiku

As per the Mayans,
the world ends after my big
math test.  Damn Mayans!

Wednesday's haiku

Gambling is God's
way of saying you must have
money you don't want

Tuesday's haiku

His blue, puffy coat
makes Brian look like a tall
Smurf bodybuilder

Monday's haiku

Billy's teeth are so
crooked, one of them became
a politician

Weekend haiku

Before the double
mastectomy, she said once
more, "Ta Ta's for now!" 

-------------------------------- 

The new C.O.O
realized he needs one more
letter to be cool

Friday's haiku

Bacon seems harmless
to most, but kryptonite for
vegetarians

Thursday's haiku

He wanted to sell
his soul, but the devil knew
it wasn't worth much

Wednesday's haiku

Their relationship
seems closer when it's seen through
a rearview mirror

Tuesday's haiku

Pliny the Elder
is a beer with good flavor
and great marketing

Monday's haiku

After each haiku,
the Count would begin, "That's one
syllable, Ha, Ha..."

Weekend haiku

Billy's as useless
as having a GPS
on an Indy car 

------------------ 

Haikus are for those
who prefer to be real brief
and enjoy counting

Friday's haiku

Vegetarian
cheaters don't leave their partners,
they just eat bacon

Thursday's haiku

I thought Shenandoah
was what a Southerner yells
when Shannon enters

Wednesday's haiku

She stopped her dingo
from eating babies, as they
are real high in fat

Tuesday's haiku

He used the steak knife
with such brute force, he cut the
plate, and the table

Monday's haiku

When Sue met with the
career counselor, he had
to call for back-up

Weekend haiku

Bill's shirt is so short,
he's flashing more gut than a
tube top convention 

---------------------------------- 

I should note, the phrase
"Republican Criminal"
is repetitive

Friday's haiku

Less than genuine,
even the milk Justin drank
was just two percent

Thursday's haiku

Honey, perhaps more
kids would play with you if you
smiled and put on pants

Wednesday's haiku

The birthday cake is
made out of thin cardboard, so
don't light the candles

Tuesday's haiku

She said her son was
communing with the earth, but
he just looked muddy

Monday's haiku

His bad mood was so
all-encompassing, his smile
packed it's bags and left

Weekend haiku

With a burial
at sea, you really could have
your head on a pike 

-------------------------------- 

Although the window
isn't broken, it's really
a pane in the glass