Julie asked me to
be civil, so I filed a
lawsuit against her
Julie asked me to
be civil, so I filed a
lawsuit against her
I don't understand
calling your loved one "Honey",
since it's bee vomit
Let the darkness come
Let the light embrace the sea
Let the night begin
----------------------------------
If you happen to
see me running towards you,
something bad's coming
I wasn't sure who
had made me so sick, but I
wanted them to die
Bill fell into a
vat of molten copper. I
heard that it smelt bad
Internet outage
in your area. Email
us for more info.
At home, half of us
are in love, the other half
are packing their bags
I am the king of
lonely, castle deserted,
no one left to rule
Hard times are coming,
so prepare while you can! Damn,
they're already here
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All I ever want
is to see her smile. I wish
it was more often
The Grim Reaper came
and said, "I have bad news!" I
replied, "Get in line!"
In the morning, I'm
less beacon of clarity,
more numb fog zombie
Each oil change at the
dealership always finds more
costly things to fix
Each visit with my
folks could be the last, as their
or my time lessens
Calico cats seem
to be painted by someone
with ADHD
Tuxedo is my
cat's breed, so it is always
better dressed than me
--------------------------------
I adopted two
cats that look alike, so I'm
guessing Siamese
My cat's now wearing
slimming underwear. Yes, I
put my Manx in Spanx
Based on how much my
cat sleeps, I'm guessing the breed
is Himalayan
Based on the sound that
all cats make, I would have bet
they were all Persians
Both Americans
and British have short hair cats.
Hippies have long hair
Her giant cat is
a Maine Coon. I must have one
of the Minor Coons
When I asked my cat
if she was a saint, she said,
"Abyssinian"
--------------------------------
My cat doesn't watch
me at all times, but she does
keep tabbies on me
Rudolph decided
to try stand-up comedy.
He lit up the place!
Santa decided
to try stand-up comedy.
I hear he sleighed it
Three days past New Year's,
my resolution's broken.
Better luck next year!
It's the day after
New Year's, the resolution
already broken