Weekend haiku

2016 took
large swaths of my childhood, like
a drunken uncle

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Why must the new year
be so heavily burdened
by last year's mistakes?

Friday haiku

The people who are
the least humble tend to be
those who should be more

Thursday haiku

With the last name of
Gala, they better be good
at throwing parties

Wednesday haiku

The Christmas tree will
be gone soon, but the needles
will stay on for months

Tuesday haiku

After Christmas Sale:
Everything you bought at full
price is now half off

Monday haiku

Boxing day arrives
twenty four hours after
the unwrapping day

-------------------------

After Christmas Sale:
Only three hundred sixty
four days 'til Christmas

Weekend haiku

Christmas is the time
to say, "I love you, and by
the way, where's my gift?"

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For Hanukkah, my
friend smokes a joint each day, and
has eight hazy nights

Friday haiku

Some put an angel
atop the tree for peace, while
Jill puts the remote

Thursday haiku

The Republicans
favorite holiday song
must be "White Christmas"

Wednesday haiku

We decorate the
Christmas tree just to create
one giant cat toy

Tuesday haiku

President-elect
Trump picks Bill Cosby as Head
of Women's Studies

Monday haiku

He's a MADD scientist,
doing research for Mothers
Against Drunk Driving

Weekend haiku

Her love is like a
hotel minibar, each piece
costs more than it's worth

-----------------------------

The mad scientist
was upset having just been
blinded by that girl

Friday haiku

Stars prick holes in the
fabric of night, remind us
the light is still there

Thursday haiku

Bill reads poetry 
just to remind himself why 
he hates poetry

Wednesday haiku

Jill rubs lottery
tickets like magic lamps, but
rarely finds genies

Tuesday haiku

Christmas music in 
March means the stores are starting 
later than last year

Monday haiku

These rays of sunshine 
are almost strong enough to 
warm up Jill's cold heart

Weekend haiku

Unlike pets, parents 
don't neuter their kids, at least 
not physically 

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Though they're called Great Blue 
Herons, they are more well known 
for their Jazz stylings

Friday haiku

I saw them flying! 
Pterodactyls! Oh wait, they 
were Great Blue Herons

Thursday haiku

If the buck truly 
does stop here, you can expect 
the doe to follow

Wednesday haiku

While Andy quotes lines
from Shakespeare and Voltaire, Chris
quotes from Dr. Seuss

Tuesday haiku

Not quite bright enough,
Jonathon gave the poisoned
man an anecdote

Monday haiku

We looked at Farmer
Bill funny when he said he
was feeling sheepish

Weekend haiku

I've considered it
a challenge growing older
without growing up

-----------------------------

The only thing of
value to come out of Bill's
mouth will be gold teeth

Friday haiku

I'm not stubborn, and
I'll argue all day with those
who say otherwise

Thursday haiku

Oppenheimer got
the concept for nuclear
bombs from his ex-wife