Weekend haiku

Trump winning is like 
Taco Bell: Both will make us 
run for the border 

--------------------------------- 

He considered his 
prayers helium balloons 
quickly rising home

Friday haiku

This election year, 
my vote is for what makes the 
most sense: start over

Thursday haiku

Some believe Donald 
Trump's a Democratic plant, 
but is slime a plant?

Wednesday haiku

Tall and slender, she 
glides through her life as if born 
aerodynamic

Tuesday haiku

Christmas is over, 
so no holiday music 
for at least three months

Monday haiku

Santa predicted 
toys for all; it was an elf 
fulfilled prophecy

Weekend haiku

In the desert, you'll 
find that Christmas tends to be 
mainly a mirage 

------------------------------------ 

Rudolph's red nose was 
actually due to nasal 
deep vein thrombosis

Friday haiku

Happy Holidays 
tends to mean family, friends and 
some kind of liquor

Thursday haiku

Roy Moore has confused 
the proper age of whiskey 
and of his women

Wednesday haiku

Dyslexic devil 
worshippers spend their Christmas 
praying to Santa

Tuesday haiku

Living on a dirt 
road means accepting the fact 
all your stuff's dusty

Monday haiku

Migraines are painful 
proof for my family and friends, 
I do have a brain

Weekend haiku

Bachelors drive a 
Prius, while divorcees all 
tend to drive Escapes 

----------------------------- 

Work is life's way of 
telling you your time in high 
school wasn't so bad

Friday haiku

Republicans want 
less government, unless it 
is them governing

Thursday haiku

Winter mornings, who 
needs coffee to wake up when 
you have icy roads

Wednesday haiku

There are times when I'm 
composing, it feels more like 
I'm decomposing

Tuesday haiku

Jill says we are all 
God's angels, but I'm sure she 
hasn't met Kevin

Monday haiku

You can blame your butt 
or the concrete, I say it 
must be the asphalt

Weekend haiku

On Obama's last
day, he was likely singing
George Michael's "Freedom" 

------------------------------------ 

Synthetic fibers 
and campfire sparks are not 
the best of playmates

Friday haiku

I find politics 
and music mix as well as 
lutefisk and chocolate

Thursday haiku

Ted Nugent beat Cat 
Scratch Fever, but has succumbed 
to Right Wing Fever

Wednesday haiku

The feminist says, 
"Man's issue isn't woman, 
man's issue is man."

Tuesday haiku

Be thankful you're not 
being investigated 
by Robert Mueller

Monday haiku

Dear, Alzheimers is 
never remembering you 
said you were sorry

Weekend haiku

I've found I see the
world a bit differently while
sitting on the curb 

-------------------------------- 

Marley marinates 
cubes of Pikachu because 
he likes poke, Mon

Friday haiku

In prison, Harvey 
Weinstein is more likely to 
get those massages

Thursday haiku

I just ate Rocky 
Mountain Oysters and I feel 
a little testy

Wednesday haiku

Sidetracked by all these 
cat videos, Bill had been 
searching for pussy

Tuesday haiku

The advertising 
campaign brainwashing us all 
is cat videos

Monday haiku

Cat videos: the 
insidious furry plague 
of the internet

Weekend haiku

Cell phones make us more 
connected, yet we've never 
been further apart 

-------------------------------- 

Computers are just 
expensive ways to get porn 
and cat videos

Friday haiku

If the sky does fall 
someday, Chicken Little will 
be vindicated

Thanksgiving haiku

Thanksgiving is the 
time to be most thankful for 
warm stretchy sweat pants

Wednesday haiku

Aardvarkman's super 
power is being first on 
the hero phone tree

Tuesday haiku

Camouflaged by clouds, 
the blue sky waits patiently 
to attack the day

Monday haiku

Lakeview: A town so 
unpleasant, even the rain 
refuses to come

Weekend haiku

Distracted by her
kisses, nothing else in the
world seemed to matter

------------------------------

Distracted by her
beauty, even the thunder
clapped for attention

Friday haiku

Just thirty eight days 
until Christmas, so empty 
your bank account now

Thursday haiku

Manafort charged with 
crimes against the U.S.  Duh, 
he helped elect Trump

Wednesday haiku

Your doctor's office 
is the only place you want 
a lack of patients

Tuesday haiku

I'm not sure the strength 
of jean stitches, but Jill's huge 
ass is testing it

Monday haiku

How computers work: 
I push buttons, while inside, 
the magic happens

Weekend haiku

Jill told her active 
spouse, "Run me like a river, 
paddle when needed" 

-------------------------------------- 

The orca podcast 
takes on issues that are not 
always black and white

Friday haiku

A podcast of whales 
debating the benefits 
of krill-based diets

Thursday haiku

You can't have a gun 
for defense, if it is called 
an assault rifle

Wednesday haiku

Pisces acts fishy, 
while Gemini eats Cancer, 
Taurus cries out, "Bull!"

Tuesday haiku

I'm a poet, but 
I thought Pantoums were where you 
buried your trousers

Monday haiku

Better your dentist 
than border patrol to do 
a cavity search

Weekend haiku

The bitch in heels, those 
truly bitchin' heels, tried to 
tell me, "Bitchin' heals!" 

--------------------------------- 

I sit under trees 
in the Fall, to get my own 
ticker tape parade

Friday haiku

"Thank God for that stiff 
wind", said nobody, but the 
kid with the new kite

Thursday haiku

I'm not saying I'm 
out of shape, but I'm sweating 
writing poetry

Wednesday haiku

Two days later, the
fourteen mile hike might have been
two miles too many

Tuesday haiku

When talking to a 
zombie, don't brag you got the 
brains in the family

Monday haiku

War is hell, unless 
you're an arms dealer, warlord, 
or politician

Weekend haiku

Walking the trail, her 
dog kept stopping and sniffing, 
checking his pee-mail 

------------------------------------ 

Stupidity is 
really just another word 
for politician

Friday haiku

Based on movies and 
t.v., once you go zombie, 
you never go back

Thursday haiku

Their race to eat all 
the different styles of Asian 
food ends in a Thai

Wednesday haiku

Hilary listens 
to "Dark Side of the Moon", while 
Trump just plays "The Wall"

Tuesday haiku

No one wants to hit 
the Trump pinata, because 
that is not candy

Monday haiku

Sriracha has a 
rooster on the bottle, but 
it's not for your cock

Weekend haiku

According to her 
nanny, butler, and three friends, 
her shit doesn't stink 

------------------------------------- 

The only thing fast 
with fast food is how quickly 
the calories rise

Friday haiku

Headphones on, staring 
at a small screen, plugged in yet 
missing here and now

Thursday haiku

Just saying something 
adamantly and loudly 
doesn't make it true

Wednesday haiku

Is it a bad sign 
the day after my birthday 
my watch stops working?

Tuesday haiku

Wearing their cycling 
attire, the group of guys call 
themselves "Jersey Boys"

Monday haiku

Mercury passed so 
close to the sun, it felt like 
me around Julie

Weekend haiku

The plaque, noting Jill's 
soaring spirit is affixed 
to a large boulder 

---------------------------- 

This memorial 
garden is for Jill, who was 
agoraphobic

Friday haiku

AC/DC now 
has Axl Rose; Slash and Duff 
are laughing so hard

Thursday haiku

The ants go marching, 
because that's what you do when 
you're in the Army

Wednesday haiku

Jill's in the summer 
of her life, which would explain 
all the hot flashes

Tuesday haiku

Turning fifty is 
rough, but it's much better than 
the alternative

Monday haiku

The psychedelic 
baker truly believed in 
her flour power

Weekend haiku

Baldness is just God's 
way of telling you that you 
look better in hats 

---------------------------- 

While most folks think poor 
Bill is bald, he knows he's more 
aerodynamic

Friday haiku

Nicole can go from 
classy to hood rat in just 
2.2 seconds

Thursday haiku

The missionary,   
strangely enough, found that he 
preferred doggy-style

Wednesday haiku

Your piss-poor planning, 
and lack of forethought, are now 
somehow my problem?

Tuesday haiku

I pay less for my 
bacon in the evening, since 
it has no night rates

Monday haiku

Jill's in her garden 
so much, the green has spread to 
her entire hand

Weekend haiku

Cast on arm, leg, gauze 
on face, chest and hands makes me 
think, "Hero or klutz?" 

----------------------------------------- 

Jill gardens so much, 
when she gets an idea, a 
tulip bulb appears

Friday haiku

The rhododendron 
blossoms, like floral trumpets, 
resound, "Spring is here!"

Thursday haiku

I don't know how a 
coin's pulled from circulation, 
but it's demented

Wednesday haiku

"Built on Purpose" is 
our slogan, since "Built to Make 
Money" seemed tacky

Tuesday haiku

When political 
leaders start a pissing match, 
all of us get soaked

Monday haiku

"Built on Purpose" is
our slogan, since "Built  on a
Whim" has less impact

Weekend haiku

The missing verse is:
If you're happy and you know
it, you're deluded

----------------------------------

The dogwood is in
bloom, while the pussywillow
takes its own sweet time

Friday haiku

He walks with such pride,
though none of us can figure
out what he's proud of

Thursday haiku

I've found that I'm a
strange mix of contradictions,
emphasis on strange

Wednesday haiku

The sky is so blue,
so perfect, even the sun
feels like a blemish

Tuesday haiku

The sky is so blue,
so perfect, the clouds are too
in awe to dare try

Monday haiku

Trees and flowers in
bloom, her mind celebrates, but
not her sinuses

Weekend haiku

The solar panels
beneath my epidermis
refuel, recharge, warm

-----------------------------

The crow caws and croaks,
reminding us to not let
our guard down again

Friday haiku

Billy's deep thought is:
Everything is cyclical,
except for a square

Thursday haiku

Prisoners want to
make calls while locked up, but they
can't have a cell phone

Wednesday haiku

Prisoners, like most
scientists, see life on a
cellular level

Tuesday haiku

The mountains beckon 
me back, year after year, they 
never disappoint

Monday haiku

It's so ironic
that Miami gets roughed up
by a hurricane

Weekend haiku

Roses are the most
logical flowers because
they make the most scents

---------------------------------

Prisoners may not
be egotistical, but
they are cell-centered

Friday haiku

Bill likes all of the
flowers in Jill's garden, but
prefers her tulips

Thursday haiku

Until you can see 
yourself in the "to", you won't 
let go of the "From"

Wednesday haiku

Writing poetry
each week in a coffee shop
has become a grind

Tuesday haiku

Writing poems in
a coffee shop, waiting for
a jolt to arrive

Monday haiku

The dinosaur that
always had the most sex was
the Clitasaurus

Weekend haiku

I've been searching for
someone to turn me on, but
they can't find the switch

-----------------------------------

Bill has a girlfriend
who treats him like dirt, and I
think, "Lucky bastard!"

Friday haiku

Hatred will slowly
consume your soul, but also
enjoys halibut

Thursday haiku

Bryan Ferry was 
wrong, hate is the drug, and love 
is the antidote

Wednesday haiku

When asked how long I'd 
be here, I asked, "Mentally 
or physically?"

Tuesday haiku

Everyone's sexy 
in their own way, though Bill's way 
is banned in six states

Monday haiku

In Tiger Woods' nude 
photos, you see his putter, 
and a hole in one

Weekend haiku

At REI, to
recycle is to get back
on your bike again

------------------------

I believe in free
speech, as long as you just say
what I agree with

Friday haiku

President Trump sides
with supremacists and Alt-
Rights, but he's All-Wrong

Thursday haiku

Not completely sad
or glad, feeling like cherry
blossoms in the rain

Wednesday haiku

The mountain made her 
nervous, constantly looming 
over her shoulder

Tuesday haiku

President Trump sticks
his arm out the car window
to make Alt-Right turns

Monday haiku

Trump stared up at the  
eclipse, as he's a member
of the new Alt-Sight

Weekend haiku

If you don't want all
the men staring at you, put
your clothes back on, Dear

--------------------------------

Slutty and Southern,
Julie's the girl who put the
harlot in Charlotte

Friday haiku

All Winter, the sun
only seems to come out when
I must go back in

Thursday haiku

Coffee Stout: the beer
to both start your morning and
finish off your night

Wednesday haiku

Coffee companies
have created a game: Cards
Against Lipton Tea

Tuesday haiku

With my great big nose,
I have found there's no such thing
as too much cocaine

Monday haiku

Pleasing yourself with
cucumbers is better than
a Durian fruit

Weekend haiku

I asked her to the
Prince concert, when she said, "Prince
who?", I said, "Goodbye!"

-------------------------------------------

Pleasing yourself with
cucumbers just proves you're a
vegetarian

Friday haiku

She kept slapping his
birthmark, not understanding
what "Whack-A-Mole" meant

Thursday haiku

The space program's pet
rooster rode on all missions
as their shuttlecock

Wednesday haiku

All the guards at the
marijuana store were on
very high alert

Tuesday haiku

I stopped drinking once,
but my Mom told me she did
not raise a quitter

Monday haiku

When I look at my
choices for president, I
think I'll choose whiskey

Weekend haiku

Time's more elusive
than the truth; impossible
to reach, hold or keep

-----------------------------

The only thing of
value to come from Bill's mouth
was a gold filling

Friday haiku

"Your poetry gave 
me goose bumps," she said, but I 
think it's the ice cream

Thursday haiku

As an introvert,
I now understand why I
can relate to cats

Wednesday haiku

I like society,
humanity, people, but
more as a concept

Tuesday haiku

The artist painting 
traffic jams obviously 
likes to do still life.

Monday haiku

While Scaramucci's
out, there's still a lingering
fragrance of douchebag

Weekend haiku

Year of the Monkey:
This seems very fitting for
this election year

------------------------------

Our carpet, with its
stains and wear, reminds us we
can't afford wood floors

Friday haiku

As long as you live,
growing old's mandatory,
growing up isn't

Thursday haiku

Billy acting kind
is like seeing a hippo
wearing skinny jeans

Wednesday haiku

Whether hot or cold,
every inside place is still
room temperature

Tuesday haiku

I want to rock and
roll all night, party every
day, but I'm fifty

Monday haiku

When you have the flu,
neither your body, mind, or
mood feels like flying

Weekend haiku

The Karate Kid
Brazilian Special: thirty
bucks, wax on, wax off

-----------------------------

Ward didn't like June's
Brazilian, preferring she
leave it to Beaver

Friday haiku

With Fred Flintstone's big
feet, he always steps in the
Yabba Dabba Doo

Thursday haiku

If I can ever
understand how people think,
I'll have lost my mind

Wednesday haiku

It's tough to live with
ADHD because of
cats are so pretty

Tuesday haiku

History repeats 
itself, as humans don't learn 
from it the first time

Monday haiku

The head lice like to
spend all of their vacation
time at their chapeau

Weekend haiku

Raining in buckets,
I picked the wrong day to not
bring my water wings

-----------------------------------

If you can't tell your
head from a hole in the ground,
you'll bury your hats

Friday haiku

My priorities
are just never the same as
everyone else's

Thursday haiku

When all the robins
arrive early, no one's late,
there's not enough worm

Wednesday haiku

Wanting more from life,
Jill makes them ex's if they
don't make her say, "Oh!"

Tuesday haiku

We're not common thieves,
we liberate items of
different ownership

Monday haiku

Parents tell kids, "Don't
eat with your fingers!", then serve
hot dogs and french fries

Weekend haiku

Napoleon had
his weiner chopped off, so he
is a Bonaparte

-----------------------------------

C3 is P.O.'d,
R2D2, all because
of what BB8

Friday haiku

Hydroplaning down
wet highways, I think I need
a pilot's license

Thursday haiku

Unemployed, needing
insurance, his girlfriend was
friends with benefits

Wednesday haiku

The one thing better
than your last poem is the
one you're writing next

Tuesday haiku

Strangely enough, for
some people, loud fireworks
causes waterworks

Monday haiku

Depression is just
God's way of telling you to
drink more alcohol

Weekend haiku

Any blowtorch that
will work on cheap, subpar jobs
is acetylene

-------------------------------------

Digging for bones, while
everyone's serious, I
found this humerus

Friday haiku

As a football fan,
I'm Gruden intolerant
Please John, go away!!

Thursday haiku

Wil Wheaton's girlfriend
is gluten intolerant,
much to his chagrin

Wednesday haiku

Supergirl's boyfriend
admitted his heroine
addiction is real

Tuesday haiku

Thanks to the Russians, 
Trump's already elected 
for a seventh term

Monday haiku

The worst person to
be gluten intolerant
would be Wil Wheaton

Weekend haiku

Christmas came early,
the heavens gave us Tony,
God's gift to women

-------------------------------

For a good portion
of rural Kansas, every
year's a white Christmas

Friday haiku

LOST: Great Dane-hungry,  
curious, scared, answers to
the name Scooby Doo

Thursday haiku

It has no exits,
but the bathroom is best for
evacuations

Wednesday haiku

The fish store sponsored
orchestra sounds bad because
it's out of tuna

Tuesday haiku

The T-rex always 
loses all battles because 
they are not well-armed

Monday haiku

No matter what the
terrorists try to do, we'll
always have Paris

Weekend haiku

She waved at Donny
because flipping him off took
way too much effort

----------------------------------

Darth Vader took the
hand because Luke never sent
a Father's Day card

Friday haiku

I scream, you scream, we
all scream for the hell of it.
We are obnoxious!

Thursday haiku

After all these years,
why won't they put a tracking
device on Scooby?

Wednesday haiku

Trump may not have killed
U.S. politics, but he
played Russian roulette

Tuesday haiku

Jill could be outside 
with pride, but she's inside with 
a quart of ice cream

Monday haiku

Wanting a divorce,
George Jetson again yelled, "Jane,
Stop this crazy thing!"

Weekend haiku

Bill's medicine is
beer, as he finds it always
will provide thirst aid

-------------------------------

With all of the clocks
around, Bill didn't see the
need of a binge watch

Friday haiku

The accident now
passed, Jill wondered when she would
receive second aid

Thursday haiku

Tommy's patience was
melting like a salt shaker
in a thunderstorm

Wednesday haiku

The only change Jill
truly appreciates comes
from vending machines

Tuesday haiku

Whenever I hope 
we're nearing enlightenment, 
the news wakes me up

Monday haiku

For boating nerds, their 
infatuation seems to 
be currently strong

Weekend haiku

She puts lotion on
her hands, looking like a bad
guy hatching a plot

-----------------------------------

When asked what margin
was, Kevin said, "I believe
that it's like butter"

Friday haiku

If you don't believe
cell phones are adult binkys,
just try taking one

Thursday haiku

High as a cloud, the
church bell makes Tom smile, as it
rings out, "Bong! Bong! Bong!"

Wednesday haiku

They whisper, giggle
and blush, telling secrets they've
been holding so tight

Tuesday haiku

Never play poker 
with Darth Vader, as you will 
always lose the hand

Monday haiku

She picks at her food,
as she's been told shoveling
is not ladylike

Weekend haiku

Purging things before
a big move is easier
when it's not your stuff

-------------------------------

She's as efficient
as a broken umbrella
in a heavy rain

Friday haiku

When it comes to sex,
I've found sodomy is a
other hole ball game

Thursday haiku

Since everyone wore
shirts, nobody had any
real skin in the game

Wednesday haiku

The depressed singer
wanted to go out number
one with a bullet

Tuesday haiku

Paul was publicly 
condemned for fondling his 
privates in public

Monday haiku

You can hide from the
wine and whiskey, but the beer
will always find you

Weekend haiku

It takes seventeen
muscles to smile, creating
your facial haiku

------------------------------

It must be a tough
hunting season when hunters
head back to college

Friday haiku

This week has been so
long and difficult, I am
just feeling fried, eh

Thursday haiku

Wolverine is the
wrong person to ask if he
would please scratch your back

Wednesday haiku

Her celebrity
makeover worked, she now looks
like Freddy Krueger

Tuesday haiku

I dropped my stress ball, 
which doesn't help me, but the 
carpet is calmer

Monday haiku

Ice cream headaches are
God's way of telling you that
you should eat pudding

Weekend haiku

Wearing thick glasses,
Jill's eyes are the double-paned
windows to her soul

---------------------------------------

Bill suffered severe
headaches daily, from eating
his ice cream too fast

Friday haiku

My first poetry
book online, though I am just
the photographer

Thursday haiku

She tries another
diet company, and gets
the same (non) results

Wednesday haiku

The laughter at the
other table almost matched
the jokes in my head

Tuesday haiku

The Princess was so 
happy, as King Arthur had 
wished her a good knight

Monday haiku

In Germany for
Octoberfest, Bill now calls
it Barvaria

Weekend haiku

Humans are just big
bags of water, but Julie's
bag has gone fetid

----------------------------

A big omelette fan,
the menu listing Egg Plant
had confused Connor

Friday haiku

If Billy Gibbons
performs without the ZZ,
has he gone Top-less?

Thursday haiku

The just married bee
wouldn't tolerate his wife's
waspish beehavior

Wednesday haiku

The yellow leaf falls,
returning to the earth, as
up's not an option

Tuesday haiku

Brendan's a published 
poet now, gone legit, turned 
pro, but still a goof

Monday haiku

The strangest dance moves
you'll ever make are when you're
menaced by a bee

Weekend haiku

Tired of iceberg,
she bought the rougher greens, just
for the kale of it

----------------------------------------

Some like Crosby, some
like Stills, some like Nash, and some
are forever Young

Friday haiku

Her name is Lucille,
she answers to Lucy, but
the boys call her Luce

Thursday haiku

Neither Donald or 
Hillary will ever get 
the Bills they hope for

Wednesday haiku

When his wife found she
did like some beers, Bill thought, "I
better hide my stash!"

Tuesday haiku

She wears her glasses 
when she sleeps, in case she needs 
to read in her dreams

Monday haiku

Bill felt less like a
Dad, more like a chauffeur slash
ATM machine

Weekend haiku

Our friend moving to 
Detroit, we all shout, "Hasta 
la Vista, Wesley!!" 


---------------------------------- 


Our friend moving to 
Detroit, our only advice, 
"You should watch '8 Mile'"

Friday haiku

James is artistic 
not autistic, well maybe 
a little of each

Thursday haiku

When asked about Trump 
as our Prez, Stevie Wonder 
said, "I don't see it"

Wednesday haiku

Gary's idea
of being kind is to just
screw you over once

Tuesday haiku

I find that I am
most unnerved by Gary when
he's smiling at me

Monday haiku

The dog barked all night,
keeping us awake, but he
didn't give a yip

Weekend haiku

Being allergic
to cats, I have found that I'm
rarely feline fine

----------------------------------

Frustrated, Bill threw
down his useless chopsticks and
exclaimed, "Well, fork it!"

Friday haiku

Condescension is
only wrong if the moron
realizes it

Thursday haiku

The words, "Trust me" are
always uttered by the one
person you shouldn't

Wednesday haiku

I'm not a birder.
I thought an Elegant Tern
was a ballet move

Tuesday haiku

Julia was blessed
with three beautiful children,
and one homely one

Monday haiku

Didn't Bill Cosby
know celebrities don't need
drugs to get women?

Weekend haiku

The vampire pine
tree is the one whose bite is
much worse than its bark

---------------------------------

Jill lost her street cred,
saying, "Watch your self before
you botch your self,fool!"

Friday haiku

Working at the pet
mortuary, Bill had to
stop saying, "Doggone!"

Thursday haiku

Lurning Englesh frum 
kat memes wy wee git idiut 
fur a prezidint

Wednesday haiku

The cat didn't own
a clutch or satchel, but she
always had her purrs

Tuesday haiku

For every ferry 
owner trying to get paid, 
they hate Chris Deburgh

Monday haiku

In a poetry
competition, you don't want
to be the last word

Weekend haiku

I'm dreaming to be
dreaming about me and you,
but I might as well

-----------------------------------

Both the car show and
poetry open mic are
auto fixations

Friday haiku

They celebrate her
last day with nachos, which just
seems wrong and cheesy

Thursday haiku

In Quebec, Trump said, 
"yes!", mishearing the question, 
"Do you love poutine?"

Wednesday haiku

Bill is as useless
as a wiffle ball bat in
a game of tennis

Tuesday haiku

We're not questioning 
Trump's allegiances, just where 
he's been Putin them

Monday haiku

We are all just bags
of water, except Bill, he's  
a bag of warm beer

Weekend haiku

You can always tell
who has a concealed weapon
when cars backfire

---------------------------------

Going once or twice
a year, Bill is less gym rat,
more a gym groundhog

Friday haiku

Jill makes duck faces
in her photos as egret
faces just look weird

Thursday haiku

I keep a Zippo 
in my pocket, so I feel 
a little lighter

Wednesday haiku

Jill makes duck faces
in every single photo
because she's a duck

Tuesday haiku

Never easily 
impressed, Wes named his coffee 
company, "Well, Latte Da!"

Monday haiku

The photographer,
lonely and desperate, got
by with a selfie

Weekend haiku

Fixated on his tooth,
his abcessive-compulsive
behavior's just weird

-----------------------------

Let it be known, I
say, if something is epic,
it's "over the fence"

Friday haiku

Due to his sore tooth,
he missed the meeting, being
absent by abcess

Thursday haiku

If laughter's the best
medicine, penicillin
must be right up there

Wednesday haiku

Laughter truly is
the best medicine, closely
followed by whiskey

Tuesday haiku

Nymphomaniac
coffee company was called
"Do Me A Latte"

Monday haiku

The narcissistic
coffee company was called
"Love Me A Latte"

Weekend haiku

Saying "I do" now
means having to say "Adieu"
to all the others
----------------------------------------

The disappointed
skydiver exclaimed to the
growing hole, "Aw chute!"

Friday haiku

I have a meeting,
a party of one, then find
I didn't show up

Thursday haiku

Another lunch at 
her desk, so much work, she can't 
even digest it

Wednesday haiku

Bill loves driving cars,
but the biking trip was a
bit two wheel for him

Tuesday haiku

Rush hour deadlock,
screaming in his car, seems right,
Paul's driving a Fit

Monday haiku

Celebrities known
for their bodies shouldn't have
a "talent" agent

Weekend haiku

I have found tea is
for gossip, brandy for shock,
whiskey for dancing

-------------------------------------

Celebrities known
for their bodies need to have
a talent later

Friday haiku

Asked to explain the
difference, Julie noted, "Slugs
are just homeless snails!"

Thursday haiku

Always carrying
their homes with them, snails must be
agoraphobic

Wednesday haiku

He was a healthy
boy, but Morse would always talk
like he had a code

Tuesday haiku

The yellow duckling
dictator stayed in power,
having flew the coup

Monday haiku

The problem with late
night massages is you tend
to wake up oily

Weekend haiku

Most teenage boys will
surely agree, too many
hooks will spoil the bra

------------------------------

We protest fur, not
leather, because bikers are
tougher than rich chicks

Friday haiku

Using herbs instead
of chardonnay, he found a
pinch of thyme saves wine

Thursday haiku

For New York mountain
dwellers, they have found a man's
home is his Catskill

Wednesday haiku

In seeing the ghost
of Swiss cheese past, most folks will
scream out, "Holy sheet!"

Tuesday haiku

To go ghost hunting,
I find that you need to be
in the right spirit

Monday haiku

Seventy five years
since the internment camps, now
history echoes

Weekend haiku

Bill's always using
Parkinson's as his excuse,
which just seems shaky

------------------------------

Bill's more insecure
than a full bank vault with no
guards, locks or alarms

Friday haiku

Just after breakfast,
the vegan was caught cheating,
with egg on his face

Thursday haiku

When one more drink will
be wrong, the Enabler
will bring the bottle

Wednesday haiku

The Enabler
will make you feel better, while
making it much worse

Tuesday haiku

My cat wakes me each 
dawn, reminding me to feed 
my kitty alarm

Monday haiku

The Enabler:
a superhero that will
hurt more than he helps

Weekend haiku

Dad's idea of
gardening just requires
starting the mower

---------------------------

His eggplant dish was
everything he could ask for
from an aubergine

Friday haiku

Terminator:
Where Arnold can go
back in time whenever he
needs some more money

Thursday haiku

Bladerunner:
The future looks damp
and bleak, but at least all the
robots will be hot

Wednesday haiku

Roxanne:
Men with really big
noses can get beautiful
women?  Oh, thank God!

Tuesday haiku

So I Married An Axe Murderer:
Funniest movie
Mike Myers ever made, it's
too bad he hates it

Monday haiku

Return of the Jedi:
Primitive teddies
are the bracket busters of
the Empire League

Weekend haiku

My team didn't make
it to the Super Bowl, so
it's not so super

-----------------------------

The Super Bowl is
family, friends, nachos, beer, snacks,
and, oh yeah, the game

Friday haiku

Empire Strikes Back
The movie that gave
hope to all middle children
they too could be cool

Thursday haiku

In a matter of
moments, in the blink of an
eye, nothing happened

Wednesday haiku

Nature abhors a
vacuum, and most men aren't real
fond of them either

Tuesday haiku

Trump kills National
Endowment For the Arts. How
art-less can he be?

Monday haiku

Trump kills National
Endowment For the Arts, so
now he's less endowed

Weekend haiku

John Hurt dies, leaving
six decades of great acting.
He's gone, we're more hurt

------------------------------

Trump pays prostitutes
to pee on bed Obama
slept in. LIVE STREAM NOW!!

Friday haiku

Waking up at noon,
out of bed at two, Bill snarls,
"God, I hate mornings!"

Thursday haiku

Swatting at all the
mosquitoes swarming around
him, Sam shouts, "SUCKERS!"

Wednesday haiku

"For population
control" should be the slogan
for the NRA

Tuesday haiku

Giving the whip to
the big winner, we told her,
"Con-flagellations!"

Monday haiku

Julie believes that
children are primarily
dirt with attitudes

Weekend haiku

If I do happen
to get into heaven, my
soles will have scorch marks

-------------------------------

I missed my chance at
a swingers party, as I
prefer monkey bars

Friday haiku

Thomas Dolby was
blinded by science, for me
it was always math

Thursday haiku

Because of Jaws, I
still get scared whenever I
hear those two damn notes

Wednesday haiku

While the ladies were
at the baby shower, the
men drank beer next door

Tuesday haiku

Baby showers are
misnamed, rarely a baby
or shower in sight

Monday haiku

Martin, It's still a
dream, but in time, I do hope
we can all get there

Weekend haiku

Restaurant's phone number
in the men's room, with the words,
"For a good Thai call..."

--------------------------------------

Bullying is just
overcompensation by
the perfect people

Friday haiku

While not judgmental,
Bill tends to look down upon
women's low-cut tops

Thursday haiku

The Candy Crush fan
parked next to three other white
cars and disappeared

Wednesday haiku

Resistance is life's
way of telling you you're not
pushing hard enough

Tuesday haiku

My ex-wife was, and
now forever will be, known
as my bitter half

Monday haiku

He knows you can't eat
flowers, but he will nibble
her juicy tulips

Weekend haiku

He chose "Cacao" as
his safe word, because it has
a big "ow" in it

-----------------------------

I will show you my
YouTube, if you will let me
play with your Twitter

Friday haiku

Coffee: the magic
elixir that almost makes
daylight bearable

Thursday haiku

Regarding Spring, the
rumor is that April may
and June will follow

Wednesday haiku

Jill's Dad is like a
God. She's never seen him, but
knows that he exists

Tuesday haiku

Zombie Bob Marley
is back from the dead, ready
to smoke the bad guys

Monday haiku

2016 is
gone, celebrities can breath
a sigh of relief