Monday haiku

Jill's been stress eating
cookies and ice cream, worried
about her weight gain

Weekend haiku

The hippy was bummed
out when he found out what a
hashtag really is 

Bill's been stress eating
cakes and ice cream, which is strange
for a Buddhist monk

Friday haiku

If you want something
in your life that will not leave,
buy a conifer

Thursday haiku

In the Fall, it's hard
to sneak up on anybody
under an oak tree

Wednesday haiku

Joe yawns, rubs his eyes,
thinking about going to
bed.  Too bad it's noon.

Tuesday haiku

The t-shirt would look
more manly on Bill if it
didn't have ponies

Monday haiku

Jared Fogle, the
Subway spokesman, followed their
slogan, to "Eat Fresh"

Weekend haiku

I wish my hair changed
colors, like leaves, but I guess
I'd freeze in Winter 

---------------------------------- 

A bowl cut is quite
unflattering when it's done
on your pubic hair

Friday haiku

The only key to
surviving each day is to
accessorize well

Thursday haiku

Liz says I'm the best
part of her day, but that's not
a big compliment

Wednesday haiku

If I was deaf, I'd
have an excuse why I don't
listen very well

Tuesday haiku

The little dog in
the sweater wishes that he
got bones for Christmas

Monday haiku

The little dog in
the yellow sweater wishes
that it was dark blue

Weekend haiku

Jill's exercise is
watching the constant motion
machine in her room 

------------------------------- 

Fall colors almost
make me forget that plenty
of gray is coming

Friday haiku

She skipped the sweets at
work, as she only had an
hour for the gym

Thursday haiku

Babies are supposed
to smell nice, so why does her
child smell like cabbage?

Wednesday haiku

Sue eats candy and
chocolate to counteract
the fact she's sour

Tuesday haiku

Donald Trump's chances
of being president are
thinner than his hair

Monday haiku

I'm so exhausted,
I should be cylindrical
and covered in chrome

Weekend haiku

David was behind
the spawn, "Hold on, I'm Comin'"
sang out Salmon Dave 

----------------------------------- 

So, statistically
speaking, eighty percent of
all stats are made up

Friday haiku

For double XL's,
finding clothes that fit well is
like a lottery

Thursday haiku

You know you're failing
as a Republican when
Trump is beating you

Wednesday haiku

Sailors claim mermaids
exist, as they can't admit
they were loving seals

Tuesday haiku

It's raining so hard,
I better step up efforts
to finish my ark

Monday haiku

She can only be
the proud mom of a three pound
hysterectomy

Weekend haiku

Jill has a prayer
wheel at her desk; with her skills,
she's gonna need it 

------------------------------------ 

Though it's early yet,
the empty file marked "Next Year"
is a bad omen