Monday, May 22, 2017

Monday haiku

You can hide from the
wine and whiskey, but the beer
will always find you

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Weekend haiku

It takes seventeen
muscles to smile, creating
your facial haiku

------------------------------

It must be a tough
hunting season when hunters
head back to college

Friday, May 19, 2017

Friday haiku

This week has been so
long and difficult, I am
just feeling fried, eh

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Thursday haiku

Wolverine is the
wrong person to ask if he
would please scratch your back

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Her celebrity
makeover worked, she now looks
like Freddy Krueger

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Tuesday haiku

I dropped my stress ball, 
which doesn't help me, but the 
carpet is calmer

Monday, May 15, 2017

Monday haiku

Ice cream headaches are
God's way of telling you that
you should eat pudding

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Weekend haiku

Wearing thick glasses,
Jill's eyes are the double-paned
windows to her soul

---------------------------------------

Bill suffered severe
headaches daily, from eating
his ice cream too fast

Friday, May 12, 2017

Friday haiku

My first poetry
book online, though I am just
the photographer

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Thursday haiku

She tries another
diet company, and gets
the same (non) results

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Wednesday haiku

The laughter at the
other table almost matched
the jokes in my head

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Tuesday haiku

The Princess was so 
happy, as King Arthur had 
wished her a good knight

Monday, May 8, 2017

Monday haiku

In Germany for
Octoberfest, Bill now calls
it Barvaria

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Weekend haiku

Humans are just big
bags of water, but Julie's
bag has gone fetid

----------------------------

A big omelette fan,
the menu listing Egg Plant
had confused Connor

Friday, May 5, 2017

Friday haiku

If Billy Gibbons
performs without the ZZ,
has he gone Top-less?

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Thursday haiku

The just married bee
wouldn't tolerate his wife's
waspish beehavior

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Wednesday haiku

The yellow leaf falls,
returning to the earth, as
up's not an option

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Brendan's a published 
poet now, gone legit, turned 
pro, but still a goof

Monday, May 1, 2017

Monday haiku

The strangest dance moves
you'll ever make are when you're
menaced by a bee

Saturday, April 29, 2017

Weekend haiku

Tired of iceberg,
she bought the rougher greens, just
for the kale of it

----------------------------------------

Some like Crosby, some
like Stills, some like Nash, and some
are forever Young

Friday, April 28, 2017

Friday haiku

Her name is Lucille,
she answers to Lucy, but
the boys call her Luce

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Thursday haiku

Neither Donald or 
Hillary will ever get 
the Bills they hope for

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Wednesday haiku

When his wife found she
did like some beers, Bill thought, "I
better hide my stash!"

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Tuesday haiku

She wears her glasses 
when she sleeps, in case she needs 
to read in her dreams

Monday, April 24, 2017

Monday haiku

Bill felt less like a
Dad, more like a chauffeur slash
ATM machine

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Weekend haiku

Our friend moving to 
Detroit, we all shout, "Hasta 
la Vista, Wesley!!" 


---------------------------------- 


Our friend moving to 
Detroit, our only advice, 
"You should watch '8 Mile'"

Friday, April 21, 2017

Friday haiku

James is artistic 
not autistic, well maybe 
a little of each

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Thursday haiku

When asked about Trump 
as our Prez, Stevie Wonder 
said, "I don't see it"

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Gary's idea
of being kind is to just
screw you over once

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Tuesday haiku

I find that I am
most unnerved by Gary when
he's smiling at me

Monday, April 17, 2017

Monday haiku

The dog barked all night,
keeping us awake, but he
didn't give a yip

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Weekend haiku

Being allergic
to cats, I have found that I'm
rarely feline fine

----------------------------------

Frustrated, Bill threw
down his useless chopsticks and
exclaimed, "Well, fork it!"

Friday, April 14, 2017

Friday haiku

Condescension is
only wrong if the moron
realizes it

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Thursday haiku

The words, "Trust me" are
always uttered by the one
person you shouldn't

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Wednesday haiku

I'm not a birder.
I thought an Elegant Tern
was a ballet move

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Julia was blessed
with three beautiful children,
and one homely one

Monday, April 10, 2017

Monday haiku

Didn't Bill Cosby
know celebrities don't need
drugs to get women?

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Weekend haiku

The vampire pine
tree is the one whose bite is
much worse than its bark

---------------------------------

Jill lost her street cred,
saying, "Watch your self before
you botch your self,fool!"

Friday, April 7, 2017

Friday haiku

Working at the pet
mortuary, Bill had to
stop saying, "Doggone!"

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Thursday haiku

Lurning Englesh frum 
kat memes wy wee git idiut 
fur a prezidint

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Wednesday haiku

The cat didn't own
a clutch or satchel, but she
always had her purrs

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Tuesday haiku

For every ferry 
owner trying to get paid, 
they hate Chris Deburgh

Monday, April 3, 2017

Monday haiku

In a poetry
competition, you don't want
to be the last word

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Weekend haiku

I'm dreaming to be
dreaming about me and you,
but I might as well

-----------------------------------

Both the car show and
poetry open mic are
auto fixations

Friday, March 31, 2017

Friday haiku

They celebrate her
last day with nachos, which just
seems wrong and cheesy

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Thursday haiku

In Quebec, Trump said, 
"yes!", mishearing the question, 
"Do you love poutine?"

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Bill is as useless
as a wiffle ball bat in
a game of tennis

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Tuesday haiku

We're not questioning 
Trump's allegiances, just where 
he's been Putin them

Monday, March 27, 2017

Monday haiku

We are all just bags
of water, except Bill, he's  
a bag of warm beer

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Weekend haiku

You can always tell
who has a concealed weapon
when cars backfire

---------------------------------

Going once or twice
a year, Bill is less gym rat,
more a gym groundhog

Friday, March 24, 2017

Friday haiku

Jill makes duck faces
in her photos as egret
faces just look weird

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Thursday haiku

I keep a Zippo 
in my pocket, so I feel 
a little lighter

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Jill makes duck faces
in every single photo
because she's a duck

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Never easily 
impressed, Wes named his coffee 
company, "Well, Latte Da!"

Monday, March 20, 2017

Monday haiku

The photographer,
lonely and desperate, got
by with a selfie

Saturday, March 18, 2017

Weekend haiku

Fixated on his tooth,
his abcessive-compulsive
behavior's just weird

-----------------------------

Let it be known, I
say, if something is epic,
it's "over the fence"

Friday, March 17, 2017

Friday haiku

Due to his sore tooth,
he missed the meeting, being
absent by abcess

Thursday, March 16, 2017

Thursday haiku

If laughter's the best
medicine, penicillin
must be right up there

Wednesday, March 15, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Laughter truly is
the best medicine, closely
followed by whiskey

Tuesday, March 14, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Nymphomaniac
coffee company was called
"Do Me A Latte"

Monday, March 13, 2017

Monday haiku

The narcissistic
coffee company was called
"Love Me A Latte"

Saturday, March 11, 2017

Weekend haiku

Saying "I do" now
means having to say "Adieu"
to all the others
----------------------------------------

The disappointed
skydiver exclaimed to the
growing hole, "Aw chute!"

Friday, March 10, 2017

Friday haiku

I have a meeting,
a party of one, then find
I didn't show up

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Thursday haiku

Another lunch at 
her desk, so much work, she can't 
even digest it

Wednesday, March 8, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Bill loves driving cars,
but the biking trip was a
bit two wheel for him

Tuesday, March 7, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Rush hour deadlock,
screaming in his car, seems right,
Paul's driving a Fit

Monday, March 6, 2017

Monday haiku

Celebrities known
for their bodies shouldn't have
a "talent" agent

Saturday, March 4, 2017

Weekend haiku

I have found tea is
for gossip, brandy for shock,
whiskey for dancing

-------------------------------------

Celebrities known
for their bodies need to have
a talent later

Friday, March 3, 2017

Friday haiku

Asked to explain the
difference, Julie noted, "Slugs
are just homeless snails!"

Thursday, March 2, 2017

Thursday haiku

Always carrying
their homes with them, snails must be
agoraphobic

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Wednesday haiku

He was a healthy
boy, but Morse would always talk
like he had a code

Tuesday, February 28, 2017

Tuesday haiku

The yellow duckling
dictator stayed in power,
having flew the coup

Monday, February 27, 2017

Monday haiku

The problem with late
night massages is you tend
to wake up oily

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Weekend haiku

Most teenage boys will
surely agree, too many
hooks will spoil the bra

------------------------------

We protest fur, not
leather, because bikers are
tougher than rich chicks

Friday, February 24, 2017

Friday haiku

Using herbs instead
of chardonnay, he found a
pinch of thyme saves wine

Thursday, February 23, 2017

Thursday haiku

For New York mountain
dwellers, they have found a man's
home is his Catskill

Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Wednesday haiku

In seeing the ghost
of Swiss cheese past, most folks will
scream out, "Holy sheet!"

Tuesday, February 21, 2017

Tuesday haiku

To go ghost hunting,
I find that you need to be
in the right spirit

Monday, February 20, 2017

Monday haiku

Seventy five years
since the internment camps, now
history echoes

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Weekend haiku

Bill's always using
Parkinson's as his excuse,
which just seems shaky

------------------------------

Bill's more insecure
than a full bank vault with no
guards, locks or alarms

Friday, February 17, 2017

Friday haiku

Just after breakfast,
the vegan was caught cheating,
with egg on his face

Thursday, February 16, 2017

Thursday haiku

When one more drink will
be wrong, the Enabler
will bring the bottle

Wednesday, February 15, 2017

Wednesday haiku

The Enabler
will make you feel better, while
making it much worse

Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Tuesday haiku

My cat wakes me each 
dawn, reminding me to feed 
my kitty alarm

Monday, February 13, 2017

Monday haiku

The Enabler:
a superhero that will
hurt more than he helps

Saturday, February 11, 2017

Weekend haiku

Dad's idea of
gardening just requires
starting the mower

---------------------------

His eggplant dish was
everything he could ask for
from an aubergine

Friday, February 10, 2017

Friday haiku

Terminator:
Where Arnold can go
back in time whenever he
needs some more money

Thursday, February 9, 2017

Thursday haiku

Bladerunner:
The future looks damp
and bleak, but at least all the
robots will be hot

Wednesday, February 8, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Roxanne:
Men with really big
noses can get beautiful
women?  Oh, thank God!

Tuesday, February 7, 2017

Tuesday haiku

So I Married An Axe Murderer:
Funniest movie
Mike Myers ever made, it's
too bad he hates it

Monday, February 6, 2017

Monday haiku

Return of the Jedi:
Primitive teddies
are the bracket busters of
the Empire League

Saturday, February 4, 2017

Weekend haiku

My team didn't make
it to the Super Bowl, so
it's not so super

-----------------------------

The Super Bowl is
family, friends, nachos, beer, snacks,
and, oh yeah, the game

Friday, February 3, 2017

Friday haiku

Empire Strikes Back
The movie that gave
hope to all middle children
they too could be cool

Thursday, February 2, 2017

Thursday haiku

In a matter of
moments, in the blink of an
eye, nothing happened

Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Nature abhors a
vacuum, and most men aren't real
fond of them either

Tuesday, January 31, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Trump kills National
Endowment For the Arts. How
art-less can he be?

Monday, January 30, 2017

Monday haiku

Trump kills National
Endowment For the Arts, so
now he's less endowed

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Weekend haiku

John Hurt dies, leaving
six decades of great acting.
He's gone, we're more hurt

------------------------------

Trump pays prostitutes
to pee on bed Obama
slept in. LIVE STREAM NOW!!

Friday, January 27, 2017

Friday haiku

Waking up at noon,
out of bed at two, Bill snarls,
"God, I hate mornings!"

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Thursday haiku

Swatting at all the
mosquitoes swarming around
him, Sam shouts, "SUCKERS!"

Wednesday, January 25, 2017

Wednesday haiku

"For population
control" should be the slogan
for the NRA

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Giving the whip to
the big winner, we told her,
"Con-flagellations!"

Monday, January 23, 2017

Monday haiku

Julie believes that
children are primarily
dirt with attitudes

Saturday, January 21, 2017

Weekend haiku

If I do happen
to get into heaven, my
soles will have scorch marks

-------------------------------

I missed my chance at
a swingers party, as I
prefer monkey bars

Friday, January 20, 2017

Friday haiku

Thomas Dolby was
blinded by science, for me
it was always math

Thursday, January 19, 2017

Thursday haiku

Because of Jaws, I
still get scared whenever I
hear those two damn notes

Wednesday, January 18, 2017

Wednesday haiku

While the ladies were
at the baby shower, the
men drank beer next door

Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Baby showers are
misnamed, rarely a baby
or shower in sight

Monday, January 16, 2017

Monday haiku

Martin, It's still a
dream, but in time, I do hope
we can all get there

Saturday, January 14, 2017

Weekend haiku

Restaurant's phone number
in the men's room, with the words,
"For a good Thai call..."

--------------------------------------

Bullying is just
overcompensation by
the perfect people

Friday, January 13, 2017

Friday haiku

While not judgmental,
Bill tends to look down upon
women's low-cut tops

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Thursday haiku

The Candy Crush fan
parked next to three other white
cars and disappeared

Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Resistance is life's
way of telling you you're not
pushing hard enough

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

Tuesday haiku

My ex-wife was, and
now forever will be, known
as my bitter half

Monday, January 9, 2017

Monday haiku

He knows you can't eat
flowers, but he will nibble
her juicy tulips

Saturday, January 7, 2017

Weekend haiku

He chose "Cacao" as
his safe word, because it has
a big "ow" in it

-----------------------------

I will show you my
YouTube, if you will let me
play with your Twitter

Friday, January 6, 2017

Friday haiku

Coffee: the magic
elixir that almost makes
daylight bearable

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Thursday haiku

Regarding Spring, the
rumor is that April may
and June will follow

Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Jill's Dad is like a
God. She's never seen him, but
knows that he exists

Tuesday, January 3, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Zombie Bob Marley
is back from the dead, ready
to smoke the bad guys

Monday, January 2, 2017

Monday haiku

2016 is
gone, celebrities can breath
a sigh of relief