Saturday, May 30, 2015

Weekend haiku

The surgery went
well, except for the fact she
now has a penis 


She says the worst pain
she's felt is bent fingernails.
She's young (and lucky)

Friday, May 29, 2015

Friday haiku

Nebraska repealed
the death penalty, Texas
will pick up the slack

Thursday, May 28, 2015

Thursday haiku

Books let you travel
without cramped flights, lost luggage,
and dysentery

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Wednesday haiku

I tried to watch "The
Great Escape", but found that I
couldn't get through it

Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Tuesday haiku

I sat down to read,
opened the book, and like that,
was no longer here

Monday, May 25, 2015

Monday haiku

I owe my boss five
bucks. Shouldn't have bet him I
wouldn't get fired.

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Weekend haiku

That bead of sweat that
rolls down the small of your back
will be stopping soon 


There's an Olympics
for masturbation, but theirs
stiff competition

Friday, May 22, 2015

Friday haiku

Eyes like sapphires,
lips like rubies, and a heart
like obsidian

Thursday, May 21, 2015

Thursday haiku

The sky is so blue
that all the world's sapphires
look up in envy

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Wednesday haiku

She has adopted
a grandma, as she really
missed oatmeal cookies

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Tuesday haiku

High school reunion,
five more classmates have perished. 
Her voodoo dolls work

Monday, May 18, 2015

Monday haiku

The Ouija board
gets her in trouble, though it's
the spirits cursing

Saturday, May 16, 2015

Weekend haiku

Jill's dog's named after
her ex, as he doesn't come
when she wants either 


The candle flickers,
though there's no wind in here. I
shout, "Is that you, Dad?"

Friday, May 15, 2015

Friday haiku

The yard is turning
yellow, not due to Summer,
it's the neighbor's dog

Thursday, May 14, 2015

Thursday haiku

Submitting poetry
is like an organ transplant:
rejection's painful

Wednesday, May 13, 2015

Wednesday haiku

He wanted his yard
to be one consistent shade,
so he bought spray paint

Tuesday, May 12, 2015

Tuesday haiku

There are spots in the
yard that are greener, where the
bodies are buried

Monday, May 11, 2015

Monday haiku

Never date someone
who's an expert on how to
cremate a body

Saturday, May 9, 2015

Weekend haiku

You, me, on a beach,
alone, clothing optional,
weather permitting 


Bill entered the cave,
having been told to stick it
where the sun don't shine

Friday, May 8, 2015

Friday haiku

Osprey, riding the
thermals, cries out, I'm guessing,
in joyful triumph

Thursday, May 7, 2015

Thursday haiku

The bull stopped his run,
distracted by the fact he
had a real tight calf

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

Tuesday, May 5, 2015

Tuesday haiku

As Bill waits for his
burger, he's hoping it will
meat his approval

Monday, May 4, 2015

Monday haiku

The architect and
builder of the Death Star was
bankrupt in a year

Sunday, May 3, 2015

Weekend haiku

Eating edible
flowers, disappointed that
they don't taste fruity 


Since he found topless
baristas, he's figured out
that he prefers cream

Friday, May 1, 2015

Friday haiku

In a matter of
moments, in the blink of an
eye, nothing happened