Pastrytarian
Bakery Church: Where it's our
bread dough that's risen
Pastrytarian
Bakery Church: Where it's our
bread dough that's risen
Pastrytarian
Bakery Church: Julia
Child wrote our bible
Pastrytarian
Bakery Church: The only
cross is on our buns
Pastrytarian
Bakery Church: We are the
true Holy Rollers!
Pastrytarian
Bakery Church: We pray to
a higher flour
Republicans tend
to take everything, leaving
Liberals what's left
---------------------------------
Pastrytarian
Bakery Church: We know how
to put buns in pews
Republicans may
not always be smart, but they
are in their right mind
When traveling, I
tend to find one of the best
parts is coming home
I didn't go to
the new Louisville Slugger
Factory: no balls
Louisville Slugger
Factory messed up by not
installing swing doors
This morning's walk in
Louisville was better than
a cup of coffee
Up before the sun,
staring at the horizon
my morning commute
----------------------------
Another day means
another distillery.
Hey, that's the spirit!
Up before the sun,
staring at the horizon,
and wondering why
Up before the sun,
staring at the horizon,
waiting for this day
Looking out over
Louisville, I hope that it's
looking out for me
She said she was all
ears, but used her mouth to say
it, so that's not right
She said she was all
ears, but based on her outfit,
there are other parts
When Jason Biggs made
love to that baked good, would he
be pie-sexual?
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Heading to Detroit
to spend time with a friend. No,
it's not Eminem.
Memorizing all
those numbers after the three,
I'm Pi-curious
I'd rather vote for
the old guy than vote for a
criminal liar
Yes, experience
matters for President, but
these guys are just old
Getting older, I
find my body's less temple,
more reclamation
I must admit my
whisper can be louder than
most people's shouting
"It's a marvelous
night for a migraine" is not
by Van Morrison
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I'll be manning the
non-electrified fort since
they cut our power
You've been banned to sing
the music in your heart, as
it's operatic
Taking a break to
recharge the batteries, I'll
be back in one week
It's okay for me
to sing at events, as I'm
not a fat lady
Instead of walking
in my shoes, she wants to wear
my skin. Um...no thanks!
I'm no longer in
mint condition, the box was
opened long ago
I am no longer
in mint condition, but she
loves me just the same
-------------------------------
I'm no longer in
mint condition, well played with,
but my value's up
Sometimes, collections
of discordant noise can be
music. Sometimes not.
Jesus loves you, but
only because he has to.
He thinks you're a dick!
After six boxes,
I claim these Girl Scout cookies
are so NOT Thin Mints
Those who have walked with
you on life's long road may not
reach the end with you
Last week, I bought five
boxes of Girl Scout cookies.
I need Samoa!
In your driveway, you
never want the medical
examiner van
-----------------------------
With Trump found guilty
of libel for millions, he's
found out talk's not cheap
The poem waits so
patiently now for it's next
chance to shine, to glow
A flock of black birds
singing their loud songs, raising
a crowcawphony
All poets have a
small bit of ink and graphite
running through their veins
Now at seventy-
eight years old, I find it hard
to call him Neil Young
It feels like it's so
easy to rile folks up now,
which makes me angry
When you realize
your scrotum and face are twins,
you are truly old
-----------------------------------
The older we get,
the less natural wood left.
We shouldn't waste it!
Sure, my wrinkles and
gray hair show my true age, but
inside I'm still twelve
How is it my friends
keep getting older, while I
haven't aged a day?
Who is Marty Grass,
and why do they celebrate
him in New Orleans?
There was a Super
Bowl ad promoting Jesus.
Holy commercial!
I'm just saying Bill's
had more big encounters with
the Police than Sting
The rain creates a
million windshield diamonds, while
my pocket's empty
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She sings about the
rumors so truthfully, you
can tell they are lies
When the frog flashes
you a peace sign, you should stop
smoking lily pads
I have never seen
Bigfoot, but I smelled him once
and that's close enough
At this moment, you
are the youngest that you will
ever be again
Some watch the Super
Bowl for the commercials, while
I watch for halftime
Watching the Super
Bowl alone, no one can hear
me yell at the refs
She asks me if she
looks tired. There's no way I'm
falling for that one
----------------------------------------
The restaurant is
packed. I'm eating by myself.
I pretend I'm not.
In a restaurant
by myself, which means I can
order the dessert
In a restaurant
by myself, which means there is
no one to judge me
I wrote her five love
poems! Unfortunately,
they were limericks.
Sometimes a life comes
into yours to remind you
to keep on living
When you wear your heart
on your sleeve, somebody is
going to steal it
Knowing when to let
go sometimes means holding on
tight, screaming, "Not yet!"
---------------------------------------
Pot smokers believe
the Super Bowl shouldn't have
artificial grass
If I'm lucky, the
words will stop flowing a week
after I am gone
I've now been inside
Bezos' Balls. They're quite large,
lush and very warm
How good the weather
can all depend some days on
which window I look
Coworkers downsized,
while I'm still here, the same size,
though I feel smaller
Microsoft Teams is
down, so we'll communicate
by phone, like cavemen
Instead of getting
guardian angels, I need
coordination
-------------------------------
Getting older may
not be all great, but it beats
the alternative
The lights flickering,
reminding me I'm just one
stiff breeze from darkness
This song reminds me
you're no longer here, you've left
us. I love this song!
I have a scar in
my eye, so my macula
must be part pirate
If I hear one more
Mister Roger's joke, I'll hit
you with my loafers
In picking out my
new pair of glasses, I find
out I have been framed
My fingers and toes
are numb. It's either cold, or
please call the doctor
-----------------------------------
The sexy model
in the cute glasses makes me
rethink my contacts
The bottom row of
the vision chart spelled out, "U
C A N T C"
At the eye doctor,
they said I did well, and I
was a good pupil
The duck doctor lost
his practice quickly as folks
said he was a quack
A divine cup of
coffee can make you feel like
you just might survive
Casino is the
Indian word meaning, "Leave
all your money here."
If someone says, "If
that's what you want to do," don't
do it. It's a trap!!
---------------------------------------
That strange noise late at
night is just one of our cats.
What else would it be?
We are flexible.
We have always done it this
way and you should too!
Sometimes deciding
what to wear to face the day
just means pajamas
Writing haiku in
bed, trying not to get ink
on the comforter
There are mornings when
rolling over or facing
the day takes some thought
I had a dream too,
but I was naked in school,
so his is better
Spider web covered
in morning frost; she has caught
a feast of dewdrops
--------------------------------------
A slow start to the
morning means less daylight, but
far more open eyes
To escape the drugs
that were killing him, they gave
him drugs that killed him
I don't know where to
begin, how to begin, so
I'll start at the end
Sometimes, words will play
"You Can't Catch Me", and they are
usually right
She must be hungry
because she's chewing her words
before they escape
Sinuses clogged, head
full of wet cloth, I wonder
when will I be well
The network had rules
for PeeWee's skin color: Paul's
Pallor Policy
-----------------------------------
She wouldn't describe
"rizz", saying if we didn't
know, then we had none
Recognizing my
insecurities somehow
makes me more secure
I shouldn't blame you
for breaking my heart, I did
put it in your hands
Resolutions are
made January 1st, and
broken weeks later
New Year's Eve fireworks
in a heavy fog, end up
as just sound effects
All is quiet on
New Year's Day; well, all except
for Bono singing