Monday haiku

While Scaramucci's
out, there's still a lingering
fragrance of douchebag

Weekend haiku

Year of the Monkey:
This seems very fitting for
this election year

------------------------------

Our carpet, with its
stains and wear, reminds us we
can't afford wood floors

Friday haiku

As long as you live,
growing old's mandatory,
growing up isn't

Thursday haiku

Billy acting kind
is like seeing a hippo
wearing skinny jeans

Wednesday haiku

Whether hot or cold,
every inside place is still
room temperature

Tuesday haiku

I want to rock and
roll all night, party every
day, but I'm fifty

Monday haiku

When you have the flu,
neither your body, mind, or
mood feels like flying

Weekend haiku

The Karate Kid
Brazilian Special: thirty
bucks, wax on, wax off

-----------------------------

Ward didn't like June's
Brazilian, preferring she
leave it to Beaver

Friday haiku

With Fred Flintstone's big
feet, he always steps in the
Yabba Dabba Doo

Thursday haiku

If I can ever
understand how people think,
I'll have lost my mind

Wednesday haiku

It's tough to live with
ADHD because of
cats are so pretty

Tuesday haiku

History repeats 
itself, as humans don't learn 
from it the first time

Monday haiku

The head lice like to
spend all of their vacation
time at their chapeau

Weekend haiku

Raining in buckets,
I picked the wrong day to not
bring my water wings

-----------------------------------

If you can't tell your
head from a hole in the ground,
you'll bury your hats

Friday haiku

My priorities
are just never the same as
everyone else's

Thursday haiku

When all the robins
arrive early, no one's late,
there's not enough worm

Wednesday haiku

Wanting more from life,
Jill makes them ex's if they
don't make her say, "Oh!"

Tuesday haiku

We're not common thieves,
we liberate items of
different ownership

Monday haiku

Parents tell kids, "Don't
eat with your fingers!", then serve
hot dogs and french fries

Weekend haiku

Napoleon had
his weiner chopped off, so he
is a Bonaparte

-----------------------------------

C3 is P.O.'d,
R2D2, all because
of what BB8

Friday haiku

Hydroplaning down
wet highways, I think I need
a pilot's license

Thursday haiku

Unemployed, needing
insurance, his girlfriend was
friends with benefits

Wednesday haiku

The one thing better
than your last poem is the
one you're writing next

Tuesday haiku

Strangely enough, for
some people, loud fireworks
causes waterworks

Monday haiku

Depression is just
God's way of telling you to
drink more alcohol

Weekend haiku

Any blowtorch that
will work on cheap, subpar jobs
is acetylene

-------------------------------------

Digging for bones, while
everyone's serious, I
found this humerus