Thursday haiku

 Don't celebrate yet!  

2020 still has time  

to make this year worse

Wednesday haiku

In the World Series  

of Love, there's no foul balls. Well,  

maybe a couple

Tuesday haiku

James versus Shena  

in the World Series of Love.   

She's using my bat!

Monday haiku

  James versus Shena  

in the World Series of Love.  

We'll need more innings!

Weekend haiku

 James versus Shena  

in the World Series of Love.  

So far, no strikeouts!  

-------------------------------------  

James versus Shena  

in the World Series of Love.  

It's tied, three apiece.

Friday haiku

 Bonnie's holiday  

party was so lame, just the  

Christmas tree got lit

Thursday haiku

 For Bill, the line "Don  

we now our gay apparel"  

is a daily thing

Wednesday haiku

 Santa's out on bail,  

he was caught cruising, looking  

for some ho-ho-ho's

Tuesday haiku

 The lightning is all  

around us, but the thunder  

is just in our hearts

Monday haiku

 The thirty watt bulb  

has been working so long, he's  

starting to burn out

Weekend haiku

 Arguing over  

the meaning of the word "dressed",  

Jill screams, "This means wore!"  

-----------------------------------------  

Asked how long he would  

paraglide, Taran replied,  

"I'll soar 'til I'm sore!"

Friday haiku

 Each January,  

there's a moment of hope, then  

resolutions fail

Thursday haiku

 In Florida, it's  

raining iguanas. Is that  

worse than cats and dogs?

Wednesday haiku

 Cole was under some  

serious pressure last term,  

now he's a diamond

Tuesday haiku

 When you know how to  

code, you can ask for the world,  

or you can take it

Monday haiku

 Her sunshine sometimes  

slips behind clouds, and that is  

when she looks for mine

Weekend haiku

 Julie's eyes are the  

blue of a January  

sky, and twice as cold  

----------------------------  

Her affection is  

still there, but colder, like the  

January sun

Friday haiku

 If we cover the  

ocean in plastic, it will  

be like Grandma's couch

Thursday haiku

 Driving in the snow  

is like telling the truth, I  

only trust myself

Wednesday haiku

 When she said, "P.M.  

snow", I heard "and", not "M", so  

I didn't go out

Tuesday haiku

We forced the Indians  

off their land, now they survive  

off of our vices 

Monday haiku

 While he's a captain  

at work, in bed she prefers  

him as a private

Weekend haiku

 In the fridge, Julie  

keeps a large cucumber for  

special occasions  

---------------------------------  

While he's a captain  

at work, in bed, he is her  

first orificer

Friday haiku

 It's always during  

the rainstorm I remember  

to clean the gutters

Thursday haiku

 Julie earned all her  

money the old-fashioned way,  

she divorced rich men

Wednesday haiku

 Julie earned all her  

cash the old-fashioned way, she  

married into it

Tuesday haiku

 Jill's friends joke she ends  

relationships so she can  

eat pity ice cream

Monday haiku

 I don't exercise,  

because I hear sweat is just  

your fat cells crying

Weekend haiku

 Waylon Jennings hates  

missing his flight, though there was  

one he's okay with  

--------------------------------------------  

Sting sings he will call  

her a thousand times a day.  

She must be local.

Friday haiku

 Be thankful for all  

the things you have, don't resent  

all the things you lack

Thursday haiku

 It may not be the  

easiest year to give thanks,  

but I'm still thankful

Wednesday haiku

 Each generation,  

due to plane crashes, has a  

day the music died

Tuesday haiku

 The Big Bopper is  

the only one hit wonder  

who has an excuse

Monday haiku

 With Buddy Holly,  

we do know exactly the  

day that she left him

Weekend haiku

 Minnie felt funny,  

then she realized she had  

been slipped a Mickey  

---------------------------------  

She's had so many  

meetings, her new job title  

must be "attendee"

Friday haiku

 Julie wears a mask,  

not because of Covid, she  

ran out of makeup

Thursday haiku

 Large sign reads, "Don't rock  

the vending machine". Someone  

wrote, "What about Jazz?"

Wednesday haiku

 The poet, living  

on the streets, is a bad sign  

for future poets

Tuesday haiku

 The Lion's Club is  

meeting tonight, which is bad  

news for the Romans

Monday haiku

 He ate the whole bag  

of cookies, all six servings,  

calories be damned

Weekend haiku

 How fragile must an  

ego be to deny the  

truth and embrace lies?  

-----------------------------  

I think we're ready  

for 2020 hindsight  

to start right away

Friday haiku

 Friday the 13th  

in 2020 must mean  

the apocalypse

Thursday haiku

 He mumbles, grumbles,  

talks to himself, as the one  

who listened is gone

Wednesday haiku

 Joan's Christmas sweater  

lights up, twinkling red, blue and  

green, while Joan's still dark

Tuesday haiku

 Johnny put on his  

thinking cap, but I swear that  

damn thing is broken

Monday haiku

 She moved us to a  

different room, in hopes it would  

improve our thinking

Weekend haiku

 It shouldn't have been  

this close, our humanity  

shouldn't be this gray  

---------------------------------  

Donald won't ever  

gain perspective. Hell, he can't  

even spell the word

Friday haiku

 If your election  

stays red for more than four years,  

consult a ballot

Thursday haiku

 She put her child on  

the baby changing station,  

and now he's different

Wednesday haiku

 Baby, it is cold  

outside, but that's an excuse,  

because I'm a letch

Tuesday haiku

 If you don't vote, you  

can't complain, and we know that  

you like to complain

Monday haiku

 She wore a pure white  

outfit, hoping folks might think  

she's still virginal

Weekend haiku

 They want me to work  

weekends, which just might help me  

to find religion  

-------------------------------------------  

I can make most bad  

decisions without any  

help from all of you

Friday haiku

 They want me to work  

weekends, but I just can't say,  

"Thank God, it's Tuesday!"

Thursday haiku

 They want me to work  

weekends, not knowing I don't  

work during the week

Wednesday haiku

 She'd like her job if  

the desk chains were long enough  

to reach the bathroom

Tuesday haiku

 Beer is not just for  

breakfast anymore, and it  

sure beats orange juice

Monday haiku

 His job felt more like  

a house at the end of a  

one-way dead end street

Weekend haiku

 Politicians need  

to know the company they  

keep is who they are  

-------------------------------  

I think Trump will make  

America great again  

when he leaves office

Friday haiku

 When you defend a  

bully, you must know, someday  

they will turn on you

Thursday haiku

 The headaches and blurred  

vision are not your eyes, you've  

been watching Fox News

Wednesday haiku

 Fox News is to news  

what the sewer pipe is to  

all of the plumbing

Tuesday haiku

 Food poisoning is  

an extremely drastic weight  

loss plan, but it works

Monday haiku

 I bought a bag of  

Itsy Bitsy Pretzel Bites,  

but it was just crumbs

Weekend haiku

 The president lies,  

and lies about the lies, then  

wants us to believe  

--------------------------------------  

The president lies  

so much, when he tells the truth,  

we still don't trust him

Friday haiku

 Once she stopped drinking,  

she found her friends and her job  

weren't near as much fun

Thursday haiku

 After the show, the  

musician asked for all his  

drinks in to-go cups

Wednesday haiku

 Her hair is hot pink,  

like cotton candy, but she's  

nowhere near as sweet

Tuesday haiku

 Jolly Green Giant  

suing Santa over his  

trademarked, "Ho Ho Ho"

Monday haiku

 I didn't say the  

word "normal" normally, but  

more abnormally

Weekend haiku

 If disgruntled means  

you are angry, peeved, pissed off,  

what doe gruntled mean?  

-----------------------------------------------------  

Billy feels like a  

little kid again, but the  

police frown on that

Friday haiku

 The rabbit's searching  

high and low, just looking for  

some bunny to love

Thursday haiku

 While unwrapping the  

Kindle, she wondered how it  

plays with her Barbie

Wednesday haiku

 Bill knows if his life  

was a t.v. show, he would  

be cancelled by now

Tuesday haiku

 Women congregate,  

while men strategically space  

themselves far apart

Monday haiku

 She says she doesn't  

need hearing aids, though "what?" is  

her favorite word

Weekend haiku

 Darlene stopped dating  

cheese, finding it was much too  

gouda to be true  

-----------------------------------------  

Smurfs aren't known for their  

sexual proclivities,  

as most have blue balls

Friday haiku

 Billy doesn't like  

doughnuts, because he finds he  

can't eat the hole thing

Thursday haiku

 When smoke gets in your  

eyes, it's cigarettes, fires,  

or it's glaucoma 

Wednesday haiku

 Imagine that! In  

last night's debate, Trump was a  

liar and bully

Tuesday haiku

 I've had a head cold  

for a week. I shouldn't have  

bought the welcome mat

Monday haiku

 I've had a head cold  

for a week. I'd kick it out,  

but it's paying rent

Weekend haiku

 The grizzly donned a  

party hat, just to wish you  

a Happy Bearthday  

----------------------------------  

I've found the best way  

to avoid car accidents  

is to kayak more

Friday haiku

 The young men practice  

their karate, while hoping  

they never use it

Thursday haiku

 We take attendance  

because the government won't  

let us take money

Wednesday haiku

 Don't take career or  

life advice from anyone  

without a career

Tuesday haiku

 Tyrannosaurus  

Rex is extinct because they  

weren't very well armed

Monday haiku

 There is no greater  

happiness in the world than  

a dog with a stick

Weekend haiku

Somewhere nearby, a  

woodpecker knocks and knocks and  

knocks. Will you answer??  

-------------------------------------  

The morning peace and  

solitude are lost as soon  

as the children rise

Friday haiku

 The cedar accepts  

the morning sun rising up  

and taking a bough

Thursday haiku

 Anyone who bugs  

Bill before his coffee is  

a mourning person

Wednesday haiku

 Coffee allows you  

to be awake at a time  

you'd much rather sleep

Tuesday haiku

 While everyone else  

stood in line for ice cream, she  

just wanted coffee

Monday haiku

Jill says she's sitting  

pretty, but from my view, it  

seems she's just sitting 

Weekend haiku

 During his lunch break,  

Josh finally finished his book,  

finding every Waldo  

---------------------------------  

Jill would go outside  

much more, it it wasn't for  

bugs, dirt and Billy

Friday haiku

 Trump wants to purchase  

Greenland, because it's one thing  

he hasn't screwed up

Thursday haiku

 The puppy was so  

happy to see her, he pee'd  

his exuberance

Wednesday haiku

 Dark chocolate mochas  

are coffee drinks for all those  

who don't like coffee

Tuesday haiku

 Mama cries, "Jesus",  

Papa yells, "Damn", and I say  

something inbetween

Monday haiku

 If Trump's a builder,  

why's he trying to tear down  

our democracy?

Weekend haiku

 Creamy lobster, shrimp  

and mozzarella baked on  

a Cali Roll- YUM!  

------------------------------  

Sometimes, it is not  

the number of books sold, but  

the poems written

Friday haiku

 Legislation is  

useless, we'll solve mass shootings  

with hopes and prayers

Thursday haiku

 Based on all the mass  

shootings, we're going to need  

more hopes and prayers

Wednesday haiku

 Everyone says Bill  

has a big heart, which means he  

will need surgery

Tuesday haiku

 Her dress is such a  

vibrant blue, the sky above  

is a bit jealous

Monday haiku

  His unpleasantness  

brings dark gray clouds to even  

the bluest of skies

Weekend haiku

 His unpleasantness  

is so toxic, he must share  

it with everyone  

-----------------------------  

 His unpleasantness  

has driven away all those  

who could have saved him

Friday haiku

 His unpleasantness  

came oozing out of my phone,  

darkening my day

Thursday haiku

 Her striped pants were so  

billowy, I expected  

to see clowns come out

Wednesday haiku

 Ambulance sirens  

scream, red lights racing on by,  

my day's not so bad

Tuesday haiku

 Why do the people  

who can't carry a tune want  

to sing the loudest?

Monday haiku

 Sometimes, the moon slides  

in front of my sun, bringing  

darkness for a while

Weekend haiku

 I'm older than I've  

ever been, but hopefully,  

I will get older  

--------------------------  

Even Flat Stanley  

believes our planet to be  

round, and he's 2-D

Friday haiku

 She's out of rehab,  

clean, sober, no alcohol,  

but it still calls her

Thursday haiku

 Life's like a pitcher,  

throwing change-ups and curveballs,  

so just keep swinging

Wednesday haiku

 In the zen garden,  

rough girl breaks the silence, "We'll  

meet you at the bar!"

Tuesday haiku

 The DJ, being  

funny, played Gordon Lightfoot's  

"Sundown" right at dawn

Monday haiku

 Jill's not a friendly  

person. The mat at her front  

door says, "Go Away!"

Weekend haiku

 They are at the point  

in their marriage, when just to  

tolerate is love  

---------------------------------------  

He's not sure he's heard  

of Tinnitus, but it does  

have a ring to it

Friday haiku

 Sometimes, when it rains,  

I pretend it's clear snow, though  

making snowballs sucks

Thursday haiku

 Trump's Covid plan is  

like a flag not fully raised:  

it too is half mast

Wednesday haiku

 Sometimes, when it rains,  

I pretend I'm Fred Astaire,  

except I can't sing

Tuesday haiku

The new sand castle 

contest was lame, now all sand  

condominiums

Monday haiku

Bill's not just rich, he's  

more a South American  

ruthless gangster rich

Weekend haiku

 Bill looks carefully  

at his weed, since he heard there's  

a snake in the grass  

--------------------------------------------  

You can do what you  

want, there's no "Keep off the grass"  

signs in Washington

Friday haiku

 Dracula doesn't  

fly right now, because he just  

heard the stakes are high

Thursday haiku

The way Trump pronounced  

"Yosemite", I think he  

angered a few Jews

Wednesday haiku

My massive sunburn  

is painful, but has made me  

much more appealing

Tuesday haiku

My cynicism,  

like a cancer within me,  

grows darker each day

Monday haiku

I was told cool kids  

sit in the back of the bus,  

but it's only me

Weekend haiku

King Arthur's sword must 
shoot bullets, as he says it's 
an X-caliber 

------------------------------- 

Our computer team 
likes quiet, so when we pass 
we say, "SH, I.T."

Friday haiku

Jill says she's making 
doughnuts from scratch, I prefer 
flour and water

Thursday haiku

When the moss sprouted 
between my toes, I was a 
Washingtonian

Wednesday haiku

She wears a brightly 
colored doughnut apron that's 
still brand new, no holes

Tuesday haiku

No lyin', we saw,   
up on Tiger Mountain Trail, 
a bear cub. Oh My!

Monday haiku

At a certain age, 
every fart's a gamble, each 
laugh fraught with danger

Weekend haiku

Both Papa John and 
Jimmy John are evil, so 
maybe it's the name 

----------------------------- 

When the Queen found out 
Trump didn't drink, she opened 
the expensive wine

Friday haiku

You did not steal my 
heart, but found a way to make 
me give it freely

Thursday haiku

Life is less about 
the punches we throw, and more 
the hugs that we give

Wednesday haiku

Should you run away? 
If your hands are full, stay home, 
if empty, let's go!

Tuesday haiku

For someone who said 
he wasn't sleepy, George is 
buzzing like a saw

Monday haiku

May your days never 
be as redundant as the 
ice cream man's jingle

Weekend haiku

I vow to try to 
enjoy life like a young child 
enjoys ice cream bars 

--------------------------------- 

May your heart always 
dance with the same joy as when 
ice cream man drove by

Friday haiku

We've got no more time 
for subtlety. God damn it, 
wear your fucking mask!!

Thursday haiku

Vanderbilt money 
helped rebuild the castle, and 
now it's Gloria's 

Wednesday haiku

There's not much space left 
on this paper, so I'll just 
have to write smaller

Tuesday haiku

Nobody's coming 
to a meeting he has come 
to under duress

Monday haiku

The horse "Happy Go 
Lucky" wins, while "Depression" 
continues to lose

Weekend haiku

I've written nothing 
this week, which means I've written 
nothing bad either 

------------------------------------------ 

The ladies play dice 
every Tuesday, knowing each 
week is a gamble

Friday haiku

The cannibal found 
fingerling potatoes were 
not great substitutes

Thursday haiku

His t-shirt reads "CASH", 
probably for Johnny, though 
maybe he's begging

Wednesday haiku

I don't mind giving 
blood, but there's always one prick 
I have to deal with

Tuesday haiku

She said my blood was 
a sign of my mood, too bad 
I'm B negative

Monday haiku

Contrails blemish my 
blue, taking travelers to 
new, far clearer, skies

Weekend haiku

With this face mask on, 
I look like Darth Vader, though 
my voice is higher 

----------------------------------- 

With this face mask on, 
I look like Darth Vader, though 
I'm missing the cape

Friday haiku

With this face mask on, 
I look like Darth Vader, and 
sound like Elmer Fudd

Thursday haiku

I had to wear a 
face mask to the dentist, he 
says my teeth look great

Wednesday haiku

If you wear a face 
mask and glasses, you might be 
due condensation

Tuesday haiku

Since I have to wear 
a face mask, I can postpone 
my next teeth cleaning

Monday haiku

While some may complain 
about wearing a face mask, 
it improves my looks

Weekend haiku

The building fully 
engulfed in flames, but the "No 
Smoking" sign won't burn 

-------------------------------------- 

Sky so perfect, so 
blue, until contrails remind 
me I am stuck here

Friday haiku

I don't see why they 
can't impeach Trump, as he is 
already impaired

Thursday haiku

Until I know the 
proper etiquette for a 
handshake, let's just nod

Wednesday haiku

Molly Hatchet lead 
singer gone, he flirted too 
much with disaster

Tuesday haiku

Crater Lake was my 
life for three summers, and now, 
it's still a big part

Monday haiku

My girlfriend is good, 
but I like her much better 
when she's bad instead

Weekend haiku

Bob's Unicorn Farm 
will close soon as nobody 
believes his prices 

------------------------------ 

Police blocked off the 
four major routes to the bar, 
so order me two

Friday haiku

If you really want 
to confuse Millennials, 
write it in cursive

Thursday haiku

When the sun slowly 
slips behind the clouds, I pray 
for its quick return

Wednesday haiku

Seventeen years past 
their target demographic, 
I watch where they aim

Tuesday haiku

While she liked the gray 
taking over her hair, she 
dyed the rest purple

Monday haiku

The fact there's issues 
with every table in the 
break room's a bad sign

Weekend haiku

The tattoo on her 
arm, a small reminder that 
Mom used to be cool 

-------------------------------- 

The tattoo on her 
arm the only one, for now, 
she will let me see

Friday haiku

Her tattoo peeks out 
from the sleeve of her blouse to 
see if the coast's clear

Thursday haiku

Bill makes his own lunch, 
so he has no one to blame 
if he's unhappy

Wednesday haiku

When she's far away, 
I hold her memory, which 
isn't near as warm

Tuesday haiku

Her maniacal 
laughter told us something not 
funny just happened

Monday haiku

Her laughter held no 
light, all darkness and doom, it 
was malicious mirth

Weekend haiku

Most dyslexic cats 
are athiests, as they do 
not believe in Dog 

----------------------------- 

Now, wearing a Bill 
Cosby sweater on a first 
date will not end well

Friday haiku

For my wife's birthday, 
I tied a bow on me.  She 
wants something bigger

Thursday haiku

I was told I'm good 
at multitasking, but I 
wasn't listening

Wednesday haiku

Pink petals fall like 
snow, but not enough to make 
a good blossomman

Tuesday haiku

I sit outside with 
dark clouds above because it's 
supposed to be Spring

Monday haiku

You can worry all 
you want, but we will all be 
skeletons someday

Weekend haiku

The year in review: 
Twelve months of suckery. Oh 
wait, June 5th was nice 

----------------------------------- 

Summer may be months 
away, but today, if you 
close your eyes, it's here

Friday haiku

Fire engines race by, 
my heart and my ears happy 
they're not stopping here

Thursday haiku

He hums instead of 
sings, as the voices in his 
head hate vibrations

Wednesday haiku

He watches from the 
corner of the room, finding 
there's not much to see

Tuesday haiku

He poses for the 
camera, knowing someday it 
will capture his soul

Monday haiku

Many have given 
their lives so you can live; what 
will you sacrifice?

Weekend haiku

Let Trump supporters 
not wear masks. It's hard to vote 
on respirators 

--------------------------------------- 

Coronavirus 
is the scientific name 
for Common Cooties

Friday haiku

Gwyneth Paltrow's young 
daughter bought a tape player 
and signed James Taylor

Thursday haiku

Since Gwyneth Paltrow 
had her baby, the doctor 
doesn't come around

Wednesday haiku

Another wedding 
anniversary just proves
how stubborn we are

Tuesday haiku

It bugs me spelling 
changed my major from words to 
entomology

Monday haiku

As daylight returns, 
night sneaks past, your restless sleep 
the prize in its teeth

Weekend haiku

I find I could do 
whatever I want, but the 
freedom wouldn't last 

---------------------------- 

Amid the Orcas, 
the islands, the Sound, ferries 
slip silently by

Friday haiku

You can keep Taco 
Tuesdays, as Kate's more a fan 
of Wefwied Wednesdays

Thursday haiku

One last haiku to 
finish off this book, hoping 
it isn't the last

Wednesday haiku

Another night at 
the Senior Center, getting 
used to my future

Tuesday haiku

This is a haiku 
placeholder, just filling in 
until tomorrow

Monday haiku

May you always have 
infinite elevation 
and abundant joy

Weekend haiku

Welcome aboard the 
USS Quarantine- We're 
always in dry dock 

----------------------------- 

Little birds flit and 
fly about in my backyard 
while I'm trapped in here

Friday haiku

Coronavirus 
parties are just the modern 
day Russian roulette

Thursday haiku

Unprecedented 
times, and an unpresident, 
makes me uneasy

Wednesday haiku

Is this bathrobe work  
attire? Covid question 
number twenty-five

Tuesday haiku

When will this damn thing  
be over? Covid questions 
number one through five

Monday haiku

May the Fourth be with  
You Star Wars Day! Tomorrow 
I'll enjoy a Fifth

Weekend haiku

This whole quarantine 
thing is making time with friends 
seem further away 

-------------------------------------- 

Can I hug myself? 
Covid-19 sheltering 
at home, question 9

Friday haiku

I've changed my curse of 
Trump, now referring to him 
as "son of a bleach"

Thursday haiku

Trump holds a bed-in, 
singing, "All we are saying 
is give bleach a chance."

Wednesday haiku

Trump's not a Christian, 
but he did see the light, and 
wants it inside him

Tuesday haiku

Donald Trump is not 
a good team player, but he 
does like the bleachers

Monday haiku

Lysol should be used 
as a cleaner, and not as 
a palette cleanser

Weekend haiku

You should never touch 
a poor man's whiskey, unless 
he offers a sip 

------------------------------------ 

Always drink the rich 
man's whiskey, because the poor 
man's has more value

Friday haiku

You should never touch, 
or take, a rich man's daughter 
or poor man's whiskey

Thursday haiku

Vegan introverts 
are happiest when they don't 
have to meat people

Wednesday haiku

An atheist and 
a theist argued over 
that heavenly space

Tuesday haiku

LGBTQ 
community contest, where 
most lost, one bi won

Monday haiku

Kevin commits the
seven deadly sins daily,
and he's still breathing

Weekend haiku

Sometimes, the poem 
is in control, telling the 
poet where to go 

------------------------------- 

After midnight, in 
a Walmart, makes me believe 
Darwin got it wrong

Friday haiku

If I stay at home 
any more days in a row, 
my butt will grow roots

Thursday haiku

When it rains, the worms 
wriggle out of the earth to 
dance among the drops

Wednesday haiku

We dismiss the shouts 
of praise, hearing only the 
whispers of critics

Tuesday haiku

I have found that most 
salsas are only truly 
hot on the back end

Monday haiku

I sometimes feel like 
a rudderless boat in high 
winds and heavy seas

Weekend haiku

Self isolation 
means I do not have to share 
any of my wine 

---------------------------------- 

You know it's time to 
come home when both you and your 
luggage are broken

Friday haiku

The phrase, "Want to hear 
my poetry?" can help with 
social distancing

Thursday haiku

People staying home 
may keep us from becoming 
endangered species

Wednesday haiku

The weight that you gain 
under this quarantine is 
the Covid-19

Tuesday haiku

People staying home 
will mean the outdoors will be 
bankrupt in six months

Monday haiku

Self isolation: 
or as it's known to older 
folks, retirement

Weekend haiku

We tell folks to stay 
six feet apart, but men are 
bad at measuring 

-------------------------------- 

For some couples, self 
isolation will end in 
divorce or murder

Friday haiku

Social distancing:

another way of saying,

"We're friends on Facebook"

Thursday haiku

The president's well, 
so the coronavirus 
at least has good taste

Wednesday haiku

Coronavirus 
is not an equalizer. 
Sorry, Madonna!

Tuesday haiku

Self isolation: 
Don't worry, the beach will still 
be there when it's done

Monday haiku

Self isolation: 
Because some folks need to be 
ordered to stay home

Weekend haiku

Self isolation: 
Just a fancy way to say 
I'm unpopular 

----------------------------- 

Self isolation: 
Just a fancy way to say, 
"Get away from me."

Friday haiku

Self isolation: 
Just a fancy way to say 
I don't like people

Thursday haiku

Self Isolation: 
Just a fancy way to say 
I'm drinking alone

Wednesday haiku

Coronavirus: 
because we don't have enough 
damn stress in our lives

Tuesday haiku

Anyone who coughs 
right now should stay home, or face 
the glares of disdain

Monday haiku

Covid-19, like 
most teenagers, disrespects 
anyone older

Weekend haiku

During a virus 
outbreak, stay away from your 
touchy-feely friends 

--------------------------------------- 

Coronavirus: 
because we don't have enough 
to freak out about

Friday haiku

Coronavirus 
became serious when they 
shut down breweries

Thursday haiku

Social distancing: 
helps with viruses and keeps 
introverts happy

Wednesday haiku

Coronavirus 
works well in haiku, since it 
has five syllables

Tuesday haiku

Coronavirus 
came from eating meat, so yea 
vegetarians!

Monday haiku

Don't touch or hug me! 
I'm not scared of the virus, 
I'm an introvert

Weekend haiku

Beer makes everything 
better, except for the jerk 
who's had too much beer 

------------------------------ 

You know it's time to 
come home when both you and your 
luggage are broken

Friday haiku

He stomps through puddles, 
giggles, shouts, stomps some more, not 
caring he's forty

Thursday haiku

This latest snowfall 
has overstayed its welcome, 
we'll miss it in June

Wednesday haiku

Everyone is in 
such a rush to leave, while I'm 
okay with staying

Tuesday haiku

I came, I saw, I 
drank the Kool-Aid. Why does it 
have to be so sweet?

Monday haiku

Drinking porters, stouts, 
and barleywines this winter, 
I'm hi-beer-nating

Weekend haiku

The entire tread 
peeled off of my shoe, so this 
white boy has no sole 

---------------------------------- 

I sold my soul to 
the devil for fortune and 
fame, he took my shoe

Friday haiku

A full week's worth of 
concussions and head bumps adds 
up to seven daze

Thursday haiku

The flat-earther was 
a bit angry when I told 
him, "See you around!"

Wednesday haiku

Bill gave himself a 
concussion to distract him 
from his broken toe

Tuesday haiku

Anyone who says, 
"Cheaper by the dozen" has 
never had twelve kids

Monday haiku

Andy says he takes 
life day by day because week 
by week is too fast

Weekend haiku

Turn the volume up 
to nine, because the speakers 
might just blow at ten 

---------------------------------- 

I think the Green Lantern's 
sidekick was who invented 
the Kato Diet

Friday haiku

Bigfoot may date the 
Abominable Snowman, 
but said, "Not Yeti!"

Thursday haiku

Bigfoot and Sasquatch 
are not the same thing, but they 
do share an agent

Wednesday haiku

New Year's Eve's the last 
chance to do what you'll resolve 
to stop New year's Day

Tuesday haiku

Terrance likes to touch 
everything, which is why he's 
called, "Terry Tactile"

Monday haiku

Looking up at the 
tree branches, all the doggies 
barked loudly, "Bough-wow!"

Weekend haiku

You can always split 
a geode, but you can't put 
it back together 

-------------------------------- 

In Winter, Batman 
always tends to be wearing 
cowl neck sweaters

Friday haiku

To foster better 
communication, we'll now 
be in separate towns

Thursday haiku

Pagan rituals 
are now Christian holidays, 
Merry Christmas, Friends!

Wednesday haiku

If Jesus also 
brought presents with eternal 
life, he'd be bigger

Tuesday haiku

Santa found out he's 
diabetic from all those 
cookies. Nice work, Kids.

Monday haiku

I miss Bob Ross and 
his happy trees, as the ones 
I paint are angry

Weekend haiku

I'm always an inch 
or two shorter after work 
than when I started 

------------------------------ 

I sit outside the 
restaurant, hoping I'll fill 
up on aromas

Friday haiku

True love is never
having to say you're sorry, 
but still saying it

Thursday haiku

I found that where I 
stand, and where I thought I stood, 
are very far apart

Wednesday haiku

Multitasking, on 
his laptop at lunch, smearing 
mustard on the keys

Tuesday haiku

"You can't pull the wool 
over my eyes. That's baaad," 
she said sheepishly

Monday haiku

"I'm the heavyweight 
champion of the world, again," 
he said bashfully

Weekend haiku

Santa lives at the 
North Pole, as taxes are too 
high in Hoboken 

--------------------------------- 

"Halibut, tuna, 
and salmon, ten bucks a pound," 
he said selfishly

Friday haiku

All of the other 
reindeer have red noses, but 
they follow too close

Thursday haiku

Rudolph, the red-nosed 
reindeer, found out it was just 
a skin condition

Wednesday haiku

Last Christmas I gave 
you my heart, so how about 
a gift card this year

Tuesday haiku

Last Christmas, I gave 
you my heart, so this year, you 
will get a kidney

Monday haiku

Even a sunny 
disposition sees some rain 
once in a great while

Weekend haiku

"I can't do these Road 
pictures without him," Crosby 
once said hopelessly 

------------------------------------ 

"Where did the dog go 
with my toes," the skeleton 
said defeatedly

Friday haiku

"I'm sorry, I don't 
have enough money to buy 
this," she said shyly

Thursday haiku

"Why do I have to 
do this again and again," 
he said overtly

Wednesday haiku

"It is something I 
will likely, possibly do," 
he said mightily

Tuesday haiku

"You have theories, but 
no facts to back them," she said 
disapprovingly

Monday haiku

"When I write, the lead 
on this pencil breaks," she said 
disappointedly

Weekend haiku

"I know I'm not tall 
enough for the amusement 
rides," he said shortly 

------------------------------- 

"I wish I was like 
the Venus de Milo," she 
said disarmingly

Friday haiku

"I need enough wasps 
to complete a baseball team," 
he said benignly

Thursday haiku

"All the wasps arrived 
after the planned due date," he 
said belatedly

Wednesday haiku

"Why do we have so 
many poltergeists," he said 
mean-spiritedly

Tuesday haiku

"How could I leave the 
brand new tire at home, he 
said despairingly

Monday haiku

"I only eat berries, 
nuts, twigs and pine cones," he said 
quite naturally

Weekend haiku

"I can't believe I 
ate an entire window,"
he said painfully 

--------------------------- 

"I'm healthier now 
I'm on this Clydesdale diet," 
he said balefully

Friday haiku

"I believe Teddy 
Pendergrass is wonderful," 
she said soulfully

Thursday haiku

"I'm a big fan of 
James Brown, Prince and George Clinton," 
she said funkily

Wednesday haiku

While all the world's a 
stage, and we're merely players, 
Neil Peart was much more

Tuesday haiku

The world keeps spinning, 
but it lost its rhythm when 
Neil Peart passed away

Monday haiku

"I hope I don't lose 
toes to hypothermia," 
she said quite coldly

Weekend haiku

"I am the ghost of 
Nirvana's lead singer," he 
said rather curtly 

----------------------------- 

"I can't believe it's 
over a hundred degrees," 
he said haughtily

Friday haiku

"There's now just smoke where 
the firecracker was," he 
said offhandedly

Thursday haiku

"We should put all the 
slimy things in the closet", 
he said stoically

Wednesday haiku

"My back left tire 
seems to have a large nail in 
it", he said flatly

Tuesday haiku

I'm not a fan of 
growing older, but it beats 
the alternative

Monday haiku

I am under the 
weather, but then aren't we all, 
except astronauts

Weekend haiku

Justin is leaving 
us to be a bartender,  
so he will drink less  

-------------------------  

Justin left travel  
to be a bartender, still  
tells folks where to go

Friday haiku

Justin is leaving 
us to be a bartender,  
we will still see him

Thursday haiku

Justin is leaving 
us to be a bartender, 
since drunks are less sad

Wednesday haiku

Three hundred sixty 
six days to improve or screw 
up your life. Your choice!