Halloween weekend haiku

We tell our children,
don't take candy from strangers,
then Halloween comes 

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There are monsters all
around, it's Halloween or
election season 

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The scariest part
of Halloween is you might
run out of candy

Friday haiku

Dad's not mentally
ill, he believes what people
tell him, which is worse

Thursday haiku

While some say insane,
testicular cancer is
most likely just nuts

Wednesday's haiku

Impotence is just
life's way of telling you, "Hey,
there's no hard feelings."

Tuesday haiku

Momma G's back from
maternity, leaving one
child for all of us

Monday haiku

A quarter of a
century ago, Shena
said, "I do." Hooray!

Weekend haiku

There's so much chronic
grown here, there's a new meaning
to urban living 

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"All sound and fury,
signifying nothing," sure
describes my ex-wife

Friday haiku

If poisoning your
child is wrong. Sherry's cooking
must be criminal

Thursday haiku

Bourbon in hand, he
was pushing the limits of
his liquid diet

Wednesday haiku

Dad may not have a
clue, Sis may have a notion,
but Mom always knows

Tuesday haiku

Though inches apart,
their terse texts allowed them to
argue in silence

Monday haiku

We roast Twinkies each
winter to bring more snow, and
so we don't eat them

Weekend haiku

She knew the gossip
would be extra juicy when
Joan leaned in real close 

----------------------------- 

Gossip is hearsay
mixed with just enough facts to
make it plausible

Friday haiku

Strippers and Christmas
cards are the saviors of the
glitter industry

Thursday haiku

Though on a diet
for six months without cheesecake,
each bite's worth the weight

Wednesday haiku

A guy I know looks
like Colonel Sanders, but he
never brings chicken

Tuesday haiku

With two power strips,
Jill now has outlets for her
creativity

Monday haiku

Anyone who steals
sunglasses from cars is a
little bit shady

Weekend haiku

I think the question
really should be, "Does this butt
make my pants look big?" 

--------------------------- 

In life, what doesn't
kill you obviously just
isn't worth trying

Friday haiku

Joan says that it's a
bitter wind, but to me it
tastes like butterscotch

Thursday haiku

His new mustache may
not attract women, but it
really attracts crumbs

Wednesday haiku

Jill's exclamation
when she found a hole in her
new sock was, "Darn it!"

Tuesday haiku

The bully wanted
his pound of flesh, but it costs
eighty bucks an ounce

Monday haiku

I think she's using
sign language, but instead she's
applying lotion

Weekend haiku

Darren had pierced his
scrotum with a safety pin.
He's now quite eunuch 

------------------------------- 

Like the flu vaccine,
Bill can be helpful, but he's
best in small doses

Friday haiku

Conservatives say,
"Guns don't kill people." Please tell
that to UCC

Thursday haiku

It's announced Mars has
water. Californians
ask, "Can we have it?"