Wednesday haiku

After Bill was cloned, 
at least one of him didn't 
have to do laundry

Tuesday haiku

I hear rumors my 
wife's sleeping with an author. 
Luckily, it's me!

Monday haiku

Worried his blood loss 
might be in vain, Bill chose to 
nick an artery

Weekend haiku

Nike has merged with 
Pepsi-Cola. Their slogan 
is now "Just Dew it!" 

--------------------------- 

A true vision test 
should be small print menus in 
dimly lit restaurants

Friday haiku

Gorton's fish sticks has 
merged with Reebok's to make 
fresh filet of sole

Thursday haiku

Trump and Clinton have 
now merged, so the world only 
has to hate one thing

Wednesday haiku

Trump launches hundreds  

of Preparation H bombs  

in shithole countries

Tuesday haiku

Preparation H 
and Winchell's have merged to make 
new "Doughnut A-holes"

Monday haiku

Let's celebrate, it's 
President's Day! Mueller says, 
"Not so fast, Donald!"

Weekend haiku

Instead of voting 
for our favorite, we vote 
for least offensive 

-------------------------- 

Flagged for hugging a 
ref, what's the penalty for 
what most fans would do?

Friday haiku

Sometimes, news leaves you 
happy, sad, torn, or all three. 
Today, I'm in shreds

Thursday haiku

She said I was too 
immature, and I replied, 
"Guess what! Monkey butt!!"

Wednesday haiku

Valentine's Day is 
either a day of love, or 
severe depression

Tuesday haiku

Johnny is the man 
of your dreams, but only if 
you're having nightmares

Monday haiku

As John entered the 
restroom, Bill left, like two shits 
passing in the night

Weekend haiku

I'd cook more with wine, 
but after three glasses, I 
start to get dizzy 

------------------------------

Valentine's Day is  

just around the corner, do   

you have a heart on?

Friday haiku

Too many cooks spoils 
the broth, but you can use as 
much wine as you like

Thursday haiku

If at first you don't 
succeed, you probably should 
not go skydiving

Wednesday haiku

If at first you don't 
succeed, you may not want the 
job diffusing bombs

Tuesday haiku

Winning a headlamp
at the Wellness Fair makes me 
a bit lightheaded

Monday haiku

He made her cry, not 
because he wanted to, but 
because it's his job

Weekend haiku

This wind is both cold 
and invigorating, just 
like a hot ex-wife 

-------------------------- 

Feathers everywhere, 
Bill had, by chance, thrown a huge 
superb owl party

Friday haiku

Five people murdered 
in mall shooting, and the big sale 
hadn't started yet

Thursday haiku

Horses are a lot 
like children, though you can't put 
saddles on the kids