Weekend haiku

2016 took
large swaths of my childhood, like
a drunken uncle

---------------------------------------

Why must the new year
be so heavily burdened
by last year's mistakes?

Friday haiku

The people who are
the least humble tend to be
those who should be more

Thursday haiku

With the last name of
Gala, they better be good
at throwing parties

Wednesday haiku

The Christmas tree will
be gone soon, but the needles
will stay on for months

Tuesday haiku

After Christmas Sale:
Everything you bought at full
price is now half off

Monday haiku

Boxing day arrives
twenty four hours after
the unwrapping day

-------------------------

After Christmas Sale:
Only three hundred sixty
four days 'til Christmas

Weekend haiku

Christmas is the time
to say, "I love you, and by
the way, where's my gift?"

------------------------------------

For Hanukkah, my
friend smokes a joint each day, and
has eight hazy nights

Friday haiku

Some put an angel
atop the tree for peace, while
Jill puts the remote

Thursday haiku

The Republicans
favorite holiday song
must be "White Christmas"

Wednesday haiku

We decorate the
Christmas tree just to create
one giant cat toy

Tuesday haiku

President-elect
Trump picks Bill Cosby as Head
of Women's Studies

Monday haiku

He's a MADD scientist,
doing research for Mothers
Against Drunk Driving

Weekend haiku

Her love is like a
hotel minibar, each piece
costs more than it's worth

-----------------------------

The mad scientist
was upset having just been
blinded by that girl

Friday haiku

Stars prick holes in the
fabric of night, remind us
the light is still there

Thursday haiku

Bill reads poetry 
just to remind himself why 
he hates poetry

Wednesday haiku

Jill rubs lottery
tickets like magic lamps, but
rarely finds genies

Tuesday haiku

Christmas music in 
March means the stores are starting 
later than last year

Monday haiku

These rays of sunshine 
are almost strong enough to 
warm up Jill's cold heart

Weekend haiku

Unlike pets, parents 
don't neuter their kids, at least 
not physically 

------------------------------------ 

Though they're called Great Blue 
Herons, they are more well known 
for their Jazz stylings

Friday haiku

I saw them flying! 
Pterodactyls! Oh wait, they 
were Great Blue Herons

Thursday haiku

If the buck truly 
does stop here, you can expect 
the doe to follow

Wednesday haiku

While Andy quotes lines
from Shakespeare and Voltaire, Chris
quotes from Dr. Seuss

Tuesday haiku

Not quite bright enough,
Jonathon gave the poisoned
man an anecdote

Monday haiku

We looked at Farmer
Bill funny when he said he
was feeling sheepish

Weekend haiku

I've considered it
a challenge growing older
without growing up

-----------------------------

The only thing of
value to come out of Bill's
mouth will be gold teeth

Friday haiku

I'm not stubborn, and
I'll argue all day with those
who say otherwise

Thursday haiku

Oppenheimer got
the concept for nuclear
bombs from his ex-wife

Wednesday haiku

Boobs: what some women
flaunt, and how some men behave
when they see a pair

Tuesday haiku

Bobby's friends love him
and are fine tolerating
his assholery

Monday haiku

Hiking with a group
of guides is like being the
very last sled dog

Weekend haiku

Without saying a
word, she let all of the air
out of my balloon

-----------------------------

Selfies: Telling the
world, "the most important thing
around here is me!"

Friday haiku

Yesterday, we ate
turkey. In January,
we'll be led by one

Thanksgiving haiku

On this day, we all
give thanks for the life we have.
Well, not the turkey

-----------------------------------

Thanksgiving is the
one day it's okay to tell
your friends to "get stuffed!"

Wednesday haiku

If too many cooks
spoil the broth, you could always
substitute chicken

Tuesday haiku

Trouble always seems
to find Gina, which means she's
bad at Hide and Seek

Monday haiku

Mandolin players
get the girl because they don't
play second fiddle

Weekend haiku

Every conversation
revolved around Jill, which was
a subject she loved

------------------------------------

After twelve years, her
dog passed away, and now there's
no one to greet her

Friday haiku

After spending ten
hours trying to find shoes,
she wore the boxes

Thursday haiku

The muscleman found
the one way he could pick up
girls was lifting them

Wednesday haiku

This may be a pick
up bar, but there's nothing here
that I want to lift

Tuesday haiku

Bill thought growing a
porn star mustache would lead to
more girls.  It didn't.

Monday haiku

A racist, sexist
demagogue is our leader
now, god bless us all

Weekend haiku

For Pacific, Trump
winning is just like Cy Sun
all over again

-------------------------------

I don't belong in
a place that celebrates, or
condones, Donald Trump

Friday haiku

First we lose Bowie,
then Prince, and now Cohen. Words,
and music, fail me.

Thursday haiku

Trump is president.
Is it too soon to start the
impeachment process?

Wednesday haiku

Throbbing election
hangover, disappointed
in what just happened

Tuesday haiku

Spastic colon sounds
painful, but a real cool name
for a punk rock band

Monday haiku

Allergic to both
sulfides and gluten, his trip
to Rome was no fun

Weekend haiku

Buys twenty thousand
acres of soybeans, then finds
out he's allergic

-------------------------------

Invite in jacket
pocket, he heads to party,
finds coat is at home

Friday haiku

Monday thru Friday,
pulled in twenty directions,
I feel like taffy

Thursday haiku

Invitation, hand
delivered, feels old-fashioned,
I'll probably go

Wednesday haiku

He calls his huge ride
"The Pussy Truck", I call it
"The Compensator"

Tuesday haiku

I am part of the
problem, but I don't like your
solution either

Monday haiku

Halloween is the
one day a year I can wear
pajamas at work

Weekend haiku

Her fascination
with the food chain would make more
sense in the jungle

--------------------------------------

Puppies, kittens and
porn are the three main reasons
for the internet

Friday haiku

With each selfie, a
piece of our soul disappears
into our ego

Thursday haiku

My kids run outside,
bundled up, make snow angels,
laugh devilishly

Wednesday haiku

I've loved more girls that
I barely knew than the ones
I've known really well

Tuesday Haiku

Ten push-ups just so
happens to be ten more than
I've done since high school

Monday haiku

Library sex can
be found via the Do Me
Decimal System

Weekend haiku

Solo sex act in
the library, Professor
Plum wants to be next

----------------------------

In picking up girls,
the body builder's also
good at the wench press

Friday haiku

If Trump can't be the 
President, is there a spot 
for an apprentice?

Thursday haiku

Caught in a solo
sex act in the library,
which class is she in?

Wednesday haiku

If you are tooting
your own horn, then you must be
really flexible

Tuesday haiku

Major storms back east,
almost two feet of snow, which
is why I live here

Monday haiku

This January,
sunshine just makes Spring feel that
much further away

Weekend haiku

Lemon water in
the morning gets my face set
up to kiss my wife

----------------------------------

When they make sweet love
in the ocean, she finds her
pleasure comes in waves

Friday haiku

It is best to not
look skyward in a winter
storm because rain drops

Thursday haiku

The only reason
men tend to wear full beards is
they dislike their face

Wednesday haiku

Julie always wears
a hat, like she is under
witness protection

Tuesday haiku

After a long week,
I am currently dragging
more than Dame Edna

Monday haiku

Sara has had so
many babies, her body
felt like a clown car

Weekend haiku

On a strict diet,
Jill can't even watch reruns
of Chips on T.V.

---------------------------

Driving a hybrid
vehicle doesn't make you
a better driver

Friday haiku

She's not attracted
to my Moe's or Larry's, but
she loves my Curly's

Thursday haiku

My bagel had a
fly baked in it, making it
more of a bugel

Wednesday haiku

Watching people walk
in the fog, I'm like a poor
man's Dian Fossey

Tuesday haiku

Our office is short
staffed, though we hope to hire
someone taller soon

Monday haiku

Chuck Norris doesn't
write haiku, he uses as
many syllables as he wants to, okay

Weekend haiku

While some folks are dog
whisperers, my friend Bill is
a dog shouterer

---------------------------------

Musical toothbrush
didn't teach my child to brush,
but she dances well

Friday haiku

For all decisions,
you should always err on the
side of the Aussie

Thursday haiku

Charlie Sheen's New Year's
resolution list is more
than sixty pages long

Wednesday haiku

In some towns, you can 
play Pokémon Ho, but be 
careful what you catch

Tuesday haiku

Hanging out near the
back of Jonathan's pickup,
Bill was exhausted

Monday haiku

Folks visiting, means
mornings without pajamas
is not optional

Weekend haiku

This late morning, I
feel more fuzzy-headed than
a Nepalese yak

---------------------------------

The six months between
her birthday and Christmas were
a true gift desert

Friday haiku

Colin Kaepernick
jerseys on sale (with purchase,  
you get free knee pads)

Thursday haiku

I'm so excited
to see and hear Ms. Parton,
I've got Dolly wood

Wednesday haiku

Based on the lack of 
human interaction, it 
sure ain't a "we" phone

Tuesday haiku

Brangelina split
Billy Bob and Jennifer
laugh and laugh and laugh

Monday haiku

There's no leftover
hominy for breakfast, so
she has no re-grits

Weekend haiku

Learning from it's past,
the leg bone vowed to follow
the straight and marrow

-----------------------------------

Despite common thought,
Bill did have two humerus
bones in his body

Friday haiku

After Julie's failed
suicide attempt, David
bought her a Nerf gun

Thursday haiku

Bill wanted to buy
stupid insurance, but the
premium's too high

Wednesday haiku

Starting a week back,
out with a weak back, laid flat,
now wants her week back

Tuesday haiku

Dieting, Bill vows
not to eat the cookies, just
the chocolate chips

Monday haiku

Big thrift store fans, my
folks hear, "Peace on earth, good will
to man" differently

Weekend haiku

Donald Trump's chances
of being president are
thinner than his hair

-------------------------

Trump's deportation
force surprisingly starts with
Rosie O'Donnell

Friday haiku

Janice must be a
heartbreaker, because she is
full of pettiness

Thursday haiku

"Don't drink alcohol
while using Lyrica,"  so
I said, "No thanks, Doc!"

Wednesday haiku

"Stop crying, you big
baby!" I tell myself each
and every workday

Tuesday haiku

Hoagy sandwiches,
one of only two foods you
can eat by the foot

Monday haiku

I was so hungry,
I ate my calendar, so
I filled up on dates

Weekend haiku

"Hey Hey Hey", now a
Fat Albert catchphrase, was his
greeting to Hey Hey

----------------------------------

Bill, "innuendo"
better not be code for the
position you used

Friday haiku

The picture perfect
sunsets always seem to be
obscured by buildings

Thursday haiku

In traffic behind
this Infiniti, it does
feel like forever

Wednesday haiku

Everyone ranging
from zero to nobody
cares much about me

Tuesday haiku

The sweat on my lip
from drinking this cold beer means
I need exercise

Monday haiku

Jill's camera takes
Thanksgiving shots, while I take
shots of Wild Turkey

Weekend haiku

"There's always room for
Jello!" Now we know Cosby's
name for Little Bill

--------------------------------

Cleaning mirrors is
a job that I truly can
see myself doing

Friday haiku

We all wear targets
on our backs, but our actions
can control the size

Thursday haiku

Are you pretty and
a bit naive? Bill Cosby
has a pill for you!

Wednesday haiku

Winning this award
makes me proud, though I wonder,
"What took so damn long??"

Tuesday haiku

Being taken for
granted is much better than
just being taken

Monday haiku

He told the genie
he wished for more time, now his
garden's full of it

Weekend haiku

Summer Olympics:
my personal reminder
to get to the gym

-------------------------

Summer Olympics:
my personal reminder
to suck in my gut

Friday haiku

I said, "It's okay
to leave me here, but not cool
to have left me here."

Thursday haiku

If it does take a
village to raise a child, John
had half a village

Wednesday haiku

If it does take a
village to raise a child, John
needs at least seven

Tuesday haiku

If it does take a
village to raise a child, Bill
needs to sue his town

Monday haiku

If it does take a
village to raise a child, John
needs a large city

Weekend haiku

She said I caught Bill
at a bad time, which must be
Monday through Sunday

---------------------------------

All my loving, I
will give to you, except for
my deep love of pie

Friday haiku

Bill eats so many
mushrooms, my momma says he's
nothing but truffle

Thursday haiku

Trump's ego keeps on  

expanding, while thankfully,  

his support deflates

Wednesday haiku

My pinball machine
is still broken, so she can't
hit my balls around

Tuesday haiku

If you spend all your
time in a lemon tree, you
will end up sour

Monday haiku

I will always bet
on the weirdos, because I
tend to like the odds

Weekend haiku

She's staring at me,
probably wondering why
I keep staring back

--------------------------------

Her sweater glistens
with iridescent threads, or
she's really sweaty

Friday haiku

Trump winning is like  

Taco Bell: Both will make us  

run for the border

Thursday haiku

Bernie Sanders taught  

Republicans/Democrats  

to embrace what's left

Wednesday haiku

This table reserved,
all of the other tables
are much friendlier

Tuesday haiku

Republicans now
control the house and senate.
Rich white men are back!

Monday haiku

Staring at the floor,
he missed all the cute girls, but
he found a nickel

Weekend haiku

The priest, cleaning his
crucifix, wasn't angry,
but felt a bit cross

----------------------------

Dressed as Red Riding
Hood's nemesis, Megan found
she wolfed down her lunch

Friday haiku

So, the nominees
are Hillary and Donald:
Lady and the Trump

Thursday haiku

He saw her every
Spring, and like Daylight Savings
Time, he'd lose hours

Wednesday haiku

Midterms are teacher's
way of saying, "Just you wait
until the final!"

Tuesday haiku

The yellow lizard
doesn't hate all people, but
he's a bit jaundiced

Monday haiku

The man with two rear
ends isn't rude, but has a
definite bias

Weekend haiku

He's such a dirty
old man, he depicts all the
ladies in the lewd

------------------------------

Bill has Parkinson's,
so he ends all business
deals with a hand shake

Friday haiku

Donald Trump's now the  

Republican nominee  

I know that's not right

Thursday haiku

For the whole night of
lascivious poetry,
he wished for more girls

Wednesday haiku

He sits by himself,
as he's found it's better than
being rejected

Tuesday haiku

Jan always races
through all school zones, trying to
exercise those kids

Monday haiku

Jan always races
through all speed zones, trying to
get the highest score

Weekend haiku

The two crows, hanging
out nearby, were picked up for
attempted murder

------------------------------

Billy stopped counting
calories when he found out
the most doesn't win

Friday haiku

In the rain, coats on,
with their hoods up, everyone
looks like a conehead

Thursday haiku

Donald Trump's hairpiece 
is not so much a toupee, 
more like a too bad

Wednesday haiku

We all have our "Ramps
to Nowhere" that we learn from,
tear down, and rebuild

Tuesday haiku

Bouncing around the
office, perky, Jill needs to
lay off the caffeine

Monday haiku

My work day may be
over, but a cold beer is
still so far away

Weekend haiku

My favorite place
is anywhere that I can
be alone with you

----------------------

Watching everyone
leave, done with work, happy, I
almost want a job

Friday haiku

With these election 
candidates, I swear we must 
have broke a mirror

Thursday haiku

The quiet girl could
drink just half a beer, so she
prayed for more volume

Wednesday haiku

He never looks up
when he speaks, so it feels like
you're talking to hair

Tuesday haiku

No Jim, Ebola
is not the electronic
version of Bola

Monday haiku

Independence Day
should be more about freedom,
less about Will Smith

Weekend haiku

Our meeting now late,
the "p" in poetry sure
doesn't stand for prompt

---------------------------

His predilection
for poop jokes meant Bill put the
"p" in poetry

Friday haiku

The cleaning lady
needs to wash her eyes, giving
me such dirty looks

Thursday haiku

It's hard to have a
poetry meeting when I'm
the only one here

Wednesday haiku

Nicole likes to wear
pink, because yellow makes her
look like a lemon

Tuesday haiku

AC/DC, now 
with Axl, makes me jealous 
of Brian's deafness

Monday haiku

Norman Mailer head
butted Gore Vidal over
women's rights. Manly!!

Weekend haiku

The green guy on the
corner wanting carrots is
a rutabaga

--------------------------

Walking in, our new
house still has that new house smell,
or maybe that's bleach

Friday haiku

The tomato in
the hot tub was so upset,
he was just stewing

Thursday haiku

We cage gorillas,
then kill them when one of us
dares enter their space

Wednesday haiku

There are so many
crowns on my teeth, my mouth could
now rule Great Britain

Tuesday haiku

Billy's gone from our
work world, so there will now be
less hugs and less smiles

Monday haiku

The incontinent
bear always slept alone at
hibernation time

Weekend haiku

Pediatricians
are doctors who spend all their
time kidding around 

-------------------------------- 

I was cut from the
ad campaign, as they wanted
it to make money

Friday haiku

She asked, "Are your words
romantic or erotic?"
He replied, "Why or?"

Thursday haiku

The feminist told
him, "It's okay to have a
dick, just don't be one."

Wednesday haiku

Ozzy Osbourne is
a vegetarian, must
have been a fruit bat

Tuesday haiku

Bill's wealth of knowledge
was actually only
worth a buck fifty

Monday haiku

Bill likes to be spanked,
for good health, claiming it adds
color to his cheeks

Weekend haiku

Dental appointment
in five days, I've got four days
before I must floss 

-------------------------------- 

She smiles at me, as
if I were an abandoned
puppy, which is nice

Friday haiku

Yes, it takes many
nails to build the crib, but just
one screw to fill it

Thursday haiku

The fine droplets of
water will alight on blades
of grass in dew time

Wednesday haiku

The wizard rabbi
knows all, except which hat he
should be wearing now

Tuesday haiku

I wrote this haiku
for my psychic mom, but she
knew it was coming

Monday haiku

Dressed in fishnets and
high heels, he'd misunderstood
what drag racing meant

Weekend haiku

He'd thought he found a
large seed in his juicy peach,
and that's a pity

------------------------------

I missed my high school
reunion, now I don't know
if I'm popular

Friday haiku

The Cook family,
all twelve of them, found they could
not make a good broth

Thursday haiku

They say beauty is
only skin deep, also true
for melanoma

Wednesday haiku

Most knights know it takes
a special kind of queen to
make that kingdom come

Tuesday haiku

The main difference
between Summer and Fall is
all about degrees

Monday haiku

It's called Fall because
it's what temperatures, good
moods, and raindrops do

Weekend haiku

Bill's girlfriend is so
tall, it's like he's dating an
amorous giraffe 

----------------------------- 

Poets tend to wish
they had written what is on
someone else's page

Friday haiku

Joe looks like my high
school bully, so I glare at
him thirty years late

Thursday haiku

Jill's legs are so long
and sensual, it makes me
wish I were her boots

Wednesday haiku

The flash flood didn't
make anyone too happy,
except for the ducks

Tuesday haiku

The noise in the bar
kept increasing until I
couldn't hear my beer

Monday haiku

Bill's work ethic is
to stay as far away from
it as he can get

Weekend haiku

Trump supporters don't
seem to understand how to
read a resume 


------------------------------- 


Trump fans just don't get
we need the most qualified,
not most amplified

Friday haiku

A misogynist
and racist for president?
Jefferson's so proud

Thursday haiku

"I will continue
to make your lives hell, until
all your moods improve!"

Wednesday haiku

Bill struggles against
his constraints, though it does make
the mistress angry

Tuesday haiku

David is killing
it as our boss, if by "it"
you mean our spirit

Monday haiku

Bill is a big guy,
looking like a rhino in
a Hawaiian shirt

Weekend haiku

I've had another
birthday, but that don't make me
any more mature 

----------------------------------- 

Based on the campaign,
Trump has two faces only
a mother could love

Friday haiku

Bill says he's not hung
up on winning awards, then
hugs his trophy wife

Thursday haiku

Bill says he's not hung
up on how people look, then
adjusts his hairpiece

Wednesday haiku

No job's more likely
to leave you destitute than
being a poet

Tuesday haiku

She wore her Kangol
as if her Easter Parade
hat had been stolen

Monday haiku

With the size of his
belly, a stomach ache is
debilitating

Weekend haiku

Mothers help shape us
into who we become, but
it's not all their fault 

------------------------------ 

My mom is the best! 
Wait, you say yours is?  Oh...we...
Nope, mine's still better!

Friday haiku

The large gauge holes in
his ears were smaller than his
Mom's disappointment

Thursday haiku

Short shorts and cowboy
boots, still really sore, so she
left her spurs at home

Wednesday haiku

Short shorts and cowboy
boots, looking for more than a
seven second ride

Tuesday haiku

He said it was off
the top of his head, but I'm
sure it was lower

Monday haiku

She was told, "It's a
spider-free zone", but no one
had told the spider

Weekend haiku

Stuck in the hotel,
can't go outside, now paying
for my room and bored 

------------------------------- 

Don't touch the hive, my
friend, I've always found it's best
to just let them bee

Friday haiku

Sara's so easy,
she goes in and out more than
a fiddler's elbow

Thursday haiku

Jill's mood goes up and
down more than shock absorbers
on a rocky road

Wednesday haiku

Mozart, to make sweet
music, as you do, takes a
stunning pianist

Tuesday haiku

Her business plan
isn't just practical, it
makes dollars and sense

Monday haiku

Yes, our football team
is great, but the bandwagon
is completely full

Weekend haiku

Jill's super power
is she can make every drop
of wine disappear 

---------------------------- 

Since Jill is always
complaining, her new nickname
is "the whinery"

Friday haiku

"That's the funniest
thing I've ever seen" should not
be said while in bed

Thursday haiku

The tragedy of
Prince passing is he didn't
live to see the Dawn

Wednesday haiku

Proctology is
about checking to see if
the sun does shine there

Tuesday haiku

"I've never seen that
before" is a bad phrase at
a rectal exam

Monday haiku

She chastised me for
staring, only to find I
was sleeping soundly

Weekend haiku

Whenever she says
she feels like a new person,
her husband's nervous 

---------------------------------- 

It's hard to not feel 
like just another number
on a football team

Friday haiku

Better to spend all
your time making love, than all
your love making time

Thursday haiku

Weather forecast for
child photo shoot: flash lightning
and wailing thunder

Wednesday haiku

The ghost likes to drink
expensive whiskey because
he enjoys good booze

Tuesday haiku

Billy carries a
small flask in his hat, just to
keep his spirits up

Monday haiku

My bad handwriting
prevents folks from stealing my
words, or reading them

Weekend haiku

I have self-loathing,
as I don't want to feel left
out from my family 

----------------------------- 

Tire losing air,
no nail to be found, so it's
obviously screwed

Friday haiku

The bloated roadkill
smelled terrible, and looked worse,
but it was tasty

Thursday haiku

He drove cross country
with all his belongings, just
so she can't have them

Wednesday haiku

Bill thought "unisex"
meant making sweet love, balanced
on only one wheel

Tuesday haiku

We had nachos for
lunch, before President Trump
tells us that we can't

Monday haiku

While the Boy Scouts won't
allow gays to be leaders,
they can buy popcorn

Weekend haiku

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not arrive, please resend it,
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-------------------------------- 

The chickadee chirps
from his high branch, wondering
why I'm way down here

Friday haiku

She's so excited
to see baby goats, she feels
like a kid again

Thursday haiku

The longest I've worked
anywhere is five years, and
I've been here fifteen

Wednesday haiku

Window shopping has
a very different meaning
to a peeping Tom

Tuesday haiku

The voyeur always
knows what time it is because
she just likes to watch

Monday haiku

The voyeur has a
really good ticker because
she just likes to watch

Weekend haiku

Here in heaven, I
have to wonder, how do you
mess up "Go to hell?" 

------------------------------------- 

The drunk said, "Let's talk
about anything, but vomit
better not come up!"

Friday haiku

Why do you have to
be a total bitch? Oh wait,
you're not my husband

Thursday haiku

Drunk in Paris, my
tube socks wet and askew, I
feel like shitaake

Wednesday haiku

At the vet's, as we
put our cat to rest, both room
doors were marked "Exit"

Tuesday haiku

She asked me to be
Snow White's last dwarf in her play,
but that's just Dopey

Monday haiku

The bare window knew
it wasn't the end, but it
was curtains for him

Weekend haiku

It's okay if Jack
Daniels is your whiskey, let
me be your liquor 

------------------------------ 

Buddhists put themselves
in the middle of photos
just to be centered

Friday haiku

All my life, I've seen
signs which read, "Jesus Saves," but
not one says which bank

Thursday haiku

The best birth control:
babysit hyperactive
seven year old kids

Wednesday haiku

Emperor Nero
had a barbeque, fiddle
music filled the air

Tuesday haiku

Trump supporters aren't

racist ignorant hicks, as

most of them aren't hicks

Monday haiku

Billy found out his
girlfriend made whiskey part-time,
and he loved her still

Weekend haiku

Jill loves the Fourth of
July, as it's the one time
she gets a good bang 

--------------------------- 

Married thirty years,
they now only make love when
they can find the parts

Friday haiku

Bobby works very
hard trying to find ways to
not work very hard

Thursday haiku

For Jillian, there
is nothing mellow about
her melodrama

Wednesday haiku

I think I suffer
from O.D.D: Obsessive
Doofus Disorder

Tuesday haiku

I'm not losing my
hair, my forehead has become
much more assertive

Monday haiku

For the buffalo,
his cell phone bill was huge. They
charged him for roaming

Weekend haiku

Romney called Trump a
fraud and liar.  Well, duh, he's
a politician 

---------------------------------- 

Romney called Trump a
huckster, or in other words,
a Republican

Friday haiku

In the darkness, the
wind shakes the trees, or at least
I hope it's the wind

Thursday haiku

It's Ramadan, so
she's fasting, maybe I should
stop offering cake

Wednesday haiku

LL Cool J is
on TV-NCIS:
LA.  OMG!

Tuesday haiku

The planks of wood kept
taking pictures of themselves
as they liked shelfies

Monday haiku

The trick to walking
in the rain is to step where
the raindrops are not

Weekend haiku

Han Solo broke his
ankle, and in the chaos,
Greedo sneaks away 

------------------------ 

With the next Star Wars'
old actors, maybe it should
be called, "A New Hip"

Friday haiku

Looking around the
classroom, I realize the
problem child is me

Thursday haiku

Han Solo broke his
foot, now no one wants to buy
a broken down Ford

Wednesday haiku

Rose wouldn't let poor
Jack on the door, as her heart
just couldn't go on

Tuesday haiku

My poem made her
cry, and I promise, there were
no bad words in it

Monday haiku

With a flit of his
eyelashes, he let them know
they were not worthy

Weekend haiku

The geometry
of heaven is all about
finding the angels 

------------------------- 

The enemy that
thwarts Billy at every twist
and turn is himself

Friday haiku

Do you truly want
the honest answer or the
"keep you happy" one?

Thursday haiku

Why do you ask me
questions in which the answers
will just offend you?

Wednesday haiku

He called her old and
weak, and after she punched him,
found she was neither

Tuesday haiku

He thought she'd defend
him from their barbed attacks, but
her tongue was sharpest

Monday haiku

I'm told marriage is
a balance of give and take:
I give and she takes

Weekend haiku

You say I'm creeping
you out, making your skin crawl.
You're so not the first. 

----------------------------------- 

Every Doubleday,
I'll yell at a Random House,
"Be my Ballantine!"

Friday haiku

She says I'm creeping
her out, making her skin crawl.
Mission accomplished!

Thursday haiku

Jill tends to be a
fair weather friend, and it's been
real stormy lately

Wednesday haiku

There's not one evil
bone in John's body, but his
front teeth are liars

Tuesday haiku

When folding your wife's
laundry, know they're the only
undies you can touch

Monday haiku

When folding your wife's
laundry, just know that you are
doing it all wrong

Weekend haiku

They honked for the car
behind me, but that doesn't
keep me from waving 

--------------------------- 

My brain feels like gum
dropped in the laundry room: wet,
sticky and fuzzy

Friday haiku

On Groundhog Day, Trump
saw his shadow, so it's six
more weeks of bullshit

Thursday haiku

Bob Hoskins has passed,
played bad characters well, but
was just drawn that way

Wednesday haiku

She grumbled about
sugar in her drink, between
big bites of doughnut

Tuesday haiku

Maya Angelou
has left us, no longer caged
but she's still singing

Monday haiku

I've only been home
twelve hours, and already
need a vacation

Weekend haiku

All the guys who walk
around, confident, wearing
Speedos, shouldn't be 

---------------------------------- 

My wife has severe
laryngitis, no voice, so
I slept peacefully

Friday haiku

Why don't they measure
the ocean's depth in feet? I
just can't fathom it.

Thursday haiku

The young landscaper
frustrated his boss, buying
all grass by the yard

Wednesday haiku

An apple a day
keeps the doctor away, and
the growers happy

Tuesday haiku

Anxiety dream-
Missed my flight. I'm awake now,
so I'll be early

Monday haiku

When the little blue
pill's stock starts to plummet, they
say Viagra falls

Weekend haiku

He tried to write from
his father's perspective, but
he disliked the view 

------------------------------- 

We were like two ships
that passed in the night, if one
of those ships can't swim

Friday haiku

He didn't want to
demonize his father, since
demons aren't that bad

Thursday haiku

As a child, T.J.
swallowed five bucks in quarters.
He now dislikes change

Wednesday haiku

You're born, you die, that's
life. What you do in-between
those is called living

Tuesday haiku

Kath's retiring,
but it sure seems like she's got
plenty of tread left

Monday haiku

MLK Jr.
would be proud of Barack, and
sad about Cosby

Weekend haiku

Jill could sing like a
bird, if that bird happened to
be a male snow goose 

---------------------------- 

The calendar thought
WTF stood for Wednesday,
Thursday and Friday

Friday haiku

Whenever he found
wrinkles in his writing, Bill
deployed irony

Thursday haiku

To me, it was just
a pretty shell, but for the
crab, it was shelter

Wednesday haiku

Universities:
For those who like to forget
real expensive facts

Tuesday haiku

My wife and I passed
on starting a family
as we don't like kids

Monday haiku

Spring sunshine makes me
almost understand why I
suffer through winter

Weekend haiku

Sitting near the cake,
without a bite, each breath was
sixteen calories

------------------------------- 

Like a warm spring snow,
apple petals falling, a
blizzard of blossoms

Friday haiku

April Fool's Day is
everyone's yearly chance to
be Republican

Thursday haiku

A compost bin and
stairs taught Chris that even in
the Spring, leaves can fall

Wednesday haiku

At the hospital,
Chris now knows to move compost
bin first, then fill it.

Tuesday haiku

In Australia, flies
are the national flower,
bird, tree and insect

Monday haiku

They don't get sick, but
meteorologists are
under the weather

Weekend haiku

I don't want to spoil
the party, and I can't, I
wasn't invited 

------------------------ 

She may not be a
ten, but she's a solid six
on my Richter scale

Friday haiku

January 1st:
Yet it still feels, looks and smells
a lot like last year