Weekend haiku

New Year's Eve: The last  

chance to do all those things you'll  

soon promise to quit  

-----------------------------------------  

All is quiet on  

New Year's Day, except Bono  

keeps singing that song

Friday haiku

I was in the car  

while she delivered a gift;  

my presence stayed here

Thursday haiku

When the snake found out  

it wasn't poisonous, said,  

"Well, fangs for nothing!"

Wednesday haiku

Spending Christmas Day  

in a hotel bar, looking  

for Christmas spirit

Tuesday haiku

 Spending Christmas Eve  

in a haunted hotel, so  

there's more ghosts tonight

Monday haiku

 Mike Tyson says he  

really likes Christmas. but he  

prefers Boxing Day

Weekend haiku

It's Christmas Eve, so  

Santa is coming tonight!  

Was I good enough?  

-----------------------------  

It's Christmas Day, or  

as all my nephews call it,  

"Gimme Gimme Day!"

Friday haiku

It's Christmas Eve eve,  

the elves loading the presents  

and my coal stocking

Thursday haiku

It's three days before  

Christmas. I might be able  

to be good that long

Wednesday haiku

 It seems wrong that when  

you measure a long snake, you  

measure it in feet

Tuesday haiku

When the sock found out  

the hole in him had been fixed,  

he said, "I'll be darned!"

Monday haiku

Seeing friends mainly  

online makes hugs and kisses  

a greater treasure

Weekend haiku

Writing haiku is  

harder than it looks, you must  

make every word count  

-----------------------------------  

You tried your hand at  

haiku, but found out you need  

a few more fingers

Friday haiku

Depression and gray  

skies affect us all; do your  

best to bring sunshine

Thursday haiku

Most guitarists wish  

that Santana Claus is the  

one bringing presents

Wednesday haiku

Do not think you can  

judge a man until you've walked  

a while in his blues

Tuesday haiku

Someone has drawn the  

curtains to the window of  

my darkening heart

Monday haiku

When the world ends, there  

will just be cockroaches, and  

perhaps Keith Richards

Weekend haiku

If a beer uses  

sarsaparilla, I then  

must root for this beer  

--------------------------  

The "Help the Homeless"  

website is hard to find since  

it has no address

Friday haiku

Seeing your face lit  

by moonlight, maybe I can  

be beautiful too

Thursday haiku

Seeing your face lit  

by moonlight, I'm so glad to  

be on this planet

Wednesday haiku

I've been through the name  

on a horse with no desert.  

Yes, I'm dyslexic.

Tuesday haiku

I have been through the  

desert, and my horse had a  

name. It was Agua.

Monday haiku

Stock markets reward  

the patient, and punish those  

wanting the quick buck

Weekend haiku

With what Elon has  

done to Twitter, he must be  

related to Trump  

--------------------------------  

Bill drew pentagrams,  

as drawing hexagrams was  

more than he could count

Friday haiku

Elon bought Twitter  

for forty-four billion, and  

then musked it all up

Thursday haiku

Anyone who knows  

how to pour a good pint, knows  

how to get ahead

Wednesday haiku

I tried to write a  

song about suicide, but  

it ended too soon

Tuesday haiku

Another weekend  

almost here, and yet it's still  

so, so far away

Monday haiku

Coyote sleeping  

underneath a cedar tree,  

while inside I howl

Weekend haiku

In Washington, a  

rainforest is defined as  

any place with trees  

----------------------------  

Shadows are only  

deeper, darker, colder when  

the sun's shining bright

Friday haiku

Stuffing tastes great, as  

long as you don't think about  

where it has been stuffed

Thursday haiku

Thanksgiving is the  

one time it's okay to tell  

someone to "get stuffed!"

Wednesday haiku

The Meyer lemon  

graduated college with  

a C average

Tuesday haiku

It's early morning,  

no power in the house, I  

think I'll stay in bed

Monday haiku

There is a poem  

touting all my achievements!  

Oh, it's a haiku.

Weekend haiku

Underwear: Protects  

my pants from my butt, and my  

privates from my pants  

--------------------------------------  

Each birthday after  

eighty are celebrations  

of pure stubbornness 

Friday haiku

I'm going to raise  

so much hell that the Devil  

will get a nosebleed

Thursday haiku

He's twenty years my  

junior and claims he's feeling  

old.  He has no clue!

Wednesday haiku

He's twenty years my  

junior, and claims he's so old.  

What does that make me?

Tuesday haiku

Luckily, when I  

went to school, the internet  

didn't exist yet

Monday haiku

Visiting a high  

school on PSAT day;   

yeah, no test for me!

Weekend haiku

 All of Gallagher's  

friends knew the comedian  

would be a big smash  

----------------------------------  

In this classroom, the  

clock's stopped at two twenty-three,  

a student's nightmare

Friday haiku

Visitor badge, gray  

hair, beard, not sure I'll blend in  

with the high school crowd

Thursday haiku

Back at high school, this  

time to teach, I am still not  

one of the cool kids

Wednesday haiku

Usually, the  

horses don't drink wine, but if  

so, it's Chardonnay

Tuesday haiku

Bill doesn't need to  

use the bathroom, since he is  

drinking a Pinot

Monday haiku

Bill doesn't have a  

drinking problem, but he has  

reached a new merlot

Weekend haiku

The anesthetist  

wasn't sure he could help, but  

he'd give it a shot  

-------------------------------------  

The dobermans wait  

in the Ford while she shops, no  

car alarm needed

Friday haiku

In the Middle East  

each year, this has become a  

Syrial event

Thursday haiku

The soprano found  

out that her hernia was  

inoperable

Wednesday haiku

Sunday Night Football:  

No matter how hard Carrie  

sings, my wife don't care

Tuesday haiku

Houston Texans: The  

team even folks from Texas  

can forget about

Monday haiku

Atlanta Falcons:  

Dead last in the NFC  

and tastes like chicken

Weekend haiku

Philadelphia  

Eagles: Soaring once more, but  

can they truly fly?  

------------------------------------------  

New Orleans Saints: Still  

wishing that they could have a  

strong Brees at their backs 

Friday haiku

The Carolina  

Panthers: Never seem to get  

out of the jungle

Thursday haiku

Indianapolis  

Colts: want to run like mustangs,  

but play like ponies

Wednesday haiku

Baltimore Ravens:  

Are always playing like they  

just got their wings clipped

Tuesday haiku

Buffalo Bills: Now  

giving New Yorkers a chance  

to believe again

Monday haiku

Kansas City Chiefs:  

Has all fans believing there's  

no place like Mahomes

Weekend haiku

The Los Angeles  

Chargers: Have a quarterback  

now, is it enough?  

-----------------------------------  

Miami Dolphins:  

Maybe they would play better  

back in the water

Friday haiku

Washington Redskins:  

Oh wait! Now the Commanders.  

Oh wait! They still suck.

Thursday haiku

The Minnesota  

Vikings: Still think back fondly  

of Fran Tarkington

Wednesday haiku

The Cincinnati  

Bengals: Every league needs a  

team to lose; they're it

Tuesday haiku

Chicago Bears: Used  

to be great, one of the best,  

but now, not so much

Monday haiku

New England: Called the  

Patriots, but they should be  

called the Big Cheaters

Weekend haiku

The Jacksonville  

Jaguars: Sometimes they win a  

game, but mostly don't  

-------------------------------------  

Green Bay Packers: Put  

all their hopes on Aaron, but  

still lose the big games

Friday haiku

Dallas Cowboys: If  

they're America's team, I  

fear for our country

Thursday haiku

Detroit Lions: Can  

still pull a defeat from the  

jaws of victory

Wednesday haiku

New York Giants: They  

are still wondering when they  

can get Eli back

Tuesday haiku

New York Jets: Even  

when they win games, they are still  

booed by New Yorkers

Monday haiku

Los Angeles Rams:  

The Rodney Dangerfields of  

Football; No respect

Weekend haiku

Tampa Bay Bucs: Sold  

their souls to the Devil, but  

won a championship  

--------------------------------  

Cleveland Browns: Are no  

longer the worst team, and yet  

the dog pound still howls

Friday haiku

Tennessee Titans:  

Changed their name, but still play like  

the Houston Oilers

Thursday haiku

Pittsburgh Steelers: The  

dynasty is crumbling,  

but they are still thugs

Wednesday haiku

Denver Broncos: So  

desperate for quarterbacks,  

but they need a coach

Tuesday haiku

The Arizona  

Cardinals: Great quarterback,  

still mediocre

Monday haiku

Las Vegas Raiders:  

Act menacing, but then play  

like defanged tigers

Weekend haiku

The San Francisco  

Forty-Niners: Their only  

goal? Beat the Seahawks  

----------------------------------  

Jon Gruden: You know  

you're a mess when you're fired by  

the Oakland Raiders

Friday haiku

Seattle Seahawks:  

They built it up, just to let  

all the pieces go

Thursday haiku

She looks like our friend,  

if she had gained weight, and was  

very unhappy

Wednesday haiku

Beer festival on  

the farm. The cow wants to know  

if there are milk stouts.

Tuesday haiku

 Her preventative  

insurance coverage costs  

more than being sick

Monday haiku

Her chiropractor  

is not sure he can help, but  

he'll give it a crack

Weekend haiku

 I'm not old, I'm a  

teenager with four decades  

of experience  

--------------------------------  

Wildfires burning,  

so much destruction, but the  

sunsets are pretty

Friday haiku

Having cavities  

means that your dentist's work is  

much more fulfilling

Thursday haiku

In a room full of  

guitars, banjos, mandolins,  

I'm feeling strung out

Wednesday haiku

In a room full of  

morning, I try to pretend  

that it's still nighttime 

Tuesday haiku

Workers find every  

shift at the camel milking  

plant is on hump day

Monday haiku

Billy spilled his beer  

on an outlet, and now he  

won't drive his EV

Weekend haiku

Billy spilled his beer  

on an outlet, and he got  

a charge out of it  

--------------------------------  

Billy spilled his beer  

on an outlet, and now he  

hates AC/DC

Friday haiku

Billy spilled his beer  

on an outlet in the past,  

and now he's current

Thursday haiku

This stupid haiku  

woke me up to write it down.  

Not sure it's worth it.

Wednesday haiku

Vodka: If water  

and lightning had a baby.  

Yeah for potatoes!

Tuesday haiku

Wine: What you bring to  

your book club meetings when you  

haven't read the book

Monday haiku

Gin: For all those times  

when sucking on a tree branch  

isn't an option

Weekend haiku

Tequila: Just one  

night of too many shots leads  

to never again  

--------------------------------------  

Everclear: Helps you  

experience Alzheimer's  

for a night or two

Friday haiku

Whiskey: Helps make your  

bad decisions seem just right,  

until the morning

Thursday haiku

Beer: Amplifies your  

voice, ego and biases  

one pint at a time

Wednesday haiku

Rum: Helping to hide  

all your inadequacies  

one shot at a time

Tuesday haiku

St. Andrew was sad  

when his title moved, and he  

became Andrew St.

Monday haiku

It's a big mess, but  

I don't see it, as I have  

Disorder Blindness

Weekend haiku

The worst thing about  

Harry Potter now happens  

to be the author  

------------------------------  

The dictionary  

worked out at the gym to get  

more definition

Friday haiku

Picky about his  

cereal, Bill prefers to  

buy a bran new box

Thursday haiku

No matter where you  

sit down around a campfire,  

the smoke will follow

Wednesday haiku

Bigfoot tries to smile,  

but everyone knows that he  

has resting Squatch face

Tuesday haiku

If someone says, "You  

can't eat away your pain", they  

should try edibles

Monday haiku

With planning all the  

details, Bill finds vacations  

 to be too much work

Weekend haiku

There is no more an  

efficient alarm clock than  

a happy toddler  

------------------------------  

The narcoleptic  

drank away his worries by  

hitting the Snooze Bar

Friday haiku

If you smoke too much  

marijuana in your tent,  

the stakes will be high

Thursday haiku

Wes had to get rid  

of the wasps in his home, he  

couldn't let them bee

Wednesday haiku

Billy wants to join  

the anti-letter group, but  

they're so dismissive

Tuesday haiku

Bill is so unique  

with writing letters, he puts  

his own stamp on them

Monday haiku

Brendan wants to go  

to the Haiku Convention,  

but it's short notice

Weekend haiku

Later in marriage,  

you see her undies only  

when you fold laundry  

----------------------------  

She laughs out loud when  

he uses the Golem voice.  

It's just so precious!

Friday haiku

The refracted light  

put a rainbow in my eye,  

my head the treasure

Thursday haiku

The lottery's for  

folks bad at math, but hope their  

funds will multiply

Wednesday haiku

The lottery is  

for folks bad at math, but are  

still fond of dreaming

Tuesday haiku

Reading history  

about poets, how their lives  

went from bad to verse

Monday haiku

Her lips were so plump,  

it looked like she'd kissed the butts  

of multiple bees

Weekend haiku

Watching Buffy the  

Vampire Slayer reruns,  

I know what's at stake  

--------------------------  

All the grasshoppers  

have left my yard in protest;  

all the grass is brown

Friday haiku

Stung by multiple  

bees, I carry epi-pens,  

and don't go near hives

Thursday haiku

The surgeon hummed "First  

Cut is the Deepest" during  

Bill's vasectomy

Wednesday haiku

Based on their jingle,  

Bill's nickname is "Mounds" after  

his vasectomy

Tuesday haiku

Not sure if he'd feel  

it, post-vasectomy, Bill  

felt the deferens

Monday haiku

While most surgeries  

are fair game, vasectomies  

are below the belt

Weekend haiku

The heat relenting,  

a breeze rustles the trees, and  

I can breathe again  

----------------------------------  

A mouth opened up  

near my ribs, the doctor said  

there'd be side effects

Friday haiku

The shadow of a  

bird overhead means more to  

a mouse than a man

Thursday haiku

It's so hot outside,  

the outdoor thermometer  

display just says, "BROIL"

Wednesday haiku

Her anger hiding  

behind her smile, it should be  

a concealed weapon

Tuesday haiku

She hugs a bag of  

potato chips from her home  

state, so far away

Monday haiku

With friends and family  

so far away, now her heart  

is no longer here

Weekend haiku

She's so far away  

from home, she's forgotten how  

to start going back  

------------------------------------  

She's so far away  

from home, she can't say that she's  

truly living here

Friday haiku

Trojan Horse is not  

the code name used to order  

extra-large condoms

Thursday haiku

They said their big dog  

was a Great Dane, but I thought  

it was just okay

Wednesday haiku

 I have been smoking  

cannabis to help me with  

writing my high-ku

Tuesday haiku

Bears have been eating  

cannabis to assist with  

their highbernation

Monday haiku

Concerned, before bed,  

a pill and CBD oil,  

migraine averted

Weekend haiku

At fifteen point one  

percent, her beer, while smooth, will  

make tomorrow rough  

------------------------------------------  

On the edge of a  

migraine, pain in front of me,  

I breathe and step back

Friday haiku

Ambulance sirens  

grow louder, remind you, your  

day could be much worse

Thursday haiku

It's late July, but  

Summer has finally come,  

while Fall waits nearby

Wednesday haiku

Finally off work,  

I'm now at the dentist. I'm  

not sure which is worse.

Tuesday haiku

Our one day in the  

rainforest, it rained. Now, I  

need a sunforest.

Monday haiku

I only stayed one  

night at the Hostel, as the  

staff was so angry

Weekend haiku

I'm not cruel, but I  

will squeeze grapes until they let  

out a little wine  

---------------------------------------  

The hummingbird buzz,  

louder than a bee, makes me  

happy it can't sing

Friday haiku

Boobytrap backwards  

is partyboob; I would  

prefer the latter

Thursday haiku

We're going to the  

coast to hang out with friends, I  

hope there are no waves

Wednesday haiku

Scrolling is the new  

paper shuffle, either way,  

an awkward silence

Tuesday haiku

It feels mighty strange  

that the group, The Proud Boys,  

don't agree with Pride

Monday haiku

Your dog peed on my  

tent, so I am going to  

pee on your trailer

Weekend haiku

You see a baby,  

I see eighteen years of cash  

drain and servitude  

----------------------------------  

Raining in July,  

the summer sun coming in  

a more liquid form

Friday haiku

If we start calling  

women's bodies a firearm,  

will they have more rights?

Thursday haiku

Rabbits can't get their  

pompadours to look just right  

as they have wild hares

Wednesday haiku

Amongst lubricants,  

crude oil always tends to tell  

the dirtiest jokes

Tuesday haiku

Young girls don't have to  

wear masks in school, but they're forced  

to have a baby

Monday haiku

The Fourth of July:  

Celebrate freedom, except  

all pregnant women

Weekend haiku

The Bovine Gospel  

Choir sings the "Hallemoojah  

Chorus" on Sundays  

-----------------------------------  

The Supreme Court has  

overturned Roe V. Wade, now  

all rights are in doubt

Friday haiku

I don't understand  

the allure of Vegas, the  

lights don't attract me

Thursday haiku

Locked inside the car,  

the air getting more stagnant,  

I feel like a dog

Wednesday haiku

He reads poetry  

while she drives down the highway,  

each page holds a curve

Tuesday haiku

Summer's finally  

here: blue sky, high temps, it may  

last a week or two

Monday haiku

We saw Sting perform  

in Vegas.  There were no crimes,  

no Police in sight

Weekend haiku

I did not gamble  

in Vegas, except for a  

couple food choices  

------------------------------  

Summer's finally  

here, almost July, Winter  

will be coming soon

Friday haiku

Las Vegas is for  

gamblers, drinkers and liars,  

just like in D.C.

Thursday haiku

During her doctor  

visit, I wait in the car,  

watching for movement

Wednesday haiku

Let me tell you all  

about my trip to Vegas!  

Oh wait...that damn rule!

Tuesday haiku

They serve food, drinks at  

the chapel, so folks can eat,  

drink and get married

Monday haiku

 Juneteenth is the one  

holiday we know the least;  

oh wait, Arbor Day

Weekend haiku

The last hour of  

a Friday work shift always  

ticks off the slowest  

---------------------------------

The extroverts chat,  

new friends sharing secrets, while  

I keep mine locked tight

Friday haiku

Dictionary words  

are alphabetical, so  

you can define them

Thursday haiku

Quasimodo may  

not have been psychic, but he  

always had a hunch

Wednesday haiku

She got Covid for  

her birthday, which sucks, but is  

still better than socks

Tuesday haiku

Her Covid birthday,  

we decided against her  

blowing out candles

Monday haiku

She got Covid for  

her birthday; truly the gift  

that keeps on giving

Weekend haiku

The cruise is almost  

over; back to land, back to  

work, back to our lives  

-----------------------------  

She got Covid for  

her birthday; less a gift, more  

an experience

Friday haiku

She can light up rooms  

with her smile, as long as she  

also has matches

Thursday haiku

This vacation was  

supposed to be relaxing,  

so why am I stressed?

Wednesday haiku

It only took me  

three days to anger her, a  

brand new record

Tuesday haiku

First morning in a  

new city. I'm glad I'm here,  

and wish I was home.

Monday haiku

Almost two hours  

to get over the border.  

Canada's that good!

Weekend haiku

Skittles says, "Taste the  

Rainbow," which means Randy must  

be very happy  

------------------------------------------  

On vacation, an  

alarm clock should be banned by  

law, or at least shunned

Friday haiku

My poetry is  

moving at the speed of life,  

or maybe faster

Thursday haiku

When my eyes are hot,  

I'm either sick, or I'm too  

close to the fire

Wednesday haiku

He writes to remove  

the thorns from his heart, but the  

wounds may never heal

Weekend haiku

 Scars burn cold, hidden  

like snow in the shadows, the  

remains of dark times  

----------------------------------  

I'm going to take  

a social media break,  

I'll be back in June!

Friday haiku

She keeps cucumbers  

in the fridge, for those cold nights  

when she's home alone

Thursday haiku

Saturday. No plans.  

Nowhere to be. The bed's warm.  

We'll stay here awhile.

Wednesday haiku

No alarm, cat purrs,  

rests, in the crook of my arm,  

I'll get up later

Tuesday haiku

My teachers say I'm  

hyperactive, but just my  

imagination

Monday haiku

I'd love to be more  

like the birds, except for the  

whole hollow bones thing

Weekend haiku

Birthdays come around  

once a year like Santa, but  

with far less presents  

---------------------------------  

I've survived one more  

year on this crazy planet,  

and my gift is socks?!?

Friday haiku

I'm not saying I'm  

boring, but my life's work, work,  

work, work, work, sleep, sleep.

Thursday haiku

I'm such a square, that  

LSD, for me, means, "Yes,  

I'd Love Some Dessert!"

Wednesday haiku

Willie Nelson's voice  

is now a strange mixture of  

warble and gravel

Tuesday haiku

If you live on a  

road with seven bridges, you  

should sing harmony

Monday haiku

If you want to hold  

somebody else, then you must  

let somebody go

Weekend haiku

I'm not saying she  

knows voodoo, but she does go  

through a lot of pins  

------------------------------------  

You could have it all  

one day, or most of it spread  

out over your life

Friday haiku

Everybody wants to  

be her person, the one she  

can always count on

Thursday haiku

I've got the apple  

tree blues in an orchard full  

of peaches and pears

Wednesday haiku

Something has got a  

hold of my heart. Oh, it's my  

cardiologist.

Tuesday haiku

Based on my life so  

far, I think my guardian  

angel is crazy

Monday haiku

Free is the best thing  

in the world to be, unless  

you want to be four

Weekend haiku

Prostitutes moving  

towards the sunset would be  

known as westward ho's  

--------------------------------  

When a person says  

they could be anywhere, they  

mean just not right here

Friday haiku

You can get real high  

without marijuana, but  

weed is easier

Thursday haiku

She sings with such an  

ache in her voice, all her songs  

sound bruised and beaten

Wednesday haiku

I run down every  

dream, every hope, and hold on  

for all that I'm worth

Tuesday haiku

If you have never  

been hurt, just understand, it  

will be coming soon

Monday haiku

There will be more days,  

both good and bad, but keep your  

mind on this moment

Weekend haiku

It's another gray  

afternoon, rain threatening,  

so I stay inside  

-------------------------------  

I look down upon  

his simple rhymes, but he's sold  

way more books than me

Friday haiku

You may not like their  

stingers or bad moods, but bees  

know how to beehive

Thursday haiku

 Friends are not always  

around, but they are always  

there when you need them

Wednesday haiku

Early morning, the  

day full of promises that  

haven't been broken

Tuesday haiku

Early morning, sun  

golden in the sky, the day  

full of promises

Monday haiku

With this last launch of  

her dreams, the capsule rises,  

but never breaks free

Weekend haiku

Hummingbirds don't hum.  

They sing poorly, scratchy, shrill.  

Maybe they should hum.  

-------------------------------------  

Before the concert,  

we stare at the empty stage,  

ready for music

Friday haiku

Bill says he's king of  

sarcasm, or maybe that  

is his one attempt

Thursday haiku

She's had surgery  

on her knee, so now she can  

out hike all of us

Wednesday haiku

I find torn clothing  

is less fashionable, and  

more trashionable

Tuesday haiku

Bad golfers are like  

divining rods, both know how  

to find the water

Monday haiku

Is today the last  

day I'll ever write haiku?  

Maybe tomorrow

Weekend haiku

A friend said, "While I  

don't like poetry, I like  

what you do."  "Thanks!...wait?!?"  

--------------------------------------  

Schizophrenia  

doesn't allow you access  

to the carpool lanes

Friday haiku

We now know Will Smith  

can't take a joke, but Chris Rock  

sure can take a hit

Thursday haiku

Will Smith may have slapped  

Chris Rock, but it's Will's career  

that will take the hit

Wednesday haiku

If Will Smith had slapped  

The Rock, instead of Chris Rock,  

he'd be in traction

Tuesday haiku

In my life, I don't  

need a scarecrow, I need a  

scareracistpeople

Monday haiku

Without trying too  

hard, a scarecrow can be out  

standing in it's field

Weekend haiku

Another migraine,  

another reason to be  

jealous of scarecrows  

----------------------------  

In your life, you'll face  

plenty of Putins; strive to  

be a Zelensky

Friday haiku

They named their baby  

"Lincoln". Maybe he'll grow up  

to be a logger

Thursday haiku

They named their baby  

"Lincoln". Let's hope he doesn't  

like the theater

Wednesday haiku

Conditioners: For  

those times when your hair needs to  

get back into shape

Tuesday haiku

I vowed I'd always  

be close by, until now.  Damn  

restraining order!

Monday haiku

She seems to have left  

the lights on for someone, too  

bad it wasn't me

Weekend haiku

I love a stranger  

for the possibilities,  

and they don't know me  

-----------------------------  

Gretel stayed out of  

the oven because her hair  

doesn't like the heat

Friday haiku

It's Friday in Dawn's  

mind, yet it's only Monday.  

Who's gonna tell her?

Thursday haiku

The poem doesn't  

end, it continues to float  

on a sea of white

Wednesday haiku

Another haiku  

about rain, each syllable  

now drenching this page

Tuesday haiku

Today's another  

gray day, the rain falling hard,  

the sun, the warmth, gone

Monday haiku

At the base of the  

mountain, a small stone wishes  

it could return home

Weekend haiku

The old preacher liked  

going to court, as he knew  

how to testify  

----------------------------------  

The pilot only  

orders the vanilla shakes  

since he likes the plain

Friday haiku

The detective was  

at the church, asking folks, "Can  

I get a witness?"

Thursday haiku

The drunk at the zoo  

is upset as there's no booze  

yet so many bars

Wednesday haiku

Walking through the zoo,  

this isn't what he'd meant by  

"check out the wildlife"

Tuesday haiku

Al ate apples with  

Anthony Anderson  and  

Arthur Ashe again

Monday haiku

I didn't think Jill  

was a witch until I met  

her flying monkeys

Weekend haiku

Televangelists  

love using coupons, as they  

get to save something  

----------------------------------  

When my demons get  

out, it can be difficult  

to get them back in

Friday haiku

Life is a river,  

and I've lost my paddle and  

my boat is leaking

Thursday haiku

The ghost school has a  

reputation for having  

spirited children

Wednesday haiku

Easily, the best  

part of mankind's existence  

has to be women

Tuesday haiku

J.K. Rowling will  

not come here, because it's a  

Trans-Atlantic flight

Monday haiku

J.K. Rowling is  

quickly becoming the one  

who shall not be named

Weekend haiku

Small hawk circling  

over Panda Express, not  

finding any food  

------------------------------  

Putin's as good as  

his word which, based on his past,  

isn't very good

Friday haiku

D.J.'s fall in love  

as they know just how to fill  

each other's time slots 

Thursday haiku

She fell in love with  

a D.J., as he knew how  

to use his twelve inch

Wednesday haiku

She fell in love with  

a D.J., as he focused  

on her Top 40

Tuesday haiku

A gaggle gathered  

to giggle and gaze agog  

at Gary Glitter

Monday haiku

Putin started a  

war in Ukraine.  He puts the  

dic in dictator

Weekend haiku

Hamilton isn't  

much of a drinker, as he's  

only got one shot  

-------------------------------  

Watch out for Aaron  

Burr, as he's got a duel  

personality

Friday haiku

It's getting colder  

though the sun is up. Oh, your  

mother must be here

Thursday haiku

The Queen of Spades went  

to the clubs seeking diamonds,  

while breaking some hearts

Wednesday haiku

Bobcat hunts ducks on  

golf course, gets the birdie, but  

wanted an eagle

Tuesday haiku

The main reason I  

give blood, I must admit, is  

just for the cookies

Monday haiku

It's President's Day:  

To celebrate, go out and  

spend a few dead ones

Weekend haiku

My dentist visits  

make sure the nightmares about  

crumbling teeth aren't true  

--------------------------------------  

Sometimes, a day off  

means sleeping in, reading a  

book, just unplugging

Friday haiku

If you believe a  

lie long enough, it slowly  

will become your truth

Thursday haiku

If physical and  

mental scars are beautiful,  

I must be stunning

Wednesday haiku

Kissing a frog gets  

you a prince, while licking one,  

you can watch prints move

Tuesday haiku

Some say kissing a  

frog could yield a prince, but what  

would licking get you?

Monday haiku

The older we get,  

the most common words we use  

are now "What?" and "Huh?"

Weekend haiku

Calvin Broadus is  

at the big game, so we'll call  

it the Snooper Bowl  

-----------------------------------  

Calvin Broadus was  

picked up by a loader, called  

the Snooper Scooper 

Friday haiku

Opportunity  

only knocks twice, and Bill has  

missed the first seven

Thursday haiku

If laziness were  

an Olympic sport, Bill could  

win gold, but wouldn't

Wednesday haiku

If these children are  

the future, I only give  

us twenty years, tops.

Tuesday haiku

This migraine's so bad,  

if she wants sex, I'll say yes,  

but enjoy it less

Monday haiku

She's into mushrooms,  

all varieties, plus some  

make her feel real good

Weekend haiku

The forecast around  

Susan is stormy, as she  

always brings the rain  

-----------------------------  

Shooting 45's  

with his 45, skeet-style,  

all her songs destroyed

Friday haiku

When consequences  

are accepted for actions  

made, we'll all grow up

Thursday haiku

Some folk's favorite  

part of winter is Hallmark  

holiday movies

Wednesday haiku

I used to write at  

a fever pitch, but now I  

seemed to have cooled down

Tuesday haiku

Every day I write  

in seventeen syllables  

for just a few folks

Monday haiku

The rain is over,  

but the river's still rising,  

looking for it's chance

Weekend haiku

Putting on a new  

turtleneck is like being  

born a second time  

---------------------------  

With this wind, we must  

be in Georgia, because out  

there, it's Augusta

Friday haiku

If you acknowledge  

the light, then you must also  

accept the darkness

Thursday haiku

After my haircut,  

there's now more hair on the floor

than left on my head

Wednesday haiku

I'm getting my hair  

cut today because I can't  

afford a facelift

Tuesday haiku

The Elvis Presley  

Candle: You will find that it  

smells like burnin' love

Monday haiku

The optometrist's  

thoughts on my vision future  

were kind of fuzzy

Weekend haiku

When a T-Rex asks  

you to come closer for a  

hug, don't believe it  

------------------------------  

The optometrist's  

jokes about my eyes couldn't  

have been cornea

Friday haiku

 

She gives me kisses,  

says she loves me, but her eyes  

tell me something else

Thursday haiku

I believe in your  

rights, will fight for them, until  

they infringe on mine

Wednesday haiku

After being caught  

in two rainstorms, I'm ready  

for a big sunstorm

Tuesday haiku

The poet and the  

farmer both disagree on  

what's a meadow for

Monday haiku

Today is Martin  

Luther King Day- Celebrate  

like we are all one

Weekend haiku

The poet prefers  

his daughter wear skirts more ode  

length, and less haiku  

----------------------------------------  

The poet prefers  

when his daughter joins the band,  

she plays the cymbals 

Friday haiku

Reading a good book  

all about helium, I  

couldn't put it down

Thursday haiku

Reading a book on  

the history of vacuums,  

I got sucked right in

Wednesday haiku

She went inside to  

get pizza, while I'm outside  

wanting to get sauced

Tuesday haiku

The wide receiver  

who can secure a Seahawks  

win? Tyler Lock-it

Monday haiku

The Seahawks player  

used to confuse the other  

team? Decoy Metcalf

Weekend haiku

Antonio Brown  

will provide all the drama  

your team can't handle  

------------------------------  

Sidney Poitier  

showed us humanity, no  

matter the color

Friday haiku

Using a word like  

triskaidekaphobia  

in haiku is hard 

Thursday haiku

Impatience can lead  

to injury, which leads to  

higher insurance

Wednesday haiku

Impatience can lead  

to injury, which can lead  

to more impatience

Tuesday haiku

Around here, there's so  

many Dollar Tree stores, they're  

a dime a dozen

Monday haiku

Bill's coronary  

shocked us all, as we believed  

him to be heartless

Weekend haiku

Bono was wrong. All  

is not quiet on New Year's  

Day. It's quite noisy  

-----------------------------------  

New Year's hangover  

means your resolution is  

already broken