Tuesday haiku

Julie asked me to  

be civil, so I filed a  

lawsuit against her

Monday haiku

I don't understand  

calling your loved one "Honey",  

since it's bee vomit

Weekend haiku

Let the darkness come  

Let the light embrace the sea  

Let the night begin  

----------------------------------  

If you happen to  

see me running towards you,  

something bad's coming

Friday haiku

I wasn't sure who  

had made me so sick, but I  

wanted them to die

Thursday haiku

Bill fell into a  

vat of molten copper. I  

heard that it smelt bad

Wednesday haiku

 Internet outage  

in your area. Email  

us for more info.

Tuesday haiku

At home, half of us  

are in love, the other half  

are packing their bags

Monday haiku

I am the king of  

lonely, castle deserted,  

no one left to rule

Weekend haiku

Hard times are coming,  

so prepare while you can! Damn,  

they're already here  

----------------------------------------  

All I ever want  

is to see her smile.  I wish  

it was more often

Friday haiku

The Grim Reaper came  

and said, "I have bad news!" I  

replied, "Get in line!"

Thursday haiku

In the morning, I'm  

less beacon of clarity,  

more numb fog zombie

Wednesday haiku

Each oil change at the  

dealership always finds more  

costly things to fix

Tuesday haiku

Each visit with my  

folks could be the last, as their    

or my time lessens

Monday haiku

Calico cats seem  

to be painted by someone  

with ADHD

Weekend haiku

Tuxedo is my  

cat's breed, so it is always  

better dressed than me  

--------------------------------  

I adopted two  

cats that look alike, so I'm  

guessing Siamese

Friday haiku

My cat's now wearing  

slimming underwear. Yes, I  

put my Manx in Spanx

Thursday haiku

Based on how much my  

cat sleeps, I'm guessing the breed  

is Himalayan 

Wednesday haiku

Based on the sound that  

all cats make, I would have bet  

they were all Persians

Tuesday haiku

Both Americans  

and British have short hair cats.  

Hippies have long hair

Monday haiku

Her giant cat is  

a Maine Coon. I must have one  

of the Minor Coons

Weekend haiku

When I asked my cat  

if she was a saint, she said,  

"Abyssinian"  

--------------------------------  

My cat doesn't watch  

me at all times, but she does  

keep tabbies on me

Friday haiku

Rudolph decided  

to try stand-up comedy.  

He lit up the place!

Thursday haiku

Santa decided  

to try stand-up comedy.  

I hear he sleighed it

Wednesday haiku

Three days past New Year's,  

my resolution's broken.  

Better luck next year!

Tuesday haiku

Two days past New Year's,  

my resolution's broken.  

That's a new record!

Monday haiku

It's the day after  

New Year's, the resolution  

already broken