Monday, December 31, 2012

Monday's haiku

Keep your hand away
from Jan right before lunch, she
gets zombie hungry

Saturday, December 29, 2012

Weekend haiku

She likes snow because
everyone always seems to
grumble about it 

------------------------------ 

It's okay to tell
everyone, except a bull,
that you have tight calves

Friday, December 28, 2012

Friday's haiku

Jill is such a mean
person, even when she waves,
it's kind of snarky

Thursday, December 27, 2012

Thursday's haiku

It's hard to work the
word "prestidigitation"
into a haiku

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

Barbara Babcock's
brother began blubbering
about blueberries

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Christmas haiku

I got coal in my
stocking, and like me, we're just
diamonds in training

Monday, December 24, 2012

Monday's haiku

Santa's helpers went
to the bookstore, in search of
the new elf-help book

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Weekend haiku

The Twenty-Second
of December, Mayans wrong.
I better buy gifts

--------------------------------

Bill liked to wear his
Christmas t-shirt, "I'm like the
mistletoe, well hung"

Friday, December 21, 2012

Friday's haiku

She wears a scarf all
the time, not because she's cold,
she just hates her neck

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Thursday's haiku

Snow, rain, wind, hail and
sunshine: just another Spring
day in Seattle

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

Golfing in the snow
doesn't bother Chris since he
bought neon golf balls

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

Daffodils topped with
snow confuses everyone
but the weatherman

Monday, December 17, 2012

Monday's haiku

Sometimes, around here,
a thin layer of high clouds,
for us, is blue sky

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Weekend haiku

Around Jill, He felt
less Homo Sapien, more
Homo Erectus 

-------------------------- 

Around Jill, parts of
him felt both dead and alive
all at the same time

Friday, December 14, 2012

Friday's haiku

He'd be more discreet
watching girls pass, if he would
stop yelling, "Oh My!"

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Thursday's haiku

Lunch is sitting so
heavy, my stomach needs a
much sturdier chair

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

The dentist's office
is the one place you should have
a cavity search

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

June may be busting
out all over, as she needs
a much better bra

Monday, December 10, 2012

Monday's haiku

Pounding the concrete
with his drunken fist, we knew
that Jack was hammered

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Weekend haiku

He walks slow, like he's
doing Tai-Chi, except with
a destination 

---------------------------- 

Liz found out that her
interest rate is high, but
her interest low

Friday, December 7, 2012

Friday's haiku

Most writers agree,
we'd like pens more if the tops
tasted like cherries

Thursday, December 6, 2012

Thursday;s haiku

While he did not pay
the prostitute well, he did
give her a big tip

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

Except at Christmas,
it is wrong to brag about
the size of your box

Tuesday, December 4, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

Most folks walk with a
purpose, but I prefer to
walk with a porpoise

Monday, December 3, 2012

Monday's haiku

She said she could use
a few more inches, so I
bought her a ruler

Saturday, December 1, 2012

Weekend haiku

I'm not saying Sue's
face is oily, but there are
times it has a sheen 

---------------------------- 

Like an old building,
the front needs work, but you can
still enter 'round back

Friday, November 30, 2012

Friday's haiku

The doors creak rather
loudly because the springs are
quickly drying up

Thursday, November 29, 2012

Thursday's haiku

We had just started
dating last week, so she still
had that new girl smell

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

The bowling alley
is the only place it's fine
to have ten pound balls

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

He likes bowling since
it's the one chance he gets to
knock down some rednecks

Monday, November 26, 2012

Monday's haiku

He drives his car so
fast, it seems to fly, as he's
an auto pilot

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Weekend haiku

He's such a big fan
of stairs, he likes to be called
a flighty person 

---------------------------

The pilot only
flies expensive trips, as he
likes flights of fancy

Friday, November 23, 2012

Friday's haiku

On Thanksgiving, John
got into his locked house by
using his turkey

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Thanksgiving haiku

I'm as stuffed as the
turkey, but luckily my
food entered my mouth

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

When the turkey told
us "Gobble Gobble", we did
just as we were asked

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

The gardener sprained
her thumb so badly, that now
it really is green

Monday, November 19, 2012

Monday's haiku

I seemed to have sprained
the tendon in my ankle.
It's Achilling me

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Weekend haiku

The gravel, water
and ash soon were able to
cement their friendship 

--------------------------- 

All those who don't like
February 29th
are non-be-leapers

Friday, November 16, 2012

Friday's haiku

The whale hated his
new nickname of "Harpoon", but
he was stuck with it

Thursday, November 15, 2012

Thursday's haiku

They wore matching coats
to make everyone else feel
completely left out

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

With his black, puffy
coat, Steve looked like Michelin
Man's evil brother

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

I slept just like a
baby, meaning I was up
alot and crying

Monday, November 12, 2012

Monday's haiku

The homeless man's fur
coat is gorgeous, but where did
all the squirrels go?

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Weekend haiku

Her striped socks were a
combination of wicked
witch and prison wear 

------------------------- 

Don't accept a bag
from the man on the corner
if it is dripping

Friday, November 9, 2012

Friday's haiku

Raspberry, apple,
orange, banana. Sorry!
I felt a bit fruity

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Thursday's haiku

Much like Samson, poor
Tiger Woods lost his strength when
they cut his harem

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

Who knew I could be
so happy to hear one man
say the word "Forward"?

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

Sesame Street taught
all of us how to count Mitt
Romney's fibs and lies

Monday, November 5, 2012

Monday's haiku

Your snotty nose may
never be president, but
it's in the running

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Weekend haiku

Shena was so sick, when
she coughed, She'd dislocate her
nose and sprain her tongue 

-------------------------------- 

He lives under the
stairs, just like Harry Potter,
except he's a mouse

Friday, November 2, 2012

Friday's haiku

Shena was so sick, when
she coughed, tissues were removed
by a haz-mat team

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Thursday's haiku

Shena was so sick, when
she coughed, the percussion knocked
crows out of the sky

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

Halloween is a
holiday that is sure to
pick your spirits up

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

Shena was so sick, when
she coughed, it sounded like a
blown out Jeep muffler

Monday, October 29, 2012

Monday's haiku

Shena was so sick, when
she coughed, people in the next
town would catch her cold

Saturday, October 27, 2012

weekend haiku

Shena was so sick, when
she coughed, the bubonic plague
stayed away from her 

---------------------------------- 

Shena was so sick, when
she coughed, FEMA set up a
truck outside her house

Friday, October 26, 2012

Friday's haiku

Bill spent his entire
life collecting games, but he
didn't have a clue

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Thursday's haiku

Everything sounds just
a bit better when said with
a Scottish accent

Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

Chad chewed his pencil
as he was told by his boss
to get the lead out

Tuesday, October 23, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

Who knew bayonets
and horses could still be used
as deadly weapons?

Monday, October 22, 2012

Monday's haiku

No, braindead is not
on the list of why women
vote Republican

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Weekend haiku

For the French, the real
question they must ask is "To
brie or not to brie" 

_________________

Bradley missed the mark
so badly, that he has put
the "q" in failure

Friday, October 19, 2012

Friday's haiku

The president and
the governer seem to be
master debaters

Thursday, October 18, 2012

Thursday's haiku

Mitt has binders of
women, which could be just books
or large men with ropes

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

Mitt has binders of
women, which fits, as he wants
to bind their rights too

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

Like the finest grade
of sandpaper, over time,
life will wear you down

Monday, October 15, 2012

Monday's haiku

You can only use
the word "yo" if it's followed
by another "yo"

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Weekend haiku

In the cold, brackish
sea of civilization,
John's a bad swimmer 

-------------------------- 

Bill spilled the large jug
of water down his legs, thus
carafing his pants

Friday, October 12, 2012

Friday's haiku

He only wore his
hat in the dark, making it
a perfect night cap

Thursday, October 11, 2012

Thursday's haiku

In this election,
who knew that our biggest threat
is a yellow bird

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

In the cold, brackish
sea of civilization,
Joey is a shark

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

Liz has been a much 
more outstanding person since
she broke her tailbone

Monday, October 8, 2012

Monday's haiku

In February,
the sunshine warms you through the
fleece and wool sweaters

Saturday, October 6, 2012

Weekend haiku

My cholesterol
levels prove that I don't have
any good in me 

------------------------------- 

At work, I put out
so many fires, I need
an extinguisher

Friday, October 5, 2012

Friday's haiku

A close football game's
good for everyone, except
the coach's ulcer

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Thursday's haiku

Everyone leaves at
some point, but it's never been
any easier

Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

For presidential
debates, you may get replies,
but never answers

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

My intestinal
strife is from stress, lunch, or the
thing from "Alien"

Monday, October 1, 2012

Monday's haiku

I can't consider
you as a co-worker if
you're never working

Saturday, September 29, 2012

Weekend haiku

Almost daily now,
my positive ions get
negatively charged 

------------------------ 

The giraffe may not
be a very good kisser,
but he loves to neck

Friday, September 28, 2012

Friday's haiku

I guess they're called bangs
for the way that her hair shoots
off of her forehead

Thursday, September 27, 2012

Thursday's haiku

She starightened her hair,
losing the only lift, curl
and bounce in her life

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

Her lies fill the room,
suffocating the truth, like
a dollar perfume

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

Her promises are
gone before the words have been
finished being heard

Monday, September 24, 2012

Monday's haiku

Her promises are
like cotton candy, melting
away in her mouth

Saturday, September 22, 2012

Weekend haiku

It's raining and I'd
share my umbrella, but I
don't like you that much 

------------------------------- 

She spent over an
hour grumbling about a
job she rarely does

Friday, September 21, 2012

Friday's haiku

My buoyant balloon
cannot continue to soar
with all of these weights

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Thursday's haiku

The paint was never
freezing as he was always
wearing many coats

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

The metal fencing
for the ranch wasn't bent, it
was corral-gated

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

Ironically, the
dentist bought sweets to reward
patients for brushing

Monday, September 17, 2012

Monday's haiku

The fabric on Ms.
Spelling's monument was a
statue Tori cape

Saturday, September 15, 2012

Weekend haiku

Since I write almost
everyday, how can I
always be so wrong 

----------------------- 

The belly button
fuzz wasn't merely real good,
it was excel-lint

Friday, September 14, 2012

Friday's haiku

Woven containers
holding all your fishing gear
are bass kit baskets

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Thursday's haiku

The flower basket
had no aroma, but it
had a nice bouquet

Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

Monuments for what
you can't do are all statues
of limitations

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

The evil statue
may not be golden, but it
is covered in guilt

Monday, September 10, 2012

Monday's haiku

The earthquake may cause
lots of problems and such, but
this was not his fault

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Weekend haiku

The earthquake liked to
just drink martinis that were
shaken and not stirred 

--------------------------- 

The earthquake was thin,
so he never seemed to mind
getting on the scale

Friday, September 7, 2012

Friday's haiku

She's so pregnant, her
stomach arrives at least ten
minutes before her

Thursday, September 6, 2012

Thursday's haiku

Belly dancing made
her ill, as she didn't have
the stomach for it

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

The belly dancer
turned the entire crowd into
all navel gazers

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

The silent movie
isn't quick, but it's faster
than the speed of sound

Monday, September 3, 2012

Monday's haiku

The silent movie
was so amazing, it left
everyone speechless

Saturday, September 1, 2012

Weekend Haiku

Terry liked the robe,
as it was soft, warm, blue
and made from his cloth 

----------------------------- 

His beard is wild and
unkempt, and while not scary,
it is hair-raising

Friday, August 31, 2012

Friday's haiku

Compliments on a
beard grown due to losing a
bet are not as nice

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Thursday's haiku

A flock of robins
search the yard, all wishing they'd
got here earlier

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

That girl is moving
so fast, her legs are blurry,
or it's my glasses

Monday, August 27, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

A short interview
about my photos, which aren't
worth a thousand words

Monday's haiku

Since she hadn't grabbed
any napkins, she knew she
was likely to spill

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Weekend Haiku

For Odessa's cult,
every member has to
adopt a black cat 

------------------------ 

For Odessa's cult,
you do not choose the cult, as
the cult chooses you

Friday, August 24, 2012

Friday's haiku

For Odessa's cult,
you don't have to drink any
Kool-aid, just the beer

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Thursday's haiku

They go to lunch in
a pack, always on the hunt
for somewhere to sit

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

Surrounded by men,
she was pretty sure she had
the least facial hair

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

They hung on each word
she spoke, yet she really did
not have much to say

Monday, August 20, 2012

Monday's haiku

Surrounded by men,
she was calm, knowing they would
not judge her outfit

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Weekend haiku

Surrounded by men,
she felt an overwhelming
urge to perform now 

--------------------------- 

Her high heels may make
her legs look great, but her feet
felt just terrible

Friday, August 17, 2012

Friday's haiku

The Tea Party's main
problem is no real focus
on tea or parties

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Thursday's haiku

Republicans hate
Nascar, as they don't like things
that always turn left

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

Is it possible
to get a contact high from
singing "Smoke Two Joints"?

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

Unscented candles
are fine ideas, but they
make no scents to me

Monday, August 13, 2012

Monday's haiku

I'd be much more for
diversity, if they could
all be more like me

Sunday, August 12, 2012

Weekend haiku

Without power for
five days, she's running out of
patience and clean clothes 

--------------------------------- 

Without power for
five days, darkness loses all
of it's novelty

Friday, August 10, 2012

Friday's haiku

When the ice melts, it
always stays in the one place
you wish it wouldn't

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Thursday's haiku

Disappointed, Bill
had braved the storm, as he'd heard,
"It's a free dog night"

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

It was a three dog
night, and we were cold, as we
only had two cats

Tuesday, August 7, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

The dog was scared, as
he'd misheard her say she'd bought
him some nice warm fleece

Monday, August 6, 2012

Monday's haiku

The puffy coats come
out each Fall, so everyone
looks more muscular

Sunday, August 5, 2012

Weekend haiku

He said he would trip
to give me something to write,
but he's just clumsy 

----------------------------- 

His girlfriend is quite
beautiful, but she would be
prettier with me

Friday, August 3, 2012

Friday's haiku

The eyes of the cat
picture on her wall follow
me as if they know

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Thursday's haiku

Heat waves emanate
from the stove, so the wall looks
like watercolor

Wednesday, August 1, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

They laugh at our fear
of a bit of snow, while we
chuckle at their rain

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

He'd talked so long, his
dinner got cold, but it was
salad, so it's fine

Monday, July 30, 2012

Monday's haiku

The item may have
been free, but there's always a
cost to owning it

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Weekend haiku

For Trudy, multi-
tasking is looking good while
treating men like dirt 

---------------------------- 

Every year, month,
week, day and second are gifts.
Enjoy your presence

Friday, July 27, 2012

Friday's haiku

New Yorkers believe
that wherever you are from
just isn't as nice

Thursday, July 26, 2012

Thursday's haiku

Nymphomaniacs
spend their whole lives willing to
give a piece a chance

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

After sex, the male
praying mantis is killed, which
sure beats cuddling

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

A female praying
mantis has the kindness to
not let him suffer

Monday, July 23, 2012

Monday's haiku

A true gentleman
doesn't ask her age, weight, or
why she's such a bitch

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Weekend haiku

If life is a box
of chocolates, I should be
done with all the nuts 

----------------------------- 

If life is a box
of chocolates, I'm ready
to taste the creams now

Friday, July 20, 2012

Friday's haiku

With all of Jerry's
split personalities, he's
a full crowd of one

Thursday, July 19, 2012

Thursday's haiku

Chad would consider
group travel, but he doesn't
like other people

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

For Lisa, camping
is a hotel that's just a
four star property

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

For Lisa, camping
is a hotel without room
service or valet

Monday, July 16, 2012

Monday's haiku

She'll kill you with a
quip or a bullet, she's the
sassy assassin

Saturday, July 14, 2012

Weekend haiku

Arguing with Sue
is like washing dirty cars
in a hurricane 

------------------------------ 
She is so upbeat,
it's either just fake, or it's
chemically based

Friday, July 13, 2012

Friday's haiku

That girl is like a
cornstalk: tall, skinny and she
has really big ears

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Thursday's haiku

I am so tired,
the word "Michelin" is now
tattooed on my butt

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

She doesn't know that
I exist, which is fine since
I created her

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

A used tissue may
not be evil, but it has
likely been snotty

Monday, July 9, 2012

Monday haiku

A rolling stone does
not gather moss, as Keith most
likely would smoke it

Saturday, July 7, 2012

Weekend haiku

The denim wasn't
sad, per se, but it was most
definitely blue 

------------------------------------ 

When the coffee cup
spilled, the coffee didn't burn him,
as it was hot tea

Friday, July 6, 2012

Friday's haiku

His idea of
dressing up was to put on
a pair of new jeans

Thursday, July 5, 2012

Thursday's haiku

She played the guitar
because she found pianos
were too darn heavy

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

Yes, the flag may be
faded, but it's still flying
high, and that's what counts

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

She brought her guitar
in just in the hopes that they
might ask her to sing

Monday, July 2, 2012

Monday's haiku

The gentlemen's club
is perfectly located
in the new strip mall

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Weekend haiku

That Kansas girl is
so mean and cruel, she put the
witch in Wichita 

________________________ 

Since the Mayans say
the world ends soon, I'll wait on
a new calendar

Friday, June 29, 2012

Friday's haiku

She has a drinking
problem; even with a straw,
she can't find her mouth

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Thursday's haiku

Though she's Irish, her
Indian name is "Thunder
on the Horizon"

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

She had so many
pennies, she had to put wheels
on her piggy bank

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

You can't take pictures
of the positive man, as
there's no negative

Monday, June 25, 2012

Monday's haiku

Below sea level,
it just seems wrong to call this
wide road a highway

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Weekend haiku

Sometimes brilliance takes
a day off, deserting me,
and so I write this 

--------------------------- 

Waiting for a book
for a friend, when it arrives,
I can just page him

Friday, June 22, 2012

Friday's haiku

James Dean didn't have
a drug problem, but he had
a speed addiction

Thursday, June 21, 2012

Thursday's haiku

She gives her burgers
men's names, so she can tell her
friends she ate Jerry

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

She gives her burgers
men's names because it makes them
more fun to consume

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

She licked her lips with
each bite because it was weird
to have Bill lick them

Monday, June 18, 2012

Monday's haiku

My attention span
has grown so scattered and so
darn short that I can't...

Saturday, June 16, 2012

Weekend haiku

She rode the red bike
inside the office because
her skates were broken 

----------------------------- 

She rode the red bike
inside the office because
she hated traffic

Friday, June 15, 2012

Friday's haiku

Spongebob should really
be asking if those brown pants
make his butt look square

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Thursday's haiku

The older I get,
the more my references
keep drawing blank stares

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

I was not shocked the
new black hole discovery
was my ex-wife's place

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

Carl wore a red coat
during hunting season, which
is smart for a bear

Monday, June 11, 2012

Monday's haiku

Kent does everything
with confidence, and I just
can't imagine why

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Weekend haiku

The braces may fix
her teeth, her smile, but she will
always be crooked 

---------------------------------------- 

A good beer is the
only time a guy will request
a little less head

Friday, June 8, 2012

Friday's haiku

Fridays feel so good,
the other days of the week
must get real jealous

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Thursday's haiku

Her loss will be felt
the rest of my days, leaving
me a bit less whole

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

Stranger stares at me,
worries I'm writing about
her, and she'd be right

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

Killing time is much
harder to accomplish well
without something sharp

Monday, June 4, 2012

Monday's haiku

Joan complimented
Sue on her lovely vest, which
she was wearing too

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Weekend Haiku

He promised her he
would dance on her grave, so she
was buried at sea 

________________________ 

Leafblowers are loud,
ineffective, and really
just a rich man's rake

Friday, June 1, 2012

Friday Haiku

It would be cool if
Dolly Parton's area
code was (925)

Thursday, May 31, 2012

Thursday's Haiku

Walking together,
these five friends look like a boy
band ten years later

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Wednesday's Haiku

When a co-worker
sneezes, and Jill says, "Bless you!",
she really means it

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

Tuesday's Haiku

She loves her brand new
hairdo, but it looks like a
swarm of angry bees

Monday, May 28, 2012

Monday Haiku

She didn't like when
people touched her cashmere, since
it would then be felt

Weekend Haiku

The Dolly Parton
look-a-like wore black, mourning
that she broke a nail 

________________________ 

The Dolly Parton
look-a-like wore black, wishing
she was Johnny Cash


Friday, May 25, 2012

Friday's haiku

The bearded farmers
were friends, sharing a love for
cows, sheep and goatees

Thursday, May 24, 2012

Thursday's haiku

Frogs don't like driving
because, if the cars stalls, they
just hate getting towed

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Wednesday's haiku

He's got enough ink
on his arms that the Sunday
Comics are jealous

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Tuesday's haiku

She darkened her hair,
no longer blonde, as she was
having too much fun

Monday, May 21, 2012

Monday's Haiku

She looked like Dolly
Parton's sister, except on
a smaller budget

Saturday, May 19, 2012

Weekend Haiku

She wanted snow so
badly, she painted some snow
flakes on her glasses 

_____________________ 

She wanted snow so
badly, she obviously had
a test the next day

Friday, May 18, 2012

Friday's Haiku

Drinking whiskey's like
the sea, the rougher it is,
the sicker you'll be

Thursday, May 17, 2012

Thursday's Haiku

His salad bowl's so
big, they think it was made by
an asteroid strike

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Wednesday's Haiku

His salad bowl's so
big, houses around it have
beach front property

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

Tuesday's Haiku

His salad bowl's so
big, astronauts point it out
from deep outer space

Monday, May 14, 2012

Monday's Haiku

His salad bowl's so
big, the salad dressing has
an area code

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Weekend Haiku

His salad bowl's so
big, it is designated
as a reservoir 

------------------------- 

His salad bowl's so
big, it's gravitational
pull affects the tides

Friday, May 11, 2012

Friday's Haiku

His salad bowl's so
big, he lets cows and sheep graze
in there on weekends

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Thursday's Haiku

His salad bowl's so
big, a steak on top would look
like a bacon bit

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

Wednesday's Haiku

His salad bowl's so
big, I heard that an eagle
built a nest in it

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

Tuesday's Haiku

His salad bowl's so
big, I spent a day trying
to find a drain plug

Monday, May 7, 2012

Monday's Haiku

His salad bowl's so
big, it can be used for a
fat giant's haircut

Saturday, May 5, 2012

Weekend Haiku

Knowing that muscles
degrade without use, Bill's brain
must have atrophied 

-------------------------------------- 

His salad bowl's so
big, he could easily wash
a baby in it

Friday, May 4, 2012

Friday's Haiku

Bill would like to give
you a piece of his mind, but
there's not that much left

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Thursday's Haiku

Bill hates having a
cold because when he sneezes,
he hears the echo

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Wednesday's Haiku

Bill hates loud noises
as they reverberate a
while inside his head

Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Tuesday's Haiku

If a zombie did
attack Bill, he'd have nothing
much to offer it

Monday, April 30, 2012

Monday's Haiku

The last leaf clings to
the branch, stubbornly fighting
fate and gravity

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Weekend Haiku

She's excited for
the ten percent chance of snow,
while I wish for rain 

------------------------------------- 

November's colors
are slowly fading into
winter's monochrome

Friday, April 27, 2012

Friday's Haiku

Just when we think we're
in total control, Mother
Nature reminds us

Thursday, April 26, 2012

Thursday's Haiku

The photo captured
her glowing grin before it
was no longer there

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Wednesday's Haiku

Watching her walk, her
ass sways in rhythm like a
perfect pendulum

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Tuesday's Haiku

Personalities
cannot be disguised by hair,
clothing or makeup

Monday, April 23, 2012

Monday's Haiku

Food poisoning makes
you think about what you eat
more than a diet

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Weekend Haiku

She wanted to know
if her portfolio made
her assets look big 

------------------------ 

She only dances
when she drinks, so she will not
remember dancing

Friday, April 20, 2012

Friday's Haiku

Raindrops target Fall
leaves on their way down, wanting
to not be alone

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Thursday's Haiku

Without Levon, how
will we be able to keep
the rhythm again?

Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Wednesday's Haiku

He took a break from
his break, as he needed a
break, or he'd be fixed

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

Tuesday's Haiku

His stomach hurt, which
meant he was nervous, or he'd
been poisoned again

Monday, April 16, 2012

Monday's Haiku

They said they were not
pay toilets, but they were for
customers only

Saturday, April 14, 2012

Weekend Haiku's

Her boots, while they fit
her feet just fine, didn't fit
her as a person 

--------------------------------- 

The bathroom's were for
customers only, so she
bought a small cookie

Friday, April 13, 2012

Friday Haiku

In turning over
a new leaf, I just found the
old leaf's underside

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Thursday's Haiku

New Year's Eve is the
last chance to do something you
can blame on last year

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

Wednesday's Haiku

The dung beetle was
pleased as his boss said that he'd
done excrement work

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Tuesday's Haiku

I would enjoy eye
contact if I didn't have
to see people's souls

Monday, April 9, 2012

Monday's Haiku

Brackish, Coppery,
Silt, Standing and Mud are bad
bottled water names

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Weekend Haiku's

In the cold, he yelled
up at the goose flying North,
"That's the wrong way, Dude!" 

------------------------------------ 

Gelatinous goo,
shoe leather and glue are bad
dinner descriptions

Friday, April 6, 2012

Friday Haiku

Not wanting to be
late, excited for my massage,
I arrived oily

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Thursday's Haiku

Her over-sized, long
jacket may not be slimming,
but it hides her hips

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Wednesday's Haiku

Her comfort zone is
growing, but will never be
big enough for Tim

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Tuesday's Haiku

Food in your teeth looks
funny, but it's a great way
to save tasty snacks

Monday, April 2, 2012

Monday's Haiku

Her personal space
bubble is near five feet across,
ten around people

Saturday, March 31, 2012

Weekend Haiku's

The geeks turn off all
the lights, so they can play their
games in the dorkness 

----------------------------------- 

While we only see
it shine, the nerd half is the
dork side of the moon

Friday, March 30, 2012

Friday Haiku

She wears bright colors
to scare away clouds, and find
her clothes in the dark

Thursday, March 29, 2012

Thursday's Haiku

Though I can write on
any subject, I didn't
say I did it well

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Wednesday Haiku

A man who is ruled
by his penis is under
a dictatorship

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Tuesday's Haiku

Occupy Wall Street's
odds of changing much are just
ninety nine to one

Monday, March 26, 2012

Monday's Haiku

Occupy Wall Street
was a protest all about
the percentages

Friday, March 23, 2012

Weekend Haiku's

Scotlanders like to
punch redwood trees to prove the
barks soft and they're not 

------------------------------------- 

Unanimously
they voted "yes" just to prove
that it could be done

Friday Haiku

Though not a baseball
player, when I was bad, Dad
was a switch hitter

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Thursday's Haiku

The bisexual
baseball player was also
a good switch hitter

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Wednesday's Haiku

Since her body was
missing, our entire day on
the lake was a drag