Wednesday, December 31, 2014

Wednesday haiku

Bill likes December
thirty-first, because he can
say, "See you next year!"

Tuesday, December 30, 2014

Tuesday haiku

I'm not even sure
Tinactin can help you if
you have mistletoe

Monday, December 29, 2014

Monday haiku

Bill, desperate for
affection, put mistletoe
on his belt buckle

Saturday, December 27, 2014

Weekend haiku

Parents visiting,
William will not be getting
nooky for Christmas 

------------------------------- 

Meeting his ex-wife,
Bill put sprigs of mistletoe
in his back pocket

Friday, December 26, 2014

Friday haiku

The presents open,
wrapping paper everywhere,
that is the cat's gift

Thursday, December 25, 2014

Christmas haiku

Santa called out to
the three prostitutes, "Ho! Ho!
Ho! Merry Christmas!"

Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Wednesday haiku

Jill's Santa hat has
leopard print fur, and she shouts
out, "Ho! Ho! Me-OW!"

Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Tuesday haiku

Holiday light beer
drinkers are always dreaming
of a Wit Christmas

Monday, December 22, 2014

Monday haiku

If your lips are cold,
you can meet me under the
sprig of mistletoe

Saturday, December 20, 2014

Weekend haiku

We are all under
the weather, though some are more
under than others 

----------------------------------- 

Julie's closet looks
like a thrift store without tags,
and less organized

Friday, December 19, 2014

Friday haiku

Not understanding
how folds work, Bill crumples up
his map every time

Thursday, December 18, 2014

Thursday haiku

Bill thinks newspapers
would be far less boring if
they had more pictures

Wednesday, December 17, 2014

Wednesday haiku

Find God's match for you,
using the same tool people
use to find their porn

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

Tuesday haiku

I don't see a lot
of chips on the highway, but
there's plenty of dips

Monday, December 15, 2014

Monday haiku

Circumcision jokes
are not funny, and for some
a true tipping point

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Weekend haiku

There is no Z in
team and nobody has all
their teeth in hockey 

----------------------------- 

A fork in the road
gives you either a choice or
dirty silverware

Friday, December 12, 2014

Friday haiku

Don't let anyone
tell you you know nothing. Well,
except maybe me

Thursday, December 11, 2014

Thursday haiku

Black is beautiful
is the general rule, but
John's the exception

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Wednesday haiku

We choose not to have
children, as neither of us
want to share our toys

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Tuesday haiku

Hello Martians! I've
heard Mars needs women. Please take
my mother-in-law

Monday, December 8, 2014

Monday haiku

In my life, she is
the secret password into
all the world's closed doors

Saturday, December 6, 2014

Weekend haiku

We celebrate the
small things as the large ones seem
unattainable 

--------------------------------------- 

She questioned why she
had a tailbone, I replied,
"We all still monkeys."

Friday, December 5, 2014

Friday haiku

Not a compliment
to a poet, "You're even
better with numbers."

Thursday, December 4, 2014

Thursday haiku

He has to beg for
sex, which means a more awkward
sign on the offramp

Wednesday, December 3, 2014

Wednesday haiku

She's drawn to him like
a magnet, as she too is
also a magnet

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Tuesday haiku

Popularity
contests are bad for people
with low self-esteem

Monday, December 1, 2014

Monday haiku

The pony knew he
was catching a cold, as he
was a little horse

Saturday, November 29, 2014

weekend haiku

If it does take a 
Village to raise a child,John 
Had half a village. 


If it does take a 
Village to raise a child, John 
Needs at least seven


Friday, November 28, 2014

Friday haiku

Since Chris is very
lactose intolerant, he
hates my cheesy puns

Thursday, November 27, 2014

Thanksgiving haiku

Jill's camera takes
Thanksgiving shots, while I take
shots of Wild Turkey

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Wednesday haiku

The only problem
with lunch outside on hot days
is going back in

Tuesday, November 25, 2014

Tuesday haiku

She has just returned
from Africa and found out
the wildlife is here

Monday, November 24, 2014

Monday haiku

The only reasons
we dress up here is for court
or job interviews

Saturday, November 22, 2014

Weekend haiku

Your shoes matching your
clothes is a nice workplace style,
unless you're barefoot 

--------------------------------- 

Strangely enough, the
Tae Kwon Do instructor is
passive-aggressive

Friday, November 21, 2014

Friday haiku

The drunker Bill gets,
the less he should be allowed
near phones and email

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Thursday haiku

You know how Scarecrow
found out he had a brain all
along? That's not Jeff

Wednesday, November 19, 2014

Wednesday haiku

Taylor, it's easy
to shake it off if you're a
multi-millionaire

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Tuesday haiku

John wears an Iron
Man t-shirt, but if I had
to guess, I'd say tin

Monday, November 17, 2014

Monday haiku

With his tan, David's
got a healthy glow, except
for his skin cancer

Saturday, November 15, 2014

Weekend haiku

He smokes too many
joints, far, far too often, or
more than meets the high 

----------------------------- 

David has had so
many fake tans, his skin is
looking pleathery

Friday, November 14, 2014

Friday haiku

The three friends voted,
with two of them nays, which was
more than meets the aye

Thursday, November 13, 2014

Thursday haiku

Strangely, when the goose
got excited, it tended
to get human bumps

Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Wednesday haiku

When Bill sang "Ain't No
Sunshine When She's Gone" he must
not have known Trudi

Tuesday haiku

Penicillian
is misspelled, unless she is
from Penicilli

Monday, November 10, 2014

Monday haiku

Sasquatch lives off the
grid as he's trying to shrink
his carbon footprint

Saturday, November 8, 2014

Weekend haiku

Looking at the fat
robin in my yard, I have
found the early bird 

------------------------- 

Sprinklers soaking the
lawn during a rain storm, I
can relate to that

Friday, November 7, 2014

Friday haiku

Doing hot yoga
in the middle of August
is just called yoga

Thursday, November 6, 2014

Thursday haiku

Do you know what they
say about a man with big
hands? He wears big gloves

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Wednesday haiku

Looking back at my
Antarctica photos, I
put on a sweater

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Tuesday's haiku

Eating outside is
only a novel thing if
you are not homeless

Monday, November 3, 2014

Monday haiku

Today I promise
to never tell a lie, but
I already have

Saturday, November 1, 2014

Weekend haiku

Salt and vinegar
chips because formaldehyde
chips taste really bad 

------------------------------ 

Today I promise
to never tell a lie, but
tomorrow I will

Friday, October 31, 2014

Friday haiku

Halloween candy
just tastes sweeter, because you
had to beg for it

Thursday, October 30, 2014

Thursday haiku

They performed their song,
"Hero", while fans drank a beer
entitled "Loser."

Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Wednesday haiku

Had Little Caesar's
pizza, ate just one slice, but
you et two, Brute

Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Tuesday haiku

Ironically, Dick
was the very proud owner
of a wiener dog

Monday, October 27, 2014

Monday haiku

If time does indeed
stop for no man, then why does
my watch keep dying?

Sunday, October 26, 2014

Weekend haiku

The spine broke on my
book, which can only mean it's
child stepped on a crack 

----------------------------------- 

Life doesn't stop just
because you are in pain, it
seems to slow way down

Friday, October 24, 2014

Friday haiku

Billy has tunnel
vision, which is logical,
since he's a gopher

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Thursday's haiku

My friend has six pack
abs, but he's jealous of me,
as I have keg abs

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Wednesday's haiku

After meeting the
multi-ethnic barista,
he now likes mochas

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Tuesday haiku

Most people don't like
being green, as it takes more
of their energy

Monday, October 20, 2014

Monday haiku

When it's as nice as
it is today, it makes it
hard to go back in

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Weekend haiku

Since he discovered
topless baristas, he drinks
a lot more coffee 

------------------------ 

I think the Osmonds
were wrong, one bad apple can
spoil the whole bunch, girl

Friday, October 17, 2014

Friday haiku

I'm just a rooster
who needs a hen who wants my
cock-a-doodle-do

Thursday, October 16, 2014

Thursday haiku

I am so tired,
I feel like a toothpaste tube
that's been squeezed empty

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Wednesday haiku

Hecklers don't get
stage fright or anxiety,
they just get sore throats

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Tuesday's haiku

He said water had
been thrown in his face, but he
had no eye wetness

Monday, October 13, 2014

Monday haiku

Secret to long life:
Don't schedule meeting with Death
on your calendar

Saturday, October 11, 2014

Weekend haiku

I really love my
new skylight, but my upstairs
neighbor disapproves 

-------------------------- 

Andy would likely
be a psychopath if he
had the energy

Friday, October 10, 2014

Friday haiku

Walking on concrete
just feels wrong, so I try to
always walk on dirt

Thursday, October 9, 2014

Thursday haiku

When they take away
all that makes us special, then
we no longer are

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Wednesday haiku

There's still March madness
in April, winter's chill, hints
of May's arrival

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

Tuesday's haiku

April arrives on
March's goodbye, waving her
flowers to and fro

Monday, October 6, 2014

Monday haiku

April arrives, shy
body and nimble tongue, and
soon I hope she may

Sunday, October 5, 2014

Weekend haiku

Today, I must be
in the third Hobbit movie,
because I'm dragon 

----------------------------- 

Joan decided not
to be a stalker, Bill just
wasn't worth the work

Friday, October 3, 2014

Friday haiku

When they make love, and
she's on top, his mind always
thinks of ducks swimming

Thursday, October 2, 2014

Thursday haiku

God made little dogs
just to give all the big dogs
something to snack on

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Wednesday haiku

Both political
sides have party in their name,
but neither seem fun

Tuesday, September 30, 2014

Tuesday haiku

Veggie burgers are
for folks who love animals,
but don't like flavor

Monday, September 29, 2014

Monday haiku

The girls flocked around
our guitarist, hearing he
had the hottest licks

Saturday, September 27, 2014

Weekend haiku

Each winter, he'd lose
half a pair of mittens, just
for the glove of odd 

---------------------------- 

He said he'd love no
woman more than his wife, then
he had a daughter

Friday, September 26, 2014

Friday haiku

Poetry readings:
One reader and the others
all waiting to read

Thursday, September 25, 2014

Thursday haiku

He held her hand, not
because they were in love, just
she had offered it

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

Wednesday haiku

Billy always looked
warily at foreigners
until he traveled

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Tuesday haiku

She brings her skateboard
everywhere she goes because
she lost her license

Monday, September 22, 2014

Monday haiku

She brings her skateboard
everywhere she goes because
her car's in the shop

Sunday, September 21, 2014

Weekend haiku

She dressed all in black,
a day of mourning, for the
loss of her Thirties 

----------------------------- 

My teeth now have so
many crowns on them, they could
win most checkers games

Friday, September 19, 2014

Friday haiku

The stench on the wind
from the cow herd next door, smells
like the dairy air

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Thursday haiku

He's always moving,
fidgeting like a small boy
with a full bladder

Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Wednesday haiku

Not warm enough to
eat outside, I do just to
defy the weather

Tuesday, September 16, 2014

Tuesday haiku

Watching the eagles
soaring high above, I feel
sorry for chickens

Monday, September 15, 2014

Monday haiku

Having lunch outside,
because I wanted to, and
because I'm locked out

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Weekend haiku

We said that we were
sorry to see him go, but
we're not that sorry 

----------------------------- 

The early bird gets
the worm, which teaches worms to
try to be later

Friday, September 12, 2014

Friday haiku

She said, "Never mind,"
but it was too late, I had
already minded

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Thursday haiku

Keeping your head in
the sand works best if you're not
in a litterbox

Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Wednesday haiku

Auburn City Hall
locked.  How strange.  Usually,
City Hall's gridlocked

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Tuesday Haiku

Auburn City Hall:
locked; as usual keeping
the wrong people out

Monday, September 8, 2014

Monday haiku

Assembly Line Note:
Baby Model Triple Six
is discontinued

Saturday, September 6, 2014

Weekend haiku

The ring's warranty
kept it in perfect shape, but
not the bride and groom 

--------------------------- 

I feel sorry for
every pregnant woman
that's named Rosemary

Friday, September 5, 2014

Friday haiku

Rosemary's baby
had a wrought iron crib, with
silky satan sheets

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Thursday haiku

Okay, if thyme is
a relative concept, what
about rosemary?

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

Wednesday haiku

If time truly is
a relative concept, I'm
guessing my weird Aunt

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Tuesday haiku

The pig became a
famous chef, though it still felt
wrong to be bakin'

Monday, September 1, 2014

Monday haiku

She doesn't think she's
rich, but she does have bling on
her bathroom slippers

Saturday, August 30, 2014

Weekend haiku

At work, we had pie
for breakfast, so for dinner,
I'm thinking oatmeal 

---------------------------- 

Strangely enough, the
Lone Wolf Club now has over
one million members

Friday, August 29, 2014

Friday haiku

A rut is something
we should all try to escape,
maybe tomorrow

Thursday, August 28, 2014

Thursday haiku

In his tooth, Bill had
sensitivity, feelings
he wasn't used to

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Wednesday haiku

He gave his helpers
false teeth because he wanted
indentured servants

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Tuesday haiku

She may not like her
dentist very much, but she
does like getting drilled

Monday, August 25, 2014

Monday haiku

He poured his Merlot
into her Chardonnay glass
just to make her blush

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Weekend haiku

She makes me better
than I am, much like Lennon
did for McCartney 

__________________ 

Jolted to life by
bolts of electricity,
Frank has storms within

Friday, August 22, 2014

Friday haiku

I'm old-fashioned, I
guess, I prefer subtlety
from all of my stalkers

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Thursday's haiku

Having kids ages
you ten years; with teenagers,
it's at least twenty

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Wednesday's haiku

I always get a
funny taste in my mouth when
I tell a good joke

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Tuesday's haiku

Standing up, it's straight up
sex, but when you're bent over,
it's innuendo

Monday, August 18, 2014

Monday haiku

The night was so cold,
and her skirt was so short, her
lips were turning blue

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Weekend haiku

I have found that the
longer I work here, the less
people that I know 

---------------------------- 

Retirement seems
less personal decision,
more business need

Friday, August 15, 2014

Friday's haiku

She wanted him to
"man up", but at five foot one,
she knew he couldn't

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Thursday's haiku

Bruce hates change, but he
knows, getting older, he soon
will be getting changed

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Wednesday's haiku

Yes Billy, putting
your Jesus statue in a
bag is sacrilege

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Tuesday's haiku

Dave found he's deathly
afraid of pink sweaters; he's
angoraphobic

Monday, August 11, 2014

Monday haiku

Thinking outside the
box is good, unless you are
a toy collector

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Weekend Haiku

Luckily for me,
I happened to be outside
when I imploded 

----------------------- 

I have never liked
spumoni. It tastes like the
fruitcake of ice creams

Friday, August 8, 2014

Friday Haiku

Leaving the boat, I
find that my disembark is
far worse than my bite

Thursday, August 7, 2014

Thursday Haiku

The main asset for
a man with three legs is a
steady camera

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Wednesday Haiku

The key problem for
a man with three legs must be
trying to buy pants

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Tuesday's Haiku

In case of fire, break
glass, paint graffiti, commit
some vandalism

Monday, August 4, 2014

Monday haiku

She's with me tonight,
and I hold her close, while I
dread tomorrow's light

Sunday, August 3, 2014

Weekend haiku

"Contact reception
for help; contact deception
for no help.  Thank you!" 

------------------------------ 

He stares towards the
horizon, wishing, but it
never gets closer

Friday, August 1, 2014

Friday's haiku

Gray whales may not be
like James Bond, but they do love
a view to a krill

Thursday, July 31, 2014

Thursday Haiku

Bill's girlfriend travels
a lot, but especially
his polar regions

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Wednesday Haiku

Today's John's birthday,
and though older, it sure beats
the alternative

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Tuesday Haiku

In Antarctica,
it is almost as cold as
all my ex-girlfriends

Monday, July 28, 2014

Monday Haiku

Presidents have stayed
in this hotel, and now me,
the king of nothing

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Weekend Haiku

Once the waves start, most
will be seasick, but for me,
I'll blame the whiskey 

-------------------------------- 

Antarctica bound,
dreaming of whales, penguins, and
a calm Drake Passage

Friday, July 25, 2014

Friday's Haiku

It feels like summer
camp on a boat, and like past
camps, I'm still not cool

Thursday, July 24, 2014

Thursday's Haiku

Now we've seen dolphins,
but until tomorrow's sun,
we must wait for whales

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Wednesday's Haiku

The reason I keep
writing is because there is
still ink in this pen

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Tuesday's haiku

My head's so bumpy,
it looks like a round contour
map of the Rockies

Monday, July 21, 2014

Monday's haiku

Jill can tie knots in
cherry stems with her tongue, but
she can't talk to guys

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Weekend haiku

Jim wore a top hat
in a futile attempt to
make him look taller 

-------------------------- 

My stomach is in
such a knot today, I feel
fit to be untied

Friday, July 18, 2014

Friday's haiku

It's Julie's Seventh
Annual Thirtieth Birth
Day Celebration

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Thursday's haiku

Looking at photos
from twenty five years ago,
I've only aged ten

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

Wednesday's haiku

Mr. Parkinson
hates tornadoes and fires, but
doesn't mind earthquakes

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Tuesday's haiku

In Iran, those that
are unfaithful are not fans
of the Rolling Stones

Monday, July 14, 2014

Monday's haiku

Over three hundred
dead in nightclub blaze. They say
the band was on fire

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Weekend haiku

Wrongly named, I've found
that the grenade doesn't help
anyone to smile 

--------------------------------- 

Two thousand thirteen
is the year of the snake, which
is a plus for Sean

Friday, July 11, 2014

Friday's haiku

Laura is gone. Mark
is gone. Trep is gone. Jack is
gone. I am still here.

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Thursday's haiku

For the NRA,
America's last golden
age was the Wild West

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Wednesday's haiku

Portable phones have
kept us more in contact, but
we're less connected

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Tuesday's haiku

If Sue's not pregnant,
she'd be better off lying
and saying she is

Monday, July 7, 2014

Monday's haiku

For Antarctica,
global warming has become
a pain in the ice

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Weekend Haiku

I miss her kisses,
her hugs, her deep affection,
but I don't miss her 

-------------------------------- 

I burnt my bagel,
so I just had cream cheese for
breakfast this morning

Friday, July 4, 2014

Friday's haiku

Jill loves the Fourth of
July, as it's the one time
she gets a good bang

Thursday, July 3, 2014

Thursday's haiku

Married thirty years,
they now only make love when
they can find the parts

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Wednesday's haiku

The cacophony
in here is deafening. Oh
wait, it's in my head

Tuesday, July 1, 2014

Tuesday's haiku

When you say "It's all
downhill from here," most cyclists
and skiers will smile

Monday, June 30, 2014

Monday's haiku

Jill wasn't talking
to herself, the voices in
her head replied back

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Weekend haiku

If you really want
to succeed, resolve to break
your resolutions 

------------------------------ 

Skiing is a fun
activity for people
looking for a break

Friday, June 27, 2014

Friday's haiku

Grandeur far out of
reach, she has delusions of
mediocrity

Thursday, June 26, 2014

Thursday's haiku

I vow I don't drink
anymore, though I don't drink
any less either

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Wednesday's haiku

The two by four told
the six by eight, "Don't just
think about your shelf."

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

Tuesday's Haiku

At work, nothing stops
productivity more than
babies and puppies

Monday, June 23, 2014

Monday's haiku

Talking with Bill, you
think his parents put the wrong
vowel in his name

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Weekend Haiku

They say Jill is a
hard nut to crack.  I think she
is just squirrelly. 

---------------------------------- 

She chews with her mouth
open, like the Grand Canyon
eating burritos

Friday, June 20, 2014

Friday's haiku

They say, "Jill is a
hard nut to crack." All I hear
is "Jill is a nut."

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Thursday's haiku

Love is a many
splendored thing unless you've had
the chance to love Jill

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Wednesday's haiku

If hot air rises,
Timothy should always be
three feet above us

Tuesday, June 17, 2014

Tuesday's haiku

I wish Julia
no ill will or harm. Okay,
maybe a little

Monday, June 16, 2014

Monday's haiku

It's so blustery,
I expect to see Winnie
the Pooh and his kite

Saturday, June 14, 2014

Weekend haiku

Their relationship
has become one long game of
marital chicken 

-------------------------------- 

It's so blustery,
I imagine this is what
it's like in Jill's head

Friday, June 13, 2014

Friday's haiku

Ann B Davis passed
away at eighty-eight, the
Brady heart is gone

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Thursday's haiku

When your family
tree doesn't branch, there's no place
to hang tire swings

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Wednesday's haiku

My son said he loves
me this much, which is nice, but
he's got such short arms

Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Tuesday's haiku

Bill's mental anguish
couldn't be claimed, as it was
infinitesimal

Monday, June 9, 2014

Monday's haiku

I love long office
meetings because they work well
as mental catnaps

Saturday, June 7, 2014

Weekend haiku

The wind gusts remind
him that his great new jacket
is only rainproof 

----------------------------------- 

As an introvert,
human interaction is
best when there is none

Friday, June 6, 2014

Friday's haiku

The fisherman did
not like to fish, he did it
for the halibut

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Thursday's haiku

Julie sits on a
stool as if she's doing it
some kind of favor

Wednesday, June 4, 2014

Wednesday's haiku

Sandra looked like a
goth girl who just recently
discovered color

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Tuesday's haiku

Susan's lisp was so
sensual, every man just
wants to be her teeth

Monday, June 2, 2014

Monday's haiku

Connie's eyes are not
windows to her soul, they're locked
doors to dark alleys

Saturday, May 31, 2014

Weekend haiku

For Susan. college
was less community, more
communicable 

--------------------------- 

Relatives can be
like presents from your Aunt: you
want the gift receipt

Friday, May 30, 2014

Friday's haiku

Jill told Sue, "Green is
your color," though she knew that
Sue's color was red

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Thursday's haiku

Jill's hair is kinky,
which is strange, because that girl
is a total prude

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Wednesday's haiku

Her pink sweater is
affectionate, hugging her
in all the wrong places

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Tuesday's haiku

Andy turns fifty
today and just like that, his
warranty expires

Monday, May 26, 2014

Monday's haiku

For her third date, Jill
wore a slinky, short black dress
and her riding boots

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Weekend haiku

I tell my dog I'm
the master, but then it's me
carrying the poop 

---------------------- 

Justin calls the drab,
soft cubicle covering
his daily soul sponge

Friday, May 23, 2014

Friday's haiku

Her baby reminds
me of the reasons I don't
want to procreate

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Thursday's haiku

His beard is so long,
his chin hasn't seen the sun
in over five years

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Wednesday's haiku

Sunshine in winter
feels like an old friend, and yet
a constant stranger

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

Tuesday's haiku

Sandy found having
a hurricane named after
her really did blow

Monday, May 19, 2014

Monday's haiku

John said it would be
ten percent off for friends, but
he charged me full price

Saturday, May 17, 2014

Weekend haiku

It is an honor
just to be nominated,
but winning is sweet 

--------------------------- 

Until recently,
Billy thought haiku was one
of the martial arts

Friday, May 16, 2014

Friday's haiku

No matter how hard
they pushed, the door wouldn't budge,
missing the pull sign

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Thursday's haiku

I'm so tired of
saying, "It feels great just to
be nominated."

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Wednesday's haiku

She got her pixie
cut before the dance, in hopes
she would be picked, see

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Tuesday's haiku

The world is not filled
with idiots, but they are
the majority

Monday, May 12, 2014

Monday's haiku

The meeting about
their paychecks was the first where
they showed up on time

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Weekend haiku

Invited to the
cool table, he declined, so
not to spoil their lunch 

--------------------------- 

Her smile is really
just a pained partial grimace
with an attitude

Friday, May 9, 2014

Friday's haiku

He named his dog "Life"
so that each day, he feels he
has a leash on it

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Thursday's haiku

Their team was so bad,
at all the games, the band played
the funeral march

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Wednesday's haiku

Antiperspirant
is a weird nickname for my
Mom's sweaty sister

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Tuesday's haiku

Bob's wearing all blue
to match his bad mood, though his
underwear is pink

Monday, May 5, 2014

Monday's haiku

Bill wears fingerless
gloves because his puppy chewed
all the fingers off

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Weekend haiku

For Donald Sterling,
there's no gray area, it
is just black and white 

------------------------------ 

Ignorance isn't
bliss when you have to sell your
NBA franchise

Friday, May 2, 2014

Friday's haiku

Donald Sterling's not
a racist, some of his best
servants are black men

Thursday, May 1, 2014

Thursday's haiku

Bill wears fingerless
gloves, because both of his thumbs
are claustrophobic

Wednesday, April 30, 2014

Wednesday's haiku

Bill wears fingerless
gloves, since he has no fingers,
because he's a duck

Tuesday, April 29, 2014

Tuesday's haiku

He slurps his soup so
loudly, I can almost taste
the chicken noodle

Monday, April 28, 2014

Monday's haiku

Before November
ends, Christmas ephemera
welcomes December

Saturday, April 26, 2014

Weekend haiku

Oysters and shrimp don't
like to share, as they prefer
to just be shellfish 

------------------------------- 

When the turkey told
us, "Gobble! Gobble!" we did
just as we were asked

Friday, April 25, 2014

Friday's haiku

"Don't be down," she said.
"Thanks for the thought," I replied,
"But I am a goose."

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Thursday's haiku

He wishes he was
taller, so he'd stop looking
people in the chin

Wednesday, April 23, 2014

Wednesday's haiku

Her depression is
not helped by a glass of wine,
as she drinks Merlot

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Tuesday's haiku

It took less than an
hour for work to undo
vacation's sweet bliss

Monday, April 21, 2014

Monday's haiku

I'd be happier
with life if people didn't
depress me so much

Saturday, April 19, 2014

Weekend haiku

My vacation may
not start until Sunday, but
mentally, I'm gone 

----------------------------- 

Winter sounds a lot
like vintner, which must be why
I drink more wine then

Friday, April 18, 2014

Friday's haiku

She looked so much like
my ex-wife Amy, I had
to give her half too

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Thursday's haiku

Her hair was redder
than a New Hampshire maple
leaf in October

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Wednesday's haiku

Anyone who says,
"Just being nominated
is nice," hasn't won

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Tuesday's haiku

Winning this award
is a highlight of my life.
Now it's all downhill.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Monday's haiku

Our gym equipment's
so old, the bike machine is
a penny farthing

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Weekend haiku

Cafeteria
lunch is a game of "Who do
I want to sit by?" 

--------------------------------- 

Embarrassment is
the one thing parents always
can give to their kids

Friday, April 11, 2014

Friday's haiku

Reasonable doubt
means a whole lot more to the
one who knows the truth

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Thursday's haiku

Texting is for those
people who've always been told
that they are all thumbs

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Wednesday's haiku

She was even more
beautiful for the fact she
didn't believe it

Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Tuesday's haiku

She nodded a lot,
as she liked to say "yes" and
enjoyed the rattle

Monday, April 7, 2014

Monday's haiku

She always squinted
at her child, as she'd been told,
"Don't stare at the son."

Saturday, April 5, 2014

Weekend haiku

She predicted things
won't get any better and
she's proved herself right 

----------------------------- 

She squinted at Jim,
not wanting to take in his
brilliance all at once

Friday, April 4, 2014

Friday's haiku

Disappointed, Jane
had misread the mentoring
class as men touring

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Thursday's haiku

"With all due respect"
seemingly always precedes
disrespectful things

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Wednesday's haiku

The mastectomy
over, she now likes to wear
double-breasted suits

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Tuesday's haiku

I've always wondered
how the potato keeps the
dirt out of it's eyes

Monday, March 31, 2014

Monday's haiku

Root vegetables
are mostly apathetic,
some don't carrot all

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Weekend haiku

The T.V. station
devoted to perfume is
channel number five

------------------------- 

A word of advice:
Take it from me, don't ask if
Connie is pregnant

Friday, March 28, 2014

Friday's haiku

I've begun to have
disillusions of grandeur
when it comes to Gayle



















Thursday, March 27, 2014

Thursday's haiku

As per the Mayans,
the world ends after my big
math test.  Damn Mayans!

Wednesday, March 26, 2014

Wednesday's haiku

Gambling is God's
way of saying you must have
money you don't want

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Tuesday's haiku

His blue, puffy coat
makes Brian look like a tall
Smurf bodybuilder

Monday, March 24, 2014

Monday's haiku

Billy's teeth are so
crooked, one of them became
a politician

Saturday, March 22, 2014

Weekend haiku

Before the double
mastectomy, she said once
more, "Ta Ta's for now!" 

-------------------------------- 

The new C.O.O
realized he needs one more
letter to be cool

Friday, March 21, 2014

Friday's haiku

Bacon seems harmless
to most, but kryptonite for
vegetarians