Friday haiku

 New Year's Eve: The last  

hurrah before making your  

next resolution

Thursday haiku

In heat such as this,  

when my girlfriend says "No" to  

sex, I don't complain

Wednesday haiku

In heat such as this,  

my daily stroll feels like I'm  

walking through Jell-o 

Tuesday haiku

In heat such as this,  

I now understand what the  

oven rack feels like

Monday haiku

Hurry! Only three  

hundred sixty-three shopping  

days until Christmas

Weekend haiku

Wonder Woman wants  

for Christmas help finding her  

invisible jet  

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You can't regift you!  

This Christmas, your full presence  

is the real present

Friday haiku

All Superman wants  

for Christmas is Viagra  

to help boost his steel

Thursday haiku

Remember: Mask up!  

Nobody wants Omicron  

as a Christmas gift

Wednesday haiku

All Batman wants for  

Christmas is more gadgets for  

his belt, and parents

Tuesday haiku

All Spiderman wants  

for Christmas is to have a  

better web presence

Monday haiku

Mariah's Christmas  

wish is for sheep, "All she wants  

for Christmas is ewe"

Weekend haiku

In heat such as this,  

even the weatherman is  

praying for rain clouds  

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In heat such as this,  

the sun causes even the  

fake flowers to wilt

Friday haiku

In heat such as this,  

cold showers are used for the  

second worst reason

Thursday haiku

In heat such as this,  

every child and adult just  

wants a popsicle

Wednesday haiku

In heat such as this,  

every living creature is  

yearning for a breeze

Tuesday haiku

When you're peeing with  

a fully-erect penis,  

it's about angles

Monday haiku

When Julie explained  

the word "lilliputian", it  

meant little to me

Weekend haiku

Hell is a crowded  

room, liquor long gone, all the  

exits nowhere close  

------------------------------------  

When Julie explained  

the word "expectations", I  

thought there would be more

Friday haiku

Tonight we're dancing,  

laughing, music up loud, as  

tomorrow can wait

Thursday haiku

There are no fires  

here, but the smoke reminds us,  

in time, there could be

Wednesday haiku

Suddenly, nothing  

happened, and this haiku has  

no resolution

Tuesday haiku

Non-alcoholic  

beer's a lie to everyone  

except the maker

Monday haiku

At the vet's office,  

both cats at home, no need to  

worry them...this time

Weekend haiku

The cats wake me up  

at five wanting breakfast. Me  

too! Who do I wake?  

--------------------------------------  

There's a few fleeting  

moments in life where I get  

to be right... sometimes

Friday haiku

The cats wake me up  

at five, wanting breakfast. I  

wish they had snooze bars

Thursday haiku

Based on the sounds next  

door, roofers would be the worst  

tap dancers ever

Wednesday haiku

If there's such a thing  

as reincarnation, I'll  

come back as my cat