Saturday, December 31, 2016

Weekend haiku

2016 took
large swaths of my childhood, like
a drunken uncle

---------------------------------------

Why must the new year
be so heavily burdened
by last year's mistakes?

Friday, December 30, 2016

Friday haiku

The people who are
the least humble tend to be
those who should be more

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Thursday haiku

With the last name of
Gala, they better be good
at throwing parties

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Wednesday haiku

The Christmas tree will
be gone soon, but the needles
will stay on for months

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

Tuesday haiku

After Christmas Sale:
Everything you bought at full
price is now half off

Monday, December 26, 2016

Monday haiku

Boxing day arrives
twenty four hours after
the unwrapping day

-------------------------

After Christmas Sale:
Only three hundred sixty
four days 'til Christmas

Sunday, December 25, 2016

Weekend haiku

Christmas is the time
to say, "I love you, and by
the way, where's my gift?"

------------------------------------

For Hanukkah, my
friend smokes a joint each day, and
has eight hazy nights

Friday, December 23, 2016

Friday haiku

Some put an angel
atop the tree for peace, while
Jill puts the remote

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Thursday haiku

The Republicans
favorite holiday song
must be "White Christmas"

Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Wednesday haiku

We decorate the
Christmas tree just to create
one giant cat toy

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Tuesday haiku

President-elect
Trump picks Bill Cosby as Head
of Women's Studies

Monday, December 19, 2016

Monday haiku

He's a MADD scientist,
doing research for Mothers
Against Drunk Driving

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Weekend haiku

Her love is like a
hotel minibar, each piece
costs more than it's worth

-----------------------------

The mad scientist
was upset having just been
blinded by that girl

Friday, December 16, 2016

Friday haiku

Stars prick holes in the
fabric of night, remind us
the light is still there

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Thursday haiku

Bill reads poetry 
just to remind himself why 
he hates poetry

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Wednesday haiku

Jill rubs lottery
tickets like magic lamps, but
rarely finds genies

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Tuesday haiku

Christmas music in 
March means the stores are starting 
later than last year

Monday, December 12, 2016

Monday haiku

These rays of sunshine 
are almost strong enough to 
warm up Jill's cold heart

Sunday, December 11, 2016

Weekend haiku

Unlike pets, parents 
don't neuter their kids, at least 
not physically 

------------------------------------ 

Though they're called Great Blue 
Herons, they are more well known 
for their Jazz stylings

Friday, December 9, 2016

Friday haiku

I saw them flying! 
Pterodactyls! Oh wait, they 
were Great Blue Herons

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Thursday haiku

If the buck truly 
does stop here, you can expect 
the doe to follow

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Wednesday haiku

While Andy quotes lines
from Shakespeare and Voltaire, Chris
quotes from Dr. Seuss

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Tuesday haiku

Not quite bright enough,
Jonathon gave the poisoned
man an anecdote

Monday, December 5, 2016

Monday haiku

We looked at Farmer
Bill funny when he said he
was feeling sheepish

Sunday, December 4, 2016

Weekend haiku

I've considered it
a challenge growing older
without growing up

-----------------------------

The only thing of
value to come out of Bill's
mouth will be gold teeth

Friday, December 2, 2016

Friday haiku

I'm not stubborn, and
I'll argue all day with those
who say otherwise

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Thursday haiku

Oppenheimer got
the concept for nuclear
bombs from his ex-wife

Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Wednesday haiku

Boobs: what some women
flaunt, and how some men behave
when they see a pair

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Tuesday haiku

Bobby's friends love him
and are fine tolerating
his assholery

Monday, November 28, 2016

Monday haiku

Hiking with a group
of guides is like being the
very last sled dog

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Weekend haiku

Without saying a
word, she let all of the air
out of my balloon

-----------------------------

Selfies: Telling the
world, "the most important thing
around here is me!"

Friday, November 25, 2016

Friday haiku

Yesterday, we ate
turkey. In January,
we'll be led by one

Thursday, November 24, 2016

Thanksgiving haiku

On this day, we all
give thanks for the life we have.
Well, not the turkey

-----------------------------------

Thanksgiving is the
one day it's okay to tell
your friends to "get stuffed!"

Wednesday, November 23, 2016

Wednesday haiku

If too many cooks
spoil the broth, you could always
substitute chicken

Tuesday, November 22, 2016

Tuesday haiku

Trouble always seems
to find Gina, which means she's
bad at Hide and Seek

Monday, November 21, 2016

Monday haiku

Mandolin players
get the girl because they don't
play second fiddle

Saturday, November 19, 2016

Weekend haiku

Every conversation
revolved around Jill, which was
a subject she loved

------------------------------------

After twelve years, her
dog passed away, and now there's
no one to greet her

Friday, November 18, 2016

Friday haiku

After spending ten
hours trying to find shoes,
she wore the boxes

Thursday, November 17, 2016

Thursday haiku

The muscleman found
the one way he could pick up
girls was lifting them

Wednesday, November 16, 2016

Wednesday haiku

This may be a pick
up bar, but there's nothing here
that I want to lift

Tuesday, November 15, 2016

Tuesday haiku

Bill thought growing a
porn star mustache would lead to
more girls.  It didn't.

Monday, November 14, 2016

Monday haiku

A racist, sexist
demagogue is our leader
now, god bless us all

Saturday, November 12, 2016

Weekend haiku

For Pacific, Trump
winning is just like Cy Sun
all over again

-------------------------------

I don't belong in
a place that celebrates, or
condones, Donald Trump

Friday, November 11, 2016

Friday haiku

First we lose Bowie,
then Prince, and now Cohen. Words,
and music, fail me.

Thursday, November 10, 2016

Thursday haiku

Trump is president.
Is it too soon to start the
impeachment process?

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Wednesday haiku

Throbbing election
hangover, disappointed
in what just happened

Tuesday, November 8, 2016

Tuesday haiku

Spastic colon sounds
painful, but a real cool name
for a punk rock band

Monday, November 7, 2016

Monday haiku

Allergic to both
sulfides and gluten, his trip
to Rome was no fun

Saturday, November 5, 2016

Weekend haiku

Buys twenty thousand
acres of soybeans, then finds
out he's allergic

-------------------------------

Invite in jacket
pocket, he heads to party,
finds coat is at home

Friday, November 4, 2016

Friday haiku

Monday thru Friday,
pulled in twenty directions,
I feel like taffy

Thursday, November 3, 2016

Thursday haiku

Invitation, hand
delivered, feels old-fashioned,
I'll probably go

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Wednesday haiku

He calls his huge ride
"The Pussy Truck", I call it
"The Compensator"

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Tuesday haiku

I am part of the
problem, but I don't like your
solution either

Monday, October 31, 2016

Monday haiku

Halloween is the
one day a year I can wear
pajamas at work

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Weekend haiku

Her fascination
with the food chain would make more
sense in the jungle

--------------------------------------

Puppies, kittens and
porn are the three main reasons
for the internet

Friday, October 28, 2016

Friday haiku

With each selfie, a
piece of our soul disappears
into our ego

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Thursday haiku

My kids run outside,
bundled up, make snow angels,
laugh devilishly

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

Wednesday haiku

I've loved more girls that
I barely knew than the ones
I've known really well

Tuesday, October 25, 2016

Tuesday Haiku

Ten push-ups just so
happens to be ten more than
I've done since high school

Monday, October 24, 2016

Monday haiku

Library sex can
be found via the Do Me
Decimal System

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Weekend haiku

Solo sex act in
the library, Professor
Plum wants to be next

----------------------------

In picking up girls,
the body builder's also
good at the wench press

Friday, October 21, 2016

Friday haiku

If Trump can't be the 
President, is there a spot 
for an apprentice?

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Thursday haiku

Caught in a solo
sex act in the library,
which class is she in?

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Wednesday haiku

If you are tooting
your own horn, then you must be
really flexible

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Tuesday haiku

Major storms back east,
almost two feet of snow, which
is why I live here

Monday, October 17, 2016

Monday haiku

This January,
sunshine just makes Spring feel that
much further away

Saturday, October 15, 2016

Weekend haiku

Lemon water in
the morning gets my face set
up to kiss my wife

----------------------------------

When they make sweet love
in the ocean, she finds her
pleasure comes in waves

Friday, October 14, 2016

Friday haiku

It is best to not
look skyward in a winter
storm because rain drops

Thursday, October 13, 2016

Thursday haiku

The only reason
men tend to wear full beards is
they dislike their face

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Wednesday haiku

Julie always wears
a hat, like she is under
witness protection

Tuesday, October 11, 2016

Tuesday haiku

After a long week,
I am currently dragging
more than Dame Edna

Monday, October 10, 2016

Monday haiku

Sara has had so
many babies, her body
felt like a clown car

Saturday, October 8, 2016

Weekend haiku

On a strict diet,
Jill can't even watch reruns
of Chips on T.V.

---------------------------

Driving a hybrid
vehicle doesn't make you
a better driver

Friday, October 7, 2016

Friday haiku

She's not attracted
to my Moe's or Larry's, but
she loves my Curly's

Thursday, October 6, 2016

Thursday haiku

My bagel had a
fly baked in it, making it
more of a bugel

Wednesday, October 5, 2016

Wednesday haiku

Watching people walk
in the fog, I'm like a poor
man's Dian Fossey

Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Tuesday haiku

Our office is short
staffed, though we hope to hire
someone taller soon

Monday, October 3, 2016

Monday haiku

Chuck Norris doesn't
write haiku, he uses as
many syllables as he wants to, okay

Saturday, October 1, 2016

Weekend haiku

While some folks are dog
whisperers, my friend Bill is
a dog shouterer

---------------------------------

Musical toothbrush
didn't teach my child to brush,
but she dances well

Friday, September 30, 2016

Friday haiku

For all decisions,
you should always err on the
side of the Aussie

Thursday, September 29, 2016

Thursday haiku

Charlie Sheen's New Year's
resolution list is more
than sixty pages long

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Wednesday haiku

In some towns, you can 
play Pok√©mon Ho, but be 
careful what you catch

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Tuesday haiku

Hanging out near the
back of Jonathan's pickup,
Bill was exhausted

Monday, September 26, 2016

Monday haiku

Folks visiting, means
mornings without pajamas
is not optional

Saturday, September 24, 2016

Weekend haiku

This late morning, I
feel more fuzzy-headed than
a Nepalese yak

---------------------------------

The six months between
her birthday and Christmas were
a true gift desert

Friday, September 23, 2016

Friday haiku

Colin Kaepernick
jerseys on sale (with purchase,  
you get free knee pads)

Thursday, September 22, 2016

Thursday haiku

I'm so excited
to see and hear Ms. Parton,
I've got Dolly wood

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Wednesday haiku

Based on the lack of 
human interaction, it 
sure ain't a "we" phone

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Tuesday haiku

Brangelina split
Billy Bob and Jennifer
laugh and laugh and laugh

Monday, September 19, 2016

Monday haiku

There's no leftover
hominy for breakfast, so
she has no re-grits

Saturday, September 17, 2016

Weekend haiku

Learning from it's past,
the leg bone vowed to follow
the straight and marrow

-----------------------------------

Despite common thought,
Bill did have two humerus
bones in his body

Friday, September 16, 2016

Friday haiku

After Julie's failed
suicide attempt, David
bought her a Nerf gun

Thursday, September 15, 2016

Thursday haiku

Bill wanted to buy
stupid insurance, but the
premium's too high

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Wednesday haiku

Starting a week back,
out with a weak back, laid flat,
now wants her week back

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Tuesday haiku

Dieting, Bill vows
not to eat the cookies, just
the chocolate chips

Monday, September 12, 2016

Monday haiku

Big thrift store fans, my
folks hear, "Peace on earth, good will
to man" differently

Saturday, September 10, 2016

Weekend haiku

Donald Trump's chances
of being president are
thinner than his hair

-------------------------

Trump's deportation
force surprisingly starts with
Rosie O'Donnell

Friday, September 9, 2016

Friday haiku

Janice must be a
heartbreaker, because she is
full of pettiness

Thursday, September 8, 2016

Thursday haiku

"Don't drink alcohol
while using Lyrica,"  so
I said, "No thanks, Doc!"

Wednesday, September 7, 2016

Wednesday haiku

"Stop crying, you big
baby!" I tell myself each
and every workday

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Tuesday haiku

Hoagy sandwiches,
one of only two foods you
can eat by the foot

Monday, September 5, 2016

Monday haiku

I was so hungry,
I ate my calendar, so
I filled up on dates

Sunday, September 4, 2016

Weekend haiku

"Hey Hey Hey", now a
Fat Albert catchphrase, was his
greeting to Hey Hey

----------------------------------

Bill, "innuendo"
better not be code for the
position you used

Friday, September 2, 2016

Friday haiku

The picture perfect
sunsets always seem to be
obscured by buildings

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Thursday haiku

In traffic behind
this Infiniti, it does
feel like forever

Wednesday, August 31, 2016

Wednesday haiku

Everyone ranging
from zero to nobody
cares much about me

Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Tuesday haiku

The sweat on my lip
from drinking this cold beer means
I need exercise

Monday, August 29, 2016

Monday haiku

Jill's camera takes
Thanksgiving shots, while I take
shots of Wild Turkey

Saturday, August 27, 2016

Weekend haiku

"There's always room for
Jello!" Now we know Cosby's
name for Little Bill

--------------------------------

Cleaning mirrors is
a job that I truly can
see myself doing

Friday, August 26, 2016

Friday haiku

We all wear targets
on our backs, but our actions
can control the size

Thursday, August 25, 2016

Thursday haiku

Are you pretty and
a bit naive? Bill Cosby
has a pill for you!

Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Wednesday haiku

Winning this award
makes me proud, though I wonder,
"What took so damn long??"

Tuesday, August 23, 2016

Tuesday haiku

Being taken for
granted is much better than
just being taken

Monday, August 22, 2016

Monday haiku

He told the genie
he wished for more time, now his
garden's full of it

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Weekend haiku

Summer Olympics:
my personal reminder
to get to the gym

-------------------------

Summer Olympics:
my personal reminder
to suck in my gut

Friday, August 19, 2016

Friday haiku

I said, "It's okay
to leave me here, but not cool
to have left me here."

Thursday, August 18, 2016

Thursday haiku

If it does take a
village to raise a child, John
had half a village

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

Wednesday haiku

If it does take a
village to raise a child, John
needs at least seven

Tuesday, August 16, 2016

Tuesday haiku

If it does take a
village to raise a child, Bill
needs to sue his town

Monday, August 15, 2016

Monday haiku

If it does take a
village to raise a child, John
needs a large city

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Weekend haiku

She said I caught Bill
at a bad time, which must be
Monday through Sunday

---------------------------------

All my loving, I
will give to you, except for
my deep love of pie

Friday, August 12, 2016

Friday haiku

Bill eats so many
mushrooms, my momma says he's
nothing but truffle

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Thursday haiku

Trump's ego keeps on  
expanding, while thankfully,  
his support deflates

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

Wednesday haiku

My pinball machine
is still broken, so she can't
hit my balls around

Tuesday, August 9, 2016

Tuesday haiku

If you spend all your
time in a lemon tree, you
will end up sour

Monday, August 8, 2016

Monday haiku

I will always bet
on the weirdos, because I
tend to like the odds

Saturday, August 6, 2016

Weekend haiku

She's staring at me,
probably wondering why
I keep staring back

--------------------------------

Her sweater glistens
with iridescent threads, or
she's really sweaty

Friday, August 5, 2016

Friday haiku

Trump winning is like  
Taco Bell: Both will make us  
run for the border

Thursday, August 4, 2016

Thursday haiku

Bernie Sanders taught  
Republicans/Democrats  
to embrace what's left

Wednesday, August 3, 2016

Wednesday haiku

This table reserved,
all of the other tables
are much friendlier

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Tuesday haiku

Republicans now
control the house and senate.
Rich white men are back!

Monday, August 1, 2016

Monday haiku

Staring at the floor,
he missed all the cute girls, but
he found a nickel

Saturday, July 30, 2016

Weekend haiku

The priest, cleaning his
crucifix, wasn't angry,
but felt a bit cross

----------------------------

Dressed as Red Riding
Hood's nemesis, Megan found
she wolfed down her lunch

Friday, July 29, 2016

Friday haiku

So, the nominees
are Hillary and Donald:
Lady and the Trump

Thursday, July 28, 2016

Thursday haiku

He saw her every
Spring, and like Daylight Savings
Time, he'd lose hours

Wednesday, July 27, 2016

Wednesday haiku

Midterms are teacher's
way of saying, "Just you wait
until the final!"

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

Tuesday haiku

The yellow lizard
doesn't hate all people, but
he's a bit jaundiced

Monday, July 25, 2016

Monday haiku

The man with two rear
ends isn't rude, but has a
definite bias

Sunday, July 24, 2016

Weekend haiku

He's such a dirty
old man, he depicts all the
ladies in the lewd

------------------------------

Bill has Parkinson's,
so he ends all business
deals with a hand shake

Friday, July 22, 2016

Friday haiku

Donald Trump's now the  
Republican nominee  
I know that's not right

Thursday, July 21, 2016

Thursday haiku

For the whole night of
lascivious poetry,
he wished for more girls

Wednesday, July 20, 2016

Wednesday haiku

He sits by himself,
as he's found it's better than
being rejected

Tuesday, July 19, 2016

Tuesday haiku

Jan always races
through all school zones, trying to
exercise those kids

Monday, July 18, 2016

Monday haiku

Jan always races
through all speed zones, trying to
get the highest score

Saturday, July 16, 2016

Weekend haiku

The two crows, hanging
out nearby, were picked up for
attempted murder

------------------------------

Billy stopped counting
calories when he found out
the most doesn't win

Friday, July 15, 2016

Friday haiku

In the rain, coats on,
with their hoods up, everyone
looks like a conehead

Thursday, July 14, 2016

Thursday haiku

Donald Trump's hairpiece 
is not so much a toupee, 
more like a too bad

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Wednesday haiku

We all have our "Ramps
to Nowhere" that we learn from,
tear down, and rebuild

Tuesday, July 12, 2016

Tuesday haiku

Bouncing around the
office, perky, Jill needs to
lay off the caffeine

Monday, July 11, 2016

Monday haiku

My work day may be
over, but a cold beer is
still so far away

Sunday, July 10, 2016

Weekend haiku

My favorite place
is anywhere that I can
be alone with you

----------------------

Watching everyone
leave, done with work, happy, I
almost want a job

Friday, July 8, 2016

Friday haiku

With these election 
candidates, I swear we must 
have broke a mirror

Thursday, July 7, 2016

Thursday haiku

The quiet girl could
drink just half a beer, so she
prayed for more volume

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Wednesday haiku

He never looks up
when he speaks, so it feels like
you're talking to hair

Tuesday, July 5, 2016

Monday, July 4, 2016

Monday haiku

Independence Day
should be more about freedom,
less about Will Smith

Saturday, July 2, 2016

Weekend haiku

Our meeting now late,
the "p" in poetry sure
doesn't stand for prompt

---------------------------

His predilection
for poop jokes meant Bill put the
"p" in poetry

Friday, July 1, 2016

Friday haiku

The cleaning lady
needs to wash her eyes, giving
me such dirty looks

Thursday, June 30, 2016

Thursday haiku

It's hard to have a
poetry meeting when I'm
the only one here

Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Wednesday haiku

Nicole likes to wear
pink, because yellow makes her
look like a lemon

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

Tuesday haiku

AC/DC, now 
with Axl, makes me jealous 
of Brian's deafness

Monday, June 27, 2016

Monday haiku

Norman Mailer head
butted Gore Vidal over
women's rights. Manly!!

Sunday, June 26, 2016

Weekend haiku

The green guy on the
corner wanting carrots is
a rutabaga

--------------------------

Walking in, our new
house still has that new house smell,
or maybe that's bleach

Friday, June 24, 2016

Friday haiku

The tomato in
the hot tub was so upset,
he was just stewing

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Thursday haiku

We cage gorillas,
then kill them when one of us
dares enter their space

Wednesday, June 22, 2016

Wednesday haiku

There are so many
crowns on my teeth, my mouth could
now rule Great Britain

Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Tuesday haiku

Billy's gone from our
work world, so there will now be
less hugs and less smiles

Monday, June 20, 2016

Monday haiku

The incontinent
bear always slept alone at
hibernation time

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Weekend haiku

Pediatricians
are doctors who spend all their
time kidding around 

-------------------------------- 

I was cut from the
ad campaign, as they wanted
it to make money

Friday, June 17, 2016

Friday haiku

She asked, "Are your words
romantic or erotic?"
He replied, "Why or?"

Thursday, June 16, 2016

Thursday haiku

The feminist told
him, "It's okay to have a
dick, just don't be one."

Wednesday, June 15, 2016

Wednesday haiku

Ozzy Osbourne is
a vegetarian, must
have been a fruit bat

Tuesday, June 14, 2016

Tuesday haiku

Bill's wealth of knowledge
was actually only
worth a buck fifty

Monday, June 13, 2016

Monday haiku

Bill likes to be spanked,
for good health, claiming it adds
color to his cheeks

Sunday, June 12, 2016

Weekend haiku

Dental appointment
in five days, I've got four days
before I must floss 

-------------------------------- 

She smiles at me, as
if I were an abandoned
puppy, which is nice

Friday, June 10, 2016

Friday haiku

Yes, it takes many
nails to build the crib, but just
one screw to fill it

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Thursday haiku

The fine droplets of
water will alight on blades
of grass in dew time

Wednesday, June 8, 2016

Wednesday haiku

The wizard rabbi
knows all, except which hat he
should be wearing now

Tuesday, June 7, 2016

Tuesday haiku

I wrote this haiku
for my psychic mom, but she
knew it was coming

Monday, June 6, 2016

Monday haiku

Dressed in fishnets and
high heels, he'd misunderstood
what drag racing meant

Saturday, June 4, 2016

Weekend haiku

He'd thought he found a
large seed in his juicy peach,
and that's a pity

------------------------------

I missed my high school
reunion, now I don't know
if I'm popular

Friday haiku

The Cook family,
all twelve of them, found they could
not make a good broth

Thursday, June 2, 2016

Thursday haiku

They say beauty is
only skin deep, also true
for melanoma

Wednesday, June 1, 2016

Wednesday haiku

Most knights know it takes
a special kind of queen to
make that kingdom come

Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Tuesday haiku

The main difference
between Summer and Fall is
all about degrees

Monday, May 30, 2016

Monday haiku

It's called Fall because
it's what temperatures, good
moods, and raindrops do

Saturday, May 28, 2016

Weekend haiku

Bill's girlfriend is so
tall, it's like he's dating an
amorous giraffe 

----------------------------- 

Poets tend to wish
they had written what is on
someone else's page

Friday, May 27, 2016

Friday haiku

Joe looks like my high
school bully, so I glare at
him thirty years late

Thursday, May 26, 2016

Thursday haiku

Jill's legs are so long
and sensual, it makes me
wish I were her boots

Wednesday, May 25, 2016

Wednesday haiku

The flash flood didn't
make anyone too happy,
except for the ducks

Tuesday, May 24, 2016

Tuesday haiku

The noise in the bar
kept increasing until I
couldn't hear my beer

Monday, May 23, 2016

Monday haiku

Bill's work ethic is
to stay as far away from
it as he can get

Saturday, May 21, 2016

Weekend haiku

Trump supporters don't
seem to understand how to
read a resume 


------------------------------- 


Trump fans just don't get
we need the most qualified,
not most amplified

Friday, May 20, 2016

Friday haiku

A misogynist
and racist for president?
Jefferson's so proud

Thursday, May 19, 2016

Thursday haiku

"I will continue
to make your lives hell, until
all your moods improve!"

Wednesday, May 18, 2016

Wednesday haiku

Bill struggles against
his constraints, though it does make
the mistress angry

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Tuesday haiku

David is killing
it as our boss, if by "it"
you mean our spirit

Monday, May 16, 2016

Monday haiku

Bill is a big guy,
looking like a rhino in
a Hawaiian shirt

Saturday, May 14, 2016

Weekend haiku

I've had another
birthday, but that don't make me
any more mature 

----------------------------------- 

Based on the campaign,
Trump has two faces only
a mother could love

Friday, May 13, 2016

Friday haiku

Bill says he's not hung
up on winning awards, then
hugs his trophy wife

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Thursday haiku

Bill says he's not hung
up on how people look, then
adjusts his hairpiece

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Wednesday haiku

No job's more likely
to leave you destitute than
being a poet

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

Tuesday haiku

She wore her Kangol
as if her Easter Parade
hat had been stolen

Monday, May 9, 2016

Monday haiku

With the size of his
belly, a stomach ache is
debilitating

Sunday, May 8, 2016

Weekend haiku

Mothers help shape us
into who we become, but
it's not all their fault 

------------------------------ 

My mom is the best! 
Wait, you say yours is?  Oh...we...
Nope, mine's still better!

Friday, May 6, 2016

Friday haiku

The large gauge holes in
his ears were smaller than his
Mom's disappointment

Thursday, May 5, 2016

Thursday haiku

Short shorts and cowboy
boots, still really sore, so she
left her spurs at home

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Wednesday haiku

Short shorts and cowboy
boots, looking for more than a
seven second ride

Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Tuesday haiku

He said it was off
the top of his head, but I'm
sure it was lower

Monday, May 2, 2016

Monday haiku

She was told, "It's a
spider-free zone", but no one
had told the spider

Saturday, April 30, 2016

Weekend haiku

Stuck in the hotel,
can't go outside, now paying
for my room and bored 

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Don't touch the hive, my
friend, I've always found it's best
to just let them bee

Friday, April 29, 2016

Friday haiku

Sara's so easy,
she goes in and out more than
a fiddler's elbow

Thursday, April 28, 2016

Thursday haiku

Jill's mood goes up and
down more than shock absorbers
on a rocky road

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Wednesday haiku

Mozart, to make sweet
music, as you do, takes a
stunning pianist

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Tuesday haiku

Her business plan
isn't just practical, it
makes dollars and sense

Monday, April 25, 2016

Monday haiku

Yes, our football team
is great, but the bandwagon
is completely full

Sunday, April 24, 2016

Weekend haiku

Jill's super power
is she can make every drop
of wine disappear 

---------------------------- 

Since Jill is always
complaining, her new nickname
is "the whinery"

Friday, April 22, 2016

Friday haiku

"That's the funniest
thing I've ever seen" should not
be said while in bed

Thursday, April 21, 2016

Thursday haiku

The tragedy of
Prince passing is he didn't
live to see the Dawn

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Wednesday haiku

Proctology is
about checking to see if
the sun does shine there

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

Tuesday haiku

"I've never seen that
before" is a bad phrase at
a rectal exam

Monday, April 18, 2016

Monday haiku

She chastised me for
staring, only to find I
was sleeping soundly

Saturday, April 16, 2016

Weekend haiku

Whenever she says
she feels like a new person,
her husband's nervous 

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It's hard to not feel 
like just another number
on a football team

Friday, April 15, 2016

Friday haiku

Better to spend all
your time making love, than all
your love making time

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Thursday haiku

Weather forecast for
child photo shoot: flash lightning
and wailing thunder

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

Wednesday haiku

The ghost likes to drink
expensive whiskey because
he enjoys good booze

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Tuesday haiku

Billy carries a
small flask in his hat, just to
keep his spirits up

Monday, April 11, 2016

Monday haiku

My bad handwriting
prevents folks from stealing my
words, or reading them

Saturday, April 9, 2016

Weekend haiku

I have self-loathing,
as I don't want to feel left
out from my family 

----------------------------- 

Tire losing air,
no nail to be found, so it's
obviously screwed

Friday, April 8, 2016

Friday haiku

The bloated roadkill
smelled terrible, and looked worse,
but it was tasty

Thursday, April 7, 2016

Thursday haiku

He drove cross country
with all his belongings, just
so she can't have them

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

Wednesday haiku

Bill thought "unisex"
meant making sweet love, balanced
on only one wheel

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Tuesday haiku

We had nachos for
lunch, before President Trump
tells us that we can't

Monday, April 4, 2016

Monday haiku

While the Boy Scouts won't
allow gays to be leaders,
they can buy popcorn

Saturday, April 2, 2016

Weekend haiku

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not arrive, please resend it,
oh, and it's blurry 

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The chickadee chirps
from his high branch, wondering
why I'm way down here

Friday, April 1, 2016

Friday haiku

She's so excited
to see baby goats, she feels
like a kid again

Thursday, March 31, 2016

Thursday haiku

The longest I've worked
anywhere is five years, and
I've been here fifteen

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Wednesday haiku

Window shopping has
a very different meaning
to a peeping Tom

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Tuesday haiku

The voyeur always
knows what time it is because
she just likes to watch

Monday, March 28, 2016

Monday haiku

The voyeur has a
really good ticker because
she just likes to watch

Saturday, March 26, 2016

Weekend haiku

Here in heaven, I
have to wonder, how do you
mess up "Go to hell?" 

------------------------------------- 

The drunk said, "Let's talk
about anything, but vomit
better not come up!"

Friday, March 25, 2016

Friday haiku

Why do you have to
be a total bitch? Oh wait,
you're not my husband

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Thursday haiku

Drunk in Paris, my
tube socks wet and askew, I
feel like shitaake

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

Wednesday haiku

At the vet's, as we
put our cat to rest, both room
doors were marked "Exit"

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Tuesday haiku

She asked me to be
Snow White's last dwarf in her play,
but that's just Dopey