Monday haiku

Every time I mop,  

I realize how bad I  

am at coloring

Friday haiku

Just because you've had  

a Whopper or two doesn't  

make you Burger King

Thursday haiku

The vegan strip club:

The breasts and thighs are real, but  

you can't have them here

Wednesday haiku

Drove past the vegan  

strip club, where all the ladies  

are dancing with soy

Tuesday haiku

Drove past the vegan  

strip club, where you shouldn't treat  

the ladies like meat

Monday haiku

Jill's a strong woman.  

Her one weakness? She lives on  

Achilles Hill Rd.

Weekend haiku

The sign warned, "Fallen  

rocks" and I wondered what sin  

they had committed  

--------------------------------------  

They tried talking with  

her. drive-by proselytizing,  

she said, "God no!"

Friday haiku

Trump may never be  

logical, but he sure is  

pathological 

Thursday haiku

Wes is older than  

computers though younger than  

dirt, but just barely

Wednesday haiku

She knows she's getting  

older because her birthday  

suit needs a good press

Tuesday haiku

The Beauty and the  

Beast theme on a constant loop  

in my head... kill me

Monday haiku

The Goonies R still  

good enough, though with Corey  

Feldman, just barely

Weekend haiku

How is it the songs  

from my high school years are now  

considered oldies?  

----------------------------------------  

The Goonies film is  

forty years old, yet Corey  

Feldman won't grow up

Friday haiku

No matter how old  

she gets, it does help that he  

is always older

Thursday haiku

For her birthday, she  

had just one wish, but dammit,  

he is still alive

Wednesday haiku

Most condiments, in  

almost every fridge, are way  

past their best by date

Tuesday haiku

No matter how full  

refrigerators get, there's  

always room for wine

Monday haiku

In our country, there's  

no kings, though we could really  

use a lot more queens

Weekend haiku

For her birthday, she's  

decided she will wear her  

birthday suit all day  

----------------------------------  

For her birthday, she's  

decided she'll celebrate,  

but just a little

Friday haiku

For her birthday, she's  

decided she will admit  

she's older... this time

Thursday haiku

Looking for a new  

job feels a lot like being  

pecked to death by ducks

Wednesday haiku

 If at first, you don't  

succeed, destroy all proof and  

then try it again

Tuesday haiku

If at first, you don't  

succeed, lie, lie again and  

pretend that you did

Monday haiku

If at verse, you don't  

succeed, there is always a  

limerick or ode

Weekend haiku

If at first, you don't  

succeed, there is always a  

place in the outfield  

-----------------------------------  

If at first, you don't  

succeed, there is always the  

second or third chair

Friday haiku

 If at first, you don't  

succeed, you had better not  

be my brain surgeon

Thursday haiku

If at first, you don't  

succeed, you should probably  

not try skydiving

Wednesday haiku

If at first, you don't  

succeed, destroy any proof  

that you even tried

Tuesday haiku

Each rejection is  

a sharp arrow, deflating  

me, deflating me

Monday haiku

Trump's visit to the  

Middle East went better than  

Jamal Khashoggi's  

Weekend haiku

Trump's lack of morals  

in his travels to Qatar  

is now in plane view  

-----------------------------  

Musk pulls back too late  

to save Tesla, which also  

explains fourteen kids

Friday haiku

An elevator  

repairman job is sure to  

have its ups and downs

Thursday haiku

Golf is the only  

sport where it is much better  

if you play sub-par

Wednesday haiku

I just found out that  

converted rice does not mean  

it's now Catholic

Tuesday haiku

Anniversaries  

are just reminders that men  

have bad memories

Monday haiku

 Birthdays are just an  

example of finiteness,  

loss and scarcity 

Weekend haiku

For Russ, roughing it  

is going someplace without  

strong 5G Wi-Fi  

---------------------------------  

He now owns enough  

bottles, any place he goes  

is a bourbon trail

Friday haiku

A memorial  

for men I barely knew, and  

yet I mourn the loss

Thursday haiku

Kyle returns to work  

every Monday because he  

tends to get weekend 

Wednesday haiku

Due to Kyle's weekend  

immune system, he feels best  

when the work week's done

Tuesday haiku

For Sarah, even  

one snake in her yard is an  

overabundance

Monday haiku

 Pope Francis has passed  

after contracting a real  

bad case of JD

Weekend haiku

I don't get how a  

poet can write so much yet  

say nothing to me  

-----------------------------------  

Pope Francis was old  

and frail, not up to battle  

the evils of Vance

Friday haiku

How can Kristi Noem  

secure our borders if she  

can't secure her purse?

Thursday haiku

JD Vance meets the  

Pope, who dies hours later.  

Quick, go see Donald!

Wednesday haiku

Kristi Noem's purse was

stolen with three thousand cash.  

Now she can't buy souls.

Tuesday haiku

Donald Trump dislikes  

all immigrants, except for  

the ones he marries

Monday haiku

I hear that Drake likes  

to sing the song, "Ooh Child" but  

in a minor key

Weekend haiku

Elon and Kanye  

both praise Adolph, but only  

one would have survived  

--------------------------------  

Many presidents  

have caused some world chaos, though  

Trump is the fascist

Friday haiku

Elon and Kanye  

will be reincarnated  

as small adolphins

Thursday haiku

Elon and Kanye  

like to tie their shoelaces  

with little knotsies

Wednesday haiku

Elon and Kanye  

believe everyone else is  

wrong and they are Reich

Tuesday haiku

The Easter Bunny  

likes most Easter candy but  

they won't say a peep

Monday haiku

The Easter Bunny  

drinks IPA's because they  

really like the hops

Weekend haiku

 I need a haiku  

to show how I feel. There's not  

enough syllables  

--------------------------------------  

The lawn freshly mown  

the smell of cut grass today's  

most fragrant perfume

Friday haiku

When you're unemployed,  

you can badmouth your bosses,  

unless you're married

Thursday haiku

When you're unemployed,  

it's far less crowded at the  

holiday party

Wednesday haiku

Pulled back muscle while  

making love, I can barely  

walk, but so worth it

Tuesday haiku

Pulled back muscle and  

I have a cold: sneeze, ouch, cough,  

oof, sneeze, unnhh, cough, ow

Monday haiku

 Pope Francis survived  

pneumonia, only to  

die from meeting Vance

Weekend haiku

The Easter Bunny  

sold the eggs for a profit  

and flew to Cancun  

---------------------------  

The Easter Bunny  

can't find their green card, and has  

been picked up by ICE

Friday haiku

Pulled back muscle, so  

I walk like I'm ninety, I'm  

only eighty-eight

Thursday haiku

I pulled a muscle  

in my back and now it hurts  

to the maximus

Wednesday haiku

I pulled a muscle  

in my back and now know that  

everything connects

Tuesday haiku

The first three months of  

Trump's presidency has been  

just tariffable

Monday haiku

When you're unemployed,  

you are less likely to take  

the office supplies

Weekend haiku

To find a treasure  

trove of racial bias and  

hate, X marks the spot  

-----------------------------  

The Trojan Storage  

Company: In here, all your  

stuff is protected

Friday haiku

I think Elon needs  

a vacation. How about  

in El Salvador?

Thursday haiku

When you're unemployed,  

the watercooler chats can  

be a bit boring

Wednesday haiku

When you're unemployed  

is when you're okay being  

a nepo baby

Tuesday haiku

The unemployment  

rollercoaster turns out to  

be just a long road

Monday haiku

The unemployment  

rollercoaster seems to have  

more valleys than peaks  

Weekend haiku

Today, I will give  

myself some grace, but only  

if grace will agree  

-----------------------------------  

Out of my rut, in  

a world of unknowns, I need  

to find a new rut

Friday haiku

My handwriting is  

currently smaller as I  

am feeling smaller

Thursday haiku

Stress came barging in  

uninvited, and now I  

need them to get out

Wednesday haiku

The rollercoaster  

of unemployment doesn't  

have near enough highs

Tuesday haiku

 Caged in a prison  

of dark thoughts, the door's unlocked,  

I need to get out

Monday haiku

I will find a job  

that I love and that loves me,  

I just don't know when

Weekend haiku

Another rainy  

Monday, as long as it gets  

nice for the weekend  

----------------------------  

It's too early in  

the morning to be awake  

and yet, here I am

Friday haiku

John Denver Special,  

over fifty years old, yet  

I sing every word

Thursday haiku

My job did not make  

me, but now without it, I  

somehow feel less me

Wednesday haiku

There are no answers  

in this shot glass, but it won't  

stop her from looking   

Tuesday haiku

We give the cat eye  

drops and meds. She won't hide. She's  

meowsochistic

Monday haiku

Trump bought a Tesla  

but Elon plugs it in, as  

we know who's in charge

Weekend haiku

Trump bought a Tesla.  

I wonder if he got the  

employee discount  

-------------------------  

Trump's presidency  

will feel eternal because  

it's Elon-gated

Friday haiku

They should air out the  

White House. It seems the Oval  

Office smells Musky

Thursday haiku

Mickey Ears are the

top Disneyland souvenir.  

The worst? Goofy's Foot

Wednesday haiku

Early morning, cat  

meows loudly to feed her.    

I hate this alarm

Tuesday haiku

Bangles "Eternal  

Flame" on endless loop, or am    

I only dreaming?

Monday haiku

Bangles "Eternal  

Flame" on repeat in my head,  

it feels eternal

Weekend haiku

I can't believe Trump  

dislikes Canada, as I  

heard he loves Poutine  

-----------------------------  

Bangles "Eternal  

Flame" on repeat in my head,  

let's hope not that long

Friday haiku

When it comes to world  

affairs, Trump should slow down, he  

prefers to Russia

Thursday haiku

 Still an enemy,  

and yet he won't spell "Russia"  

without U-S-A

Wednesday haiku

First week at a new  

job lets both sides look and ask,  

"Was this the right choice?"

Tuesday haiku

First week at a new  

job lets both sides look and ask,  

"Well, what have we here?"

Monday haiku

The radio's turned  

up real loud, if she can't sleep

in, neither can he

Weekend haiku

All interactions  

to him are transactional,  

you lose while he gains  

-----------------------------  

The radio's turned  

up extra loud because her  

ears are still asleep

Friday haiku

He only wants to  

know what's in it for him, and  

if nothing, he'll pass

Thursday haiku

They thought they'd ambush  

him, a surprise attack, but  

he has been to war

Wednesday haiku

Reunion of my  

former teammates, but this time  

without all the work

Tuesday haiku

She buys cookbooks, but  

then she looks up all of her  

recipes online

Monday haiku

Taking a class to  

learn how to make good pizza,  

I'm rollin' in dough!

Weekend haiku

The dentist can fill  

every cavity but  

the one in my heart  

----------------------  

Taking a class to  

learn how to make good pizza.  

So long, Domino's! 

Friday haiku

When I'm unemployed,  

I find that even my brain's  

no longer working

Thursday haiku

At the dentist, two  

crowns in a month, I feel less  

prince and more pauper 

Wednesday haiku

 The dentist's fixing  

my smile at a time when I  

don't feel like smiling

Tuesday haiku

Roberta Flack has  

passed away, if only we'd  

stopped his song sooner

Monday haiku

These days, my brain is  

less a haiku and more a  

dirty limerick

Weekend haiku

Our road trip nearing  

the end, one more pass to go,  

then straight on to home  

--------------------------------  

Our friendship may have  

a lot of miles on it, but  

it still keeps going

Friday haiku

Long road trip with a  

dog, he growls and barks and snarls,  

and the dog's loud too

Thursday haiku

 Traveling on a  

long road trip with a big dog  

is not about you

Wednesday haiku

He says I'm his best  

friend, but he has to say that,  

it's in the contract

Tuesday haiku

We ate at Booby's  

Diner, located in a  

nice areola

Monday haiku

We ate at Booby's,  

a single diner. You'd think  

they'd at least have two.

Weekend haiku

This is a road trip  

of necessity, purpose,  

so no fun allowed  

--------------------------  

For Valentine's Day,  

no presents, as I hoped my  

sweetness was enough

Friday haiku

A felon with a  

big ego, Donald puts the  

con in confident

Thursday haiku

Pneumonia is  

going around, replacing  

the old monia

Wednesday haiku

Trump leaves the White House  

to work for Hershey, since he  

should be behind bars

Tuesday haiku

When Trump is depressed,  

he finds he is feeling a  

bit felonchaly

Monday haiku

If Trump goes missing  

near any wells or deep holes,  

he likely felon

Weekend haiku

 With Trump back in the  

White House, Air Force One's name has  

been changed to Con Air  

-----------------------------------------------  

 With Trump back in the  

White House, the Right now has some  

con-tinuity

Friday haiku

With Zukerberg, Musk,  

Bezos and Trump in charge, there  

will be pros and con

Thursday haiku

When you're unemployed,  

the days all blend together, 

It's MonWedsFriday

Wednesday haiku

I keep waking up  

to write haiku, my brain does  

not care it's Tuesday

Tuesday haiku

Mark Zuckerberg has  

removed Meta's fact checkers,

now it's Two-Faced Book

Monday haiku

Mark Zuckerberg has  

removed Meta's fact checkers  

because Trump loves lies

Weekend haiku

Zuckerberg, Musk and  

Bezos, putting their money  

where their soul isn't  

--------------------------------  

Mark Zuckerberg has  

removed Meta's fact checkers  

so it's less betta

Friday haiku

Climbing back under  

the covers, you are not here  

so the bed stays cold

Thursday haiku

 Climbing back under

the covers, cold melts away

from the warmth of you

Wednesday haiku

Her snoring is not
as loud as mine, but hers is
keeping me awake

Tuesday haiku

 Wes is moving back

to Washington. Can this state

handle both of us?

Monday haiku

Unemployed, no job
prospects on the horizon,
we’re not great again

Weekend haiku

He returns from his  

paternity leave to find  

co-worker babies  

-----------------------------  

Trump has us missing  

the good old days before he  

made us grate again

Friday haiku

The drones over New  

Jersey are Santa checking  

on his naughty list

Thursday haiku

The drones over New  

Jersey are not aliens.  

They like Nevada

Wednesday haiku

Inauguration  

Day over, I say, "Welcome  

backwards, America!"

Tuesday haiku

 The new Trump era 

begins. Oops, my mistake. That’s 

the new Trump error 

Monday haiku

MLK had a  

dream, while RFK Jr.  

just had a brain worm

Weekend haiku

The sign outside the  

new Snow White Bar & Grill states,  

"No miners allowed"  

--------------------------------------------  

In this hour of  

darkness, be your own light and  

let it shine brightly

Friday haiku

Christmas is the time  

to say, "I love you", unless  

you've been to the mall

Thursday haiku

Christmas is the time  

to say, "I love you" and, "Hey,  

where is my present?"

Wednesday haiku

Making sweet, sweet love  

with a warm pastry, Bill knew  

he was pie-sexual

Tuesday haiku

Behind the clouds, there  

is sunshine, there are blue skies,  

just keep looking up

Monday haiku

Wisdom comes with age,  

but also arthritis, odd  

pains, wrinkles and death

Weekend haiku

She bounces daily  

on her trampoline, loving  

her life's ups and downs  

----------------------------  

She bounces daily  

on her trampoline, putting  

some springs in her step 

Friday haiku

She snored louder this  

morning, letting him know she  

wasn't quite ready

Thursday haiku

RFK Jr.  

will be in charge of health, so  

get your vaccines now

Wednesday haiku

Trump will dismantle  

Education to increase  

the red state voters

Tuesday haiku

 Trump is picking his  

cabinet. Maybe Matt Gaetz  

for Transportation

Monday haiku

I think Taylor Greene  

should be our Ambassador  

to Siberia

Weekend haiku

Trump is picking his  

cabinet, and every choice  

has been bottom shelf  

---------------------------------  

Trump is picking his  

cabinet. Worst season of  

Apprentice ever!

Friday haiku

Trump is picking his  

cabinet.  This man is not  

a good carpenter

Thursday haiku

RFK Jr.  

in charge of health? Maybe more  

a cub reporter

Wednesday haiku

A new day, a new  

year, another chance to make  

the same bad mistakes