Weekend haiku

For Susan. college
was less community, more
communicable 

--------------------------- 

Relatives can be
like presents from your Aunt: you
want the gift receipt

Friday's haiku

Jill told Sue, "Green is
your color," though she knew that
Sue's color was red

Thursday's haiku

Jill's hair is kinky,
which is strange, because that girl
is a total prude

Wednesday's haiku

Her pink sweater is
affectionate, hugging her
in all the wrong places

Tuesday's haiku

Andy turns fifty
today and just like that, his
warranty expires

Monday's haiku

For her third date, Jill
wore a slinky, short black dress
and her riding boots

Weekend haiku

I tell my dog I'm
the master, but then it's me
carrying the poop 

---------------------- 

Justin calls the drab,
soft cubicle covering
his daily soul sponge

Friday's haiku

Her baby reminds
me of the reasons I don't
want to procreate

Thursday's haiku

His beard is so long,
his chin hasn't seen the sun
in over five years

Wednesday's haiku

Sunshine in winter
feels like an old friend, and yet
a constant stranger

Tuesday's haiku

Sandy found having
a hurricane named after
her really did blow

Monday's haiku

John said it would be
ten percent off for friends, but
he charged me full price

Weekend haiku

It is an honor
just to be nominated,
but winning is sweet 

--------------------------- 

Until recently,
Billy thought haiku was one
of the martial arts

Friday's haiku

No matter how hard
they pushed, the door wouldn't budge,
missing the pull sign

Thursday's haiku

I'm so tired of
saying, "It feels great just to
be nominated."

Wednesday's haiku

She got her pixie
cut before the dance, in hopes
she would be picked, see

Tuesday's haiku

The world is not filled
with idiots, but they are
the majority

Monday's haiku

The meeting about
their paychecks was the first where
they showed up on time

Weekend haiku

Invited to the
cool table, he declined, so
not to spoil their lunch 

--------------------------- 

Her smile is really
just a pained partial grimace
with an attitude

Friday's haiku

He named his dog "Life"
so that each day, he feels he
has a leash on it

Thursday's haiku

Their team was so bad,
at all the games, the band played
the funeral march

Wednesday's haiku

Antiperspirant
is a weird nickname for my
Mom's sweaty sister

Tuesday's haiku

Bob's wearing all blue
to match his bad mood, though his
underwear is pink

Monday's haiku

Bill wears fingerless
gloves because his puppy chewed
all the fingers off

Weekend haiku

For Donald Sterling,
there's no gray area, it
is just black and white 

------------------------------ 

Ignorance isn't
bliss when you have to sell your
NBA franchise

Friday's haiku

Donald Sterling's not
a racist, some of his best
servants are black men

Thursday's haiku

Bill wears fingerless
gloves, because both of his thumbs
are claustrophobic