Saturday, December 30, 2017

Weekend haiku

Trump winning is like 
Taco Bell: Both will make us 
run for the border 

--------------------------------- 

He considered his 
prayers helium balloons 
quickly rising home

Friday, December 29, 2017

Friday haiku

This election year, 
my vote is for what makes the 
most sense: start over

Thursday, December 28, 2017

Thursday haiku

Some believe Donald 
Trump's a Democratic plant, 
but is slime a plant?

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Tall and slender, she 
glides through her life as if born 
aerodynamic

Tuesday, December 26, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Christmas is over, 
so no holiday music 
for at least three months

Monday, December 25, 2017

Monday haiku

Santa predicted 
toys for all; it was an elf 
fulfilled prophecy

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Weekend haiku

In the desert, you'll 
find that Christmas tends to be 
mainly a mirage 

------------------------------------ 

Rudolph's red nose was 
actually due to nasal 
deep vein thrombosis

Friday, December 22, 2017

Friday haiku

Happy Holidays 
tends to mean family, friends and 
some kind of liquor

Thursday, December 21, 2017

Thursday haiku

Roy Moore has confused 
the proper age of whiskey 
and of his women

Wednesday, December 20, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Dyslexic devil 
worshippers spend their Christmas 
praying to Santa

Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Living on a dirt 
road means accepting the fact 
all your stuff's dusty

Monday, December 18, 2017

Monday haiku

Migraines are painful 
proof for my family and friends, 
I do have a brain

Saturday, December 16, 2017

Weekend haiku

Bachelors drive a 
Prius, while divorcees all 
tend to drive Escapes 

----------------------------- 

Work is life's way of 
telling you your time in high 
school wasn't so bad

Friday, December 15, 2017

Friday haiku

Republicans want 
less government, unless it 
is them governing

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Thursday haiku

Winter mornings, who 
needs coffee to wake up when 
you have icy roads

Wednesday, December 13, 2017

Wednesday haiku

There are times when I'm 
composing, it feels more like 
I'm decomposing

Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Jill says we are all 
God's angels, but I'm sure she 
hasn't met Kevin

Monday, December 11, 2017

Monday haiku

You can blame your butt 
or the concrete, I say it 
must be the asphalt

Saturday, December 9, 2017

Weekend haiku

On Obama's last
day, he was likely singing
George Michael's "Freedom" 

------------------------------------ 

Synthetic fibers 
and campfire sparks are not 
the best of playmates

Friday, December 8, 2017

Friday haiku

I find politics 
and music mix as well as 
lutefisk and chocolate

Thursday, December 7, 2017

Thursday haiku

Ted Nugent beat Cat 
Scratch Fever, but has succumbed 
to Right Wing Fever

Wednesday, December 6, 2017

Wednesday haiku

The feminist says, 
"Man's issue isn't woman, 
man's issue is man."

Tuesday, December 5, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Be thankful you're not 
being investigated 
by Robert Mueller

Monday, December 4, 2017

Monday haiku

Dear, Alzheimers is 
never remembering you 
said you were sorry

Saturday, December 2, 2017

Weekend haiku

I've found I see the
world a bit differently while
sitting on the curb 

-------------------------------- 

Marley marinates 
cubes of Pikachu because 
he likes poke, Mon

Friday, December 1, 2017

Friday haiku

In prison, Harvey 
Weinstein is more likely to 
get those massages

Thursday, November 30, 2017

Thursday haiku

I just ate Rocky 
Mountain Oysters and I feel 
a little testy

Wednesday, November 29, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Sidetracked by all these 
cat videos, Bill had been 
searching for pussy

Tuesday, November 28, 2017

Tuesday haiku

The advertising 
campaign brainwashing us all 
is cat videos

Monday, November 27, 2017

Monday haiku

Cat videos: the 
insidious furry plague 
of the internet

Saturday, November 25, 2017

Weekend haiku

Cell phones make us more 
connected, yet we've never 
been further apart 

-------------------------------- 

Computers are just 
expensive ways to get porn 
and cat videos

Friday, November 24, 2017

Friday haiku

If the sky does fall 
someday, Chicken Little will 
be vindicated

Thursday, November 23, 2017

Thanksgiving haiku

Thanksgiving is the 
time to be most thankful for 
warm stretchy sweat pants

Wednesday, November 22, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Aardvarkman's super 
power is being first on 
the hero phone tree

Tuesday, November 21, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Camouflaged by clouds, 
the blue sky waits patiently 
to attack the day

Monday, November 20, 2017

Monday haiku

Lakeview: A town so 
unpleasant, even the rain 
refuses to come

Saturday, November 18, 2017

Weekend haiku

Distracted by her
kisses, nothing else in the
world seemed to matter

------------------------------

Distracted by her
beauty, even the thunder
clapped for attention

Friday haiku

Just thirty eight days 
until Christmas, so empty 
your bank account now

Thursday, November 16, 2017

Thursday haiku

Manafort charged with 
crimes against the U.S.  Duh, 
he helped elect Trump

Wednesday, November 15, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Your doctor's office 
is the only place you want 
a lack of patients

Tuesday, November 14, 2017

Tuesday haiku

I'm not sure the strength 
of jean stitches, but Jill's huge 
ass is testing it

Monday, November 13, 2017

Monday haiku

How computers work: 
I push buttons, while inside, 
the magic happens

Saturday, November 11, 2017

Weekend haiku

Jill told her active 
spouse, "Run me like a river, 
paddle when needed" 

-------------------------------------- 

The orca podcast 
takes on issues that are not 
always black and white

Friday, November 10, 2017

Friday haiku

A podcast of whales 
debating the benefits 
of krill-based diets

Thursday, November 9, 2017

Thursday haiku

You can't have a gun 
for defense, if it is called 
an assault rifle

Wednesday, November 8, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Pisces acts fishy, 
while Gemini eats Cancer, 
Taurus cries out, "Bull!"

Tuesday, November 7, 2017

Tuesday haiku

I'm a poet, but 
I thought Pantoums were where you 
buried your trousers

Monday, November 6, 2017

Monday haiku

Better your dentist 
than border patrol to do 
a cavity search

Sunday, November 5, 2017

Weekend haiku

The bitch in heels, those 
truly bitchin' heels, tried to 
tell me, "Bitchin' heals!" 

--------------------------------- 

I sit under trees 
in the Fall, to get my own 
ticker tape parade

Friday, November 3, 2017

Friday haiku

"Thank God for that stiff 
wind", said nobody, but the 
kid with the new kite

Thursday, November 2, 2017

Thursday haiku

I'm not saying I'm 
out of shape, but I'm sweating 
writing poetry

Wednesday, November 1, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Two days later, the
fourteen mile hike might have been
two miles too many

Tuesday, October 31, 2017

Tuesday haiku

When talking to a 
zombie, don't brag you got the 
brains in the family

Monday, October 30, 2017

Monday haiku

War is hell, unless 
you're an arms dealer, warlord, 
or politician

Saturday, October 28, 2017

Weekend haiku

Walking the trail, her 
dog kept stopping and sniffing, 
checking his pee-mail 

------------------------------------ 

Stupidity is 
really just another word 
for politician

Friday, October 27, 2017

Friday haiku

Based on movies and 
t.v., once you go zombie, 
you never go back

Thursday, October 26, 2017

Thursday haiku

Their race to eat all 
the different styles of Asian 
food ends in a Thai

Wednesday, October 25, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Hilary listens 
to "Dark Side of the Moon", while 
Trump just plays "The Wall"

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

Tuesday haiku

No one wants to hit 
the Trump pinata, because 
that is not candy

Monday, October 23, 2017

Monday haiku

Sriracha has a 
rooster on the bottle, but 
it's not for your cock

Sunday, October 22, 2017

Weekend haiku

According to her 
nanny, butler, and three friends, 
her shit doesn't stink 

------------------------------------- 

The only thing fast 
with fast food is how quickly 
the calories rise

Friday, October 20, 2017

Friday haiku

Headphones on, staring 
at a small screen, plugged in yet 
missing here and now

Thursday, October 19, 2017

Thursday haiku

Just saying something 
adamantly and loudly 
doesn't make it true

Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Is it a bad sign 
the day after my birthday 
my watch stops working?

Tuesday, October 17, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Wearing their cycling 
attire, the group of guys call 
themselves "Jersey Boys"

Monday, October 16, 2017

Monday haiku

Mercury passed so 
close to the sun, it felt like 
me around Julie

Saturday, October 14, 2017

Weekend haiku

The plaque, noting Jill's 
soaring spirit is affixed 
to a large boulder 

---------------------------- 

This memorial 
garden is for Jill, who was 
agoraphobic

Friday, October 13, 2017

Friday haiku

AC/DC now 
has Axl Rose; Slash and Duff 
are laughing so hard

Thursday, October 12, 2017

Thursday haiku

The ants go marching, 
because that's what you do when 
you're in the Army

Wednesday, October 11, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Jill's in the summer 
of her life, which would explain 
all the hot flashes

Tuesday, October 10, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Turning fifty is 
rough, but it's much better than 
the alternative

Monday, October 9, 2017

Monday haiku

The psychedelic 
baker truly believed in 
her flour power

Saturday, October 7, 2017

Weekend haiku

Baldness is just God's 
way of telling you that you 
look better in hats 

---------------------------- 

While most folks think poor 
Bill is bald, he knows he's more 
aerodynamic

Friday, October 6, 2017

Friday haiku

Nicole can go from 
classy to hood rat in just 
2.2 seconds

Thursday, October 5, 2017

Thursday haiku

The missionary,   
strangely enough, found that he 
preferred doggy-style

Wednesday, October 4, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Your piss-poor planning, 
and lack of forethought, are now 
somehow my problem?

Tuesday, October 3, 2017

Tuesday haiku

I pay less for my 
bacon in the evening, since 
it has no night rates

Monday, October 2, 2017

Monday haiku

Jill's in her garden 
so much, the green has spread to 
her entire hand

Sunday, October 1, 2017

Weekend haiku

Cast on arm, leg, gauze 
on face, chest and hands makes me 
think, "Hero or klutz?" 

----------------------------------------- 

Jill gardens so much, 
when she gets an idea, a 
tulip bulb appears

Friday, September 29, 2017

Friday haiku

The rhododendron 
blossoms, like floral trumpets, 
resound, "Spring is here!"

Thursday, September 28, 2017

Thursday haiku

I don't know how a 
coin's pulled from circulation, 
but it's demented

Wednesday, September 27, 2017

Wednesday haiku

"Built on Purpose" is 
our slogan, since "Built to Make 
Money" seemed tacky

Tuesday, September 26, 2017

Tuesday haiku

When political 
leaders start a pissing match, 
all of us get soaked

Monday, September 25, 2017

Monday haiku

"Built on Purpose" is
our slogan, since "Built  on a
Whim" has less impact

Saturday, September 23, 2017

Weekend haiku

The missing verse is:
If you're happy and you know
it, you're deluded

----------------------------------

The dogwood is in
bloom, while the pussywillow
takes its own sweet time

Friday, September 22, 2017

Friday haiku

He walks with such pride,
though none of us can figure
out what he's proud of

Thursday, September 21, 2017

Thursday haiku

I've found that I'm a
strange mix of contradictions,
emphasis on strange

Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Wednesday haiku

The sky is so blue,
so perfect, even the sun
feels like a blemish

Tuesday, September 19, 2017

Tuesday haiku

The sky is so blue,
so perfect, the clouds are too
in awe to dare try

Monday, September 18, 2017

Monday haiku

Trees and flowers in
bloom, her mind celebrates, but
not her sinuses

Saturday, September 16, 2017

Weekend haiku

The solar panels
beneath my epidermis
refuel, recharge, warm

-----------------------------

The crow caws and croaks,
reminding us to not let
our guard down again

Friday, September 15, 2017

Friday haiku

Billy's deep thought is:
Everything is cyclical,
except for a square

Thursday, September 14, 2017

Thursday haiku

Prisoners want to
make calls while locked up, but they
can't have a cell phone

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Prisoners, like most
scientists, see life on a
cellular level

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Tuesday haiku

The mountains beckon 
me back, year after year, they 
never disappoint

Monday, September 11, 2017

Monday haiku

It's so ironic
that Miami gets roughed up
by a hurricane

Saturday, September 9, 2017

Weekend haiku

Roses are the most
logical flowers because
they make the most scents

---------------------------------

Prisoners may not
be egotistical, but
they are cell-centered

Friday, September 8, 2017

Friday haiku

Bill likes all of the
flowers in Jill's garden, but
prefers her tulips

Thursday, September 7, 2017

Thursday haiku

Until you can see 
yourself in the "to", you won't 
let go of the "From"

Wednesday, September 6, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Writing poetry
each week in a coffee shop
has become a grind

Tuesday, September 5, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Writing poems in
a coffee shop, waiting for
a jolt to arrive

Monday, September 4, 2017

Monday haiku

The dinosaur that
always had the most sex was
the Clitasaurus

Saturday, September 2, 2017

Weekend haiku

I've been searching for
someone to turn me on, but
they can't find the switch

-----------------------------------

Bill has a girlfriend
who treats him like dirt, and I
think, "Lucky bastard!"

Friday, September 1, 2017

Friday haiku

Hatred will slowly
consume your soul, but also
enjoys halibut

Thursday, August 31, 2017

Thursday haiku

Bryan Ferry was 
wrong, hate is the drug, and love 
is the antidote

Wednesday, August 30, 2017

Wednesday haiku

When asked how long I'd 
be here, I asked, "Mentally 
or physically?"

Tuesday, August 29, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Everyone's sexy 
in their own way, though Bill's way 
is banned in six states

Monday, August 28, 2017

Monday haiku

In Tiger Woods' nude 
photos, you see his putter, 
and a hole in one

Sunday, August 27, 2017

Weekend haiku

At REI, to
recycle is to get back
on your bike again

------------------------

I believe in free
speech, as long as you just say
what I agree with

Friday, August 25, 2017

Friday haiku

President Trump sides
with supremacists and Alt-
Rights, but he's All-Wrong

Thursday, August 24, 2017

Thursday haiku

Not completely sad
or glad, feeling like cherry
blossoms in the rain

Wednesday, August 23, 2017

Wednesday haiku

The mountain made her 
nervous, constantly looming 
over her shoulder

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Tuesday haiku

President Trump sticks
his arm out the car window
to make Alt-Right turns

Monday, August 21, 2017

Monday haiku

Trump stared up at the  
eclipse, as he's a member
of the new Alt-Sight

Sunday, August 20, 2017

Weekend haiku

If you don't want all
the men staring at you, put
your clothes back on, Dear

--------------------------------

Slutty and Southern,
Julie's the girl who put the
harlot in Charlotte

Friday, August 18, 2017

Friday haiku

All Winter, the sun
only seems to come out when
I must go back in

Thursday, August 17, 2017

Thursday haiku

Coffee Stout: the beer
to both start your morning and
finish off your night

Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Coffee companies
have created a game: Cards
Against Lipton Tea

Tuesday, August 15, 2017

Tuesday haiku

With my great big nose,
I have found there's no such thing
as too much cocaine

Monday, August 14, 2017

Monday haiku

Pleasing yourself with
cucumbers is better than
a Durian fruit

Saturday, August 12, 2017

Weekend haiku

I asked her to the
Prince concert, when she said, "Prince
who?", I said, "Goodbye!"

-------------------------------------------

Pleasing yourself with
cucumbers just proves you're a
vegetarian

Friday, August 11, 2017

Friday haiku

She kept slapping his
birthmark, not understanding
what "Whack-A-Mole" meant

Thursday, August 10, 2017

Thursday haiku

The space program's pet
rooster rode on all missions
as their shuttlecock

Wednesday, August 9, 2017

Wednesday haiku

All the guards at the
marijuana store were on
very high alert

Tuesday, August 8, 2017

Tuesday haiku

I stopped drinking once,
but my Mom told me she did
not raise a quitter

Monday, August 7, 2017

Monday haiku

When I look at my
choices for president, I
think I'll choose whiskey

Saturday, August 5, 2017

Weekend haiku

Time's more elusive
than the truth; impossible
to reach, hold or keep

-----------------------------

The only thing of
value to come from Bill's mouth
was a gold filling

Friday, August 4, 2017

Friday haiku

"Your poetry gave 
me goose bumps," she said, but I 
think it's the ice cream

Thursday, August 3, 2017

Thursday haiku

As an introvert,
I now understand why I
can relate to cats

Wednesday, August 2, 2017

Wednesday haiku

I like society,
humanity, people, but
more as a concept

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Tuesday haiku

The artist painting 
traffic jams obviously 
likes to do still life.

Monday, July 31, 2017

Monday haiku

While Scaramucci's
out, there's still a lingering
fragrance of douchebag

Saturday, July 29, 2017

Weekend haiku

Year of the Monkey:
This seems very fitting for
this election year

------------------------------

Our carpet, with its
stains and wear, reminds us we
can't afford wood floors

Friday, July 28, 2017

Friday haiku

As long as you live,
growing old's mandatory,
growing up isn't

Thursday, July 27, 2017

Thursday haiku

Billy acting kind
is like seeing a hippo
wearing skinny jeans

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Whether hot or cold,
every inside place is still
room temperature

Tuesday, July 25, 2017

Tuesday haiku

I want to rock and
roll all night, party every
day, but I'm fifty

Monday, July 24, 2017

Monday haiku

When you have the flu,
neither your body, mind, or
mood feels like flying

Sunday, July 23, 2017

Weekend haiku

The Karate Kid
Brazilian Special: thirty
bucks, wax on, wax off

-----------------------------

Ward didn't like June's
Brazilian, preferring she
leave it to Beaver

Friday, July 21, 2017

Friday haiku

With Fred Flintstone's big
feet, he always steps in the
Yabba Dabba Doo

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Thursday haiku

If I can ever
understand how people think,
I'll have lost my mind

Wednesday, July 19, 2017

Wednesday haiku

It's tough to live with
ADHD because of
cats are so pretty

Tuesday, July 18, 2017

Tuesday haiku

History repeats 
itself, as humans don't learn 
from it the first time

Monday, July 17, 2017

Monday haiku

The head lice like to
spend all of their vacation
time at their chapeau

Sunday, July 16, 2017

Weekend haiku

Raining in buckets,
I picked the wrong day to not
bring my water wings

-----------------------------------

If you can't tell your
head from a hole in the ground,
you'll bury your hats

Friday, July 14, 2017

Friday haiku

My priorities
are just never the same as
everyone else's

Thursday, July 13, 2017

Thursday haiku

When all the robins
arrive early, no one's late,
there's not enough worm

Wednesday, July 12, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Wanting more from life,
Jill makes them ex's if they
don't make her say, "Oh!"

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Tuesday haiku

We're not common thieves,
we liberate items of
different ownership

Monday, July 10, 2017

Monday haiku

Parents tell kids, "Don't
eat with your fingers!", then serve
hot dogs and french fries

Saturday, July 8, 2017

Weekend haiku

Napoleon had
his weiner chopped off, so he
is a Bonaparte

-----------------------------------

C3 is P.O.'d,
R2D2, all because
of what BB8

Friday, July 7, 2017

Friday haiku

Hydroplaning down
wet highways, I think I need
a pilot's license

Thursday, July 6, 2017

Thursday haiku

Unemployed, needing
insurance, his girlfriend was
friends with benefits

Wednesday, July 5, 2017

Wednesday haiku

The one thing better
than your last poem is the
one you're writing next

Tuesday, July 4, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Strangely enough, for
some people, loud fireworks
causes waterworks

Monday, July 3, 2017

Monday haiku

Depression is just
God's way of telling you to
drink more alcohol

Saturday, July 1, 2017

Weekend haiku

Any blowtorch that
will work on cheap, subpar jobs
is acetylene

-------------------------------------

Digging for bones, while
everyone's serious, I
found this humerus

Friday, June 30, 2017

Friday haiku

As a football fan,
I'm Gruden intolerant
Please John, go away!!

Thursday, June 29, 2017

Thursday haiku

Wil Wheaton's girlfriend
is gluten intolerant,
much to his chagrin

Wednesday, June 28, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Supergirl's boyfriend
admitted his heroine
addiction is real

Tuesday, June 27, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Thanks to the Russians, 
Trump's already elected 
for a seventh term

Monday, June 26, 2017

Monday haiku

The worst person to
be gluten intolerant
would be Wil Wheaton

Saturday, June 24, 2017

Weekend haiku

Christmas came early,
the heavens gave us Tony,
God's gift to women

-------------------------------

For a good portion
of rural Kansas, every
year's a white Christmas

Friday, June 23, 2017

Friday haiku

LOST: Great Dane-hungry,  
curious, scared, answers to
the name Scooby Doo

Thursday, June 22, 2017

Thursday haiku

It has no exits,
but the bathroom is best for
evacuations

Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Wednesday haiku

The fish store sponsored
orchestra sounds bad because
it's out of tuna

Tuesday, June 20, 2017

Tuesday haiku

The T-rex always 
loses all battles because 
they are not well-armed

Monday, June 19, 2017

Monday haiku

No matter what the
terrorists try to do, we'll
always have Paris

Sunday, June 18, 2017

Weekend haiku

She waved at Donny
because flipping him off took
way too much effort

----------------------------------

Darth Vader took the
hand because Luke never sent
a Father's Day card

Friday, June 16, 2017

Friday haiku

I scream, you scream, we
all scream for the hell of it.
We are obnoxious!

Thursday, June 15, 2017

Thursday haiku

After all these years,
why won't they put a tracking
device on Scooby?

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Trump may not have killed
U.S. politics, but he
played Russian roulette

Tuesday, June 13, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Jill could be outside 
with pride, but she's inside with 
a quart of ice cream

Monday, June 12, 2017

Monday haiku

Wanting a divorce,
George Jetson again yelled, "Jane,
Stop this crazy thing!"

Saturday, June 10, 2017

Weekend haiku

Bill's medicine is
beer, as he finds it always
will provide thirst aid

-------------------------------

With all of the clocks
around, Bill didn't see the
need of a binge watch

Friday, June 9, 2017

Friday haiku

The accident now
passed, Jill wondered when she would
receive second aid

Thursday, June 8, 2017

Thursday haiku

Tommy's patience was
melting like a salt shaker
in a thunderstorm

Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Wednesday haiku

The only change Jill
truly appreciates comes
from vending machines

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Whenever I hope 
we're nearing enlightenment, 
the news wakes me up

Monday, June 5, 2017

Monday haiku

For boating nerds, their 
infatuation seems to 
be currently strong

Saturday, June 3, 2017

Weekend haiku

She puts lotion on
her hands, looking like a bad
guy hatching a plot

-----------------------------------

When asked what margin
was, Kevin said, "I believe
that it's like butter"

Friday, June 2, 2017

Friday haiku

If you don't believe
cell phones are adult binkys,
just try taking one

Thursday, June 1, 2017

Thursday haiku

High as a cloud, the
church bell makes Tom smile, as it
rings out, "Bong! Bong! Bong!"

Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Wednesday haiku

They whisper, giggle
and blush, telling secrets they've
been holding so tight

Tuesday, May 30, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Never play poker 
with Darth Vader, as you will 
always lose the hand

Monday, May 29, 2017

Monday haiku

She picks at her food,
as she's been told shoveling
is not ladylike

Saturday, May 27, 2017

Weekend haiku

Purging things before
a big move is easier
when it's not your stuff

-------------------------------

She's as efficient
as a broken umbrella
in a heavy rain

Friday, May 26, 2017

Friday haiku

When it comes to sex,
I've found sodomy is a
other hole ball game

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Thursday haiku

Since everyone wore
shirts, nobody had any
real skin in the game

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Wednesday haiku

The depressed singer
wanted to go out number
one with a bullet

Tuesday, May 23, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Paul was publicly 
condemned for fondling his 
privates in public

Monday, May 22, 2017

Monday haiku

You can hide from the
wine and whiskey, but the beer
will always find you

Saturday, May 20, 2017

Weekend haiku

It takes seventeen
muscles to smile, creating
your facial haiku

------------------------------

It must be a tough
hunting season when hunters
head back to college

Friday, May 19, 2017

Friday haiku

This week has been so
long and difficult, I am
just feeling fried, eh

Thursday, May 18, 2017

Thursday haiku

Wolverine is the
wrong person to ask if he
would please scratch your back

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Her celebrity
makeover worked, she now looks
like Freddy Krueger

Tuesday, May 16, 2017

Tuesday haiku

I dropped my stress ball, 
which doesn't help me, but the 
carpet is calmer

Monday, May 15, 2017

Monday haiku

Ice cream headaches are
God's way of telling you that
you should eat pudding

Saturday, May 13, 2017

Weekend haiku

Wearing thick glasses,
Jill's eyes are the double-paned
windows to her soul

---------------------------------------

Bill suffered severe
headaches daily, from eating
his ice cream too fast

Friday, May 12, 2017

Friday haiku

My first poetry
book online, though I am just
the photographer

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Thursday haiku

She tries another
diet company, and gets
the same (non) results

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

Wednesday haiku

The laughter at the
other table almost matched
the jokes in my head

Tuesday, May 9, 2017

Tuesday haiku

The Princess was so 
happy, as King Arthur had 
wished her a good knight

Monday, May 8, 2017

Monday haiku

In Germany for
Octoberfest, Bill now calls
it Barvaria

Saturday, May 6, 2017

Weekend haiku

Humans are just big
bags of water, but Julie's
bag has gone fetid

----------------------------

A big omelette fan,
the menu listing Egg Plant
had confused Connor

Friday, May 5, 2017

Friday haiku

If Billy Gibbons
performs without the ZZ,
has he gone Top-less?

Thursday, May 4, 2017

Thursday haiku

The just married bee
wouldn't tolerate his wife's
waspish beehavior

Wednesday, May 3, 2017

Wednesday haiku

The yellow leaf falls,
returning to the earth, as
up's not an option

Tuesday, May 2, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Brendan's a published 
poet now, gone legit, turned 
pro, but still a goof

Monday, May 1, 2017

Monday haiku

The strangest dance moves
you'll ever make are when you're
menaced by a bee

Saturday, April 29, 2017

Weekend haiku

Tired of iceberg,
she bought the rougher greens, just
for the kale of it

----------------------------------------

Some like Crosby, some
like Stills, some like Nash, and some
are forever Young

Friday, April 28, 2017

Friday haiku

Her name is Lucille,
she answers to Lucy, but
the boys call her Luce

Thursday, April 27, 2017

Thursday haiku

Neither Donald or 
Hillary will ever get 
the Bills they hope for

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Wednesday haiku

When his wife found she
did like some beers, Bill thought, "I
better hide my stash!"

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Tuesday haiku

She wears her glasses 
when she sleeps, in case she needs 
to read in her dreams

Monday, April 24, 2017

Monday haiku

Bill felt less like a
Dad, more like a chauffeur slash
ATM machine

Saturday, April 22, 2017

Weekend haiku

Our friend moving to 
Detroit, we all shout, "Hasta 
la Vista, Wesley!!" 


---------------------------------- 


Our friend moving to 
Detroit, our only advice, 
"You should watch '8 Mile'"

Friday, April 21, 2017

Friday haiku

James is artistic 
not autistic, well maybe 
a little of each

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Thursday haiku

When asked about Trump 
as our Prez, Stevie Wonder 
said, "I don't see it"

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Gary's idea
of being kind is to just
screw you over once

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Tuesday haiku

I find that I am
most unnerved by Gary when
he's smiling at me

Monday, April 17, 2017

Monday haiku

The dog barked all night,
keeping us awake, but he
didn't give a yip

Sunday, April 16, 2017

Weekend haiku

Being allergic
to cats, I have found that I'm
rarely feline fine

----------------------------------

Frustrated, Bill threw
down his useless chopsticks and
exclaimed, "Well, fork it!"

Friday, April 14, 2017

Friday haiku

Condescension is
only wrong if the moron
realizes it

Thursday, April 13, 2017

Thursday haiku

The words, "Trust me" are
always uttered by the one
person you shouldn't

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Wednesday haiku

I'm not a birder.
I thought an Elegant Tern
was a ballet move

Tuesday, April 11, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Julia was blessed
with three beautiful children,
and one homely one

Monday, April 10, 2017

Monday haiku

Didn't Bill Cosby
know celebrities don't need
drugs to get women?

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Weekend haiku

The vampire pine
tree is the one whose bite is
much worse than its bark

---------------------------------

Jill lost her street cred,
saying, "Watch your self before
you botch your self,fool!"

Friday, April 7, 2017

Friday haiku

Working at the pet
mortuary, Bill had to
stop saying, "Doggone!"

Thursday, April 6, 2017

Thursday haiku

Lurning Englesh frum 
kat memes wy wee git idiut 
fur a prezidint

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

Wednesday haiku

The cat didn't own
a clutch or satchel, but she
always had her purrs

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Tuesday haiku

For every ferry 
owner trying to get paid, 
they hate Chris Deburgh

Monday, April 3, 2017

Monday haiku

In a poetry
competition, you don't want
to be the last word

Saturday, April 1, 2017

Weekend haiku

I'm dreaming to be
dreaming about me and you,
but I might as well

-----------------------------------

Both the car show and
poetry open mic are
auto fixations

Friday, March 31, 2017

Friday haiku

They celebrate her
last day with nachos, which just
seems wrong and cheesy

Thursday, March 30, 2017

Thursday haiku

In Quebec, Trump said, 
"yes!", mishearing the question, 
"Do you love poutine?"

Wednesday, March 29, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Bill is as useless
as a wiffle ball bat in
a game of tennis

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Tuesday haiku

We're not questioning 
Trump's allegiances, just where 
he's been Putin them

Monday, March 27, 2017

Monday haiku

We are all just bags
of water, except Bill, he's  
a bag of warm beer

Saturday, March 25, 2017

Weekend haiku

You can always tell
who has a concealed weapon
when cars backfire

---------------------------------

Going once or twice
a year, Bill is less gym rat,
more a gym groundhog

Friday, March 24, 2017

Friday haiku

Jill makes duck faces
in her photos as egret
faces just look weird

Thursday, March 23, 2017

Thursday haiku

I keep a Zippo 
in my pocket, so I feel 
a little lighter

Wednesday, March 22, 2017

Wednesday haiku

Jill makes duck faces
in every single photo
because she's a duck

Tuesday, March 21, 2017

Tuesday haiku

Never easily 
impressed, Wes named his coffee 
company, "Well, Latte Da!"