Weekend haiku

 The classified ads  

at the back of The Stranger  

remind me I'm bland  

--------------------------------  

Teddy Pendergrass  

was a singer, because he  

couldn't do stand-up

Friday haiku

She said she brought change,  

but despite my high hopes, our  

government remains

Thursday haiku

 Every time I see  

a cat, I want to ask, "What's  

New?"  Damn you, Tom Jones!

Wednesday haiku

Women envy the  

penis because they know most  

men don't use it right

Tuesday haiku

When you're a new dad,  

conversations change from sports  

to diapers and sleep

Monday haiku

The nun didn't like  

committing sins, but she did  

so out of habit

Weekend haiku

It's not the length  

of your penis that matters...  

I lie, it's the length  

-----------------------------  

The number of chefs  

can be detrimental to  

the broth's quality

Friday haiku

Curiosity  

is not beneficial to  

the health of the cat

Thursday haiku

She thought Bill might be  

stalking her, but knew it was  

just wishful thinking

Wednesday haiku

Although Billy is  

supposedly a genius,  

the printer scares him

Tuesday haiku

Sara is so pale,  

her tan is just a darker  

shade of translucent

Monday haiku

Sometimes, reality  

feels like the last crumbs in a  

potato chip bag

Weekend haiku

 She took a cat nap  

during her lunch break, but still  

woke up dog-tired  

--------------------------------------  

I bet she thinks I'm  

staring at her shy beauty.  

Well, maybe I am

Friday haiku

Don't bother Mama  

before her coffee, unless  

you want a timeout  

Thursday haiku

 Bob's big pick-up is  

overcompensation for  

his small bank account

Wednesday haiku

If you reference  

your dick size on a bumper  

sticker, it's tiny

Tuesday haiku

 The reappearance  

of the sun makes me squint and  

wonder where it's been

Monday haiku

 The reappearance  

of the sun makes my skin glow,  

almost translucent

Weekend haiku

The reappearance  

of the sun makes focusing  

on work much harder  

-------------------------------  

The reappearance  

of the sun reminds me I  

lost my sunglasses

Friday haiku

 Allie uses a  

special mud for her skin, while  

I just use plaster

Thursday haiku

 Reality is a  

lead balloon, not allowing  

any dreams to fly

Wednesday haiku

 I write haikus, since  

my ADHD makes it  

hard to finish a 

Tuesday Haiku

Bruce Lee had his Fists  

of Fury, while I have my  

Fists of Marshmallow 

Monday haiku

 Don't rock the vending  

machine as it prefers to  

listen to Smooth Jazz